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Crazy Things Parents Text Paperback – September 1, 2011

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 352 pages
  • Publisher: Sourcebooks (September 1, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1402266251
  • ISBN-13: 978-1402266256
  • Product Dimensions: 6.9 x 5 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (22 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #926,820 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews


The site is hilarious. There's examples of parents being corny (see sample to the right), brash and embarrassing. It's a good place to go if you are looking to laugh.

"This book was simply hilarious! A funny book for all!"

OMGosh, guys, this book can be summed up in two words... "hi" and "larious!" ... if you have a sense of humor at any age, you will get a huge kick out of this book!!!

"Bottom line, most people will crack up at it...Have a kid in college? Buy it!"

If you've ever tried to text and are over 30, you'll be able to relate to alot of the texts in the book! Check out the website and you'll see just how funny some of the texts are! Then go out and pick up a copy of the book, or two, or three, and be the hip gift giver this Christmas!

I thought this book was funny. Please keep in mind it is not PG....there is a lot of "smut" and other words that are not appropriate for kids. For adults.....too funny. It would make a perfect gift. I know a few people I could give it too!

"Some books make you chuckle here and there, but this book is absolutely hilarious...From cover to cover, it kept me laughing."

"...brothers Stephen and Wayne Miltz - have captured the strangest of the strange in their book...LYAO funny, and informative."

"I LOVED THIS BOOK!!!!! It is LOL funny! I can totally picture my parents or grandparents doing the things in the book..."

"It is a CRACK UP, mostly because I see so much of my mom and me in many of the submissions..."

"It's a hoot and has me laughing out loud."

"I mean it, after reading some of these things I really was rolling on the floor laughing. My daughter thought I was nuts, but things in this book are hilarious."

"...filled with the craziest, most unbelievable text messages sent between kids and their parents...Either way you go, Crazy Things Parents Text is sure to entertain, and fun for both the parents and the kids."

"If you are looking for a unique gift for that hard to shop for person, consider purchasing Crazy Things Parents Text..."

We're going to feature this as one of THE BEST books of the year. I mean that with all sincerity. We have gotten hours of enjoyment from reading this book. We keep it in the car and read it with our kids, who also LOVE it. From edgy to confrontational to dirty and hilarious, the context of the different conversations, both accidental and purposeful, are absolutely priceless.

"... a great book that is a quick read and entertains on so many levels."

"Crazythingsparentstext.com isn't the only site that collects user submitted parent-offspring texts, but it is the best. Likewise the book "Crazy Things Parents Text" is very entertaining."

This book is a great coffee table book that company can flip through as you sit on the couch having coffee. If you find yourself feeling a little down just pick up the book, read a few texts and you will be laughing within minutes. It also makes you realize that some parents are funny and some are actually worse than your own.

"...a laugh-inducing book about those awkward things parents text their children. Like Kübler-Ross and the stages of grief, this book divides parental texting into seven stages ranging from "lost in translation" to "equals at last"."

The authors' website, crazythingsparentstext.com, features reader-submitted texts sent to them by their parents. This gem of a book showcases the best texts the authors held back from the site.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Introduction: the seven phases of textual maturity

This book is for every family that has ever dealt with immature parental texting. That's right, at the heart of it, it's for and about families. We may poke fun at parents a lot, but the truth is, it's only because we love their texts so darn much that they are so funny. We believe that the texting relationship has allowed parents and children to become closer, and we'll tell you why. Unfortunately though, we're not parents quite yet, so we can't really speak for them. So while we talk about what we've learned about parents and the text message, just remember, we are only giving our point of view because we've learned one thing above all else: we'll never know what is going on inside of our parents' heads, so we shouldn't try to assume. Instead, this is a tribute to parents who text everywhere. It's for our parents and our friends' parents. It's for all of the parents that have unknowingly had their texts posted on our website. Maybe it'll even be a guide for them to know "what not to do."

Take it for what it is, but this is what we have observed.

