Customer Reviews

Created to Be His Help Meet: Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious

5 star:		(278)
4 star:		(38)
3 star:		(16)
2 star:		(19)
1 star:		(116)

 

 

I am a Christian wife and mother. I have enjoyed some of the Pearls' writings in the past and I was actually perplexed when I read this book. The overall tone of the book is that nearly all the problems in marriage are caused by some fault in the woman, and if she would just get her act together and do x, y, and z then the marriage would be glorious. Wow - unfortunately, there are no cookie cutter marriages whose problems can all be solved by Debi's book.

Many readers claim this book is great because it is based on the bible, but Mrs. Pearl offers no exegesis on the subject of marriage. For her to claim that her book reveals "God's plan for a heavenly marriage" (p. 15) is misleading. Just because she sprinkled in multiple bible verses and bible stories does not mean Debi has clearly described God's plan for wives.

There are times where the author's biblical illustration completely goes against what the scripture is teaching. One example is in chapter 19 (which deals with the topic of being chaste) where Debi blames Bathsheba for the adulterous affair with David. She claims if Bathsheba had just been more discreet, she could have prevented the calamity that followed. This is not what the bible teaches about that story. Scripture says David was the one who sought her out and initiated the affair. In Second Samuel, God sent the prophet Nathan to rebuke David for his lust and the adultery. It is quite clear in that passage that God put the responsibility on David. I have never heard any pastor implicate Bathsheba when teaching about that story.

This book is supposed to be based in biblical principles but much of the advice comes from Debi's personal opinion. Here are just a few examples. She writes in chapter 17 that women should not have close friendships with other women and should only share their feelings with their husbands. She goes on to say that the time we spend at church and prayer meeting is all the time we need to spend with other women. Debi then claims that female friendships are in danger of turning into something 'abnormal' and 'sick'. I assume she's talking about lesbianism? That's taking quite a leap. In Chapter 21 she discourages women from taking their children to the doctor or getting vaccinations. Again, not scriptural and based on her personal beliefs in herbal remedies.

It is also outrageous that in chapter 16 Debi advises women whose husbands have sexually handled their children to take the kids to visit him while he is in prison. She claims the children will heal better to see their dad in prison for the crime. I think many people would question the wisdom behind that advice.

In chapter 7, she tells a story about how she didn't know how much money Michael made when they got married, she didn't even know how much they had to spend on the honeymoon and that it wasn't her place to question him about how money was spent. It wasn't clear to me whether or not she was trying to say that women should have no part in financial matters - she never comes right out and says that. But, it seems to be implied.

There are a few helpful, practical ideas in this book and a few morsels of truth (the reminder to honor and respect our husbands is good), but there's not much beyond that. The harsh language the author uses is not encouraging to Christian women. Instead, it will leave many of them with a weight of unwarranted guilt and shame.

There is a reason we are told in the book of Proverbs that those seeking counsel should look to a 'multitude' of counselors. If you read this book, do not let it be your sole source for counsel on marriage and being a wife. Also read other reputable Christian authors on the subject. A couple of good books I suggest are, by Gary Chapman:'On the Marriage You Always Wanted.' And by John Piper: 'What is the Difference? Manhood and Womanhood Defined According to the Bible.'

I read this book with a group of other Christian women and we were all changed for the better by reading this book. While some people have asserted that Debi claims that women are to blame for probelms in a marriage, I did not find taht to be the case. She is simply addressing women about the issues they need to deal with. This isn't about your husband. It's about you, the wife. Even if he is a rotten husband, we are still called to be godly wives. Yes, that is very hard, but that is what God has called us to do! As we read through this book, we each admitted that we were treating our husbands better. We were encouraged to whine/sulk less and honor more. There were definitely a few times where we did not agree with what Debi said (Bathesheba being to blame with David's sin for instance), but overall, this was a great book and I would recommend it to every single wife out there.

Hard to swallow; but almost the best thing I have ever read and applied to my life. My marriage went from miserable to wonderful. I watched my husband change from beaten down to bold. I am so grateful to Debi for telling the truth.

