Before you pick up a brochure, study a port of call, or ring up Aunt Min to tell her you’re going on a cruise, decide what you expect from the experience. It sounds basic and a bit like psychoanalysis, but cruising has changed in the past fifty years and no longer resembles pre-World War II sea travel. What you expect from the vacation and what you get may be worlds apart.
“I’M NOT A CRUISE-TYPE PERSON”
Most of today’s cruise ships are, in reality, those resorts that just happen to float, and that’s what most people want. For some, it’s a camp for big kids, and they fill their days with scheduled activities. It bears a striking resemblance to other family vacations, but without the stress of planning and paying as you go.
Compare a cruise vacation to a self-guided road trip where travelers pick a destination, map out a route, decide when to arrive, and guess how long it will take to get there. They pencil in time for breaks and, when finished, tell their spouse to be ready to leave by 6:30 A.M. The couple must constantly reach agreement on when to eat, what to do, and how to handle the car’s ping-ping sound as they endure hours of monotonous drive time.
On a cruise, someone else worries about the details. Passengers scan a smorgasbord of activities, pick those they like and ignore those they don’t. If they wish, they do nothing. At dinner, they show up and pick an entrée, an appetizer, a dessert, and two or more other courses. If still hungry, they order a second entrée. They get off in St. Thomas—if they want. Or not. If they forgot to pack an iron, they turn to the room steward and ask for one. It’s now his problem. Servants constantly ask if everything is okay, turn the bed down at night, place a chocolate on the pillow, and make sure you’re happy on an emotional, do-you-feel-good level. Passengers feel as if they’ve moved up in the social order, tasting a lifestyle shared only by a select few, the Donald Trumps or the Leona Helmsleys.
A cruise disappoints few people. But—and there’s always a “but” in life—cruising might not be the best vacation choice under the following conditions:
“I want to understand a country’s culture.” While a number of cruises have educational themes and most offer pre-port destination lectures conducted by area experts, a cruise is usually not the best way to experience a country’s culture. In the Mediterranean, for example, ships stop in different ports for less than a day, and may hit six different countries in one week. Passengers barely have time to see the tourist attractions, much less get a feel for how the people live. For that, travelers must stay inside a country, talk to cabdrivers, and eat in small, family-owned restaurants. Lost is the conversation with the hotel clerk, the one-day car rental into the countryside, and the sights, sounds, and smells of the open-air market. On a ship, the countries are an optional activity, the cruise the actual vacation.
“I don’t like crowds.” Even full cruises don’t feel crowded most of the time thanks to staggered mealtimes and diverse activities. Cruise passengers are, however, traveling with many other people, and cruising, by definition, is a social vacation. Any activity open to all passengers can create elbow-to-elbow conditions. Those who would kill for a little privacy should not be deterred, but remember that few places on a ship, outside a private cabin, offer complete seclusion. Expect some human contact.
“I’m afraid I’ll get seasick.” Sometimes a valid reason, sometimes not—see The Truth About Seasickness.
While the previous reasons may cause you to choose a different type of vacation, almost everyone would enjoy a cruise at least once or twice. But some people use the following nonlegit reasons as an excuse to avoid cruising:
“I’d get antsy on a ship. I’d feel enclosed.” That’s a bit like standing in the middle of a football field and complaining that the stadiums are closing in. When viewing the ocean from the comfort of the main deck, humans feel almost powerless against the vastness of the earth and her oceans. From within the ship, guests not only enjoy massive theaters, dining rooms, and decks, but they can easily move from one to the other. On the largest ships, you’ll barely see everything in seven days.
“It’s too expensive.” Almost never. You pay for a cruise, in full, at least six weeks before departure, meaning the vacation budget is tapped long before eating that first gourmet meal. Consequently, it feels more expensive to people writing a $3,000 check and seeing no immediate return for their outlay. But compare the costs.
Assume a driving trip costs $100 per night for a hotel room (a bargain rate most places). Further assume that it costs $100 a day for food (again, a bargain rate for two people), $75 per day for gas, admissions, cover charges, and tolls. That comes to $275 per day for a couple, $1925 for one week. To cruise for the same price, the trip would have to cost $962.50 per person.
Can a cruise cost that little? Easily for a middle-of-the-road line, especially for adults flexible on travel times and itineraries. It could net you a great cabin on an economy cruise line, or a moderate cabin on a luxury cruise line, and it comes without the stress and frustration of planning your days. If traveling with grandchildren, it comes with an additional priceless perk—free baby-sitting.
“I hate dressing for dinner.” Most mainstream lines ask passengers to dress for dinner once or twice, but even then, the rules are lax. Very few people wear a tux for formal cruise dinners; most wear a dark suit, a few wear a light suit, and a sprinkling of individualists wear only a jacket and button-down shirt. Women, of course, have greater leeway in fashion. Outside those formal dinners, almost anything goes, though most people go “resort casual,” meaning something a notch above T-shirts and jeans. Only a handful of luxury liners would make you feel out of place, and even some luxury liners shun coats and ties, touting a “casual elegance” theme.
“I’ll be bored.” On the one hand, ships schedule so many activities that cruisers can rise at dawn and not stop moving until they drop a tired patootie into bed somewhere around 3:00 A.M. On the other hand, if someone chooses not to participate in any of the activities and does indeed get bored, is it a vacation? Many times, the I’ll-be-bored people are Type-A executives who don’t know how to relax. They read market reports, not novels. They walk fast because they’re late, not because it’s good for their health. They see ocean waves and wonder how their company’s stock is doing. Mature travelers, by definition, enjoy the sights, sounds, and smells of a cruise.
Immature travelers may, however, be bored.
“I’m afraid I’ll get seasick.” This can be a legitimate reason to avoid cruising, though it’s usually a sorry excuse. See the next section.
THE TRUTH ABOUT SEASICKNESS
Fear of seasickness keeps many people from cruising. Why, they reason, should I spend thousands of dollars on a vacation I might not enjoy? It’s a rare sea that affects a modern ship, however, and even if it does, medical solutions are effective and readily available.
On today’s large ships, the ship doesn’t even seem to move most of the time. Compare that to fishing boats, the number one reason most people fear an ocean voyage. The typical story: A couple, while at the seashore, book a day trip on a fishing boat, the first time they’ve actually gone out to sea. They board at 8:00 A.M. Five hours later, they arrive at the dock, swearing never to return, their faces green, their stomachs empty. But that fishing trip has nothing to do with cruising.
Cruise ships built since the 1950s have stabilizers—massive fins below the waterline that, using computers, sense the roll of the waves and compensate to minimize rocking. While the sea does the jitterbug, the ship dances a waltz. While no stabilizer is perfect—i.e., the ship still moves in the worst storms—a rocky voyage is rare.
If worried about seasickness, be honest with yourself. How susceptible are you to motion sickness? Carsickness? One passenger I met gave up ...
