Customer Reviews

The Joan Crawford Murders

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Swanson knows his Hollywood history. In Hollywood Sinners, he took on the thirties, and in this one, he skewers (and yet honors) the fifties, by taking his heroine, the inimitable Joan Crawford, on a wild ride through her dysfunctional life. The pace never slows, and Swanson more than delivers on his back cover promise of "technicolor". You'll see Joan Crawford at her outrageous "best" as she tackles her personal demons along with actual ones, notably the Joan impersonator running rampant through her territory. You'll probably need to rest when it's over, but you'll also know a lot about Hollywood history (and the making of Torch Song) -- and you'll wonder exactly how close Swanson's portrait of Joan might have been to the real deal.

When this author lets his imagination run wild it is fun to tag along. In the second book of Mr. Swanson's Tinseltown Trilogy we revisit 1953 and find Joan Crawford back at MGM for her technicolor debut in the movie Torch Song. She thinks little of the script or her leading man and fears that her age is showing but she's determined to give it her all for her fans. But washing down super strength diet pills with huge quantities of vodka leaves her a bit befuddled. And it doesn't help that she's seeing double.
There is a murderer on the loose who looks like Joan. Is it a crazed Joan or an impersonator? With so many Joan Crawford impersonators running about it is sometimes difficult even for Joan to know which is which and so she turns the problem over to Gangster Al. She has enough to do, concentrating on her lines, wardrobe and her willing and unwilling conquests.
What will happen if a drunk Joan comes face to face with a psychotic one? Probably not anything that you could imagine.
Outrageous fun from start to finish.

Peter Joseph Swanson is not only an intriguing writer, but an avid historian as well. Among the great joys of this book are the intricate look it takes at Hollywood from an era gone by. As Joan prepares to make her last big splash, she is portrayed in such fastidious detail that the reader feels transported back in time.

Swanson knows how to tell a tale. Eloquent, dramatic, meticulous and powerful are the four words that best describe his unique style. The book never slows or becomes trite, but rather captivates readers on a roll they don't want to end. His attention to dialogue is an art all its own, and again accurately reminiscent of Hollywood's earlier years.

I haven't yet read the prequel to this tale, but don't feel that I needed to in order to thoroughly grasp and delight in this one. I will, however, soon purchase it for my collection, as Peter Joseph Swanson's writing is well worth my time.

Peter Joseph Swanson has a knack for informing and making you think, as well as entertaining. I know so little of Hollywood that I had to look up whether "Torch Song" was a real movie after reading "The Joan Crawford Murders." (It was.) But I didn't bother to look up how movies were made, the twists and turns of costumes and scenery, and the wonders of moving backdrops in glorious Technicolor. The author had convinced me already that his portrayals would be true. I haven't looked up the club scene of the Joan Crawford drag-queen look-alikes either, but I feel like I've been there, like a fly on the wall, or a sequin camera fastened to one of Joan Crawford's incredible outfits.

IMDB tells me how over-the-top the acting in "Torch Song" was. And the author paints an over-the-top artiste and her world with Technicolor words and dialog, bringing the whole to life (or death, I guess, in the case of the murdered victims). Viewed through the lens of vodka, diet pills, and a desperate need to stay on top, "The Joan Crawford Murders" creates an utterly convincing, amazing, amusing and totally entertaining world. And then you wonder, if that world was never entirely real, then how come it reminds me so much of here?

Some people already know Peter J Swanson. Some also know he is the author of several books, including the Tinseltown Trilogy. When I first read the snippets, comments, and various reviews of these books, I wasn't sure if I wanted to read them or not. I wasn't sure I would even like them because they are not the type of books I usually read.

However, I decided to throw my inhibitions to the wind and give them a try. In doing so, I ordered all three books instead of just the first one. I mean, what good is a threesome if you don't have all three?

Prior to the arrival of the books, I promised to do a book review of each on Gather. When my books FINALLY arrived, I read them at a leisurely pace enjoying each of the characters and the tale that unfolded with each turn of the page.

Some time has passed since I completed the third and final book and I have no excuse for being so slow at posting the review(s). Save only that life has intruded and I did not want to write reviews without being totally engrossed. I wasn't going to take the chance of possibly turning away future readers and/or fans. I also couldn't decide how best to write the reviews, either one at a time or all three in one. So, without further ado, I give you the Ménage à trois: Hollywood Sinners, The Joan Crawford Murders, and Bad Movies.

