Customer Reviews

The Courage to Raise Good Men

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

When I found out I was having a boy, I was distressed, given that I come from a family of all girls and had no experience with boys. I also don't find most men very appealing on a human level. I doubted my ability to have and maintain a close relationship with a boy-man and this was a matter of some sadness to me.

This book exposed my expectations for what they were - socially induced, i.e. mothers shouldn't be too close to their male children, or they will emasculate them, etc. It is a brilliant book with many compelling examples and its arguments are wholly consistent with common sense and instinct. My husband read some of it and thought its hypothesis was obvious, but it is strikingly different in its prescriptions than any other book on raising boys that I have read. (For instance, the "Wonder of Boys," which says mothers have to leave their sons alone, let them be driven by testosterone into competitiveness, roughness, and machoism, and basically seems to take the attitude that mothers are responsible for most problems their boys have growing up.

This is a positive, hopeful book, displaying warmth and compassion, and seems much more pyschologically sound. It should be required reading of all mothers, along with "Real Boys" of Pollock, which is its more recent successor.

I came to the dialog of gender issues from a feminist perspective. I believed, after becoming the mother of two boys, that I pretty much understood gender issues as they related to boys...that is until my two and half year old wanted to buy purple boots. All of a sudden I found myself concerned (afraid!) of what other mothers and his peers would say (or think) about those purple boots. Without shaming him outloud, I subtly directed him toward the dark blue pair. I was totally amazed at my own fear of bending gender rules for a boy! I would have bought combat boots or any other kind of "boy" attire for a daughter but I could not bring myself to allow him to wear something others might find too "feminine". That was three years ago. After having read this book, I am now noticing all the other ways I have subtly or not-so-subtly directed him along a culturally acceptable gender path. And I consider myself to be a feminist. This book was my first exposure to the idea that I won't harm my boys by allowing them the freedom to express themselves, however that might look. This book was my first exposure to the idea that mothers don't harm their sons by loving them passionately and joyfully. I am so grateful for having read this book and I am going to buy it for at least 3 other mothers I know who are raising boys. This should be required reading for ALL parents of boys!!!

When I was pregnant with my second child, my first boy, I worried a lot about raising him successfully when I had almost no family experience with boys (coming from a family with no brothers, and an often absent father). I knew I wanted to help him avoid all the pitfalls of modern manhood (made vivid by a reading of the book, "The McGill Report on Male Intimacy"). All of the books I had read seemed to come from an "Iron John" perspective or be a sort of vague, New Agey feel-good book, but none of them offered concrete steps and clear facts until I read "The Courage To Raise Good Men." Here at last was a book that told me what my heart should have known all along: just love him like he's a child becoming an adult, and don't try to push him at all (he'll grow up even if you don't push!). This book is not written from a feminist perspective but it would suit any feminist's needs in trying to figure out how to raise a boy into a well-balanced human who happens to be male.

I found this book in a baby goods resale shop in Chicago, where our oldest daughter works. We were shopping for a gift for our first grand child. Our youngest son and his precious wife are expecting in a few days. The title intrigued me and after I scanned it I knew I had to get it and see to it that all my 4 read it. I decided when I was having my sons that they were going to grow up knowing how to be husbands and fathers. I had grown up watching my father and brothers beat their chests and try to impress us with their "macho-ness" I wasn't impressed and determined I was going to find a man who was not afraid of his feelings. I managed to find one who was open enough to learn and have been married to him for nearly 40 yuears, and...we still like each other We have managed to raise two young men who are loving , caring, and whom I have an open and loving relationship with. They all still call from their various locations at least once a week and we gave them all video phones so we can all see each other. The neatest part is they are FRIENDS and they all like each other and communicate often. It can be done!! Thank you for bringing the subject to the attention of the multitude of young people who don't have a clue about raising a whole person. Our youngest said he realized a while ago that they are expecting a person, not just a baby. I feel so grateful to have understood my obligation as a woman and mother. This book should be required reading in any parenting class that is taught. Than you for writing the book and Blessings to you and your sweet son. The relationship between a mother and son can be as deliciously rewarding as it is with a daughter. I am purchasing a copy of it for all 4 of our progeny. They will perpetuate the "whole" man and woman.

