Customer Reviews

The Courage to Grieve: The Classic Guide to Creative Living, Recovery, and Growth Through Grief

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

I had never been in the position of losing a partner before. I went to a therapist and she gave me this book to read. While reading this book my fears about never being the same again started going away, and I began to feel that it was okay to feel the way I was. This book should be read by anybody who has lost a loved one. I am getting several copies to give to people when they lose a loved one. This book brought me back from the nightmare I was in.

I read about 20 books on this subject after the sudden death of my young husband. I was looking for a road map to get through the shock and grief. This book was the only one that really helped me. It is an excellent, practical guide for those who have experienced a death of a loved one. Sudden death is especially traumatic and the book really helped me understand that what I was feeling and doing was perfectly normal. Good Luck.

I've finally found the courage to read this book. It was recommended more for learning to grieve for an old life. My friend was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year. I needed to grieve for that old life that could never be again. It's helping me through the stages to get to where I can face our new life together. I'd recommend this for anyone going through any of Life's changes: marriage, divorce, death, graduation from college. Even when something is positive (like marriage), one needs to learn that the old way is gone and to find a new path. My marriage is getting better by some of the thoughts I've had after reading this book. I'm learning to let go of old hurts. It's not a silver bullet for all of Life's Ills, but it's a nice, warm cup of tea for the heart or a soothing salve for serious hurts.

When I lost my mother, I was searching for answers that I couldn't find in conversations with family and friends. Reading this book gave me the freedom I was searching for in the complex mourning process I was in the middle of. What I read so totally affirmed that what I was feeling both emotionally and physically was a natural process of dealing with the loss of my mother, someone so significant in my life. I would so highly recommend this book to anyone who is trying to reconcile with the loss of a loved one. Sometimes when you can't talk to anyone for answers, the written word offers comfort. I found this book to be of great value.

Having personally experienced the death of my only child seven years ago, I continue to recommend this book to others as the most helpful, validating, and poetic piece of work on the subject. No cliches, no "how to's" ...just gentle compassion and whispers of hope from someone who has obviously "been there" and survived gracefully.

Recently, I was given this book after the sudden loss of my mother. I adored my mother and the loss was devastating. This book is an excellent guide through the entire grief process. It gave me reassurance and comfort to know what I was feeling was "normal", what to expect, and the kinds of things I could do to recover. I have since bought more copies to give out to friends and family.

I found this book helpful in the first part on grieving.
Then when it came to Finishing I found myself mostly in opposition to the author's stance.
I afterwards read "Transcending Loss" by Ashley Davis Prend who writes in her introduction :"There are many wonderful books available that address grief and how to cope with it. But these books focus on crisis management and imply there is an " end" to mourning.They essentially fail to address the issue of griefs ongoing impact, and how it changes through the years....Your grief will undoubtedly change over time, but it will never be "finished".
Judy Tatelbaum writes :"...The relationship is over". Ashley Davis Prend says :" Death doesn't end the relationship, it simply forges a new type of relationship - one base not on physical presence but on memory, spirit, and love."
The other missing ingredient in JT's book is any mention of spirituality.
This is given delicate and respectful attention in Transcending Loss.
I lost my husband of 38 years almost three months ago, and found this last book much more helpful.

This book came to my attention in the late 80's. I was taking a course in college on death and grieving. This book was one of the books we were required to read. Since that time I have purchased or referred that book too many times to remember. Over the years many people have thanked me for it. I feel it is most important after some time has passed as it can be to "ready" and you do want some distance in order to process the information. This book provides comfort. It points out that not only are you not alone, but that each stage takes each person different amounts of time to process through. The only reason I am not giving it a four is that I had one client tell me that it was not "religious" enough for him.

Initially, this book was too booklike(traditional chapters) for me to read, but it was helpful later on. During the first few weeks, when concentration was a problem I found 'Living When a Loved One Has Died" by Grollman to be more useful. I also like "A Time to Grieve" by Staudacher for its short messages, which are contained on single pages.

This book just added to my grief. It was very upsetting. Although some information is useful (two stars), I found Tatlebaum's linear, Three-Steps-And-You're-Finished approach disturbing, if not cruel. Near the end of the book we learn she is a Gestalt Therapist. This explains a great deal. ("Finishing" is a Gestalt concept.) Confronting an empty chair representing lost loved ones, is not my idea of "healing". It was useful to her after grieving her brother for twenty years with denied anger, so I understand why she is passionate about this approach. I just do not see Gestalt methods as appropriate in most bereavement situations. Gestalt Therapy emerged in the 50's with an emphasis on "personal responsibility." (No whining.) I resent Tatelbaum's assertion: one reason we continue to feel pain for our lost loved ones is because we buy into society's edict, "If I really loved you, I must grieve you forever." (Think: Queen Victoria pining for long-dead Albert), or because it makes us "feel special when people pay attention to us". Therapy like this simply adds insult to injury, the pain of unfair accusation to genuine grief. While she gives lip-service support for patience and self care, she really expects us to GET OVER IT ALREADY through "hope, willingness, and expectations." As another reviewer pointed out, after more than a year, if we still miss our loved one and the feel pain of loss, readers are told that our grieving is probably "unsuccessful". (Tatelbaum implies we are playing the victim among other things.) This is kind of Neo-Brutal Therapy does more harm than good. Both my parents died in the last 16 months. My mother died suddenly of heart failure. After she crossed the Rainbow Bridge my father wasted away --body, mind, heart, and spirt --- millimeter by millimeter, day by day. It took more than a year. It was heartbreaking. Based on other losses in my life, I believe grieving is a cycle, not a linear process. The pain cycles lessen in intensity eventually over time, but they are unending. Just as the relationships are eternal. ANY loss can be the cause of grief. We can accept the loss while still feeling the pain. We can feel the pain and still move forward. I will follow the advice of other reviewers and purchase more positive guides.