Customer Reviews

Creative Correction (Focus on the Family Book)

5 star:		(95)
4 star:		(20)
3 star:		(7)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(69)

 

 

I am bothered by how many people pull small sections of the book out and twist it to make it sound like abuse but leave out the important part! For example: Many of the negative reviews talk about making a child stand alone in a room for hours. NEVER does it say that. Her point is when kids argue about bedtime and start to whine and refuse to let them stay up - but they need to stand alone in the room and as long as they stand there they can stay up. The child is now forced with a choice-obey and go to bed or stand alone in a room. Trust me, they won't stand alone there for very long - definitely not all night. They are being taught that there is consequences to there decisions and actions that they take. They have also brought up handcuffing kids who are fighting together....and how horrible it is that she suggests this and it's abuse....what they're not putting in their reviews is that she says to use TOY handcuffs and the object lesson is that they learn to WORK TOGETHER while handcuffed to do minor chores or to eat or to do simple tasks - causing them to learn to work to complete the task together. Let's face it - siblings fight - for no reason and sometimes just because. They also mention the mall - where she tells them to "walk backwards", etc. What they leave out is that she's teaching them obedience that may one day save their life. And to a kid - doing stuff like this in a mall is a total blast and a fun game! They need to get their "adult" views out of it. How would this save their lives? If they've learned to obey without question on basic things - they will obey without question say if they have a brown recluse spider (very deadly) on them and you need them to stop immediately, obey to the letter when you tell them to "stop, do not move a muscle". Or you hear a rattlesnake and you need to find it before moving. Or your somewhere and gunshots ring out and you need them to drop to the floor, or an earthquake hits and you need them to listen to you and obey immediately. What you don't want in these situations is a kid who starts to whine, bargain, ask why, keep walking, not listen etc. Don't like the "curve" of the "no, you can't go to the bathroom?" THEN DON'T DO THAT PART! I don't. But teaching children to obey without question is a good thing (it has saved us a lot of battles at bedtime, teethbrushing, homework etc)

Her methods are teaching kids that family is important, words hurt and that they need to work together not fight with each other. I guess the negative reviewers did not want to mention that part because it would counter what they were trying to do - keep you from buying the book. Is everything in this book for everybody? Of course not - i've yet to read a book (besides the Bible) that will work for everyone. Some of her creative ideas have had a miraculous outcome with my son - and it was immediate. I get angry less, he acts better and thinks before he acts, is repentant immediately when he knows he acted badly - and is a joy to be around. We do not have a lack of babysitters because my kids are well behaved, helpful children who are learning to put God first and to think about what they do and say. In fact, we have friends and family who argue over who gets our kids when my husband and I go away for a weekend or date night. Does this book advocate abuse? NO WAY. It advocates correction when warranted, spiritual guidance constantly, scripture memorization (God tells us to hide His word in our hearts) and realizing the consequences of their choices and actions - good and bad.


In the world today kids are allowed to run the household and are obese, over-caffienated, watch too much tv, play video games all day, and show a complete lack of respect for their elders and parents. Let's face it - the current methods are not working. Don't let the negative reviews scare you. Read the book - the whole book - not just the sections. Try a few, take what works, toss what doesn't. All I know is I enjoy using the creative ideas to instill wonderful lessons in my children.

I believe children need boundaries, clear expectations, clear communication, and parents who won't "give in" or back down or be lazy or spoil them. I am a conservative Christian mother who is yearning to raise my children with a firm but loving hand, and to communicate with them as the people created in God's image that they are.

There are times that I do come up with "creative" ideas for my kids. Right now I have a rewards poster on the wall, wherein they color more squares and get closer to little goals, if they complete their morning chores on time, and well. Last week, My daughter received a skittle for each piano song she practiced because it was so very difficult for her, having taken the summer off. So I'm not against **occasionally** dangling a carrot for the kids. Additionally, there have been times where my kids did get natural consequences. Taking one hour in the shower, and then being late to dinner, means my daughter gets no dessert because there simply isn't time for it. She is so long finishing her dinner, that we are through with dinner and dessert before she barely gets a mouthful.

