Crossing the Tracks for Love: What to Do When You and Your Partner Grew Up in Different Worlds [Paperback]

Ruby K. Payne (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 5, 2005

Timely guidance for minimizing the impact of economic class differences on intimacy, gender roles, employment, decision-making, raising children, in-law relations, dining, and mobility between classes.

Editorial Reviews

Review

There is barely a day that goes by that I am not looking up something in the book about my marriage for which I had crossed the tracks for love . I never picked up on the fact that many of the poverty factors that were at play when it came to raising my stepchildren were also at play in my marriage, until I read Crossing the Tracks. Having attended Ruby Payne s training, I found the information to be very interesting, not just from the standpoint of being a teacher, but also as a step-mother who had two stepchildren living with her at the time. Until I had the Ruby Payne training, I could not understand why I felt I had failed with both of these young people. The training opened my eyes to the hidden rules of poverty and of the middle class, and made me understand why the children did not value what I valued. I shared what I had learned with my then husband (the children s father) who was a truck driver (from Indiana) who was not home very much. I also shared it with my husband s mother, paternal grandmother of the children. They were not nearly as struck by the information as I was. After the Ruby Payne training, I understood that Kent s first wife came from generational poverty. When Kent and I met and married, she and Kent s three children were back living in poverty. I learned through reading Crossing the Tracks that Kent also had poverty in his background and that is why he had so much trouble with my Middle class ways . Kent s mother once told me that I must have come from a rich family. I never thought of myself as rich I just thought of myself as middle class. As you can see Crossing the Tracks has been a real eye opener for me. Please convey to Ruby Payne my thanks for writing such an informative and enlightening book. I am eternally grateful!!! Keep up the good work!!! --Rosmary Vaughn

As mentioned in the New York Times Magazine article by Paul Tough, June 10, 2007 --New York Times Magazine

As mentioned in the New York Times Magazine article by Paul Tough, June 10, 2007 --New York Times Magazine

About the Author

Ruby K. Payne, Ph.D., career educator, speaker, business owner and creator of Crossing the Tracks trademark, is an expert on the mindsets of economic classes and on crossing socioeconomic lines at school, in business and for social change. She has written or co-authored more than a dozen books and, as founder and CEO of aha! Process, Inc. has published more than 150 books, DVDs and other materials.

Product Details

• Paperback: 200 pages
• Publisher: AHA! Process (April 5, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 192922933X
• ISBN-13: 978-1929229338
• Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.5 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #551,631 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Ruby K. Payne, Ph.D. of Baytown, Texas has been a professional educator since 1972. She has been a secondary-school teacher and department chairperson, an elementary-school principal, a consultant, and a central-office administrator. The lessons learned during these years are the bedrock on which aha! Process, Inc. has been built. Her first book, A Framework for Understanding Poverty, is a powerful tool for educators to use when teaching children from poverty. She has led hundreds of workshops and has worked with several thousand teachers and administrators, both nationally and internationally. Ruby Payne founded aha! Process, Inc. (formerly RFT Publishing Co.) in 1996 and serves as its president. In that capacity, she continues to consult and write.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Dr. Payne Gives Great Advice and Problem Solving, April 15, 2005

By 

Tony (South Jersey) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Crossing the Tracks for Love: What to Do When You and Your Partner Grew Up in Different Worlds (Paperback)

This is truly an astonishing book that tells quite candidly how to work with and have relationships with people of different classes. I LOVED the class mindset quiz in the first part of the book. It made me think how the hidden rules of class do hinder relationships in both the business world and our personal relationships.

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great Topic ..., April 15, 2005

By 

Rita (MIlwaukee, WI) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Crossing the Tracks for Love: What to Do When You and Your Partner Grew Up in Different Worlds (Paperback)

After hearing Dr. Payne on a radio show, I decided to buy the book. Not only has Dr. Payne helped me realize problems in my own personal relationships, but it has helped me realize my own issues with being a successful women who has come up from a poverty situation. I had my partner take Dr. Payne's Quiz that defines what type of class thinking you have. It was a fun way to discuss our very different views of marriage, finances, child rearing, and so much more. I highly recommend it

7 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Eye-opening and insightful, but needs a little more..., July 5, 2007

By 

M. Miller "evescaduceus" - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Crossing the Tracks for Love: What to Do When You and Your Partner Grew Up in Different Worlds (Paperback)

This book is a good place to start in terms of social class expectations, something that doesn't get talked about very much in American society. On a personal level, it gave me a lot of insight into a failed relationship with a working class man that I loved, and helped me understand why he chose to marry someone with more similar values.

Still, what I hoped to see was a chapter or two on "What to Do When You and Your Partner Both Shift from One World to a Different One". This was the case with my parents, who came from working class backgrounds and retained working-class attitudes toward child-rearing despite adopting middle-class attitudes in other areas of life. Some people really do retain both sets of values rather than making the transition that the author implies occurs automatically. It would have been nice to see those viewpoints included.

Also, middle-class and upper middle-class are two very different experiences in America, in my opinion. Some of the behaviors this author describes as middle class (extreme attention paid to quality of food, childrens' extracurricular activities, and the status of a college or university which a child attends) are more properly described as upper-middle class values. I wish the author had separated middle-class from upper middle-class, and used four basic categories instead of three.

Nonetheless, I enjoyed this book and learned quite a bit from it. The author does a good job of explaining that a particular set of behaviors does not constitute stereotyping, since many who self-assess as being members of a specific class would not identify with all of the attributed associations (I found myself a hybrid of working-class and middle-class values). She also fits observations into general categories in a way that makes sense. The current edition is a good starting point for discussion, but an expanded version of this book would be even more insightful.