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Crazy Love [Hardcover]

Leslie Morgan Steiner
4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (57 customer reviews)


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Book Description

March 31, 2009

At 22, Leslie Morgan Steiner seemed to have it all: a Harvard diploma, a glamorous job at Seventeen magazine, a downtown New York City apartment. Plus a handsome, funny, street-smart boyfriend who adored her. But behind her façade of success, this golden girl hid a dark secret. She’d made a mistake shared by millions: she fell in love with the wrong person.

At first Leslie and Conor seemed as perfect together as their fairy-tale wedding. Then came the fights she tried to ignore: he pushed her down the stairs of the house they bought together, poured coffee grinds over her hair as she dressed for a critical job interview, choked her during an argument, and threatened her with a gun. Several times, he came close to making good on his threat to kill her. With each attack, Leslie lost another piece of herself.

Gripping and utterly compelling, Crazy Love takes you inside the violent, devastating world of abusive love. Conor said he’d been abused since he was a young boy, and love and rage danced intimately together in his psyche. Why didn’t Leslie leave? She stayed because she loved him. Find out for yourself if she had fallen truly in love – or into a psychological trap. Crazy Love will draw you in -- and never let go.



Editorial Reviews

From Booklist

As a young editor at Seventeen magazine, recovering from a history of alcoholism that permeated her family, Steiner met a man she thought was a knight in shining armor. Handsome and charming, Conor had a more troubled background than her own, raised in poverty in Boston by an abusive mother. Deep in vulnerability and denial, she let down her defenses and justified every time he struck her, even as he got progressively more violent. She gave up her magazine job and moved with Conor to a small town in Vermont and later to Chicago, where they both pursued MBAs. Along the way, she took on financial and emotional debt as Conor became increasingly more demanding and violent. He nearly killed her before she found the strength to admit to herself and others what was going on. Steiner, author of the acclaimed anthology Mommy Wars (2006), offers readers a courageous and revealing look at domestic abuse and one woman’s effort to free herself. --Vanessa Bush

Review

“Compulsively readable.” –People (3 ½ stars)

 

“[Readers will] cheer as Steiner… slowly regains her sense of self and escapes this crazy love.” –The Washington Post

 

“In steady, intimate prose punctuated by surprising, refreshing streaks of humor… this courageous, empowering survival story brings the phrase ‘battered woman’ into terrifying focus.” –Kirkus

 

"A courageous and revealing look at domestic abuse and one woman’s effort to free herself." --Booklist

 

"Harrowing." --TheDailyBeast.com

 

“Riveting… An elegant stylist, Morgan eschews the easy pop psychology route in favor of a thought-provoking peek into how violence and abuse curdle into distorted thinking.” –Minneapolis Star Tribune

“In this gripping, compulsively readable story of romantic love and its dreadful underside, Leslie Morgan Steiner has written a classic. What makes love turn to violence?  How can a woman know she is at risk? These are some of the questions elegantly addressed in Steiner’s important book about how she survived a marriage which almost killed her.  Her painful journey from love to fear to sanity is ultimately heartening and serves a profound lesson.  This book should be required reading for all women." -- Susan Cheever

“Crazy Love reminds us that sometimes a marriage can go from being a mere skirmish in the battle of the sexes to becoming a full-on physical war.  The book stands as a warning to all women to be vigilant when they pick their spouses, to always have an exit strategy in mind, to know where the money in the marriage is, to pick up as much education as possible – all for the possible day when they may find themselves battered, broke, terrified and alone.  It can happen to anyone, and every woman should prepare herself for it.” -- Carolyn See, author of Making a Literary Life

"A harrowing cautionary tale that should be read by every woman who thinks romantic love can overcome all. I read this book in one terrifying gulp and plan to have my daughter read it. Every mother should do the same." -- Elsa Walsh, staff writer for The New Yorker and author of  Divided Lives

“After a few moments of disbelief—how could a nice girl from  a nice family marry such a cruel and dangerous man?—I found myself cheering for this woman who gets off the floor—literally—and goes on to save her own life.  Crazy Love is a deeply affecting account of cruelty and abuse in a marriage doomed from the start.  It is a reminder that while bad behavior can be explained it can never be excused, and that while placing blame is rarely useful, letting go is.  Leslie Morgan Steiner’s candor is wrenching and ultimately inspiring.” -- Jane Juska, author of Unaccompanied Women and A Round-Heeled Woman

"Leslie Morgan Steiner has written a memoir that is as seductive as a whirlwind romance. This is a book for every woman -- and man -- who has ever felt, as Steiner writes, that ‘leaving was easy. The hard part was figuring out where to go.’" -- Veronica Chambers, author, Mama's Girl

“Bright, beautiful and battered.  Leslie Morgan Steiner didn’t think of herself as a victim until it was almost too late. Hers is a success story that shows how excruciating a declaration of independence can be and how much happiness can come from it.  Read it and cheer.” -- George Lardner, author of The Stalking of Kristin and winner of the Pulitzer Prize for his Washington Post series investigating his daughter’s murder by her ex-boyfriend 