BUT...BUT... I just feel like this book is a never ending series of either dangling carrots or humiliations. There are constant presents, awards, prizes, and gimmicks for every little thing she wants the kids to do. Conversely, the book has innumerable ideas for shaming, humiliating, annoying and embarrassing kids with "creative" ideas to correct their behavior. Again, these are not "natural consequences." They are a constant merry go round of weird and unusual ways to frustrate the child. It seems rather controlling to me.

There are better Christian parenting books out there...Don't Make Me Count to Three, Hints on Child Training, and "Get Rid of whining, complaining, and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids" are all good options to consider.

First off I'd like to say that yes, there is a chapter on corporal punishment, but Lisa totally tells you to take it or leave it as you see fit!
That being said, my opinion of this book is that 95% of it is devoted to giving parents ALTERNATIVES TO YE OLDE SPANKING. Lisa encourages parents to go for the heart of their child, teaching kids how to make choices and how to live with both positive and negative consequences. This comes in handy when they suddenly hit adulthood and MUST pay taxes and MUST face both the positive and negative consequences at work (as well as in their personal lives).
All in all, I find it a well-written, entertaining, encouraging book that permits me to lay a choice before my children (would you like to put your plate in the dishwasher and earn 5 cents, or leave it on the table and pay mommy 5 cents to put it up for you?), and let them choose!
A.L. Travis
Author of The Pillar of Light: The Legends of Milana Series
[...]

Although the book is saturated with Scripture and fun-loving in tone, it is a tragedy that so many Christians cannot see through the spiritual manipulation and proof-texting Lisa employs to prop up her outlandish, irresponsible, demeaning and abusive parenting techniques. I'll tell you what this book is: it is Love and Logic with a Christian spin, and I wouldn't be surprised if there are intellectual property issues there. To be clear, I despise Love and Logic parenting philosopy for its cold and discompassionate approach to children, but Creative Correction takes Love and Logic philosophy to a "whole 'nother level." That is the danger of Love and Logic: people like Lisa Welchel come up with some cruel and unusual applications of it that not only wound children's spirits, but also distort their image of their Heavenly Father.

Here are a few examples:
Lisa recommends:
--blindfolding children for an hour if they roll their eyes
--handcuffing quarreling siblings together
--putting quarreling siblings outside, whether it's 30 degrees or 100 degrees
--making a child wear boxing gloves all day long for hitting; they are not to be removed for eating; as if this isn't enough torture, she recommends videotaping the child trying to eat popcorn with the boxing gloves. This might be appropriate in the context of a family game night, but not in the context of humiliation and punishment.
--burning a few of the child's toys if a child is caught playing with matches (what about putting the matches out of reach or doing some standard fire-safety education?)
--pinching a child's tongue with a clothespin for disrespect
--pouring hot sauce on a child's tongue
--saying "no to reasonable requests such as 'may I go to the bathroom'" in the name of keeping children on their toes in terms of obedience
--restraining a one year old in a car seat if the child won't stay in time out (time out is not appropriate for one year olds to begin with, and, with any child, if time out is not "working," change your strategy-- don't restrain them!)
--making children stand in the center of the room for a long period of time if they are resisting bedtime ("make it tough" she says)
--making a child close the door quietly, like 100 times, for slamming a door

Those are only a few examples. Lisa also takes Scriptures from Proverbs and turns them into physical punishments. It's almost as if she flipped through Proverbs looking for Scriptures she could use as physical punishments. And we wonder why an estimated 80% of Christian kids are leaving the faith in college? There is a connection there.

Christian parents are no doubt well-intentioned, but they've lost a lot of common sense and compassion for their kids along the way. Turning to Creative Correction is one of the greatest mistakes Christian parents can make if they want to truly train up a child in the way he should go. Parents are turning their kids off to Christianity by using tactics like these.

I so respect so much of the work Focus on the Family does, and I especially appreciate Dr. Dobson's concern about wounding children's spirits. That's why I'm a bit confused as to how this book slipped through the cracks and landed a Focus stamp of approval, because, it is, in my opinion, very wounding to children's spirits.

