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Cross Bones (2005)

Joseph Marino , Mayra Soto , Daniel Zirilli  |  R |  DVD
1.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)

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Product Details

  • Actors: Joseph Marino, Mayra Soto, Hardy-Ames Hill, Jessie Camacho, Joe Jones
  • Directors: Daniel Zirilli
  • Writers: Daniel Zirilli, D. Glase Lomond
  • Producers: Daniel Zirilli, Ann Luster, Jonah M. Hirsch, Melissa Strickland
  • Format: Multiple Formats, Closed-captioned, Color, Dolby, Full Screen, NTSC, Subtitled
  • Language: English
  • Subtitles: English, Spanish
  • Dubbed: French, Spanish
  • Region: Region 1 (U.S. and Canada only. Read more about DVD formats.)
  • Aspect Ratio: 1.33:1
  • Number of discs: 1
  • Rated: R (Restricted)
  • Studio: Lions Gate
  • DVD Release Date: August 30, 2005
  • Run Time: 88 minutes
  • Average Customer Review: 1.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
  • ASIN: B0009W5JOQ
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #131,967 in Movies & TV (See Top 100 in Movies & TV)
  • Learn more about "Cross Bones" on IMDb

Special Features

None.

Editorial Reviews

A reality show-based treasure hunt that promises riches for the lucky finder becomes a terrifying trap when the contestants accidentally unleash an ancient and deadly curse and must race to get off the island alive. The curse of Red Blood, a deadly pirat

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
14 of 15 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars NOT SO JOLLY ROGER October 12, 2005
Format:DVD
CROSSBONES is an incredibly bad film that spends most of its time focusing on the bikini clad women and the profane behavior of some minor league rap star (J-Shin?). At any rate, Joe Marino plays bloody pirate RedBeard, who is murdered by a bunch of natives in the beginning of the film, and placed under a blood curse. A group of incredibly bad actors take over as members of a "Survivor" type tv show that looks about as exciting as spin the bottle. Any attempt at plot coherence is shortshifted in the movie's attempts to parody reality shows, but there is no suspense or horror and Marino is especially bad as the vengeful pirate. Truly another example of the degeneration of the horror genre. No wonder they keep remaking classics like THE FOG or HOUSE OF WAX!
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10 of 12 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Terrible from beginning to end. September 22, 2005
Format:DVD
"Crossbones" is worse than "Dracula 3000".. That's correct, this masterpiece is worse than the worst film made in the last 15 years. That is quite an accomplishment.

This mess starts off with the long, boring story detailing the origin of the villain of this film; the short guy with the dirty beard who runs around with a knife. He is supposed to be some evil, immortal pirate who kills anybody who:

a. is in his field of vision, especially if you are wearing a skimpy bikini (I've never really found hoochies cut up and covered in their own blood attractive - obviously the director has this fetish)

b. tries to steal his treasure (all pirates have treasures to guard - Arrrgh!)

c. tries to prevent him from recovering his treasure (he lost it when he was imprisoned many years ago, before he became immortal. Arrrgh!)

The victims are a group of idiots who are participating in a "Survivor"-type show. They all decide to frolic on this short killer's island.

What really shocked me about this poorly filmed, cheap D-grade movie was the incredibly racist portrayal of one of the pirate's victims - a rap star of course. All this guy needed was a Watermellon and a bucket of chicken. It was much worse than Coolio's "performance" in Dracula 3000.

Skip this one at all costs.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Aarrgghh! November 5, 2005
Format:DVD
Aarrgghh!

