Cruisin' On Desperation [Paperback]

Pat G'Orge-Walker (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: March 1, 2008

In this sidesplitting send-up of church life, a hilarious cast of God-fearing, husband-hungry parishioners embark on a mission that's sure to give new meaning to the term man hunter...

The members of the Oh-Lawd-Why-Am-I-Still-Single church group have gathered to complain about the slim pickings in their little town of Pelzer, South Carolina. They're determined to revamp their man-chasing tactics. And newcomer Birdie Tweet, the only Caucasian member of the group, may offer just the opportunity they're looking for...

At forty-two and nearly six feet tall, Birdie's love life has been as unpromising as the other women's until a recent phone call from a man she met two years before. Honey-colored and debonair, Lyon Lipps is an irresistible Afro-Latino hunk. Unbeknownst to Birdie, he's also a con artist who has seduced women of all ages, races, shapes, and sizes. Now he's found Jesus and wants to reconnect with good Sister Tweet.

But when Birdie passes around Lyon's photo, which is actually his mug shot, several in the group recognize him. Even their sorriest wallflower, Sister Petunia, has been blessed--and cursed--with his attentions. With each tale, Birdie's hopes for romance die, and her anger is resurrected...

The ladies devise a way to get payback from Lyon Lipps while improving their chances of meeting men at the same time. They're going cruising aboard the aptly named ship, Desperation of the Seas. And they're planning to trick Lyon into sailing along with them by making him the lucky "winner" of a free ticket.

Soon, they're sailing the high seas, riding a wave of bickering, betrayal, and unholy behavior, with plenty of laughs--and a few genuine revelations--along the way...

--This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

Phenomenal Praise For Pat G'orge-Walker And Her Novels

"Pat G'Orge-Walker has done it again! Cruisin' on Desperation is a winner! Using the one-of-a-kind humor that has made her the queen of gospel comedy, Ms. Walker pens a tale so funny that you'll fall out of your chair laughing, and so poignantly realistic that you'll wipe tears from your eyes...a must-read." --Angela Benson, author of The Amen Sisters on Cruisin' on Desperation

"Page-turning laughs, a soul-stirring message, and characters you won't soon forget...after reading Pat G'Orge-Walker's Cruisin' on Desperation, your cruise through life and faith will never be the same." --Stacy Hawkins Adams, author of Nothing But the Right Thing and Speak To My Heart on Cruisin' on Desperation

"If laughter is supposed to be the best medicine, this book is a cure-all! You'll never look at cruising the same way again." --Tia McCollors, author of Zora's Cry and A Heart of Devotion on Cruisin' on Desperation

"Pat G'Orge-Walker continues to be one of my favorite writers of all time. Cruisin' on Desperation is full of fun-loving, unforgettable characters that readers will find themselves endeared to for years to come. --Zane, New York Times Bestselling Author and Publisher of Strebor Books International on Cruisin' on Desperation

"Pat G'Orge-Walker's Crusin' on Desperation is a full-blown cure for what ails you. Her book is filled with memorable characters that will long dance in your head and have you laughing a torrential rain of tears. Pat's artful style of storytelling is both joyful and genuine." --Bern Nadette Stanis (Thelma of Good Times) on Cruisin' on Desperation

"This novel is the best of its kind, and it's easy to see how G'Orge-Walker has carved out a comfortable niche for herself as the queen of gospel comedy literature." --QBR on Mother Eternal Ann Everlastin's Dead

"Another hilarious romp with Sister Betty." --Black Issues Book Review on Mother Eternal Ann Everlastin's Dead

"Christian comedy fiction at its best." --Library Journal on Mother Eternal Ann Everlastin's Dead --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

