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Cradled All the While: The Unexpected Gifts of a Mother's Death

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Don't wait until your mother is ill or gone before you read this heartfelt book. Any woman who has ever questioned whether she was properly "mothered" or whether she was a good daughter would benefit from the insights Dr. Corse shares about her own process of forgiving herself and her mother. In her case, it was caring for her mother after she was diagnosed with incurable cancer that provided the opportunity for them to develop a closer relationship. We don't always have such an opportunity to heal old hurts. There is much here to hearten and inspire. Highly recommended; give it to yourself or your sister or your best girlfriend for Mother's Day.

"My mother's final gift to me was given when she was beyond believing that she had anything left to offer anyone, and was received when I was long past expecting anything from her." Thus ends the prologue to the author's moving personal account of her mother's cancer experience, and the way in which the illness transformed their relationship over time. In this memoir, Dr. Corse intertwines flashbacks from her own life with the unfolding story of her mother's illness, illuminating the complex web of family relationships within which she struggles to understand and cope with her mother's dying. Memoirs about personal loss run the risk of leaving the reader feeling depleted or emotionally manipulated. Dr. Corse's book does neither. Her book is about the redemptive and transformative power of caring for a dying parent, leaving the reader feeling hopeful and inspired. This book is for anyone with a disappointing relationship with a parent who has died or is dying, and for everyone who seeks grace and healing in their relationships throughout life. The reader's guide, available free at www.councilforrelationships.org/articles/staying-centered_2-20-06.htm, offers a vehicle for reflecting on and discussing the book's themes related to dying, caring, and healing. The guide is organized according to topic, referencing specific sections in the book, and contains thought-provoking questions suitable for book clubs and for students in psychology, psychiatry, pastoral counseling, social work, nursing, and religion.

When I recently picked up this book again to re-read it, what I remembered best about it were the author's impressive honesty and the insights that gave me into my relations with my own mother.

This time I was struck by how gracefully she handles the language and tells her story. Ever since my Jane Austen kick a few years ago I have found myself putting down books that I believed had something to say because I didn't like the way they were saying it. Not so here. This book is thought-provoking, and it is also a pleasure to read (but not if you're looking for something light-hearted!). I think it would appeal to a wider audience than those especially drawn to it for its focus on grief and on mother-daughter relations. I hope the author will write more.

I found this to be a beautifully written book. To be able to take care of the dying is a tremendous gift, a blessing, and Sara found unexpected grace and healing in it. I found it only made me appreciate my mother even more. I wanted to tell her how important it was to me to be able to take care of her now that she is older, and she mustn't prevent me from doing so. If your relationship with your mom is troubled, all the more reason to read this book. Most of us don't want to face the inevitable, but when we do, some surprising things can happen. An excellent book for anyone with a mother...particularly someone in midlife with an older parent. Thank you Sara, for this book.

As the author of this beautifully written book says, "The curtain between life and death is a gossamer veil." With insight and honesty, Sara Corse gazes through this gossamer veil as she recounts her experiences caring for her mother, dying of cancer. Part memoir, part reflection on the meaning of life and death, this book mainly gives a moving account of her mother's last months, but through the use of flashbacks and discursions, Corse shows how the tenderness and pain of this final illness are woven into the larger complexities of a mother-daughter relationship. Corse understands the anguish of losing a parent in the context of her own sometimes anguished struggle for a personal identity and a meaningful faith. For those facing the death of a loved one, this book will be a comfort and a help. For anyone seeking understanding in the presence of the mystery of death, this book will be a deep river of wisdom.

This book is a moving account of Sara Corse's mother's death not as a moment in time, but as a culmination of life's journey. It is wonderful to see someone be able to look past the stress and burden of caring for a dying person and realize the emotional rewards. Sara is down to earth about her and her mother's relationship and demonstrates that you do not need a perfect relationship to fully appreciate one another. There are many ways that this book can touch the reader: daughters can relate to the many dimensions of a mother-daughter relationship; caregivers can be inspired by Sara's fortitude; those who lost a loved one can learn a way to fill a void. Death is a very difficult subject to discuss and the fact that this book presents it in such a beautiful way is a gift in itself.

MOTHER DEAR

(Oh mother dear, I miss you like never before)

Where are your warm hugs?
Have they cracked and wilted in your empty arms

Where are your sweet smiles?
Have they dried and shriveled on your cold lips

Where are your funny jokes?
Have they turned to dust and lay at your feet
To whom will comfort me?
To whom will dry my tears?
To whom will I lay my head,
When no one else is near?

(Oh mother dear, I need you more than ever)

Where have you been?
Have you finally been laid to rest

Where are you now?
Are you flying high with the angels?
OR
Are you down in the deep dark well?

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