The jacket of "Cross Bones" depicts a promising panoramic scene of nautical siege involving a full-masted pirate ship beneath an impressive turbaned skull with eye patch. This scene unaccountably does not appear in the movie. What is offered are a few boring minutes of half-hearted swashbuckling amongst the pirate mateys aboard a remarkably spic-and-span "pirate ship" -- a suspiciously anachronistic trawler bearing no gun ports and possessing limited deck area for swashbuckling. Red Bones, the fearsome pirate chief, grimaces through his moderate vocabulary as if motivated by heart-burn, throwing in an occasional "Aarrgghh!" -- presumably for the pirate effect, or possibly just belching. In his cannibalistic reincarnation (terrifying curse), Bones achieves new heights, raising his performance level to that of having a bowel movement. When the "incredible treasure" is finally unearthed, the delusion is scuttled by a spectacle of garage-sale items. The plot -- movies should have plots -- concerns the filming of a reality show in which the participants spend most of their time spouting senseless bilgewater that leaves one praying for the violent death of the script writer. The only recent movie that degenerates to a category of comparable depths is Asylum Pictures' "War of the Worlds" (actually, any Asylum Pictures production would suffice) in which the film jacket promises entertainment and delivers indigestion. Rating of one star indicates one star too many.
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars This movie sucks!!!!!!! November 24, 2005
Format:DVD
It should be a law against making movies this bad. First the whole plot was completely stupid and the actors should be shot for such a poor performance. Come on I know that it was a low budget movie but just how low can you get! Please do not buy,rent or even look in the direction of this movie if you know whats good for you. Its not worth your time!!!!
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1.0 out of 5 stars I've seen worse movies... but not much worse. January 25, 2007
Format:DVD
Crossbones (Daniel Zirilli, 2005)

I have seen some very, very bad movies over the course of my life. The very worst of them I have not been able to finish watching. The best thing I can say about Crossbones is that I did not turn it off in the middle.

The plot, what little of it there is: A director and his bubbleheaded girlfriend take six young-and-beautifuls out to a desert island for a reality show. (You may get a small amount of amusement out of the fact that three of the actors here did, in fact, appear on reality YV shows-- Jessie Camacho on Survivor, Maria Santos on Temptation Island, and Hardy-Ames Hill on Big Brother. I, unfortunately, did not know this until after I saw the movie.) While there, they raise a bloodthirsty pirate who's under a blood curse (and the scene in which said pirate is put under said curse is so nakedly offensive I'm amazed the movie was released intact), who sets about the business of all immortal pirates, which is killing people and recovering his long-buried booty. Of course. There is a minor, painfully ill-handled, love-story subplot between the two alpha Y-and-Bs that can be safely ignored.

I'm relatively sure I put this on the list of movies I wanted to see this year solely because the director's name begins with Z, and I was looking to hit every letter of the alphabet. (Note, if you attempt the same thing: there do not seem to be any directors in the history of filmdom whose last names begin with X. Not even in China.) It certainly couldn't have been because I heard good reviews; I've been looking, and there aren't any. In fact, I'd have to say this is the worst-reviewed movie I've ever come across. I haven't even found a single positive comment from the entire IMDB peanut gallery as relates to this mess of a movie.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
1.0 out of 5 stars CROSS BONES EGAD
THIS AT BEST A D MOVIE IF THERE IS SUCH A RATING. THE COLOR IS WASHED OUT AND THE FILM ITS IS BLURRY. THE ACTING
IS HIGH SCHOOL LEVEL. PLEASE GIVE THIS MOVIE A MISS
Published 1 month ago by RGM
1.0 out of 5 stars Don't waste your money
Although I didn't purchase this movie from Amazon I felt I could possibly save others from wasting their money. Read more
Published 12 months ago by Fredrick
1.0 out of 5 stars Crossbones
Most of the time I always like B Movies.However this one was one I disliked,it had poor acting and the pirate in the movie was horrible. Read more
Published on January 12, 2012 by willie
3.0 out of 5 stars A Good Time Waster
I watched the movie tonight, and I would say it is a cross between a reality show and a zombie film. It is a decent low budget film, but not great. Read more
Published on December 24, 2011 by Robert B
1.0 out of 5 stars Oh, Look! It's Only 33 Cents - And That's Too Much
I already see that others have properly given this travesty a good lashing, and yet I feel compelled to warn future viewers a bit more. Read more
Published on October 10, 2009 by Zephyr
4.0 out of 5 stars worth seeing
the interesting thing about this movie is that the lead female and male actors aren't nearly as interesting and good actors as the side characters. Read more
Published on September 12, 2005 by K Ellich
5.0 out of 5 stars Great movie
I thought it was a good movie, dont know why everyone else is dissin' it.
Published on September 12, 2005 by Erin Eads
3.0 out of 5 stars Gore and Cheese - I enjoyed it
You can't expect too much from a zombie pirate film, and the story was weak in areas, but overall the flick was a fun, cheesy horror movie. Read more
Published on September 7, 2005 by Swashbuckler
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