Customer Reviews

Crossbearer: A Memoir of Faith

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

I will not repeat a synopsis of the book, as other reviewers have already done this in great detail. But briefly, Eszterhas (Basic Instinct, Showgirls) describes how he comes to terms with being Catholic and being from Cleveland; two tough things to admit to some days. The book is light on his Catholic journey as a boy, as Eszterhas deals more with reconciling his Hollywood background with his Catholicism.

I will take issue with some of the other reviews, in that this book is definitely and explicitly about being Saved and not Being Born Again. Eszterhas makes this point repeatedly, but it is still missed. The other reviewers do make a good point - this is a highly personal Catholic journey and not necessarily a fundamentalist Christian memoir. Those are valid points, but Eszterhas does not mislead on those points.

I would have probably given this book 3 or 4 stars, except that I have a bias for all things Northeast Ohio and my wife absolutely loved this book. And who am I to argue with my wife.

I think my wife cried when she read it. To understand why she cried, you have to understand the life that Eszterhas has led -- not the Hollywood side but the immigrant, rust belt, and most of all Catholic life. Now, it could be argued that if he had described the emotions or background more fully, it would be easier for those without similar backgrounds to empathize. I would not disagree with that argument.

What Eszterhas does well is describe how the Church makes it difficult these days to be Catholic, while at the same time describing the sense of community the Church provides. So, what are the weaknesses? In my view, the book would have benefited from more editing. At times it seems sort of disorganized and stream of consciousness. Eszterhas often seems to describe the joy he feels better than he does the anger and conflict; perhaps that is because he has forgiven and moved on. And maybe that is the main point.

The story has been told time and again. C.S. Lewis once walked into a room where a lively debate was in progress. A small group of people had been discussing the various world religions, seeking to understand what made them different from Christianity. As Lewis entered, they looked to him and asked for his response. His answer was simple and it was immediate. "Grace." Grace marks the great difference between Christianity and every other religion. Grace is a concept foreign to religion; foreign, that is, unless granted by God. We seem to have a natural desire to work for our salvation--to offer to God what we have in repayment for His gifts. Christianity is the only faith that rejects works and insists on grace. Only by God's grace, declares the Bible, only by God's grace can we be saved; only by grace can we enjoy a right standing with God; our works merit us nothing.

Unlike C.S. Lewis, Joe Eszterhas may not be a household name, but you probably know of his work. His films have grossed over a billion dollars. You have heard of some of them, I'm sure: Showgirls received an NC-17 rating and Eszterhas gained infamy by suggesting that teenagers use fake IDs to view it. Basic Instinct captured a base but infamous screen moment that shocked viewers. His movies celebrated sex and violence and often the intersection between the two. He was once known as "the most reviled man in America." He was a peddler of smut who grew wealthy writing it and who pursued that same smutty lifestyle with a devil-may-care attitude.

But it all changed in 2001. In March of that year he and his wife moved their family, their four sons, from Malibu to Ohio, where they had both grown up. Only weeks later Aszterhas was diagnosed with throat cancer brought about by a lifetime of smoking and hard drinking. If he were to live to see his children reach adulthood, he would need to change his lifestyle and change it now. He made the difficult decision to do so. After a month, he says, "I was going crazy. I was jittery. I twitched. I trembled. I yelled and Naomi and the boys. My heart was skipping beats. I had no appetite. I had trouble swallowing anything. The trache was still down my throat. I was nauseated, my knees were weak. ... All I thought about every hour of every day was having a drink and a cigarette." Overcome, he left the house and walked through his neighborhood trying to outwalk his addictions and cravings. Crying, hyperventilating, he fell to the ground and, to his own surprise, heard himself calling out to God. "Please, God, help me."

"And suddenly my heart stilled. My nerve endings stopped torturing me. I stood trembling and twitching. My hands stopped dancing. I realized that I wasn't jittery. Even the damn mosquitoes and bugs went away. My knees felt strong. I got up off the curb and stood up. I opened my eyes. I saw a shimmering, dazzling, nearly blinding brightness that made me cover my eyes with my hands. I wiped my eyes and opened them. The brightness faded back to day. I walked back home."

