Customer Reviews

The Cult of the Born-Again Virgin: How Single Women Can Reclaim Their Sexual Power

5 star:		(9)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

As the Publisher notes: "The Born Again Virgins are part of a movement of single thought happening across the culture. In response to the influences on generations of women since the Feminist Revolution, this book represents a return to balance and a chance to make it just as socially acceptable for a woman to say No as there is pressure to say Yes to sexual behavior before she's comfortable."

Balance and acceptance for those who say no before one is comfortable are they key words. I actually read a snotty review of this book in the November 2000 PLAYBOY and it perked my interest as I had read one of the other books they mocked SENSUAL CELIBACY and could see they missed that authors message, so thought they may have done the same with this book The Cult Of The Born Again Virgin. And alas I was right. They failed to mention the women Ms Keller spoke to were all very very well educated and successful and GASP had a mind of their own. Or that she simply challenge society to look beyond their penis and vagina and try thinking with their brain.

Now I will say this...I HATE the title, since born again denotes christian and there are many many of us who come from nonchristian backgrounds i.e. Jewish, Buddhist, Agnostic etc. Having said that it is an excellent book and PLAYBOY once again missed the whole concept that some people have brains and use them and do not see SEX as the end all in life. And are liberal in many many ways!

After reading "The cult of the BAV" I realized theimportance not just for the women to remain celebate until they are ina relationship with someone that they know is there for more than just a "funny feeling" but also for we men as well. Ive had a fairly extensive past with sex both married and single and have found only emptiness and disappointment following random sexual encounters. I would really be releaved to meet someone that i was attracted to that actually wanted the experience of sex but was headsup enough to want to actually get to know something about the person who i am. I figure that if she is like that with me then she has a strong sense of her own self esteem and value as a partner. People seem not to value the beauty of there physical selves anymore and give it up like kleenex to someone with a runny nose. So. Ladies there are some of us out there who actually do value you for more than just a roll. ...And that just takes a little bit of time to figure out, the men who are not willing to wait arent worth giving it up to, they will be on to the next conquest without giving it a thought. ...You will feel much better about yourselves in the long run. I hear alot of women bad mouthing men and its understandable from the stories i hear, but if you women would stand together instead of competing for a man who may not even be worth your while, then the men with the not so good intent would have no where to go. Give it a try. The real men who are worth it will wait for you will even encourage you to wait until you feel sure, no matter how long, pressure to have sex shouldnt be anypart of it,, not from someone else or even within yourselves. You can do it! And thank you Wendy for getting this message out, hopefully this message will spread like a wild fire and some healing will begin to take place. DMS

Maybe this book hit at just the right time. Maybe it's that I admire this woman's ability to clearly, calmly & courageously challenge the norm of sexuality in today's dating world (= meet someone, go out a few times, seems to be something special - why wait?) While the tone is sometimes a bit overzealous & repetitious, the author hits many "uh-huh" points for those who have lived through shorter-term relationships that became sexual before each person's true thoughts & goals were clarified. (Translation: OUCH!) She includes references to spirituality, including different religions, and focuses on the need to examine, develop & live by your own guidelines for becoming sexual. We all know that having sex usually changes the expectations in a relationship, and this book encourages you to make conscious choices before "doing it". She encourages using the energy saved on wasted relationships to make a better life for yourself & the world. Not a man-hating book - in fact, her belief is that voluntary celibacy can increase the possibility of having caring, honest relationships. Not for everyone, but if you find that you repeatedly give your body - and heart - away to those who don't follow through, buy it today!

Keller's premise is great: wait until you're really mentally and emotionally ready to have sex before you do. Acting on physical attraction early in a relationship often causes problems for you and the relationship. Unfortunately, her style is so Southern California that it detracts from the content. She's trying so hard to be hip/cute/Hollywood that it's hard to consider her credible. If you can get beyond her writing style, the message is worth hearing and the book is worth reading.

