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118 of 121 people found the following review helpful
I bought this book at a low point in the divorce process, wondering if I would ever stop feeling depressed and angry, and thinking I was somehow a bad person for having those feelings. Imagine my surprise when I turned the pages of the book to find that I was NORMAL for feeling angry and depressed! Giving validation for my feelings, and taking ownership of them, gave me what I needed to master them and move on, standing up for what I needed in the divorce process and giving myself permission to cry sometimes. This book helped me become stronger and showed me that there can be a brighter future after divorce. I highly recommend this for anyone going through a divorce, especially those in "crazy time" whose feelings are not being validated. Divorce is the death of a dream, maybe in some ways worse than the loss of a loved one through a natural death, and it is okay to grieve. This book can help people cope with that loss, learn from it, and move on to a better life.
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151 of 170 people found the following review helpful
on July 30, 2003
This book assumes that both husband and wife recognize problems and both confront the issues and each other, whether with the goal of reconciliation or divorce. But if your situation is like mine---my husband of 30 years just walked out forever without ever a clue beforehand, and since refuses to discuss any issue, and is determined to get a divorce and marry "her"---then what does this book have to say to you or me? Nothing. If you are a suddenly deserted wife, look elsewhere----this book will not begin to address your devastation.
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36 of 41 people found the following review helpful
on March 18, 2005
I read this book because it was recommended to my husband by his therapist. I found it extremely confirming to the person who wants the divorce, even encouraging. However, if you are on the other end of the spectrum and want to work out the marriage, it it almost insulting. I feel like it encourages divorce in an age where it is much too easy. It doesn't adequately touch on the devistation that divorce causes to the children and other person involved. It artificially shows the upside of divorce.
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19 of 20 people found the following review helpful
on December 9, 2000
I've read at least 10 books on separation, divorce, etc. Now at six months into my separation, I'm feeling "crazier" than ever. When I picked up this book, I knew it was exactly what I needed. It has helped me realize the normal processes I'm going through. If you only read one book on divorce recovery, this should be it!
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21 of 23 people found the following review helpful
on November 26, 1998
Ms. Trafford starts from the premise that in any unhappy marriage, the spouses are trapped in an unequal relationship. One is dominant and the other is submissive. If they cannot figure out how to escape from that imbalance, then they are deadlocked. I realized that not only was my marriage deadlocked, but my divorce negotiations were deadlocked as well. The same issues that made my marriage so insufferable were stopping me from consummating my divorce. This book has case histories that exemplify the lucid discussions about divorce. They explain how "crazy time" took hold of my life. I felt that Ms. Trafford was talking directly to me. She helped me to get out of my deadlock and into the resolution phase of my personal tragedy. I recommend this book to anyone who is trying to understand divorce.
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24 of 27 people found the following review helpful
on February 18, 2000
This book was a tremendous help to me when I was going through an extremely difficult time and feeling crazy. It made me understand that everyone who goes through this experience will have some of the same issues to deal with. It helped me to understand how to deal with judgmental people who are ready to riducule you if you are the one who has ended the marriage and the vicious rumors that we all encounter. It also helped me deal with the fact that you do lose friends and it helped me realize true friends versus acquaintances. It has been over a year and I still rely on this book. This is a wonderful book who puts divorce in proper perspective and gives you a calming feeling knowing that the CRAZY TIME you are going through is normal.
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28 of 32 people found the following review helpful
on August 8, 2000
I read this book about a year after my divorce and it was like watching a bright sun rise over a dark horizon. Abigail Trafford helps you realize that you are NOT crazy about the way you feel (no matter what that is) and that there can be a better "life after divorce".
Since reading this book the first time 4 years ago, I have given it to 10 people and have recommended it to many more. It's been helpful to both my male and female friends. The best and most meaningful book on the market to help you live through a painful experience.
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39 of 46 people found the following review helpful
on April 19, 2000
Divorce is for many people difficult because we are forced to consciously deal with OR avoid those areas about ourself, which may have been responsible for the breakup of the marriage. Through each emotional phase of the divorce process, which for myself may have started the day I met my ex-spouse, the author provides you examples of real life circumstance. Although I don't agree with all the themes of the book, clearly we each approach and react to the process differently. This book pulls no punches, so be prepared to agree and disagree, but most importantly read this only if you want to face yourself.
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17 of 19 people found the following review helpful
on June 3, 2000
To best understand the value of this book, let me say it was instrumental in helping me understand that what I was feeling and experiencing in my divorce was quite normal. Since I successfully survived my divorce, I have recommended this book to ten friends by count, and every one has reported back that this was the definative source for their sanity. Over the years, I have purchased four different copies to loan to friends, and much like a chain letter, they seem to pass forward to more people, and not get returned. Rest assured, this book provides the most common sense during the time when nothing in your life makes sense. It will show you the light at the end of the tunnel.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
on July 24, 2010
The book provides examples of typical stages in the divorcing process, which can be useful. It oversimplifies causes of the divorce into dominant and submissive clashes, which are less applicable in more modern relationships. Although the intent of the examples is probably to show that the terrible feelings of anger, depression, and so forth are normal, the many examples of the husband or wife killing or maiming the other spouse are quite extreme and (hopefully) far enough from most people's experience that they don't resonate. Also, the example of how an individual got past anger by tearing up a child's birthday present in front of the child and how much better he was for it is disturbing. The depiction of this being "positive" because it allowed to parent to vent anger ignores that this was likely and traumatic event for the child. Although the book is not intended to address children, it seems to have an attitude of "fix yourself and feel good" no matter what the impact is to the children. So, the insights and examples are appreciated, but the self-absorbed attitude is uncomfortable, with little emphasis on trying to make the healing process less harmful to the ex-spouse or the children.
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