This is a much needed book in the church today. I can say that this book helped open my eyes to the part of my marriage that I do have control over and that is me. My attitudes and my thoughts. It is a tough look in the mirror and I can say it truly challenged me. It is a no excuses sort of book because it is a look at what the Bible actually says about what a woman is to be. I have read some of the negative opinions and I think some are sincere. Every author brings their own personal thoughts into some portion of their writing. I thought her takes on things were funny and entertaining. They might not be everyones cup of tea but it made the book a little more lighthearted. I give this to every newlywed and I personally reread at least once a year. It is an excellent book.

I would have given this book -100 stars (that's negative 100 stars) if that were possible.

I threw my book out, rather than have some other seeking person harm herself or her family by reading it.

1. I am a Christian.

2. I believe the Bible is divinely inspired.

3. I believe the Bible ordains wives to love, submit to and respect their husbands, and likewise husbands to love their wives, take care of them, and yes, sometimes submit to them in the healthy give-and-take of caring and considerate human relationships, especially Christian relationships (Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21).

That said, while this book tries to address how wives are to biblically submit to their husbands, yet the book is seriously and dangerously flawed in manner, approach, and teachings.

"Can a corrupt throne be allied with you -- one that brings on misery by its decrees?" Psalm 94:20

To sum up my objections briefly, I thought fiery darts and fear were supposed to come from the Enemy, not from within the Church of God, as in this book!

I cried at Mrs. Pearl's response to one lady -- Mrs. Pearl was full of put-downs and nasty accusations (while merely assuming the lady's motivation and attitudes) when a lady asked for wisdom for a very real problem with her husband. How mean and rude, and not at all like the Lord: "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

"Dumb-cluck", "leech", and I think "couch-potato" were some of the things Mrs. Pearl called the lady, when it was not obvious from the lady's letter that she was any of those things. From all we can tell from that letter, the lady had just asked a legitimate question.

Also, Mrs. Pearl preaches disaster and doom for a wife and her children if the wife confronts (however politely) her husband about his sin or suspected sin. "You'll be out in the streets," "You'll be homeless," "You'll always regret what you did when you see what happens to your children," etc. are the kinds of pictures Mrs. Pearl paints. Even for gross and terrible sins and even for gross and terrible sins done against the children.

However, the Bible says:

"You are [Sarah's] daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear,"

and

"Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted,"

and

"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector."

If you look on just about any of the Christian spiritual, emotional, physical, and domestic abuse sites online, I think you will find listed as abusive Mrs. Pearl's teaching of "it's all the wife's fault." Unfortunately, people in abusive situations lose their ability to reason, to think clearly, to resist false accusations, and to discern abusiveness due to being worn down by what's regularly being done to them, and an abused wife comes to quickly believe: "It's all my fault. If I had only done.... If I was only like...."

Jesus came to seek and save what was lost! Let's not make bad situations worse by grinding the downtrodden and hurting into the mud more than they already are. Let's imitate Christ and HELP lost and hurting sheep into safety, not keep up the status quo because of bad doctrine! Let's balance the scriptural injunction of wives submitting to husbands with Jesus' blasting leaders for hurting those in their care, and telling husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. Those commands are different facets of the Lord's truth in relationships, and when one or more facets is missing or faulty, we need to take care of of the whole situation carefully and wisely.

While it is true that the Lord carefully and lovingly brings suffering into the lives of his people in order to make us like Himself, it is also true that He leads His sheep into SAFE pastures.... Sometimes, coming alongside and helping the husband or coming alongside and helping the husband and wife are enough to create healing and safety. Unfortunately, sometimes not.

We would do well to avoid disturbing unnecessary descriptions in intimate areas.

I foresee REAL danger and LASTING family trauma and damage if wives follow her teachings. I foresee lives and families being destroyed. The teachings in the book are ONLY her opinions, that tend to match some other extremist Christian or "Christian" groups that the Pearls hang with, and I don't think the opinions are scripturally derived, or even nice.

Please check out sites, including Christian sites, listing common signs of abusive relationships and spiritual abuse, and commonly used tactics, dynamics, and teachings of such. Once a person or a group goes down the path of relationship abuse and spiritual abuse, even if independently from others who have done the same, it's surprising how similar they all end up looking and acting. It's especially frightening to see how people who hang together often end up going the same path and believing and teaching and doing the same things, for good or for bad.

Please find a book with wisdom and peaceful, gentle fruit instead.

"But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere."

God's blessings on your pursuit of biblical living.

