Customer Reviews

For Couples Only: Eyeopening Insights about How the Opposite Sex Thinks

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"For Couples Only" by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn is a two-book set containing their titles "For Women Only" and "For Men Only". These comprehensive guides de-mystify the opposite sex. They are incredibly valuable resources that encourage you to learn about your mate (and maybe even yourself). Packed with insightful information detailing the differences between men and women, these books can be used to spark conversation with your significant other. In this set, there is even a conversation guide included. "For Couples Only" is truly a wonderful asset to possess if you want to build your relationship.

Perfect for : Personal Use, For couples, for newly-weds, for engaged couples, for church bible-study class, engagement gift, wedding gift

In a nutshell: For Couples Only is actually a set of books: For Women Only and For Men Only, which have been designed to help you understand your partner better. The books were written and based on input that was gathered by the authors from over 1000 surveys (each). We tend to make assumptions, and sometimes what we believe is actually far from reality. These two books are meant to be read by each partner, and are written in an easy-to-read format with great insight throughout. I was simply amazed at some of the survey results - many of the answers were the opposite of what I would have thought, which has led me to have a better understanding of why my husband and I understand the same comment two different ways sometimes. I've been able to learn a lot more about my husband by reading For Women Only. Read this book and find out what you didn't know about your other half - you might be surprised!

Extended Review: One key note I learned by reading the front of For Men Only (Yes - I peeked!) is that Shaunti took the time to write women a quick note inside the men's book, and it basically shares that we process the information we are learning in different ways, and while many women will learn something and then talk to their spouse about it as a way to better-understand what they are reading, men do the opposite - they like to think about what they are reading until they understand it, and THEN they will talk about it. Knowing that made reading and discussing the book easier for me, because I didn't take my husband's quietness as non-interest.

Content: The books come in a nice case that includes a Couples Conversation Starter

Format: The information they are sharing is straight and to the point, with examples and graphs that show the survey results. The authors take the time to explain why the topic is important and how it affects our significant other.

Readability: Very easy to read and understand. Each topic/chapter is easy a quick and easy read, although I did find myself re-reading certain chapters for my own benefit.

Overall: I think these books are wonderful for anyone in a relationship. There is so much we don't understand (even if we think we do) about the opposite sex. Pick up a set for yourself, and don't be afraid to give a set to a new couple, or one who has been together for quite a while! Everyone can benefit from these books.

My wife and I came across these books at a marriage conference and they piqued our curiosity. We read them together so we could comment and discuss as we went along. We found it to be absolutely awesome material. We both gained a deeper insight to each other on matters where we were totally clueless. It's bad enough when we can see that we don't understand our mate, but far worse when we think we understand our mate, when in fact we don't at all. This material is great for clearing up the fog around the things you think you know. I can't recommend it strongly enough for every married and engaged couple.

These are books 3 and 4 of the blog tour. These books actually come in a boxed set which is perfect because you can read one and then swap with your husband or wife.
I personally think that each sex needs to read both books.
In each book there are 6-7 revelations about that particular sex..male or female on the surface.

<span style="font-weight:bold;">For Men Only
1. Women need to feel loved
2. Women are emotional
3. Women want security..in other words,financial security
4. She doesn't want you to fix it;she just wants you to listen
5. She doesn't want much sex; she must not want me.
6. She wants to look attractive

For Women Only
1. Men need respect
2. Men are insecure
3. Men are providers
4. Men are visual
5. Men are unromantic clods
6. Men care about appearance</span>

They devote separate chapters to each of these points to explain. I like the fact that they did surveys so you can see how many men/women truly feel this way. They just didn't pull these points out of the air or their own experiences.
For me, the chapter on respect was a huge one. I can't tell you how many times I've jokingly said something about how long Darrell takes to fix things. It never dawned on me that he was feeling insecure or disrespected. Men won't tell you that.
The" men are visual" chapter was actually funny. I know most men are but I had no idea that if they see someone they are attracted to that they visually can see it the next day. If I say a man is handsome...Darrell always thinks that I want to see the guy without a shirt on or something. It's because he is visual. With the chapter on appearance, men don't care what the appearance is..they care if you are making an effort to make yourself attractive to him. If you walk around in sweats and dirty hair it's not saying a whole lot for your husband or for you.
When I read the book that men are supposed to read, I saw myself in many of those points. In the chapter on feeling loved: <span style="font-style:italic;">"Buried inside most women..even those in great relationships..is a latent insecurity about whether their man REALLY loves them."</span> What a true statement.
I think that if you read these books you will get a new understanding of the other sex and even of yourself.


Author Bio:
Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn hold graduate degrees from Harvard University and are popular national speakers, authors, and entrepreneurs. They are also active church members and the parents of two young children, and they enjoy every minute of living life at warp speed.

I like this set so much I am buying a copy for each of my brothers, so they can (hopefully) skip some of the mistakes I made in my first marriage. The best gift I can give each family member is a happy primary relationship, and I think this is the best means by which I can give it to them.

For either gender, this set seems to be the closest thing imaginable to an "owner's manual" to the opposite gender. I wish I'd had this available years ago, to avoid some of those situations when walking on eggshells seemed inevitable. I've always believed in respecting the differences between people, but it's exponentially easier when you know precisely what the differences are!

