26 of 26 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
This is about the real double-standard., October 24, 2000
This review is from: From Courtship to Courtroom : What Divorce Law is Doing to Marriage (Paperback)
The above professional review is pretty accurate on this one... Even though Abraham has UC/Berkeley and Harvard Law credentials, this is no abstract academic tome. Rather, it's an easy-to-read and straight-forward description of what a typical divorce scenario is like in all its details. Sprinkled in there's a bit of informative relevant history to explain how things got into the twisted state they're in, with men being distinctly second-class citizens in the family. Not only does marriage confer no rights on men, in divorce they have negative rights (i.e., obligations and responsibilities) and are hardly better off than slaves, with the state and the ex being the slave-owner.
Abraham is especially good at debunking the commonly held and naive belief among men that it's those *other* guys who are the jerks and who therefore get screwed by their ex's and the law in divorce -- i.e., that the law is fair and that men get about what they deserve. Being male is all it takes, and no amount of "good works" or having been a good husband/father can undo the inherent anti-male sexism in the current system. While there's virtually nothing in the book on courtship, and there are a couple of minor typos, this book should be required reading for all high school boys (and would-be second wives, too). The material on pre-nuptial agreements is a must for all men considering a commitment with a woman, and the six changes in the law Abraham proposes are right on the money and easy to understand. 4 1/2 - 5 stars.
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26 of 27 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Every man's guide to marriage, November 2, 2002
This review is from: From Courtship to Courtroom : What Divorce Law is Doing to Marriage (Paperback)
The institution of marriage has changed so much in the past century that it's almost unrecognizable other than by name. What once lasted a lifetime now comes and goes so fast that few men are lucky enough to raise their children. Long before most children grow up the average American wife files for divorce, takes the house, the car, the bank account, the kids, and leaves the man in a state of indentured servitude not unlike a form of slavery. Author Jed Abraham provides a divorce lawyer's perspective on what happens to today's man after he marries and starts a family. Some practical advice, other than not marrying under today's sham laws, includes guidance for pre-nuptial agreements and other precautions for the man who must marry. A large flaw is that he, being a lawyer, absolves lawyers and judges from blame. Jed blames "the law," not those who practice the law. I find that to be morally ridiculous, because its divorce lawyers and judges who use the law to destroy so many million men and children. A great portion of blame rests right at their doorstep. Left out too are other courtroom disasters that now plague men such as the radical new crime called "spousal rape," MANdatory arrest laws for frequently fictitious domestic violence complaints even when the man complained about the woman's violence, and the persecution of men for phony child abuse complaints.
Jed does offer suggested changes in divorce law that would greatly help young men. The future is really grim if something isn?t done, and done soon. It's a must read for every man thinking about marriage. It's a must read for every women wondering why men "won't commit." It's a must read for every elected state representative and Congressman. As Jed says, "We're all in this together."
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26 of 27 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Injustice System Encourages Divorce, Discourages Marraige, October 4, 2001
This review is from: From Courtship to Courtroom : What Divorce Law is Doing to Marriage (Paperback)
The first part of the book explains technical aspects of the law clearly and briefly, but it's a little boring, though important. Abraham also goes over the history of divorce and family law from 1700's to the present throughout the book, which is interesting.
The book gets better in the second part in which Abraham describes a typical scenario of what will happen when his wife files for divorce, which may not even be the worst case scenario. I almost teared up a couple times reading this narrative in which he uses the pronoun "You" to describe your various misfortunes, indignities, and injustices as you experience your divorce. Abraham urges men not to marry--it's just too risky. Men have almost no financial or legal protection in a divorce or in their post-divorce lives. This book makes you glad you never married, if you haven't.
Abraham blames the law for the increase in divorce more than women themselves, although no mortal woman can not resist the temptation of divorcing once she finds out that she can have the house, the kids, alimony, and child support from the male, all in for the best interest of the child, of course. But the child support money she receives from you is not monitored by the courts to see if it actually goes to the child.
The law does not think it is in the best interest of the child to have a meaningful relationship with his divorced dad because it is very difficult to get even joint custody; the mother usually wins sole custody and the husband gets visitation "rights", which can be easily subverted by the wife if she does not want him to see his kids. In a typical divorce case scenario, it is quite possible that the husband may be falsely accused of sexual child abuse by the mother to strengthen her case for sole custody of the kids.
A father actually has few rights in a divorce or after it, but still has responsibilities to provide for the child, as the law sees fit, which often financially burdens the father unfairly because the law goes by one-size-fits-all guidelines. A father may even pay an estranged child's college education if the law demands it. The wife may sue at any time after the divorce for more money, especially if the father gets a raise. The law also meddles in the business of the divorced father telling him that he can't start his own business because such a risk would not be in the best interest of the child. If the father becomes unemployed, he still owes the full amount of child support.
Fathers become so-called deadbeat dads because they can't have a real relationship with their children and they become detached from the sense of well-being they had when they were with the kids before the divorce. The financial burdens are often unfair to the divorced dad and so the father tries to get out from under them. The media, like court system, does not sympathize with the father and calls him a deadbeat dad.
The courts and the media practice a form of modern chivalry in which the woman under the guise of protection gets many unwarranted privileges and sympathetic biases. She may even end up with part of her ex's retirement pension.
Are there any solutions to all this? --Solutions are a long hard road. Yeah, you can get a pre-nuptial agreement, but the courts often don't honor it. They think their system is better. It is good to negotiate a pre-nup with a woman though to find out whether she is a fair-minded woman or she is one who is really going to stick it to you with the full force of the law come divorce time.
Political solutions are also slow and arduous. There about six points in the law that need to be changed through the legislature by presenting different bills. You will also have to battle the feminists on the opposing side, who crank out a lot of legislation for privileges under the guise of equality. Basically, we will have to work to get government out of our family life and stop it from playing big daddy. Government may keep growing until it controls the lives of married and single men the way it does divorced men. And that's not good.
I was surprised that Abraham didn't argue for the end of no-fault divorces because in the age of no fault, divorces sky-rocketed. Couples were no longer made to stick with their marital decisions and work their problems out. The kids were then left fatherless, and developed the many pathologies of fatherless children. He instead wants males to have fair and equal standing under divorce law. He does not necessarily want to decrease divorce. He thinks that if joint custody is awarded, the kids will be able to handle the divorce better. That is my impression anyway. I think it might be better to keep people married and the families intact for the interests of the children and society. Marraige should be a decision you have to stick with, except in extreme cases.
Oh, and of course, I almost forgot because it's so typical-- the lawyers and psychologists make tons of money off the growth industry of divorce. Just one parting cynical remark.
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