Cracking the Communication Code: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language (Hardcover)

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Key Phrases: scriptural words, uplifting words, unconditional dimension, Crazy Cycle, Cracking the Communication Code, Energizing Cycle (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description

An in-depth study of the vital principles from the best-selling Cracking the Communication Code now in workbook form.

Communication between couples has been dissected in thousands of books and articles, so why does it remain the number one marriage problem? "Because," says Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, "most spouses don't know that they speak two different languages. They are sending each other messages in 'code,' but they won't crack that code until they see that she listens to hear the language of love and he listens to hear the language of respect." Dr. Eggerichs' best-selling book, Love and Respect, launched a revolution in how couples relate to each other. Now with the Cracking the Communication Code companion workbook, the message of this hardcover trade book can be studied and applied whether for a group or for individual couples. The result will be better communication, mutual understanding, and a successful godly marriage.

About the Author

Emerson Eggerichs and his wife Sarah travel the country conducting the Love and Respect marriage conferences. Before launching Love and Respect Ministries, Emerson was senior pastor of Trinity Church in East Lansing, Michigan for nearly 20 years. Emerson received his B.A. in Biblical Studies and M.A. in Communications from Wheaton College and Graduate School. He was later awarded a Master of Divinity degree from Dubuque Seminary, and a Ph.D. in Child and Family Ecology from Michigan State University. Married since 1973, he and Sarah have three adult children. He is the president of Love and Respect Ministries and author of the best-selling book Love and Respect.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 304 pages
• Publisher: Thomas Nelson (January 2, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1591455057
• ISBN-13: 978-1591455059
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.2 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 2.5 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #304,357 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

63 of 66 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Dr. E hits another one out of the ballpark, December 29, 2006

By	A reader - See all my reviews

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This is a sequel that does not disappoint! Applying the principles in Dr. E's first book, Love and Respect, brought me to a deeper level of intimacy with my husband and my God than I ever dreamed I could experience. Dr. E's new book, Cracking the Communication Code, contains additional ideas, strategies, and examples of how to successfully practice unconditional love and respect. Two sections of the book especially touched my heart. First, the material on forgiveness is outstanding and contains many fresh insights. Second, the T-U-F-T-S framework for examining whether the words I speak to my husband are truthful, uplifting, forgiving, thankful, and scriptural is marvelous. I know that I will refer to this book often and that my marriage will benefit as I apply the material it contains.

That's my quick summary of how beneficial the book has been to me. Here's the longer version: If you've read Love and Respect, you understand that God's design for marriage is that husbands are to unconditionally love their wives and wives are to unconditionally respect their husbands. The principle is simple. I don't need another book to explain the principle. Nor do I expect a new book to come out with a new principle. In fact, if an author were to assert a new marriage principle that was supposedly an improvement on Ephesians 5:33, I should run from the false teaching!

So, if I already know the principle, why do I enthusiastically endorse another book on the same topic? The reason is that I have difficulty consistently applying the principle. I continue to sin by failing to respect my husband. Sometimes, it's that I simply don't understand how to show him respect. I think I'm doing or saying the right thing, only to learn that my husband feels dishonored by my behavior. My heart can be deceitful. Other times, I know what I should do, but just don't feel like doing it. My heart is defiant. In both instances, I need to deal with my sin. And, the fresh insights I've gained from Cracking the Communication Code (CCC) have helped me to do that.

When it comes to understanding what respect means, CCC provides additional discussion of the energizing cycle that has significantly deepened my understanding of marital dynamics. In Chapter 8, for example, each of the COUPLE concepts is linked to a corresponding CHAIRS concept. When I accept my husband's insight (i.e., the I in CHAIRS) he is motivated to listen to me in an understanding way (i.e., the U in COUPLE). Similarly, when I feel that my husband has listened to me, it's easier for me to accept his insight, etc. CCC also provides dozens of new examples that have increased my ability to decode what my husband is saying. For each of the six COUPLE and CHAIRS concepts, there are scripts that illustrate what a spouse who isn't feeling energized might say, as well as scripts that provide corresponding examples of communication that energizes. In several instances, I've seen immediate analogies to conversations I've had with my husband. These have been `aha' moments for me. Finally, simply hearing the same concepts stated in different words has given me new understanding. For example, after reading Love and Respect, I thought I knew that a wife is to express respect for her husband's desires - as opposed to his performance - in each of the CHAIRS areas. Yet, it wasn't until I read the analogy on p. 24 of CCC between a wife's focus on her husband's performance and a husband's saying "I love you because you are thin," that I realized the extent to which I was failing to put the principle into practice.

When it comes to turning away from a conscious desire to treat my husband disrespectfully, CCC provides motivation for staying the course. The discussion of dispositional vs. situational thinking on p. 260 sensitized me to an inherently sinful thought pattern that contributes to my disrespectful behavior. Dr. E points out that we naturally attribute our own bad behavior to negative circumstances, but assume that other people's bad behavior is due to a deliberate intent to harm. Just as the Bible says, I frequently consider myself to be better than my husband. Also, I've made an index card that summarizes the TUFTS framework for Godly communication (i.e., speak words that are truthful, uplifting, forgiving, thankful, and scriptural). Especially helpful for me was the discussion of the importance of thankfulness and how a `sacrifice of thanksgiving' as outlined in Psalm 50:23 will change my heart towards my husband.

I don't have as much time for spiritual reading as I would like to have. Given my limited time, I've found that it's more profitable for me to read a really good book several times, than to read several mediocre books. It's often in the rereading that I truly `own' the material by pondering the ideas and making them part of me. Perhaps the best endorsement of CCC I can give is that even though it has only been out for two months, I've already read it twice and began a third reading earlier this week. My time has been well-spent, and my marriage is the stronger for it.

14 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Great Follow Up, January 4, 2007

By	OTB (IL) - See all my reviews

This is a great follow up to Love and Respect with even more concrete examples and ideas for showing love and respect within your relationship. It was a bit repetitive of his first book, so if you've read Love and Respect, it's a great review too.

13 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Very good book, but a bit long-winded, June 27, 2007

By	N. Morris (Pennsylvania) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I read Emerson's previous book "Love And Respect" 7 times, just because it was so good and it touched my heart deeply. The principles in his book are so profound and important that it was no surprise that Emerson decided to write a follow-up book called "Cracking the Communication Code: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language". The material in this book goes into great detail about the inner workings of conflict and Emerson picks apart typical marital arguments and shows the reader exactly the dynamics that are at play.

I give this book 4 stars instead of 5 because it is rather long-winded in places and because this book comes across to me as Emerson's exhaustive exposition and commentary on the core principles and crux of the "Love And Respect" book. In other words, there isn't a lot of NEW material.

Having said that, I don't want to discourage anyone from reading this book. If you haven't read either of these two books, then I'd suggest the "Love And Respect" book first, but if you buy this one, you get a "mini-Love And Respect" recap "book-within-a-book" in the first few chapters.

Good job Emerson! I would love to attend one of your conferences when you are in my area!