Customer Reviews

Cross Cultural Adoption: How To Answer Questions from Family, Friends & Community

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

As a future adoptive parent, I've read a number of books on the subject. It was my goal to find one that would help explain the upcoming transracial adoption to my family and friends. I bought this book, read it cover to cover and bought 3 more copies to give away. I think that the book provides a forum to easily communicate the aspects of transracial and cross-cultural adoption to a family. I especially like the specific area designated to addressing questions from children. There is also a very comprehensive section on the various countries that has been useful for my mother to understand where her grandchild was born. This is an excellent resource!!!

This book has three distinct sections.

First it answers common questions kids (and adults) ask about international/transracial adoption ("Why did you go al the way there to adopt?"). Each question offers several age appropriate responses.

Second it offers a "do's and don'ts" section for adults about adoption (do treat adoptive parents as expective parents, don't jump to conclusions about the birth mother.)

Third, it gives a brief overview of countries that allow international adoption. It addresses why children are available, country history, goverment, economy, culture, interesting facts, and recommended reading lists. It may answer many issues adoptive parents may have...but don't know what questions to ask. Countries highlighted include China, Russia, Guatemala, South Korea, Kazakhsan, Ukraine, India, Vietnam, Columbia, Haiti. With the frequent changes in international adoption (countries available, other countries closed), my advice would be to check the facts in the book against current information.

This is an excellent resource to anyone investigating international adoption or wanting share information about adopting international with family members. I highly recommend it.

My sister has a daughter born in Korea. She gave this book to me and our brother so that we could answer our own children's questions about their cousin's origins. This is an excellent book and very easy to read -- only a few hour time commitment. We adore our niece and would never want her to feel any less special than her American-born cousins.

What a waste of money! I read through the entire book in 20 minutes. The first section, Questions Kids Ask, lists kids' questions and suggested answers for both younger questioners (usually a paragraph or two) and older questioners (usually 3 or 4 paragraphs). Any cursory perusal of the hundreds of adoption websites (or even a source as banal as Parade Magazine) will give you similar information. Each Q/A is a separate chapter, so 15 or so pages are content are spread out into 43 pages. For the most part, the answers are perfectly obvious, and I found myself quickly skipping through the discussions.

These are the kids' questions (and note how few relate to the subject of the book: cross-cultural adoption):
1. What does "adopted" mean?
2. Where is she from?
3. Why did they go all the way over there to adopt a child?
4. Who are her "real" parents?
5. Why didn't her "real" parents want her?
6. Was she abandoned?
7. Why does she look different?
8. Is she my real cousin?
9. Where was she before she was adopted?
10. Why didn't they just have on of their own?
11. Why are there so many little girls, and no so many boys?
12. Did she have a different name when she was born?
13. How much did they pay for her?
14. Will she be able to understand me and speak English?
15. What if they want to give her back?
16. What if she wants to leave them and go back to her birth parents?
17. Will she remember where she was born or who her birth parents were?
18. Won't she feel sad when she finds out she was adopted?

The second portion of the book is a brief list of do's and don'ts when talking to adoptive parents. Again, this list can be found on numerous websites or even a short magazine article. Nevertheless, the authors jam 5 pages of content into 16 pages of the book. As with the prior section, the answers here are so obvious to be useless. From the table of contents (again, note how few of the topics relate to cross-cultural adoption):
Do's
1. Do treat her like any other kid
2. Do support her when curious strager ask questions
3. Do respect her privacy
4. Do treat prospective adoptive parents the same as expectant parents
5. Do acknowledge and celebrate the differences

Don'ts
1. Don't introduce her as adopted
2. Don't say how "lucky" she is
3. Don't assume adoption is a second choice
4. Don't jump to conclusions about the birth mother
5. Don't tell us [no explanation for the change from third person to first person] we're sure to have "our own" now

Finally, and most ridiculously, the authors spend 87 pages describing the culture, history, government and food of 10 different countries (China, Russia, Guatemala, South Korea, Kazakhstan, Ukraine, India, Vietname, Colombia and Haiti). Even if you have chose one of these countries, the remaining 90% of this section is irrelevant to you. And if you really have chosen one of these countries, PLEASE don't rely on the few pages of superficial description for your education on your child's country. You'd get more information from the State Department website!

Really, don't waste your money.

I would recommend Cross-Cultural Adoption to anyone, and not only people who are directly involved in the adoption of a child. Many of the questions and answers touched my heart and brought a lump to my throat, both in their honesty and their resonance. I found the book very helpful with my children who have questions about adoptive children with whom they go to school as well as in our extended family. The questions covered in the book I have heard from people whom I know in all walks of life - parents, children, neighbors, co-workers, friends. And, I love the way the book divides up the answers giving one for young children and one for older kids or adults and includes references for further reading. The second half of the book I also appreciated because it provides an easy entre into several principal countries of origin along with a bibliography for more information. I think this book provides a great service as a much-needed aid for communication within extended adoptive families, their neighbors and friends, and the broader community!

This easy-to-read book is a valuable tool for the friends and family of the adoptive family. It quickly gives suggestions on how to talk to children and others about the new family created by international adoption. Provides a lot of information without going overboard. Highly recommended.

I love this book! It was a great resource for friends and family.

A great book for friends and family of individuals adopting internationally. A quick and easy read that stresses the importance of using appropriate adoption language.

This book didn't apply perfectly to me, but it turned out to be one of the best books I read on the subject.

I remember distinctly calling my mom on Mother's Day and telling her she was going to be a grandmother again. She was elated, until I told her that her new grandchild would be a CPS adoption, and the child would likely not be white. She is not a racist, but neither her or my father could fathom why my wife and I (who are fertile, with two Bio-kids) would even consider this prospect. After reading this book, I bought a copy for both sets of Grandparents, and all aunts and uncles. After reading the book my parents became much more supportive, and love their new granddaughter.

The last part of the book (the countries) was worthless to me, but the first part is an easy, fast read perfect for the extended family. It also prepared us for some of the questions people ask. You go in public and children will wander up to you and say, "Where is that baby's mommy?" "You aren't the mommy, you are white and she is dark." It helps to have read an answer directed at a child.

I highly recommend it.

My husband and I bought this book originally because we are planning on adopting a child from Russia and wanted to make sure we knew as much as possible about customs, and such prior to leaving the US, it has lots of good information.