In Hollywood Sinners, I was transported to the glories and horrors of Hollywood in the 30's. I followed Karin from her home on the farm to her marriage with the lunatic drunk into Hollywood where she met Ramon, Mama, Carol, Antonio, Etienne and Sister Agatha.

That sounds simple, but in reality, I cringed as she suffered at the hands of the drunk, who got what was coming to him pretty early in the tale. I laughed with her and the conversations she had with others. I imagined waking up beside her in the ditch as a foot long lizard stared at us both. I rode on her coattails as she pursued a dream of making it big and all the experiences that go along with the journey.

I won't give it away by saying what happened to Karin and those she came into contact with. However, I will say the journey was quite an enjoyable ride.

In The Joan Crawford Murders, I was again sent to Hollywood only this time the setting was the 50's. Instead of Karin, I was now enjoying the city with Joan Crawford. Whatever I thought I knew about Joan was thrown to the side after reading this book.

During Joan's comeback production, I was able to see her in a new light as one Joan Crawford drag queen look-a-like is murdered after another. One by one someone is eliminating them and Joan's alcohol and drug induced paranoia had me wondering if she wasn't the psychotic killer. You know, Joan, no not that one...this one, not her...her.

In the end, well...no, I can't tell you. Just get the book and read the filming for yourself. Who knows who will be left standing in the end ;)

The final book in the trilogy, Bad Movies, was as good if not better than the first two. It had me laughing, cringing, crying, and blushing more than ever as I was thrust into the 70's with Jill in Tinseltown.

Jill wishes to be a successful model, however she is naive as to the price she'll have to pay to achieve this goal. The price of bad movie making, a stalking psycho, murders, and natural disasters. All of these make an appearance in Jill's journey to stardom. Not to mention her fleeting, but haunting memories of losing body parts....

There you have it, my quick review of the Tinseltown Trilogy. You can find these books on Amazon.com. In my opinion, these books were a welcomed distraction. Peter made me believe I was in Tinseltown and witnessing everything happening. He made the characters, their dreams and motivations, their struggles and achievements, and the lifestyles believable. The mystery and intrigue had me wondering what was going to happen next. All in all, I enjoyed these three books and I look forward to reading more by this author.

MGM Queen Joan Crawford reigns supreme in this camp drama that occurs whilst Joan is filming of her `Technicolor comeback' - Torch Song.
In her attempt to be thin and beautiful in `Technicolor' Joan guzzles MGM formula diet pills and drinks oceans of vodka whilst barking at people on and off the set.... Meanwhile a Joan Crawford drag queen is slashing people. Who is the REAL Joan Crawford....will the REAL Joan be found guilty of slicing people up? Even she is not sure... under the influence of booze and pills...she is STRUNG OUT! `Balls!'

I have not laughed out loud whilst reading novel for so long, and Swanson has obviously done his research. If you are a Joan fan you will understand the nuances and references...if you are casual readers you will just love the story, which is the second instalment in his `Tinseltown Trilogy.' I always think a novel is successful if the reader can suspend disbelief, even in the most ridiculous circumstances, which is certainly what these circumstances are....

This is a very funny novel, the author is obviously a fan and has done a great deal of research in Crawfords life around the time she went back to Metro. If you are a fan of Joan you will love this novel it is a really fun read.

This spicy novel is a great summer's read for just about anyone who wishes to know more about the pioneer days of the Hollywood film industry. In The Joan Crawford Murders,circa 1953, Miss Crawford returns to MGM's corporate studios to bring life to a lackluster picture,Torch Song.

Despite a long hiatus, she is still the rage of Tinseltown. Crawford's fan following now includes impersonators who live, breathe, act like, and even believe that they might be the real Joan Crawford. When murders begin to occur while Torch Song's filming is in progress, the real Joan Crawford--who lives off diet pills and vodka--wonders if, and hallucinates that she might be the source of just so many murdered bodies, which pop up almost daily in the City of The Angels.

Tongue-in-cheek, Swanson's well knitted plot points take readers through a gamut of emotions:laughter, tears, and everything in between. With juicy back stories founded on impeccable research, The Joan Crawford Murders captivates the interest of gossip mongers and history buffs alike. Will the real Joan Crawford please stand up? Only in the novel's final pages does Swanson reveals who she is...or who she isn't.