Despite what others may say, I read Wendy's book and found itto be an insightful, interesting call to action. Perhaps some notready to face the dissonance in their own lives hear only the surface notes of this book, but there is a much deeper meaning. Like she says in the book, if the way you are trying to get into a relationship (such as being sexual too early, before you really know you like this man) isn't working, this book describes a way that is working for many women. Here's what I find: if you're not ready to grow up and take care of yourself sexually, you won't get the book. If you're already way past that teetering point of trying to make a decision to help yourself, you will smile in fond remembrance when you read this. But if you are like me, and trying to sort it all out after a disastrous breakup, then this book will be incredibly helpful and supportive. It's all in how you think about the subject when you read it. I'm giving it 4 stars, because I never give anything 5, including men! But I'm learning! ;-) END

Sex , when surrendered to, is for women always an emotional experience and it just isn't always for men. It is different to be joined than to enter. It is a unique vulnerability to share your body with another. It may not be the politically correct view but there it is. Sure we both, men and women, get vulnerable and hurt by one another. No question. But how to enjoy one another more, embracing and honoring our differences, so we can have more pleasure together is what we all want. As women one very important role we have in this is to be sure we want to happily integrate the impact the man is going to,inevitably, have on our inner world when we open sexually to him. This needs to be done with the full awareness that each time it is a new and uncharted inner journey that can lead into any part of ourself. Any union with a man allows a woman to know herselves better. The integrating of his impact may take more time, energy and heart power that she carefully considered at the time. This book says unless your sure this is going to really be right for you you may use up alot of yourself learning about, integrating, even repairing your inner world and become overly protective of or even jaded in your vulnerablity. She then says question what does that outlay of energy take from the rest of your life. Is it worth it? Why not put that energy into your life in other ways and wait until you are sure the union will be worth it. It is a good message for both men and women. It isn't new but it is always needed. Life is short, spend the precious moments building to a life of richness and deep and real pleasures. Learn to make good choices. Ms. Keller is clearly a woman who is not afraid to speak from her own experience and hope that is a help to others.

I found this book enriching and supportive of my own ideals. I am now happily married the reason I believe is because I got in touch with who I really was and wanted out of life. I became whole as person and after abstaining from sexual contact with just any one I met the special someone that I could share the rest of my life with. Becoming a BAV gave me the freedom, the power and the control to be myself and explore without being pressured in doing anything I did not want to do. I highly recommend this book it goes beyond the sexual boundaries into many aspects of your complete self, both spiritual and physical. Wendy's writing is full of insight, humor with a very personal touch. She has experienced the ups and downs of life and is not afraid to share those choices she made which might have been less than perfect. As a woman and more as a human being I can identify with the choices she made and the goals she maintained. I have a teen-age daughter, who is the primary reason I bought the book. I had already experienced what Wendy talked about for myself, taking control for one's actions and writing down what it is desired including the relationships you want to attract in your life. Now, is time to pass on the word to the teens of this world that are exploring and sometimes unfortunately, misguided by the media and peer pressure. We need to let them know it's okay to say NO and that sex is so much more if it's shared together with love.

What a great book! I really felt like I'd found a friend when I read this. I've been celibate for about 8 months now, and thought I was weird until I found out other women also want to wait until they're really sure before they do it again. I heard this author on G. Gordon Liddy's radio show talking about all the great things women get from celibacy! She's right and I'm glad she wrote the book. It's just what we women need. I'm buying it for two girlfriends.

Men too need to re-virginize and not hold to past believesabout what is "manly" or not and understand that there arereal dangers for them as well. Men do not want to admitt that they may be hurt as well,and not just with AIDS or STDs but from a bad relationship.

Men!! This book is for you too!

Stop being macho,come back down to earth and feel being human.

I just finished this book and I have to say it was just what I needed. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me or something because I really don't want to even date anyone or have sex with anyone because I want time for myself to pursue my goals. My husband died five years ago and I had to nurse him for the last three. It was very, very hard but now I feel like I am taking this breathing time just for me and it feels GOOD! This book is awesome, and so comforting. I'll use it now AND when I am ready to get back into dating. I told Oprah and Barbara Walters to have her on there shows. It is really good - if you are thinking of reading it do it!