In this moment Eszterhas was "saved"--a term he shied away from at first, but soon came to embrace. The man who had written movies glorying in sex and violence found religion. What was he saved from? "From the darkness that I had been drawn to most of my life, the evil I had spent so much time and effort studying and analyzing from the time I was a young man. ... A child of the darkness, I wallowed in it...all of it..."

Eszterhas soon returned to the church of his youth--the Roman Catholic Church--which he had abandoned so many years before. There he found peace and comfort, or some peace and comfort at any rate. This book chronicles his growing understanding of this new-found faith and the challenges he faced as the peddler of smut who was no longer drawn to such darkness. It is fascinating to hear him wrestle with his decision to remain in the Catholic church. He hates the shallowness of much of the Catholic faith; he despises the empty homilies; he sees the same prevalence for immorality among priests today that he saw as a young child in his native Hungary. He has utter contempt for the Catholic hierarchy which has always worked to hard to cover up the vast scandal of pedophile pervert priests. At the same time, he is drawn to the Mass, admitting that while a local Protestant church offered much better teaching, he felt empty without the Mass. While at first he resisted adding Mary to his "pantheon," (his term) he soon found joy in venerating her (believing, as his mother taught him, that while God is often too busy to hear his requests, He is never too busy to hear from His mother). Yet for all his respect for the Catholic Church, he goes to great lengths to ensure that his boys are never, ever, allowed to spend time alone in the presence of its priests and he reacts with disgust when a bishop is transferred to his town from Boston to escape the heat of scandal in that city.

The faith he finds and the faith he describes is really an amalgam of Roman Catholic theology and personal preference. He loves the Mass but hates the Roman Catholic insistence that homosexuality is unbiblical and wrong. He loves Christian community but dislikes so many church-goers. He seems to have swallowed the buffet line faith so prevalent in our culture. In a day where personal preference reigns supreme, Eszterhas quickly assembles a faith that suits his preferences even if not his church's.

At times it is difficult to know whether the things Eszterhas writes about are symptomatic of a man who has yet to grasp the depth of his faith or if his faith allows behavior that sometimes seems to be in conflict. For example, four letter words are present throughout the book, though usually in a form such as "eff" instead of writing the word itself. He remains harshly and shockingly irreverent towards God, Christianity and other people. He seems to delight in sharing stories of attacking and humiliating others. Yet while the memoir is raw at times, it is never short of interesting anecdotes. Eszterhas has led an interesting life but also one filled with hardship and pain. Some of this has been of his own making; some has simply been the hand he has been dealt, so to speak. He is a fantastic writer and, while the book rambles, it always remains interesting.

There is one thing, though, that doesn't quite add up. In Crossbearer Eszterhas makes it sound as if, post-conversion, he was unable to write. He tells of sitting at his typewriter day after day and coming up dry. But then, rather by surprise, he typed the opening words of this book and the rest of it began to flow as if driven by someone or something outside himself. But if his conversion was in 2001, how can he account for his first memoir, Hollywood Animal? This book was a tell-all tale that detailed his Hollywood exploits from the boardroom to the bedroom and everywhere in between (or so I gather from reading the book's description and reviews). It was, by all accounts, graphic, lewd, and somewhat short of apologetic. And how is such a book consistent with his desire to no longer celebrate the profligate life he was saved from? It is an odd inconsistency.

I began this review with "grace." Grace is the defining characteristic of the Christian faith. Sadly, for so prominent and so defining a characteristic, there seems to be little of it on display in Crossbearer. Its absence is this books' greatest weakness. While we may delight in the fact that Eszterhas has found life beyond sex and violence and sexual violence, I could not in good conscience recommend this book as a spiritual memoir.

Must read! This is a wonderful look into the life of a Hollywood Titan - Joe Eszterhas, and his re-connection with God. As Hollywood's highest paid screenwriter, Mr. Eszterhas gives us a heartfelt and honest look into his personal battle with cancer and how cancer gave him "true life" - spiritual life.

Often we forget the power of faith and prayer, only to go back to it when we really need it. We are all guilty of that - that is why this book is a must read. If anything, this book will make you re-examine your own life and hopefully bring you closer to your faith.