Without trivializing any one trait, this married couple co-authors a simply & factually written guide to understanding the psyche of your significant other. I can't imagine how much good they have done for couples who read these volumes. I bet most readers get only a few pages in before exclaiming "WOW," because it's rare that the other gender will open up so completely and so fearlessly to give us a clear glimpse inside their psychological map. After I received my copy, I read both volumes, discussed them with my boyfriend, then lent them to his daughter. I hope to share this treasure with many more people!

The volume about men began accidentally, when the author discovered (while researching a novel) that her understanding of the male psyche was much less deep than she thought, and began to see her research as more applicable to a self-help book than a fictional story. Promising anonymity encouraged several male acquaintances to level with her, and she discovered a new understanding of "normal" for a man's inner world. Surmising that very few of us women would attempt such research, and that very few men would be willing to lay themselves bare to a loved one, she collected hundreds of answers about the issues that are core to the male psyche. Then she started to give out this info in her couples' workshops, and got even more insight. Then her husband went with her to several such workshops to gather intel, and wrote the companion volume for men, to explain the things that confounded men about their female significant others. Both books are strong enough to stand on their own, but are more useful to established couples in tandem, so each person can explain or answer questions about their own gender, then ask some questions of their partner, all based on the insights presented here.

The volume "For Men Only" gives a pretty accurate description of typical womens' wiring, touching on the subjects of differing sex drives, our perceived obsession with beauty, the ability to mentally multi-task (and inability to stop multi-tasking) emotional "flashbacks" to episodes/memories that were seemingly resolved, and a few other female idiosyncrasies. Although I consider myself an atypical woman in many ways (and others have strongly agreed with this assessment), much of this information is still true, to a degree. There's even a short, one-page "abstract" of the topics, for men who only have 5 minutes to peek inside the book before deciding whether to continue.

I found the "For Women Only" insights to be quite useful too, and discerning about how to explain a man's mental terrain so that a woman can best comprehend it. Although none of the topics were surprising, I was startled by the superficiality of my previous understanding. This volume covers mens' drive to perceive themselves as providers, the centrality of the sex drive, the need for respect (especially in public) from near & dear (particularly spouses), and ability to compartmentalize mental issues/topics, and a few other male idiosyncrasies.

For all of us in a committed, healthy, heterosexual relationship, who would like to avoid stepping on an emotional landmine, this is worth the price and the time it'll take you to read it the first time. I bet my next paycheck that you will then decide it's worth reading at least one more time, and lending out to someone else who wants to have a healthier relationship with their significant other. Just remember that individuals will vary within the range of "generally true information" presented herein.

Great books! Recommend not just to read the book about the opposite sex, but also about your's! Very helpful in understanding a little more about the things the opposite sex does as well as why you may do what you do! Offers statistics from studies and really sound reasoning. If you're trying to understand yourself or the opposite sex better, great idea!

I want to second everything that Stacey from Las Vegas said! These books have absolutely given us the information we needed to spark conversation and, more importantly, understanding in our relationship and we haven't even finished reading them yet! Already there have been several "That makes so much more sense now" moments for both myself and my husband.

Absolutely essential reading for any couple wanting to grow and build their relationship! This set of books will definitely be part of any wedding presents I give in the future!

I first read the "ladies" version in 2005 and really liked it. It was an insider look on the way a man thinks, feels and behaves. I was really surprised how much certain things mean to a man... like being respected even over being loved. I realized that I often times try to love my husband how I would want to be loved as a woman, but he needs that communicated a little bit differently. When I show honor and respect to him, it even trumps "love"- or at least the "girl version of love" that is full of words, compliments, and talking.

Chapter 5 titled, "Sex Changes Everything" gave some interesting insight into the world of our husbands... "Men want more sex than they are getting. And what's more, they believe that the women who love them don't seem to realize that this is a crisis-not only for the man, but for the relationship... Lack of sex is as emotionally serious to him as, say, his sudden silence would be to you, were he simply to stop communicating with you. It's just as wounding to him, just as much a legitimate grievance - and just as dangerous to your marriage."

I totally appreciate the straigtforward advice that the Feldhahn's give in their books. It gave Brian and I lots to talk about together. The fun thing about reading a book is that you can ask one another, "Do you agree? Is this true for you?" Relationships are built deeper and better when we share this kind of real information with one another. If you want to build a stronger marriage, I dare you to read these books!

(written by Shari Dolleman)

we have been married for 21 years and these two books helped both of us understand each other better.
This set has become our wedding/ couples gift.

Several months ago I had the opportunity to review the book For Young Men Only (see here). These volumes are the "adult" versions of that small book. I think, as adults, we often assume we have ourselves figured out. Sometimes these assumptions extend to our opposite gender counterparts and our spouses. Popular culture indicates a more realistic approach to this way of thinking is that we don't really know as much as we think or would like to know. We are inundated with polls, surveys, and misdirection from the media and marketing at every turn. The end result of this sensory onslaught perpetuated by our consumer driven society is false perceptions and in many cases, just wrong data. What comes from these false perceptions and erroneous data is wrong responses and reactionary behavior. What if we had unbiased information? What if we really knew what the opposite sex thought instead of what society and marketing firms tell us?

While the information provided in the pages of For Men Only and For Women Only is only a microcosm of our society at large, I think it reveals a different perspective than what we are used to. I think the surveys are helpful in breaking us free from false ideologies about our opposite sex. The first steps toward healing and understanding is accurate information. For an eye-opening look at what our "opposites" are thinking, be sure to check out these offerings from the Feldhahns. You might be surprised at the conversation starters you'll find in these books.