Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High (Paperback)

~ (Author), Joseph Grenny (Author), Ron McMillan (Author), Al Switzler (Author), Stephen R. Covey (Author) "When people first hear the term "crucial conversation," many conjure up images of presidents, emperors, and prime ministers seated around a massive table while they..." (more)
Key Phrases: mastering crucial conversations, share your facts, dialogue skills, Mutual Purpose, Sucker's Choices, Style Under Stress (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"What a profound and timely book! Here is the cure for arguments and misunderstandings; for mediocrity and frustration. This book offers a wealth of principles and skills that will dramatically improve your career, your organization, and your relationships." Stephen R. Covey

Product Description

Foreword by Stephen R. Covey, Author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

A PAPERBACK ORIGINAL

"Most books make promises. This one delivers. These skills have not only helped us to change the culture of our company, but have also generated new techniques for working together in ways that enabled us to win the largest contract in our industry's history."--Dain M. Hancock, President, Lockheed Martin Aeronautics

A powerful, seven-step approach to handling difficult conversations with confidence and skill

"Crucial" conversations are interpersonal exchanges at work or at home that we dread having but know we cannot avoid. How do you say what needs to be said while avoiding an argument with a boss, child, or relationship partner? Crucial Conversations offers readers a proven seven-point strategy for achieving their goals in all those emotionally, psychologically, or legally charged situations that can arise in their professional and personal lives. Based on the authors' highly popular DialogueSmart training seminars, the techniques are geared toward getting people to lower their defenses, creating mutual respect and understanding, increasing emotional safety, and encouraging freedom of expression. Among other things, readers also learn about the four main factors that characterize crucial conversations, and they get a powerful six-minute mastery technique that prepares them to work through any highimpact situation with confidence.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: McGraw-Hill; 1 edition (June 18, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0071401946
• ISBN-13: 978-0071401944
• Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 5.9 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (179 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #627 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

151 of 151 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Tools for tough times, November 7, 2009

By	Michael Dawson - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I think the skills taught in Crucial Conversations are pertinent to everyone who needs to communicate better, and the light-hearted, engaging tone the authors use gets their points across clearly. By breaking down the tactful steps that must be taken along the way to a successful dialogue, the authors help us to develop better strategies for getting what we want.

We all face situations in life where things are tense and saying the right things is critical. This is what the authors call a "crucial conversation," as opposed to a casual discussion. Crucial conversations happen between two or more people when opinions vary, stakes are high, and emotions run strong. Whether you are approaching a boss who is breaking his or her own policies, giving feedback on a colleague's work, or talking to a team member who isn't keeping commitments, keeping the conversation productive can be very difficult.

The main technique the authors teach is the talent of dialogue. This is the free flow of meaning between two or more people. People who use this technique are able to find a way to get all relevant information from themselves and others out in the open and make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool. These people try hard to ensure that all ideas find their way into the forum; and as this "pool of shared meaning" grows, it helps people by exposing them to more accurate and relevant information so they can make better decisions.

The book also offers a series of tools for understanding how we think about and prepare for problem situations. They posit that people must learn the skills of talking, listening and acting together, and must remember that successful dialogue, "Starts with heart." They suggest you begin high-risk discussions with the right motives, and then stay focused no matter what happens by knowing what you want. Never lose sight of the fact that the only person you can directly control is yourself. To stay focused on what you really want, pay attention to your motives whenever you find yourself moving toward silence or violence. Clarifying what you don't want will help you find healthy options to bring you to dialogue.

Since dialogue calls for a free flow of meaning, fear can kill the flow of meaning. Much of the book is focused on watching for negative emotions, like fear, that can derail a conversation. Since the book is about recognizing and navigating crucial conversations, it doesn't do much to help you learn to manage your emotions and the emotions of other people to keep a conversation on track.

I just came across a new book that teaches you how to manage your emotions, as well as read and manage other people's emotions, and it's the perfect companion to CC. It's called: Emotional Intelligence 2.0

60 of 75 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful, practical, engaging--an exceptional book!, May 6, 2003

By A Customer

When I obtained a copy of Crucial Conversations, I had very high expectations of this book having read the authors' outstanding earlier work, The Balancing Act. I must say I wasn't disappointed; in fact, I was delighted! Crucial Conversations is an extremely insightful and very practical book. Indeed, it is a very rare combination to find a book that contains profound ideas as well as provides actionable tools and Crucial Conversations delivers both.

The book addresses a topic that is largely misunderstood and vastly underestimated: high stakes dialogue. The authors define crucial conversations as those where 1) stakes are high, 2) opinions vary, and 3) emotions run strong, or in other words, much of both our professional and personal lives. We're all involved in crucial conversations at home and at work but most of us are not very aware of the interpersonal dynamics at play and/or we're unskilled in how to respond differently. The book helps the reader first understand the principles involved in "crucial conversations" but then also helps the reader develop real skills and abilities to choose or change their communication patterns. The end result is remarkable. The book's impact is a much bigger idea than simple communication--it's all about effective human interaction and getting results with and through people.

The book is highly readable, extremely engaging and actually quite fun. It is filled with illustrations and stories from all walks of life: business examples, personal examples and family examples. The fact that the principles and skills the authors teach can be applied in all dimensions of life--work, home, personal--is very appealing to me and made the book extremely helpful on many fronts.

I benefitted most from this book from a business standpoint and have found that applying these skills has made a real difference at work. I'm more courageous and more considerate at the same time. I understand people better but I especially understand myself better. I'm far more conscious and aware of my dialogue with others and I've greatly improved my skills and abilities to lead effectively. The bottom line is, I'm helping my company get better results and I'm far more effective personally. If more people in business were to apply these principles and skills in the frequent crucial conversations they have at work, they would make better decisions, achieve better results and do it all in a way that would build the trust and strengthen relationships. I couldn't give a book higher marks. Outstanding!

208 of 275 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This Book is REQUIRED READING for my Company!, June 26, 2002

By	Timothy V. Stay (Provo, UT USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

PAY THE [money] this book costs and avoid costly litigation, improve your communication, better manage expectations, defuse pent up emotions, and let your company be more productive!

I just finished Crucial Conversations and the first thing that I did as I laid down the book, was to log on to Amazon and order 30 copies to give to the managers within my company. I am the owner of my company of 600 employees and I am constantly searching for better ways to improve communication among our staff and employees. I am going to make sure that my HR team includes these principles into their training.

As I read through this book, I found that so many of our issues within the company would have been eliminated or diminished if we had embraced and utilized the tools laid out within this book. I could have avoided a costly lawsuit if these principles had been utilized when we were disciplining and eventually terminating an unproductive employee.

The authors have blended the humor of Dilbert, with the vision of Stephen Covey, with the practicality of consultants who have been down in the trenches of some of the biggest corporations in the US. It is an easy and enjoyable read.

I also found as I read the book that I kept thinking about how to use these tools to improve the conversations in my personal life, with my wife and with my children. I would love to see a second book that focused on Crucial Conversations at Home.