Parents. They were our best friends in elementary school, embarrassed us in middle school, and pissed us off in high school. Just when we thought we were getting away from them in college, cell phones came along and pulled us right back in. But then something weird happened: we started to kind of like talking to them—as long as we didn't have to talk to them.

Enter the text message.

All of a sudden we could bridge the gap between the "too-cool- for- school kid who never comes home" and the "move-on- already and stop talking to your parents every ten minutes kid." Slowly but surely, the wall between parent and child crumbled to the earth, and technology put mother and daughter, father and son, on the same footing. Maybe it's because we had to teach them how to use the damn phone in the first place, and so they were humbled to where they finally saw us as more than just a depository for their hard earned income—we could actually teach them something! Whatever it was, parents decided they could open up more if they didn't have to have a long conversation with you face to face, and vice versa.

Of course, it wasn't that easy. First, we had to put up with the half dialed texts, the texts with no spaces, the all caps texts, and the unreadably autocorrected texts that Mom and Dad didn't know how to fix. That was funny in and of itself, and pretty much provided hours of entertainment— introduction: the seven phases of textual maturity vii and frustration. But along with that frustration came an odd sense of fulfillment. We were somehow helping our poor, technologically inept parents, and humored them until they started to get the hang of it. We found texts like "Howdoyoutypeaspaceonthisdamnthing.goingtoseegrandma. studyhard" to be utterly endearing. At the risk of sounding hyperbolic, it actually brought us closer together.

Then things got weird.

Mom and Dad learned the basics and decided to venture out on their own, unsupervised. They thought, "Hey, this is fun with the kids. Let's do it with each other." Little did we know how ugly—and horrifying—that could get. They could type, but somehow they managed to only know how to send text messages to three or four people. You know, their immediate family. And sometimes, God knows how, they got those mixed up in their contacts. This wasn't such a bad thing when you got a text from your mom that said "Sweetheart, could you pick up some milk on your way home?" All you had to do was reply and say, "Mom, you meant to text dad. I'm 500 miles away at college."

But it was the "insexts" that caused the damage. You would be sitting in class, or at work, when all of sudden you get a text from your mom: "Hello clit commander. I've had a long day and need some hard lovin. Cum home fast and rock my world." Things just got less funny. And all of a sudden you and your parents were a hell of a lot closer for reasons you had not wanted, nor had you anticipated. Yet, again, you were closer nonetheless. Somehow, you began to understand you parents better, and they started to be able to treat you more like an adult as you viewed them as more of one, and not just your mom or dad.

And that's when it all fell apart. They knew everything: how to text, what we were doing, where we were, who we were with—the whole nine yards. Before we knew it, they became the masters. They knew all we did, plus had years of experience, wisdom, and practice at belittling people. They started playing with us. Ultimately, it became a game of wits. Pretty soon it turned in to this:

Dad: You're 16, sex doesn't exist for you. It's not real, like the Easter Bunny.
Us: And you are married. It doesn't exist for you either. Ha.
Dad: Touche, son. Touche.

And that's how we learned that you can actually become equals with your parents by texting. Ironic, right? A device created to disallow verbal communication actually made us talk more, and talk more openly with our parents.

Our parents love us so much because they watched us grow up. Now, we've finally been lucky enough to see our parents mature before our eyes (textually speaking), instead of the other way around. You see, they were able to enjoy seeing us learn to talk, get the confidence to go out on our own and screw up royally—only to get back up and try again. They watched our embarrassment as they found dirty magazines or fancy underwear, suffered our "advice" as we found that we knew absolutely everything there was to know (the beautiful teenage years); then they put up with us talking back to them, and loved us anyway. We insulted them, and they loved us more. Then we all grew up and became friends.

But then those damn text messages came around, and our parents were technological infants. Then WE got the opportunity to love our parents by watching them grow up. For all intents and purposes, we've seen seven distinct phases of their textual development. For that reason, we've divided the book into the "Seven Phases of Textual Maturity" that just about each and every parent goes through before they are digitally and telephonically adept. True, some parents just get it right off the bat; but think about it, there were those kids that you went to high school with that could have been 35 years old, married, and had two kids, and you wouldn't have questioned it.