About the Author

Pat G'Orge (pronounced Gee-or-jay)-Walker is a former record industry veteran who has worked for several major labels including Epic, Def Jam, and Columbia. She has also performed with the legendary 60's girl group, Arlene Smith and the Chantels ("Maybe") as well as with gospel groups. In 2003, G'Orge-Walker released Sister Betty! God's Calling You, Again! to be directly followed by Mother Eternal Ann Everlastin's Dead in 2004. In between writing books and spending time with her husband Rob in their Long Island, New York home, Pat is busy touring the country performing her sold-out One Woman Sister Betty comedy show. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Product Details

• Paperback: 288 pages
• Publisher: Dafina (March 1, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0758218877
• ISBN-13: 978-0758218872
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.3 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,647,426 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Pat G'Orge (pronounced Gee-or-jay) - Walker is in a league of her own. This accomplished Christian author and comedienne has an amazing mind and talent for turning her observations of church life into gems of sidesplitting humor. It is her own special gift from God that enables G'Orge-Walker to depict the often ridiculous antics of church folk without subverting the Good News or watering down the potency of its message.

Pat G'Orge-Walker has paid a high price for the ever-present smile on her face. This Mt. Vernon, New York PK (preacher's kid) has survived a raging house fire; a violent assault; a car crash that mangled her body and a viral infection that left her temporarily blinded. Through it all, Pat quietly soaked in material from her father's Baptist congregation and her mother's Pentecostal assembly to create the stories that keep readers and audiences howling with laughter. Pat is a 'kept woman' whose life is held firmly and safely in God's hand. Mercy and compassion season every word spoken or written by Pat, who makes her story palpitate in the hearts of people who readily relate to victory over adversity.

The First Lady of Gospel Comedy forges a successful
career as author and comedian. She has paved the way for
many others in both fields. Pat's storytelling is likened to
Zora Neale Hurston's folklore'a documentation of
American culture and church life in literature.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars "Unbelievably witty...truly an entertaining read filled with interesting characters.", May 30, 2007

By 

Books2Mention Magazine "Editor" (www.Books2Mention.com) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Cruisin' On Desperation (Hardcover)

"Unbelievably witty adequately depicts Crusin' On Desperation by Pat G'Orge-Walker. This hillarious story will have readers laughing at these characters who are each unique in their very own way."

"Four members of the Oh Lawd Why Am I Still Single church group embark on a cruise aboard the "Desperation of the Seas" seeking revenge on a man that they feel has betrayed them."

"Will they get the revenge they seek or have these four women bitten off more than they can chew. This is truly an entertaining read filled with interesting characters that just might remind the reader of someone they know."

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarity on the high seas!, May 11, 2007

By 

Alvin C. Romer "The Jackal" (Miami, FL USA) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: Cruisin' On Desperation (Hardcover)

Pat G'Orge-Walker is back! The latest book featuring the antics of Ain't Nobody Right But Us - All Others Going To Hell Church by this illustrious author, is yet another offering that proves that her talent for imagery is just as good as it's always been. You may remember her from the tales told emanating from her Sister Betty series of books. If you thought they were hilarious then, wait until you've met with the members of the `Oh-Lawd-Why-Am-I-Still-Single' church group on the current outing! The author in her new book, Cruisin' On Desperation, curtails their antics rather succinctly. Now, this is no ordinary group of ecclesiastical church abiding members. In my opinion, the one thing that stands out while reading this book is the characterization, and how the different settings mesh with a less than embellished storyline.

As a matter of fact, the latter is not indicative of how I rated the book...rather it's the way she allows each character to be the star of their own Diaspora while still managing to be a bridge to each other, which makes the difference. To this effect, the author does an outstanding job of allowing the characters to shine in lieu of a traditional storyline where plot, back-story, and setting are usually apropos. Each of them is aptly introduced, and the author did a good job of putting me in position to wonder which character I like best. Just when I thought one would win out, another would do something that would cause me to want to gain favor. I found out that no one character is solitary for my vote - they ALL win! But let me share with you a few of these characters in name only. You'll have to read the book to get the low down! Check out Sister Need Sum, twins Lyon and Lionel Lipps, Bea Blister, Slim Pickens, Ima Hellraiser, Birdie Tweet, Sasha Pray Onn...and then there's Southside Annie, Two Ton Sally, Patty Cake, et al.