Alternative reads:
GRACE-BASED PARENTING, Tim Kimmel
WHY CHRISTIAN KIDS REBEL, Tim Kimmel
THE DISCIPLINE BOOK, Dr. William Sears
THE HAPPIEST BABY/TODDLER ON THE BLOCK, Dr. Harvey Karp
KIDS IN CRISIS, Ross Wright
THE POCKET PARENT, Gail Reichlin and Caroline Winkler
PLAYFUL PARENTING, Denise Chapman Westman (a play therapist)
BOUNDARIES WITH KIDS, Cloud and Townsend
GENTLE DISCIPLINE, Hilary Flower, (LaLeacheLeagueInternational)
BIBLICAL PARENTING, Crystal Lutton
FAMILIES WHERE GRACE IS IN PLACE, Jeff VanVonderen

In Lisa Whelchel's parenting advice book, "Creative Correction," we get a glimpse of the childhoods of her three children through their mother's eyes. One wonders which of her offspring will write the tell-all book of the 2020's detailing the other side of the story - through the child's eyes?

In the Whelchel household, big people can hit little people (although Whelchel insists on using the euphemism "spanking" rather than admitting the plain fact that she does indeed physically hit her children). She even forces her children to recite little rote memorized prayers thanking God for blessing them a Mommy who spanks (p. 265). But one gets the distinct impression that in the Whelchel household, spankings are designed to meet Mommy's needs and serve Mommy's convenience, not the child's; a good example on page 287 has Whelchel's daughter coming downstairs after her bedtime to complain of pains in her legs. But Lisa Whelchel's immediate response is simply to threaten her with a spanking for being out of bed.

But while big people can hit little people, little people, despite the violent behavior modeled to them by their elders, may not hit each other. When they do, Whelchel recommends forcing the hitter to wear boxing gloves the entire day without taking them off. When the child has difficulty performing routine tasks such as brushing teeth or eating, Whelchel exhorts her readers to further humiliate the child by making a home video of the spectacle (p. 206).

With all the crazy-making mind games which the author plays with her children it comes as no surprise that her children fight with each other a lot. They can't take out their frustrations on Mrs. Whelchel, of course, but they can certainly take them out on each other. However, the author has more ways of dealing with sibling conflict than just the boxing glove video camera approach. She recommends handcuffing quarreling children to each other (p. 203) or binding their legs together as if in preparation for a three-legged race (p. 209) or forcing them to yell "I love you" to each other 20 times, or commanding them to hug one another regardless of how they are actually feeling at that moment (p. 203). These sorts of techniques do nothing to resolve underlying conflicts or addess their causes. They are merely methods for driving conflict further underground where it becomes less noticable and hence less annoying for Lisa Whelchel.

In this book, Whelchel takes control-obsessed, punitive parenting to a whole new level. She warns her readers against allowing children any real autonomy at all:

"When we allow our children to determine the outcome of a situation, even subtly, it weakens their trust in us." (p. 22)

Eventually her children will grow up and will need to function as autonomous adults. When will they obtain practice determining the outcomes of their own life situations, as opposed to practice instantly obeying Mommy, no matter how bizarre and irrational her demands?

Whelchel advises readers to give their children ridiculous commands in public which they must instantly obey without asking any questions, while refusing them permission when they make requests which Whelchel herself admits are perfectly legitimate. She writes: "As we walk along together shopping, I will suddenly give them silly commands that they must obey without arguing, such as 'Walk backward,' or 'Stop and touch your toes,' or 'Give me a kiss.' Occasionally I'll throw in a real command, like 'Don't touch that,' or `No, you may not have an Icee.' My favorite curve, however, is to say no to some reasonable request, like 'May I go to the bathroom?'" (p. 138)

Whelchel's "favorite curve?!?" Her baseball metaphor evokes a 'curve ball,' thrown by the pitcher in an attempt to make the batter fail to hit the ball. This is an excellent technique if you wish the person to whom you threw your curve ball to 'strike out,' i.e. to fail, to lose. But why would any sane parent wish to throw repeated metaphorical curve balls at her own children, especially out of the blue, in public places, for no reason in particular?

The answer is quite simple. Whelchel wrote this book for parents who view their children as an opposing team to be defeated. Such parents will likely deem this book a fount of wisdom and may even rush to Amazon.com to write glowing reviews of it.

But childrearing does not require a series of contests, each concluding with a winner and a loser. It is possible, and preferable, to have a family in which everybody "wins."