Silverstein's work brilliantly and clearly describes how boy babies and children are pushed away from their mother's nurturing in order to make "real men" of them and out of fear that they will turn into "sissy boys". She shows how boys, then, are abandoned and isolated emotionally, and are left to grow up alone without relational and emotional support. This creates adult men who cannot connect emotionally, and who are reinforced by the culture to be distant. For every mother who has wanted to raise a son to be an emotionally available adult partner, and who is not afraid of raising that wonderful person called a "mama's boy", this book is a must read. I found it shortly after my son's birth and it did more to support my natural instincts that almost any other source.

I was nervous about having a boy, having been raised in an all female family, but knowing a lot about boys from the boyfriend-girlfriend point of view. How could I raise my son so that he would grow up in touch with his own feelings but unafraid to be a man? This book offers a clear and convincing argument for change, and a pretty straightforward solution to the problem.

I have read many books in this field, and this is by far one of the best. It is about how in order to raise 'strong' and 'successful' men, we often do very damaging things to our little boys. The good news is that this is relatively easy to fix - just keep on loving them, with the open affection that we gave them when they were babies. The authors believe that mothers too are withdrawing from their sons, in the belief that too much contact makes them too feminine, but they strongly disagree with that, and think maternal contact makes them human and humane.

Silverstein presents facts and figures illustrating the damage done to, not only males but humanity in general, by the tendancy in our society and others to push boys toward activities designed to foster a sense of "male-ness" in them.

She recommends, instead, allowing males and females to find their own gender path. This, she contends, can have a humanizing effect on our society. She also gives case examples where reuniting men with their mothers, in other words, giving them permission to love and accept love from each other, freely, has had a curative effect, not only on those involved, but on the family as a whole.

I was so impressed with Silverstein's theories, I plan to design a college study around her work. I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in gender issues. It also serves as a strong counterpoint to the so called "men's movement."

My two children are boys, but they are 24 and 26! So why did I buy this book, you ask? A friend and I were recently discussing how our culture has different expectations for men in terms of showing emotions. She mentioned this book ... so I bought it. I also feel that I am still in the process of parenting my sons, so I figured more information would not be a bad thing.

This book has a lot of examples that show how subtly we treat boys differently from girls that give them (the boys) the message they have to be STRONG. The author also talks about how our culture empasizes the need for a "strong, male authority figure" in a young boy's life. This is fine until the culture also diminishes the value and importance of a strong mother.

The only reason I gave this book 4 stars instead of 5 is that the examples the author uses are somewhat dated -- Karate Kid for instance -- that current young mothers may not relate to.

Wow! This is one excellent book! Olga was right on the money when she said that it is NOT necessary for boys to "detach" emotionally from their mothers in order to grow up (& become "real men"). The book could have also been written by Mary Perry, Steve Perry's mom. (Steve Perry had a WONDERFUL relationship with his mom & often turned to her for advice). Olga explodes many of the untrue myths surrounding sons, including the rules of conventional "masculinity". She exposes the "men's movement" & the "fatherhood" pundits for what they are...conservatives attempting to push their agenda on families...conservatives who tell mothers that they are inadequate for their sons & need men around to raise their sons for them, that a close relationship with mom is bad or "emasculating," etc. I like how she encourages moms to rise to the task of raising their sons, especially single mothers, who just as good as dads.(Contrary to popular belief, sons of single moms are BETTER off than other men & enjoy a closer relationship with their mothers in adulthood). Largely, her book proves that the old rigid gender patterns are limiting & destructive to both sexes & that feminism is not only pro-female, but pro-male as well.