God has given Debi great wisdom! I love her frankness. I cannot count how many times I have read this book and when I am open to God's leading and not in rebellion, it works wonders in my marriage! We are responsible for what God desires of us. We are not responsible for what God desires of our husband. When I am completely surrendered, submissive, and obedient to God then comes the peace and happiness. ~ "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith Jehovah. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9 God's wisdom is beyond anything we can fathom. Fruit and blessings come when we willingly and obediently take Him at His Word without the "but". We can always find a way to not obey because it does not make sense or my psychologist does not agree. Debi is not going to tell you what the world preaches, she is going to tell you what God's Word tells you, in fact her book is full of scripture! My husband responds to this. I have read countless books on marriage and mainly christian ones...this is the only one that sits by my bed and it is the only one I will not loan out because I do not want to be without it. So, if you want to be set apart from the world, stay married, have peace, please God...she will tell you how. Granted you have to be open, in prayer, because only God can give you the power to walk this path. I believe the blessings are immense - for your husband, your kids, and you! The world's way is easy, anyone can live for themself. God's way is less traveled - we want to be in the driver's seat and in control. We are led by self justice, self pleasure, fear and insecurity. Jesus says in John 14:15, "If you love me, you will obey my commandments." We say we love Him....He wants our obedience. I desire to do the will of the Father and so if He says it in His Word then I need to trust Him and simply obey.

A friend of mine gave me this book for Christmas and it was seating in my coffee table for a month or so, everytime I look at that all kind a though came to my mind, like: Why do I have to read this? Why I have to be the one looking for help and get better? Why not him? or What my friend was thinking when she gave me this book?. So one my friends was reading the book too and she is a very sweet lady, she was sharing with me how this book was an answer to her prayer and God was using this book to change many thing in her heart. So I decided to read it thinking that I wasn't better that her as a wife, why no gave it a try. I pray and I ask the Lord to please help me to discern if anything wrong with it. Along with my Bible and prayer I started to read this Book and for my surprise was the most truthful and real book wrote for a woman I have read. This book tell you What God's word said about our roll as a woman, wife and mother. Is wake up call to us. This book is witting to teach us (Ladies), is why is so clear and sometimes strong, is no for husbands but it will make Happy husbands and of course you will be Glorifying God by obeying his Word. But you have to know you have to pray and read your Bible along with it, you don't have to follow the book word by word unless is Lord's will for you and you have to know that unless you are willing to change this book just is going to be heavy in your back and you will try to see every negative aspect.

I have change? Yes, thanks to the Lord who open my eyes and put this woman Debi Pearl to teach to a young Lady, just like Bible said Old Ladies have to do.
It is easy? No is no easy, is very hard sometimes, but more I practice, more Natural I fell about it.
Have my marriage change? Yes, and I am enjoying every part of it.
Have my husband change? Yes, but I change first without expecting any change of him, just Glorify God being the person that created me to be. But I have a more lovely and happy husband.
Is my husband taking advantage of me after my change? Absolutely not, He is more helpful whenever he have time, a better Daddy and he cares more about me than ever before.

I praise the Lord for people that is willing to speak true like the author of this book. God Bless you.

The author's premise is based on biblical scripture, both old and new testament. I would not recommend against the non-Christian reading this, because a woman might reach out in desperation to save her marriage and find truth. However, this is definately meant for the Christian woman.

I started reading this book around 2 years ago when a friend and mentor gave it to me in response to my asking her for Christian advice. The thing that hooked me was Ms. Pearl's perfect description of my husband - "Mr. Steady." She then went on to describe all the ways that a selfish woman will not appreciate the blessings of the Mr. Steady husband. She described the behaviors of the unappreciative wife and the responsive behaviors of the Mr. Steady husband. When I read it to my husband, we were both floored by how much it spoke to our marriage. If she had this insight, might she not be speaking truth in the rest of her writings?

The book is easy to read but the message is not easy to hear. Superficially, it seems that Ms. Pearl is interpreting the Bible to say that the wife is nothing more than the servant/slave to the husband, and that a 50's-era style arrangement of the woman baking cookies and making sure she's pretty for the husband coming home is God's optimal arrangement for marriage. This is NOT the true message. Through God's scripture, we wives have real power. Christians talk about having less "self" and more "Christ" in the them. Wives - here's your chance! Quit looking at your own needs, and start looking around you at your husband, your home, your kids. There isn't a cookie cutter recipe to apply Ms. Pearl's wisdom - she's not in charge of you. Your husband is! But Ms. Pearl points out that God has a special promise that is unique only to wives. The result is that we wives CAN make our marriages glorious.