For more on win/win approaches to child discipline, read "Parent Effectiveness Training" by Thomas Gordon. Leave Whelchel's book alone, except perhaps as a preface to the as-yet-unwritten "Mommy Dearest II" memoir which one or more of her grown children may eventually write once they have safely grown up and escaped her reach. Hopefully writing it will assist in their long, difficult journey of recovery from having been raised with the methods outlined in this book.

Chris Dugan, M.A.

Multiple friends recommended this book, so I picked it up. I liked the scriptures organized according to topic and we will use many of the ideas, but I disagree with a lot of the suggestions for discipline. Some of the ideas for disciplne include requiring a child to do math worksheets, write sentences, or read. I am an educator as well as a parent; I'm careful not to assign learning activities as punishment. I also feel that some of the suggestions paint a skewed picture of grace. For example, the sad and happy marble jar: we believe God doesn't keep a record of wrongs, and we certainly don't erase lots of wrongs by doing lots of "happy" things. Some of the punishment is also a bit harsh, and it is often supported with scripture (like the suggestion to illustrate Proverbs 10:31: give a short pinch by a clothespin on the tongue to discourage foul language.)

I liked the book at the beginning and even recommended it others, but having finished it, I would be cautious about recommending it again.

When I first heard about this book, I was not a parent, but very intriqued about what a former child star, who was a born again Christian, had to say about parenting and discipline (sorry the term "correction" just doesn't work for me). I was thoroughly disappointed. Whelchel really needs to rethink her techniques for changing her children's undesirable behaviors. Although I like the scriptures that she has placed in the book to help children understand why they should act in good and appropriate ways, I have serious issues with many of her "correction" methods. Using soap and hotsauce is abusive, plain and simple. How does humiliating a child teach them anything. Although i know that there is a place for spanking sometimes, I am not an advocate of it either. We tell our children not to hit, and yet its okay for us to "hit" them when we discipline. That just does not make sense to me. I would have much rather seen Whelchel give examples and suggestions of ways for discipline that keeps children's and parents dignity intact, allows the child to take ownership of their behavior or action and allows for learning how to problem solve. I would have to say i am also very disappointed with the fact that Focus on the Family recommends this book. Did they actually read it first? Actually, they probably did, as they advocate spanking too. Sorry if thats harsh but thats how I see it. By the way, I first read this book about 5 years ago before I became a parent but just read it for the second time as a parent of a 10 month old and I will never, never recommend this book to anyone!!!! If you want to read a good book on discipline, read Barbara Colorossa's "Kids are Worth It!!! or Madelyne Swift's "Discipline for Life" These are much more appropriate and Christ like.

As a mom that's just getting into my daughter's toddlerhood, I am appalled that a book like this is getting the attention it is. The suggestions she makes for keeping your kids in line are not only mean they are abusive. The point of disipline is to teach your child right from wrong - not to humiliate them. All that will do is kill their spirit and make them insecure and unable to cope. Ms. Welchel comes across as sadistic in that she suggests getting out a video camera to record the fun results of one of her more severe punishments. It all kind of reminds me of EST that thing from the 70's where they would tear down your personality by not letting you have water or go to the bathroom. That group was outlawed and I think this book should be too.

I was very disturbed by the contents of this book. I did not like the way scripture was used to advocate mistreating your children. Things like pinching their tongue with a closepin, blindfolding them for an extended period of time and putting them in the corner with their nose to the wall were just some of the methods she suggested. I am so sad that Focus on the FAmily has their name on this book. Just because it uses scripture, doesn't make it a Godly book. If I ask myself What Would Jesus Do, in disciplining children, this isn't even close!

If you need a good book on child guidance, I would suggest, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. It's an excellent book that gives you ideas on how to guide and discipline your children, while respecting that they are people too, not animals to be trained!

I could have written this book myself when I was a young mom, I used many of the same approaches to discipline and they worked great... for awhile. I am now suffering the results of that kind of punitive parenting in my teenaged children who are now rude, uncompassionate, calloused and self-centered. You can't teach your children to be kind, compassionate, loving and gentle by treating them the way this book suggests. You will be sacrificing short-term results for long-term character. It's not worth it!