I found this fictional account amazingly entertaining as I became better acquainted with an actor whose performance I have enjoyed over the years. Readers will delight in turning the book's pages as Peter Joseph Swanson craftily reveals exactly who-dun-it. If you want a summer's read filled with great story telling, you can't go wrong with The Joan Crawford Murders.

"The Joan Crawford Murders" is the second of the "Tinseltown Trilogy" by Peter Joseph Swanson. You don't have to read the first book,Hollywood Sinners (The Tinseltown Trilogy) which deals with Hollywood in the 1930s or the last book Bad Moviesthat deals with Hollywood in the 1970s to read this book. This book takes on Hollywood in 1953 seen through the eyes of the pill popping vodka swilling Joan Crawford.
I received this book a few days ago and planned to read it after I finished another book. But I just had to take a peek at it to see what it was like. I really don't know that much about Joan Crawford besides some of her movies and "Mommie Dearest". But I knew enough about her that it made me want to read this book.
So I put aside the other book and devoured this book.
Joan is back at MGM, doing her "comeback" movie "Torch Song". She is bedeviled by life - she's getting older, there are fresher faces, Al the Gangster talks about killing her and there's a little matter of multiple Joan Crawfords in Hollywood. Joan always appreciates her fans but sometimes her fans do not appreciate her. One drag queen in particular believes he is the one and only Joan Crawford and plans to eliminate all the others - including the real Joan Crawford.
Peter Joseph Swanson takes the reader on a wild ride with Joan Crawford and the making of "Torch Song". I honestly don't know how much is true in this book and how much is fictional, but all of it rang true for me. Joan's rantings and ravings, her multiple conquests, her barely disguised anger at newer actresses, it's all there. Mr Swanson is able to capture the essence of a Joan Crawford movie and put it in this book. And it is wonderful.
So I recommend this book highly to anyone who is a Joan Crawford fan, you won't be able to put it down. Also if you're a fan of Hollywood in the early 50s, you'll love this book. If you're a fan of murder mysteries, again, well written book. It's a great book and I plan to check out the two other books in the trilogy.

Look around; everywhere you turn is heartache. It's everywhere that you go. You try everything you can to escape...

...the sordidness of 1950s Hollywood, with its goat-cults of Osiris, washed-up monster movie actors, gangsters bent on burying you in the middle of the desert, and sinister Joan Crawford impersonators running around screaming "Bloody knife! Bloody knife!"

If all else fails and you long to be something better than you are today, I know a place where you can get away, it's called

The Joan Crawford Murders (Book Two of the Tinseltown Trilogy) by Peter Joseph Swanson. If you grew up in the `80s like I did, your first impression of Joan Crawford may have come from Faye Dunaway's portrayal of her in Mommie Dearest. No doubt it scared you off of wire hangers for life. Joan Crawford, who died the year I was born, was actually a fascinating woman with a long and celebrated stage, screen and television career. Her name at birth was Lucille LeSeuer. Louis B. Mayer (studio head of MGM) made her change it because it sounded too much like "sewer." His first choice was "Joan Arden," but that name was already taken, so she became Joan Crawford, a name she always thought sounded uncomfortably close to "crawfish."

Peter Joseph Swanson has fun playing with the biographical details of Joan's life in his novel. She was born in Texas, and she did try like the devil to remove any trace of Southwest twang from her speaking voice. William Haines was her closest friend, and he did give her the nickname "Cranberry" (a play on "crawfish," saying she ought to be serving at Thanksgiving dinner with turkey and cranberry sauce).

You don't have to know Joan Crawford's real-life history to enjoy this book, though. Peter brings her to the page as a larger-than-life character, a Hollywood star with all a star's excesses and passions who half believes some of her movies were real. She thunders through the pages in faux diamonds and real furs with a gun in her handgun, ripping lesser starlets (in Joan's opinion, everyone but herself) like Esther Williams and Marilyn Monroe to shreds with her letter-opener-sharp words. But a star of Joan's caliber wouldn't literally rip a starlet (or a drag queen) to shreds, would she? In her vodka- and diet pill-induced fog, Joan doesn't even trust herself anymore.

Read carefully, or you may miss some of Peter's clever one-liners. Despite all the grisly murders and shady Hollywood backroom dealings, this book is fun, fun, fun. There's even a splash of sex here and there, though of course observed through the warped lens of Peter's offbeat literary style. Whether you love mysteries and crime novels, Old School Hollywood, or both, this book promises to be like nothing you've ever read before.