This book is for the everyman. It's for the parents who went through this process, and the kids that taught them. It's for all those that thought that "LOL" meant "Lot of Love" and couldn't type worth a damn. Most of all it's for families that text together.

So what do you say: enough with the emotional appeals? Well, the bottom line is that regardless of what the motivations are, parents can have some pretty damn crazy texts, whether they mean to or not. So, we made a website to showcase some of the best from all of you and your parents. We wrote this book to showcase some of the best that we held back from the website, and to explain a little more in depth why we created the site and what the texts really represent. But that's all touchy feely stuff that you may not care about. If you do, that's great. If you don't you'll still LOL, LMFAO, WTF, and JBYM when reading these texts.

So, with that, enjoy. And remember, kids, keep texting. And parents, keep texting crazy things. We love it, and it's made us love you more.

Customer Reviews

Saved me from making some of the same mistakes!
Barbara Singer
It's not just a book of just texts it has a very entertaining story behind it.
I received this book as a gift from my girlfriends dad.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Michelle S on January 15, 2013
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book was a gift for my daughter's 13-year-old friend. The book was funny, but contained some very mature content.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Susan Gourdin on December 25, 2013
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I bought this book for my 14-year-old daughter, and luckily I thumbed through it before she did. There are blurbs that are borderline pornographic. If you don't want your kid enlightened about things like vibrat..., masterba...., various boob comments, etc. Avoid this book. I am pretty lenient about things, but this book is super crude in many places.
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6 of 9 people found the following review helpful By CCRIC on August 29, 2011
Format: Paperback
Once I opened the book I couldn't put it down until I had finished. It was so funny and I was able to relate to all hilarious text that the parents were sending out. Great gift and fun book to add the the collection. If you like Ted L. Nancy you will love this book!!
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4 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Dunstun Manse on August 23, 2011
Format: Paperback
I've been a fan of this website for a long time, and admittedly just was into it for the hilarious texts. When I saw that a book was coming out, I didn't know what I could find in the book that wasn't on the website...man, was I surprised!

First there are mostly new texts, which had me laughing out loud with friends for a few minutes. However, what really got me was the way they organized the book. They've made something called the "Seven Phases of Textual Maturity" which, while not only clever, are actually also really true.

They have some clever analogies about how the cell phone has essentially made the kids the teachers of the parents, and that they've watched them grow up like children and eventually be self-sustaining "mature texters." Seriously, I can't recommend this book enough for everyone. Parents included! I've picked up a few more copies for gifts, and I think that everyone I'm going to give it to will love it.

I will warn you though, some of these are not for the feint of heart: there are extremely explicit texts in this book, but I, for one, was not offended. It shows the true and gritty texts and sides of parents that some people don't expect. Originally I thought they were there for shock value, because I had never gotten anything like that form my parents, but since talking with my friends and sharing these texts with them, they have told me some ridonculous stories of explicit texts from their own parents..so apparently it really happens!
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I bought this as a gift for my 16-year-old son based on the book's cover. Fortunately, I leafed through it before wrapping it - although there were a few funny entries, far too many were vulgar and distasteful (e.g. a mom texting her son about the smell of his semen, a dad texting his son about his mother's breasts). I offered it to my friend with college-aged sons, but she didn't think they'd want it either. They appreciate raunchy humor, but this is merely raunchy.
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2 of 3 people found the following review helpful By JAKL on February 7, 2013
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I bought this to share a good laugh with my teen daughter, as a christmas present. Before I wrapped it, I cracked it open. I realized that this is not for kids. It isn't really funny, but rather a bunch of texts that someone over their word processor must have said to themselves, "wouldn't it be funny if someone texted this?" Then they seemed to have written it down and published a book. A few were funny, the rest were just dumb.
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By Gem on June 3, 2014
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I thought it was rude, crude and just plain stupid. I can't believe anyone would text their kids the stuff that these parents supposedly texted. It was a complete waste of time and money.
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By Kim Okai on April 29, 2014
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so true
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