This book is an inspiring autobiography of a highly dynamic author whose life has taken bizarre twists and turns. It is an account of a Hungarian refugee who spent his juvenile years in the poor west side of Cleveland, Ohio and later lived the American Dream in Malibu, Maui, and Tiburon. Joe Ezsterhas has now returned to a more affluent suburb of Cleveland following a series of traumatic experiences, marital problems and great disappointments. He is a superb writer, self-taught, emerging from a job as a cub police reporter for the daily newspaper, "The Cleveland Plain Dealer" and then fast becoming the best-paid film scriptwriter of his time. His books, as his movie scripts are set in the dark, seedy side of America, in the alleys, the brothels and cheap show rooms of Las Vegas, Washingon, D.C., and Hollywood. His tough experience, tough attitude and tough life style are documented in an easy to read style. His life turns around, due to three incidents; he comes down with diagnosed incurable throat cancer; has a miraculous cure and he experiences a religious, curbside enlightment when his life is at the bottom ebb. There are very dramatic, emotional sections, especially at the end of the book. Surprisingly the author reveals the innermost secrets of his life. Remember this is the person who wrote the film scripts for"Basic Instinct," "Show Girls," "The Jagged Edge," etc. He is still the same, raw guy, telling it like it is in his brusque, humorous style. This book is not for zealot religious readers or those who are offended by the term "effing", which is the "f" word sanitized. It is for readers who like a book that is "real" and describes life as it is, or as Joe Ezsterhas believes it is. Thanks for telling us your confidential memoir, Joe.

When I heard Joe Eszterhas, director of infamous films such as "Basic Instinct", had written a book about his faith, I had to wonder what sort of faith. I am a Christian myself, but the word has become so muddied by politics and wackos on the news that I approach the subject with a bit of skepticism. On top of this, the evangelical world has a tendency to put celebrities on a pedestal the moment they get "saved" and parade them around as proof that their way is right. It's very unbiblical, actually, when you consider that Jesus said the least among us would be the greatest.

I opened "Crossbearer" with my BS monitor--as Joe might call it--set on high. I was fully willing to believe that he, well...believed, but I didn't want to jump on the bandwagon of another celeb who'd been thrust into the religious spotlight. To my surprise, I found the writings of a man who wears his heart on his sleeve and is honest about his daily struggles as a crossbearer in the middle of dealing with throat cancer, family, crazed fans, and Hollywood execs. If you're expecting a cleaned up version of the Hollywood party-man, you'll find some of that here, but you'll also find a man who stills talks like a sailor and wants to throw fists when his children are wronged--and what man doesn't?

"Crossbearer" is a raw, humorous, and sometimes poignant account of one man's encounter with God, with a Savior who has brought him out of darkness--and continues to complete that process on a regular basis. The decision to walk by faith has cost him some opportunities, some money, and some relationships of the past, while also ushering in a more peaceful existence as one who carries his cross and passes on that example to his own children. He admits that his twisted side is still there, but it's not the side that now rules him. And that, in a nutshell, is what a lot of the Christian life is all about.

My young Catholic faith identified with Joe's life. Unlike him, I am not famous, and have not received the grace of a miracle cure. I have received forgiveness for a life unwisely lived however. We are all works in progress if we are honest with ourselves. I think it's to his credit that he doesn't pretend to bear a cross of conformity to please those who would be more comfortable with his conversion story if that were the case. After having read his book when it was newly published I wanted to write to him and thank him for his honesty. I identify more with that virtue, as perfection still seems so far out of reach. Many of the book's details are fuzzy to me now but one part that stands out is his love of his Mother who suffered from mental illness much of her life and died with her rosary. As horrible as life must have been for her she never relinquished the comfort of her belief in Our Blessed Mother. I'm not a professional reviewer but I know there are plenty of seekers who will see hope in their own lives after having read this memoir. We all have our crosses to bear.

While this is not a theological book it does show the heart and soul of a redeemed brother who is trying to grow in his faith. It also shows the wonder of God's redemption and his accepting us all where we are. I recommend this book if you want to see the journey of a new believer as he searches for a way to serve God and be faithful in his walk. The language is sometimes rough but consistent with that of a man who started from a difficult place. It is definitely a story of God's love looking for the lost.

This is an engrossing telling of a dramatic spiritual conversion. Eszterhas is quite a paradox - rough-cut and dynamic but with a lot of depth. On display here are both failings and triumphs, and the book is nothing if not emotionally frank, and at times uproariously funny.

