Cruise Confidential: A Hit Below the Waterline: Where the Crew Lives, Eats, Wars, and Parties One Crazy Year Working on Cruise Ships (Travelers' Tales) (Paperback)

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Key Phrases: crew bar, team waitress, team waiters, New Orleans, Panama City, South African (more...)

Editorial Reviews

From Booklist

Bruns, founder of a successful software company, decided to follow his new girlfriend, who worked on a luxury cruise liner, and enjoy a high-seas adventure. His plan, to get hired on as a member of the crew, seemed simple enough, but Bruns quickly discovered he had no idea what he was getting himself into. This is a very funny, behind-the-scenes exploration of a cruise ship. Imagine a combination of Innocents Abroad and The Love Boat, with a dash of Peyton Place, and you’ll have a good idea of what to expect: lots of humorous fumbling about as men and women of various nationalities mold themselves into an efficient team without stepping on each others’ cultural toes; the glitz and polished shine of a seagoing luxury hotel (contrasted with the sometimes-disgusting living conditions of the crew); and plenty of shenanigans, including raucous parties and, of course, sexual escapades. Although this isn’t an exposé of cruise lines so much as a lighthearted adventure, readers planning a cruise will glean lots of useful information, and cruise veterans may find themselves looking at their familiar turf in a new, slightly suspicious way. --David Pitt

Product Description

In Cruise Confidential, Brian David Bruns spills the dirt — or in this case, the dirty water — on those romantic, fun-filled vacations at sea. His hilarious chronicle of the year he spent working for Carnival Cruise Lines takes readers down into the areas where the crew works and lives, leaving readers gasping with laughter as they’re assaulted nonstop with events that range from the absurd to the utterly bizarre. Stewards fighting over food. Cutlery allowances and other nonsensical rules. What the crew calls those onboard (no, it’s not “passengers”). And of course, the sex. An abundance of ready, willing, and able bodies eager for action on a vessel replete with nooks and crannies leads to love in some mighty strange, and seemingly impossible, places. Breezy, entertaining, and informative, Cruise Confidential is essential reading for those planning a cruise or for anyone who just needs a good laugh.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 384 pages
• Publisher: Travelers' Tales; illustrated edition edition (September 1, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 193236160X
• ISBN-13: 978-1932361605
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.1 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (50 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #26,731 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

35 of 38 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Better than KITCHEN CONFIDENTIAL, August 7, 2008

By	J. L. Floyd "johnfloyd" (CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

I don't intend to write a review rehashing the storyline or details; the official commentary on this site is pretty accurate. Cruise Confidential is a bit of an expose', but, unlike Anthony Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential, I did not infer any personal malice towards the industry nor its people. Enyoyable for most everyone, but anyone who has ever been on a cruise will best appreciate Bruns' story, not only of the long hours and hard work, but of the nature of relationships in the very special community made up of service workers on a large cruise liner.

This book does deserve special comment, because I am pretty sure that it is largely nonfiction, and it will fill an heretofore vacant niche in travel literature.

In my mind, a good book must satisfy three criteria. First it must be easy to read, second it must be a good story, and lastly it must somehow leave you changed for the better. Cruise Confidential hits the mark on all three criteria.

First, Bruns' writing style is natural and unstrained. I have read too many books during which I feel as if I am working at cross currents to the writing just to get at the story. Here the writing carries you easily along, and you can relax and float (this is about ships after all) along through the challenges, tribulations, and victories of his first year working in service for Carnival.

Second, it is certainly a good story, written in the first person. I started this book and stayed up much later than I should have to finish it. I haven't done that in a long time, and that speaks for all those qualities of writing and subject that combine keep you from setting it aside to finish later.

Lastly, though not a philosophical treatise, if you have ever cruised a large ship, ever plan to do so, or perhaps if you just watch cruising on the Travel Channel, this will substantially change how you view the service staff that appear, seemingly from nowhere, to take care of the customers' needs and otherwise are completely invisible for the rest of the cruise.

I was feeling a bit down as I came to the final pages, wanting the story to continue to his next career phase, but on that very last page Bruns suggest that more of this adventure may follow.

23 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An entertaining and accurate look behind the scenes, August 10, 2008

By	Joshua Spitzig (New York, NY) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Having spent three years as a cruise ship employee myself, I was impressed by the accuracy and insight of Bruns' story.

Not many people get to really know or understand the bizarre combination of intensely hard regimented work mixed with bawdy exuberant celebration that makes up the lives of cruise ship employees. Cruise Confidential gives an accurate and entertaining peek into their world.