"Most love is crazy -- at first, it's that can't eat, can't sleep feeling. Then it moves into a comfortable, warm, hopefully, still sexy state. Leslie Morgan Steiner shows us with wrenching clarity when crazy is good and when crazy is something you need to leave. A must read for anyone in a consuming relationship." -- Iris Krasnow, author of New York Times bestseller, Surrendering to Marriage

“If you've ever read your daughter the story of Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty, you should make sure she knows the story Leslie Morgan Steiner tells in Crazy Love, too. This book is for every woman who's ever thought, "I can change him. He'll change for me"—and who hasn't thought that? Steiner's tale unfolds with all the harrowing inevitability of a horror movie, the kind where you watch the heroine start down the dark staircase to the basement with your heart pounding as you whisper, ‘No! Don't do it! Don't!’

That such a smart, kind, funny, vital woman could let herself be victimized this way seems almost unimaginable—and yet Steiner makes you understand how it came to pass, and even appreciate, with a sort of disgusted awe, how expertly her husband manipulates her aching insecurities and longing for that great big happily-ever-after love we learn about in fairy tales. That she comes out the other side is miraculous. That she's brave enough to tell this frank and brutal story is, too.” -- Sandy Hingston, “Loco Parentis” columnist for Philadelphia Magazine and author of The Affair

“A vivid and compelling story that goes a long way to dispelling the myth that women who are abused by men are in some way at fault.  This book will be cherished by any woman who has ever been in the grip of an abusive relationship.” -- Jane Bernstein, author of Bereft:A Sister’s Story and Rachel in the World

“Steiner's brave, insightful memoir reveals how independent and capable women can find themselves trapped in violent relationships.  More important, she shows that women can find their way out of abusive relationships.  Her absorbing story will inspire every reader.  To a reader with an abusive partner, it may well save her life. -- Elisabeth Joy LaMotte, psychotherapist and author of Overcoming Your Parents' Divorce

“Leslie Morgan Steiner pulls no punches in this brutally honest memoir of a brave, smart, fresh-faced young woman’s descent into domestic hell.  Domestic violence isn’t picky and it doesn’t only happen to “other people.” All of us are vulnerable.  Her story is proof that love can come on so strong it can kill you.  Steiner’s good news? Sometimes the end of the world is actually the very beginning.” -- Monica Holloway, author of Driving With Dead People and Cowboy and Wills

“Leslie Morgan Steiner is the bravest woman I know. Not only did she save her own life, but now she has --opened her heart to save countless others. As one who has hidden to avoid the humiliation of a fat lip, I know how hard that can be.  Crazy Love recounts the sad, sentimental journey that destroys the myth of physical abuse - that it doesn’t happen to nice girls, or smart girls, or anyone you know.  Steiner’s vivid prose paints a clear picture of how it started, why she let it continue, and how she escaped to tell the tale.  Crazy Love sets the record straight: love can be a four letter word.” --Leslie Lehr, author of Wife Goes On

"I read this book in one night. Crazy Love is a gripping, beautifully crafted and above all a painfully honest account of a woman (who by all accounts doesn't look the type) grappling with an abusive relationship. If you've ever been there or heard about a woman dealing with this situation and wondered, "why'd she stay?" read Leslie's unselfconscious account. Now I understand. Read Crazy Love and you will too." --Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, author of Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay

"Leslie Morgan Steiner has written a deeply compelling, brutally honest and important book about her relationship with a man who abused her, emotionally and physically.  I couldn't put it down.   It's a must-read for anyone who has been there or knows someone who has -- or just wonders how it happens.  Most importantly, Leslie's own life offers living, breathing proof that women can not only break these destructive bonds, but move on to build successful marriages, families and careers." --Dee Dee Myers, author of Why Women Should Rule the World


Product Details

  • Hardcover: 336 pages
  • Publisher: St. Martin's Press; First Edition edition (March 31, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0312377452
  • ISBN-13: 978-0312377458
  • Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.9 x 1.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (57 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #352,747 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

I live in Washington, DC with my husband and three children. I'm the editor of the anthology Mommy Wars. I write a daily online column about work and family for The Washington Post called "On Balance."

