Customer Reviews

Cthulhu Mansion [VHS]

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

Okay, nobody should rent (or buy) "Cthulhu Mansion" based on the H.P. Lovecraft blurb on the box; I've read two reviews that call it "the world's worst [Lovecraft] adaptation," and this movie definitely isn't for any of his fans. BUT... for fans of Juan Piquer Simon, the modern-day Spanish equivalent of Ed Wood, this is a must-see. "Cthulhu Mansion" is hysterical, a mess of poor story, direction, acting, etc. that makes it the director's best film to date. For fans of bad horror, this is a slice of heaven--for Lovecraft fans, it's bound to be the equivalent of pulling teeth.

This is, without a doubt, one of the worst films ever made. The hooligans who invade the magician's house are laughable, as is the dialogue and lack of scares. Terrible. How do you pronounce the title? Don't watch the movie, no one ever says "cthulhu." If I could rate this below one star, I would.

This has to be one of the most poorly done movies ever made, but surprisingly it's worth wasting an evening to sit down and make fun of it. It has no resemblance to any Lovecraft story, however, so in that respect it truly bites. The acting is horrible, so horrible that you hope that they weren't trying too hard.

H. P. Lovecraft must have rolled over in his grave when this thing came out. A total waste of time and effort. I had more fun (and was more scared) when I got my wisdom teeth pulled out! Putting the name Cthulhu on this is like putting Bill Gate's name on a soft-porn shareware title. Save your money-you're more likely to be scared watching cartoons with your cable out than by watching this.

What, no "zero star" rating?!?!? There should be!

This little cube of ipecac oil wins the all time, "how dare you do this to Lovecraft" award. Aside form having "Cthulhu" in the title, I didn't see ANY relevance to ANYTHING Lovecraftian. It was badm even for a bad movie, and whoever used HPL as anything on it will surely burn in hell.

Suck, suckfest, suckling, suck-o-rama, sucktarded, you name it, it fits.

Only watch it if you want to get mad.

This one doesn't even deserve and elder god rating.

Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!

It is hard to even fathom that this worthless attempt at a horror movie is actually from the imagination of H.P. Lovecraft. The movie is cliche; there is nothing about it that is original or creative. The leader of a group of wannabe looking street punks kills a dope dealer at a carnival and takes his stash. They try to escape but run into security and thus force the carnival's magician to help them escape by allowing them to hide in the back of his station wagon. Instead of ditching him, they decide to go back to his mansion...even though he warns them continuously that this is a very bad idea. There, they inadvertently open a door that releases the forces of evil and the typical haunted house events ensue. The dialogue is bland and is as annoying as the majority of the cliche characters. Even the magician, the best character, can't help the flick with his generic words and limited role. The atmosphere is creepy but then most old mansions at night are. Special effects are okay but the death scenes are bland and don't really call for any innovative techniques. Cinematography is average and it doesn't take an experienced eye to realize this. Aside from having a rehashed, boring plot it also contains multiple holes and, as if I would have expected anything less, it has an awful ending. Even the not so scary Haunting remake is better than this flick. So do yourself a favor and stay far, far away.

Juan Piquer Simon has not gotten the recognition he deserves in B-movie circles, despite a strong body of work. Cthulhu Mansion is not as great as Simon's "Pieces," "Supersonic Man" or "Pod People," but it features many of his usual players. For example, this movie includes the inimitable Frank Brana once again, and I always love seeing that guy.

If you are watching this movie, you pretty much know already what to expect, and you won't be disappointed. The worst thing about this movie is the plinky music repeated endlessly throughout the film. It will make you want to turn off the sound and make up lines for the characters. That's not necessarily a bad way to approach this film.

For Simon fans, note that the "mansion" of the title is the same interior used for "Pieces" and "Pod People."

I love this punk movie with H.P. Lovecraft referances. I first heard of this on the official H.P. Lovecraft site. A roller coaster ride through punks who terrorize a mansion. Recommended for fans of H.P. Lovecraft adaptions, only it only contains referances.

My name is Mike Agnello. I watched Cthulhu mansion several times over the past few months. Normally I get scared to watch horror movies in my basement, but I decided to give this one a shot. Boy was I surprised. Excellent! My friends didnt like the movie at all, but I dont think they are smart enough to handle the cinemaphotogaraphy and splendid dialogue this movie presents. Get it if you can find it!!