Don't read this book expecting to agree with and apply every single thing that is written. Remember, your husband is your spiritual leader, not Ms. Pearl. In addition to bringing the book's ideas to your husband for input, find an "older wiser" Christian woman to help you as well, preferably one who is already living the Godly principles that Ms. Pearl writes about, or who is even "working" the book. Don't put the book down because you find something that offends you. Skip it and keep going. Keep it on your bedside table and read it as the Holy Spirit leads you.........

I am a modern, employed woman with a doctoral degree, living in a suburb of a college town. I have hobbies, go out with my friends, and buy my clothes at the Mall. This book applies as much to me as it does to women who choose to be stay-at-home moms who make their own clothes and live in rural areas. Don't stereotype the wife that Ms. Pearl is counseling....God's word applies to all of us.

My testimony is that through following the principles of God's Word that Ms. Pearl has written about in her book, my husband is a happier husband, and you can trust that a happier husband does indeed lead to a glorious marriage....

What a blessing this book has been! I know this book and all of the other No Greater Joy materials may be difficult to read at times because they speak the truth. So often in our day people won't speak the truth and even less want to hear it. We thank God and NGJ Ministries for providing this book that helped to keep our marriage strong even through the military lifestyle and separations. Such a blessing! Great reading and a book I give to anyone who's interested or getting married!

Wow - this book has had a deep impact on my life. It was given to me around the time I was getting married (9/25/05) by a young lady in my church who, due to reading it, reconciled with her husband after a 2 year separation. I already knew that I had some stubbornness and bad habits (ex: completely shutting down and acting cold) that needed to be worked out so I was looking forward to reading the book.

When I first started, it was too difficult for me. I had to stop reading it after a while because everything in me was pushing against it. I didn't pick it up again until about 6 months later. This time I was able to read it all the way through. Let me just advise you to not comment on the book until you have read the whole thing.

At the beginning, I couldn't put the book down. It seemed as though everything she was saying was speaking directly to me. I found it so helpful, convicting, humbling and full of truth. It put a passion in me to want to go out and tell all the women I know about how they can have a glorious marriage! I even typed out the entire letter by the divorced woman and her regrets - and emailed it to every woman over 18 in my address book, married/single/Christian/non-Christian alike. The things I have begun putting into practice (namely thankfulness, a ready-to-do attitude and purposed joy) have put my husband on cloud 9.

HOWEVER...the danger in this book is Mrs. Pearl's repeated opinion (seemingly based on scripture, which makes it even worse) that women are not to have their own goals, dreams, opinions, relationship with God, etc. She says that our sole purpose is to please our husbands, like we are a trophy or something. The chapter that truly messed me up was her whole view on the "Jezebel spirit". She says that women who "think" they are "spiritual" are usually just emotional and deceived. She says that we do not need to spend time in prayer, that serving God is serving our husbands. She even goes as far as to give a ridiculous example of a woman who bossed her husband around with her "spirituality" until God had to visit her with madness for her disobedience. Let's not even discuss all the ways she says that women should not pursue leadership roles outside of the house, should not speak in church or teach men on any level.

I have been saved for over 9 years and married for just over 6 months...by the time I finished reading this book I seriously had a nervous break down. It made me believe that all the dreams and goals that I had set for my life - which my husband loves, by the way - were nothing more than selfish ambitions and pointless endeavors that would never please God (even though they are things I know He placed within me). I stopped having my daily prayer time with the Lord because, after all, according to this book what I needed to be doing instead was washing my husband's dishes with a smile (which I did regardless). This book just made me feel like the person I thought God created me to be was all a lie and I seriously wanted to stop everything I had been working on up to this point.

I say this cautiously, but the devil knows scripture as well and I truly feel that Mrs. Pearl was unknowingly used by him to subtly veer women off track. Women have a major role in God's end-time plan and we have a place on the battlefield as His soldiers, side by side with our men. Do not be deceived, love and cherish your husband by being everything God created you to be. THAT is how you will be his help meet.