Individually and collectively they their stories are magnified against irony's best adaptations. All of them are well past the age of maintaining and adhering to the amorous ways of love, you'd think. But this bunch gives new meaning to things least expected, with each of them drawn together for the sake of fellowship that goes the wrong way. The first few chapters center on their usual meeting place to haggle and complain about the slim pickings in the little town of Pelzer, South Carolina. Do they have any legitimate reason to cast aspersions? Should they be afforded a man like everybody else? "You betcha!" they say in unison. To wit: When newcomer Birdie Tweet's new beau, Lyon Lipps, proves to be more than what is seen on the surface all hell breaks loose. A con artist extraordinaire, he seduces every member of their group...and the girls are chomping at the bit for revenge! If payback is exacting, this illustrious group gives it new meaning. What do they do? The girls decide to go on a cruise, and this sets the stage for the title of the book to bring justice to what revenge is to be for these feisty ladies. They use all of their wily skills to coerce Lyon into going too. No easy task, but as a last resort they then decide to enlist the help of Pelzer's most alluring --and vindictive young woman, Ima Hellraiser, and the rest is pure chaos and hilarity. Blasphemous things can happen on the high seas on a cruise, this one takes the cake. No strangers to disorderly conduct, the group is in high gear causing scenes, betraying one another, amid adjusting halos gone awry. With plenty of laughs and a few revelations along the way, the girls are on a mission - doing it their way!

If this were your initial introduction to Sister Betty and her raucous crew, you would truly be missing more of what this group is about as I suggest aligning yourself with past offerings. I love this book, and of course anxiously await any and all of what Pat G'Orge Walker produces in this line. I rated the book 5 stars out 5 and recommend it for anyone needing a laugh or two while reading a real page-turner.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Get Ready to Laugh Uncontrollably, April 22, 2007

By 

M. Bruner ""Deltareviewer" Real Page ... (Oklahoma!) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Cruisin' On Desperation (Hardcover)

When was the last time you have a deep belly crying laugh? Well, that was too long ago. The ladies in the Oh Lawd, Why Am I Still Single Singles Club will have you hootn' and hollerin over their conversations and plan to get back at Lyon Lipps. Their names and personalities alone bring about a chuckle; let me tell you about them. Cill and Petunia argued amongst each other but they were the mild ones in the group. Mother Blister was older than dirt, would forget her thoughts in mid-sentence, and had lost control of her bladder. Sister Need Sum (Needy) was the president of the club and clearly ran the show. Birdie Tweet is rich and doesn't mind throwing her money around. It just happens that she is the first and only white sister in the group.

Their plan was complex; see they tricked Lyon Lipps into believing that he won a cruise on the ship desperation. The ladies would create chaos on board, make Lyon's life hell all while enjoying a much needed vacation. However, the club can't do it all themselves they called in reinforcements: Sister Ima Hellraiser daughter of Sister Areel Hellraiser and Mother Pray Onn. The antics of these `church folk' come to a screeching halt when the Holy Spirit shows up and shows out. The drama is still working at home because Cill and Petunia can't make the trip but their hands are full trying to uncover dirt at home while dealing with Ima's cat, Evilene.

CRUISIN' ON DESPERATION offers a comedic twist on stereotypical church ladies. Be ready to laugh at the development and execution of the mission to destroy one man. The only problem is that in order to complete their task they will learn the real meaning of living for God. There are times when the action lags and the antics of Mother Pray Onn and Mother Blister are unbelievable. Watch out for Evilene because she out of control. G'Orge-Walker out does herself with this novel. So get ready for your jaws to ache because you won't be able to put this laugh out loud book down.

Reviewed By - Deltareviewer
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