The stories in the book made me nostalgic for the amazing beaches, parties, beautiful people, and powerful (if necessarily superficial) friendships that Bruns experienced every cruise, yet made me cringe at the memories of coast guard drills, health inspections, virus scares, and security checks around every corner. His illustrations of the racism he experienced from his fellow crew members as an American may be surprising to some, but in my experience, not exaggerated. That he generally manages to keep a positive attitude about this or his harder-than-average work routine is very impressive indeed. Bruns comes off a genuinely nice guy that you'd be glad to have on your ship.

If you've ever been on a cruise, learning what really goes on behind the "crew only" door will probably surprise you. If you've ever worked on a cruise, this book will definitely hit home. If you're planning to go on a cruise in the future, this book will not only be an enjoyable read, but it will also give you some insight into the men and women who will be there at every minute to make sure you enjoy yourself. (Hopefully it will also help you to not behave like some of the passengers in the book!)

Bon voyage.

18 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Life on board is far from what you'd expect it to be..., August 10, 2008

By	Thomas Duff "Duffbert" (Portland, OR United States) - See all my reviews (TOP 50 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)

This book wasn't on my radar screen until I happened to see a Twitter message referring to it. After looking it up on Amazon, I knew I had to read it... Cruise Confidential: A Hit Below the Waterline: Where the Crew Lives, Eats, Wars, and Parties. One Crazy Year Working on Cruise Ships by Brian David Bruns. My wife and I cruise quite often on vacations, so the chance to see some "behind the scenes" views of how the crew lives is always interesting to me on a number of levels. After whipping through this in about 24 hours (thank you, Mr. Insomnia!), I was all ready to go on our March cruise and view the experience in a different light.

Contents:
Part 1 - Trainee (The Plunge): Strange Bedfellows; Global Warning; Under the Water; Denizens of Babel; Nobody Parties Like Sailors; The Midnight Bahamian Toga Bash; Ship Life 101; Creepy Conch Fritters; Graduation; The End of the Beginning
Part 2 - Waiter (Promotion): My First, and Only, Clingy Lingerie Model; Pancake Darwinism; The Crew Bar; My Heart Will Go On; The Infamous Filipino Elvis Massacre; Great Whites; Dining on Ashes; The Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Assumption; Stripping in the Dining Room
Part 3 - Assistant Maitre d' (Demotion): Bogo; Enemy Mine; The Other Sexy Bitch; Tattoo Goo; The Torture of Funship Freddy; Hunger Pains; Viral Infections and You; Something Sweet at Midnight; Showdown and Breakdown; Jamaican Deep Blue
Part 4 - The Legend (Destruction): How to Fix an American; Legend; Tongs over Escalators; Frog and Onion; Ice Pirates; The Boatyard; Lost in Panama; The Four Temptations of the Apocalypse; Toast Master General; The Suicide; The Miracle; Epilogue
Part 5 - Appendices: Glossary of Ship Language; Provisions for a Cruise; Stupid Questions
About the Author

I've read and researched enough to know that working on a cruise ship is not at all the glamorous career depicted in ads. You work seven days a week, at least 12 to 14 hours a day, live in really small cabins, and don't make very much money (all things considered). This is why you mostly see nationalities other than Americans working the ships. These wages are often quite a bit higher than what they could earn back home. Bruns tells his story of being the first American in Carnival's history to serve out a full contract in food services without quitting, transferring, or getting fired. He got used to the phrase "are you stupid or crazy?" being asked by most of his coworkers. :)

Bruns got assigned to Carnival's Conquest as he wanted to be with his girlfriend who also worked for Carnival. Very few believed he was actually going into food service because he was an American, and Americans couldn't do that job without cracking. He was determined to prove them wrong over his eight month contract, knowing that he had been "promised" a promotion to management and the assistant maitre d' position by the end of the assignment. But what's promised and what actually happens can be two different things. His relationship with his girlfriend was rocky at best on the ship, as they were both working 14 to 16 hour days, and she was hanging around with fellow Romanians during the off-hours. Bruns was still in love with her, and was determined not to fall into the trap of sleeping with any and all the attractive women coworkers, even though the opportunity was there on a daily basis. After she transferred to another ship, he had to decide whether his career as a cruise worker was worth the trouble of trying to maintain a long-term relationship, especially given the discrimination he faced from fellow workers when it came to stereotypes and perceptions. Surprisingly, he stuck it out and ended up in a situation far better than he would have hoped for.

Bruns is an excellent writer who is able to show you raw emotions and the nasty underbelly of what goes on. It's not meant to be an expose so much as a personal story of what he went through and what he learned in the process. It's hard to believe that anyone could survive the parties, alcohol consumption, and sweatshop conditions that exist behind the "Crew Only" doors. Even though I was laughing in quite a few places, I also (re-)discovered how difficult that life is, and how much we the customer just take things for granted. I'll definitely remember to be much more considerate of the crew next time, as well as keeping my eyes open for the things I'm not supposed to notice.