Customer Reviews

Cracking the Communication Code Workbook: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language (Focus on the Family Books)

5 star:		(15)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

This is a great follow up to Love and Respect with even more concrete examples and ideas for showing love and respect within your relationship. It was a bit repetitive of his first book, so if you've read Love and Respect, it's a great review too.

I read Emerson's previous book "Love And Respect" 7 times, just because it was so good and it touched my heart deeply. The principles in his book are so profound and important that it was no surprise that Emerson decided to write a follow-up book called "Cracking the Communication Code: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate's Language". The material in this book goes into great detail about the inner workings of conflict and Emerson picks apart typical marital arguments and shows the reader exactly the dynamics that are at play.

I give this book 4 stars instead of 5 because it is rather long-winded in places and because this book comes across to me as Emerson's exhaustive exposition and commentary on the core principles and crux of the "Love And Respect" book. In other words, there isn't a lot of NEW material.

Having said that, I don't want to discourage anyone from reading this book. If you haven't read either of these two books, then I'd suggest the "Love And Respect" book first, but if you buy this one, you get a "mini-Love And Respect" recap "book-within-a-book" in the first few chapters.

Good job Emerson! I would love to attend one of your conferences when you are in my area!

WOW! This book is one of the best books I have ever read. The part on T-U-F-T-S is so insightful. Dr. E helped me to decipher what my spouse is really saying to me. I learned how to speak her distinct different language---"love" for her, "respect" for me---building mutual understanding, and enjoying a successful, godly marriage!!!!

This book is just as amazing as Eggerich's first book Love & Respect. I really enjoyed this book because it went a lot more into depth about communicating with your spouse. The point that really got me thinking is that we are not loving and respecting our spouse because we just feel like it but we are actually loving and respecting our spouse because we love God and are choosing to obey what he commands in Ephesians. When we love or respect our spouse we are choosing to obey God and we are choosing to serve Him in our marriage through the good times and difficult times too. Unconditional respect is a very difficult decision for a wife who has always been taught that people should earn our respect. I know that if I choose each day to unconditionally respect my spouse I will remain on the reward cycle because his need for respect will be met and he will want to fulfil my need for love.

I recommend every single and married person to read Love and Respect and follow that reading with this book, Cracking the Communication Code.

After reading the book, I realize that marriage is a spiritual path. Marriage is a relationship that tests me to reach a higher spiritual plane and to connect with God. I really liked Emerson's prayer of commitment. I don't normally buy Christian books and I had to "decode" a few things for myself to so I could relate to it, but after reading it, I have more appreciation for the nature of man and the nature of woman and how to respect and appreciate our differences. I also have more appreciation for the teachings of Jesus. Thank you Emerson!

"The key to motivating another person is meeting that person's deepest need - love for her and respect for him!" ~ pg. 134

Whether you are in a fairly good marriage or in one that is falling apart, "Cracking the Communication Code" has a lot to offer. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs backs up his points with plenty of scripture references and gives advice based on wisdom gained from experience. He places an emphasis on listening, decoding, forgiveness, unconditional love and being thankful for your spouse. The main sections of the book include:

A Summary of the "Love & Respect" book authored by Dr. Emerson

Three Vital Truths for Better Communication

The Crazy Cycle: A Relentless Enemy of Marital Communication

The Energizing Cycle: To Better Communicate, Meet Your Spouse's Need

The Rewarded Cycle: The Unconditional Dimension of Communication

Dr. Emerson explains how couples get into cycles and shows how you can escape destructive patterns by showing respect and love. If you are fighting all the time then you are spending most of your time in the "Crazy Cycle." Couples who are giving love and respect are in the "Energizing Cycle." For those fighting to save their marriage through unconditional love, the "Rewarded Cycle" shows the way to conflict resolution and reconciliation.

This book is filled with inspiring stories of couples who have used these teachings to their advantage. At the end of the book there is a special section for couples who want to improve their relationship by speaking to each other as Jesus would. Imagining Jesus standing next to your partner can be a way to monitor your speech.

Most of the advice is for couples who want to learn to speak each other's language and who want to avoid fights. I did not feel that this book would be as useful in a very abusive relationship where someone is in danger. This is mostly for couples who are willing to work at their marriages together, although there is plenty of advice for anyone seeking to save their marriage on their own.

~The Rebecca Review

This book is a follow up to the book Eggerichs wrote called "Love and Respect" which demonstrates how husbands are energized in their marriage relationships with demonstrations of respect and wives are energized by demonstrations of love. My wife and I found that when we put the principles of this book into practice we had much less conflict--but obviously it is still dependent on us going against our selfish nature which wants to punish the other spouse for unsatisfactory behaviors. From a pragmatic view both this book and Love and Respect are worth reading if a couple has a commitment to applying the principles.

This being said I think that Cracking the Communication Code is not a well written book. It seems like a compilation of "B" material that Eggrichs had left over from "Love and Respect". Intellectually he treats his readers like idiots in the way that he repeats the concepts over and over. Boring stories, boring illustrations, and beating to death the same concept of husbands loving their wives (through actions) and wives respecting their husbands. In the introduction Eggrichs says that you can skip the first chapter if you already read "Love and Respect" because it is simply a review... which is what my wife and I did. But in chapter 2 lo and behold the same boring testimony of how Eggrichs came to the incredible "Love and Respect" revelation. Eggrichs is a one trick pony.

My recommendation: read either "Love and Respect" or "Cracking the Communication Code" with your spouse but don't waste your time on both books.

If you've attended Emerson Eggerichs' Love and Respect marriage seminar and want to recommend one of his books to a friend (or review the material on your own), but haven't read either Love and Respect or CCC, Cracking the Communication Code most closely parallels the marriage seminar (and/or the Love and Respect DVD of the seminar). I recommended CCC to a friend, rather than L&R because I could give her a more knowledgeable recommendation - in other words, if it's anything like the L&R seminar, it's going to revolutionize your marriage.

I am very impressed with how balanced the presentation is - many marriage books I've read, and counseling my husband and I have received over the years, always reinforced my role as the more loving (and therefore better) spouse, and my husband was the one who really needed to change. The L&R seminar and CCC made me see how I also contribute to issues in the marriage (whether I mean to or not), and helped me understand my husband's point of view (reminding me that he is good-willed at heart - afterall why did we get married in the first place?), and helped me look for, see, and attempt to better meet his deepest needs. Our culture is very Love-based, and we seem to see a man's need for respect as a bad thing - arrogance, male ego, male chauvinism... etc, without understanding that being respected for who he is, despite his performance, is what makes a man feel valued, and makes him act more loving.

Of course, I'm speaking as the wife, but my husband says, "For the first time in our marriage, I understand, and I now have practical tools I can use to better meet your needs."

If you ever have a chance to view the DVD series or attend a seminar, you should try - Emerson is hilarious and so absolutely nails men and women and how we relate (or don't) to one another. It's definitely a "spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down" delivery - laughing at yourself as you are stabbed to your core with the truth.

Audio book review: I've listened to many tapes on this topic, lots of videos. Not much result - till now. Ok, some of the ideas are similar in other books,but the presentation to me hit the spot. The light came on. It helped explain to me why I always back off instead of engage, and why unconditional is the commitment and only option to make it work. Still not sure why God made this so complicated; why we are opposites; but a hint comes from the book - God made marriage as practice for the heavenly relationship we will have with him in heaven. We are not the same as God, just like we are not the same as our mate. Its even more important to get this mastered now with our mate, to mirror the one when we get to heaven.

The book has valid ideas & they work; only it is so wordy that it takes a long time to get to the point.