I think the best parts of the story are where Eszterhas describes in painful detail his broken relationship with one daughter and his found relationship with another. Or when he tells of his unforgiveness toward his own father, which he eventually overcame when he saw his own sins in his father's and realized they both needed like forgiveness.

I was hoping to read more of Eszterhas's comparison of the Catholic and Protestant churches, but one small vignette is all we get, where he quickly concludes that he is a willing "captive" to a very imperfect Catholic church.

While I don't share all of Eszterhas's ecclesial convictions, I'm convinced his conversion is real. Its telling here edifies.

I take no joy in writing this review. The book was recommended to me, though I cannot recall by whom. Mr. Eszterhas experienced a severe personal and spiritual crisis, he called to God and was saved. Praise be! The first 10 pages or so do a fine job of expressing that message. But from there the book meanders disjointly through vignettes that seem more an expression of the authors bizarre and tortured soul than a revelation of the glory and struggle of redemption.

As noted by a previous reviewer the author's journey involves buffet style Catholicism where he picks and chooses which aspects of his faith to embrace. While I suspect all believers struggle with doctrinal issues Mr. Eszterhas seems to reject significant components of his faith and the reader is exposed to more of the author's persona and less of the Grace of The Lord. The promotional material suggests that the book is uplifting and expressive of the transcendent but I found it told me much more about Mr. Eszterhas, his experiences and world-view and I am sorry to say that I found that to be debased and self-serving.

Many of the aspects of faith discussed in the book expressed basic Catholic doctrine and stressed beliefs that are foreign if not outright antagonistic to Protestants. I have no interest in arguing the validity of such perspectives in this review but make mention so that potential readers know what is in store.

Trite as this may seem I found much of the views and vocabulary vulgar, simplistic and adolescent. The man is clearly gifted and accomplished and has endured hardship with his illness and redemption. However I now own a copy of the book and after reading it don't know what to do with it. I would normally donate it to a church, library or shelter but am extremely uncomfortable doing so. I write this review only so that others may know what the book contains and make their decisions wisely. I wish I had this advice before the purchase. I actually feel worse after having read the book than before I started which certainly is an odd experience for a supposedly uplifting book.

Author and top Hollywood screenwriter (the master of dark, sexually graphic, and violent scripts), Joe Eszterhas, writes about "how God found me" in his memoir of faith, "The Crossbearer." This ex-police beat reporter, addicted to drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes, serves up his personal story of salvation and how he went:
* "From Basic Instinct and Showgirls to wearing a cross at the Four Seasons.
* From having a big and nasty mouth to having a croak of a voice that could barely be heard. From threats to apologies.
* From Malibu to Bainbridge, Ohio.
* From booze to Diet Sprite.
* From Spago to McDonald's.
* And from Sharon Stone to Jesus.

After moving to Ohio from Malibu and having been diagnosed with throat cancer for which his larynx was removed, Eszterhas found himself broken and crying on a curbside asking God, whom he a had marginalized and mocked and lampooned throughout his entire adult life, for help. Over and over again, he said, "Please, God, help me." It was here that he had his St. Paul moment. "He saw a shimmering, dazzling, nearly blinding brightness that made him cover his eyes with his hands."

Later he came to realize he had been saved as a result of opening his heart to God. He was in shock for days and weeks. He never believed this could happen. But it did, God was in his heart...and he would become Jesus's crossbearer.

Today, he can be found at Holy Angels Catholic Church in Bainbridge, Ohio on Sundays holding on to a cross raising it high for the world to see as he processes to the altar with the Priest for Mass.

He has promised God to do what he could for Him.
* "I will tell the world how I killed people and destroyed lives by writing films that glorified smoking.
* I will tell Hollywood that it must stop making movies that literally kill people.
* I will also tell the world about God and how He changed my life and saved me - even if telling would destroy my Hollywood career.
* I will write things my four boys can watch or read that God would like.
* And I will lead a good Christian life."

"Crossbearer" is but one installment on his promises. It is inspiring, witty, and authentic. But this is just a beginning as, like all of us, he is a work-in-progress. Nevertheless, he has found strength, serenity, and joy in God's presence. My wish for Eszterhas is that he also finds peace in his relationship with daughter, Suzi.