www.washingtonpost.com/onbalance

Customer Reviews

I read this well written book in one sitting. peggysou  |  15 reviewers made a similar statement
I couldn't put down this book once I started reading it. ILikeClothes  |  8 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
57 of 61 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Well written April 2, 2009
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
Crazy Love is an apt title for a memoir about an abusive relationship. It is crazy to anyone on the outside looking in. It is crazy for the woman to stay in the relationship. It is crazy to take one minute of abuse and stay for more. It is crazy to think an abusive man will change.
I read this well written book in one sitting. Did I feel sorry for poor Conor? For his miserable childhood, yes. For his inability to handle his rage as an adult, no. I wanted him punished. I want him exposed now and publicly ridiculed.
For those of you who think there are always two sides of a story, you are wrong. Men who do this should be put on a public offender list, and be branded as abusers for the rest of their lives.
When she was nearly choked to death by Conor before they were married, I thought she was crazy to stay. When she went to counseling with him after their separation, I was stunned. How crazy could she be?
A funny reaction from someone like me. I went through the same thing 40 years ago. What this books points out, so well, is that there is no logical explanation as to why a woman would remain in such a relationship. You do enter a surreal world of denial and shame. How do you admit that the person you love most in the world, and who professes to love you as much, is beating the stuffing out of you? How do you leave when you have no money, no home to go to? How do you face the humiliation? Trust me when I say that the humiliation is nearly unbearable. Do you know many people will wonder what you did to make your husband beat you? Do you know that many people, even your family, will think you are probably exaggerating?
Nothing in this book is exaggerated. It is a true and heartbreaking story of how easy it is to find yourself in a crazy world, and the struggle to wake up from the nightmare and regain your sanity.
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15 of 16 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Fascinating read despite major flaws June 16, 2010
Format:Paperback
This book recounts the author's first marriage to a messed up, controlling, abusing man. I found it fascinating and read it in one sitting, but at the same time I ended up ultimately feeling dissatisfied. The author actually does not give us a lot of insight into what led her to the decisions that she made, and I get the sense that she still doesn't know. It is more a recounting of events than a memoir with any layers of discovery or self-knowledge.

I admire the author's honestly and willingness to be open about some truly stupid things that she'd done - it takes a lot of courage to put that in print. Like others, I found her constant references to being blond, Harvard-educated, and a WASP to be overkill. We get it, really. It is as if she needs to remind herself of those facts, and that she truly believes that those are the most important things about her, and reasons for the world to envy and admire her.

There were a few cheap shots towards family members, and just enough about her truly messed up adolescence to confuse the story - is there a connection between growing up in an alcoholic family, being an attention-seeking anorexic, and allowing herself to become completely dependent on a man who hurt and scared her? Absolutely, but we don't get any insight into what that connection is. From my own experience, if you grow up around alcohol you get very skilled at pretending things are normal when they are not.

Anyway, I enjoyed the book as a confessional, a train-wreck, and a gripping read, but I ended up not really liking the protagonist very much, and thinking she still has a lot of work to do to really understand her own actions and motivations.
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20 of 23 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
Crazy Love was a very quick read. It was written more like an extended magazine feature than a memoir with multiple layers and true craft. I felt it was an interesting read but ultimately a tale about a young affluent woman who with her Harvard degree, anorexic past, alcoholic pedigree, falls for the wrong man. I was hoping for more insight from the author than what she was willing to give. I wanted to know how she felt about herself and not just the actions she took. All in all I would recommend waiting for the paperback version.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars Good book with problems
I read this book in about a day. It was a good story -- a fast read -- and the author is definitely a good writer. Read more
Published 2 days ago by Lara Sterling
4.0 out of 5 stars Excellent perspective from an "atypical" victim.
The author represents what many of us consider to be an "atypical" victim, yet she found herself drawn in by the same patterns as anyone else. Read more
Published 5 days ago by Laura Shotzbarger
5.0 out of 5 stars Just what I was looking for
A meaningful memoir about domestic violence which can happen to anybody of any socio-economic background. Read more
Published 12 days ago by Margaret Underhill
5.0 out of 5 stars Really Good
Well written. I'm getting my degree in social work, I learned about Leslie Morgan Steiner from a video I had to watch for my family development and decided I wanted to read this... Read more
Published 15 days ago by shianne knisley
5.0 out of 5 stars You must read this book
This book chronicles the story of an abused women whose husband beat her almost to death, and how she escaped him. Read more
Published 22 days ago by Sharon L Hayes
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing read!
I read this book whilst in a similar relationship with a controlling and manipultative partner, he was mostly emotionally abusive as seen by Conor in earlier chapters of the book... Read more
Published 1 month ago by Shannon
4.0 out of 5 stars All that glitters is not gold
Confirmed my own experiences and gives insight into abusive relationships for those who haven't. A useful book to read and consider.
Published 1 month ago by Sue Hayde
5.0 out of 5 stars Once you start this book you can't put it down
I loved this book, although at times it was frustrating to read! I bought it because I heard Leslie Morgan Steiner being interviewed on the radio. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Marilyn Bird
1.0 out of 5 stars Barely got through half of it before I gave up
I just couldn't bear to read this book. In my opinion, it seemed very self-loathing and too depressing to read (for a book about abuse, even). Read more
Published 5 months ago by Amanda
5.0 out of 5 stars Great psychological portrait, complete with life lessons
I don't know the author and have no stake in reviewing this positively or negatively.

I really enjoyed this book. Read more
Published 8 months ago by David Paulson
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