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Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships [Paperback]

Marnia Robinson , Douglas Wile Ph.D.
4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (26 customer reviews)

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Book Description

June 23, 2009

Zing! Cupid’s arrow skewers a primitive part of the brain. Obediently, we fall in love amid showers of passionate fireworks, bond for a time … and then often get fed up with each other and grow irritable or numb. Perhaps we try to remodel our mate, seek solace online, or pursue a new love interest. Ancient sages recognized this biological snare and hinted at a way to dodge it: use lovemaking to balance one another and harmony arises naturally.

 With an entertaining blend of personal experiences, the latest neuroscience, and forgotten insights from around the globe, Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow confronts current assumptions about sex and love and offers a refreshing, practical approach to sexuality.


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Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships + Better Than Orgasm: The Magic Of Energy Karezza Sex + The Karezza Method: Magnetation, The Art of Connubial Love (Forgotten Books)
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“[This book] seriously challenges conventional ‘wisdom’ about human sexual interactions. It is as antithetical to modern cultural beliefs about sexual behavior as Galileo’s treatise was to astronomy. In Galileo’s time the earth (like the orgasm) was thought to be the incontestable center of the universe. Marnia Robinson’s hypothesis might result in much needed navigational improvements for modern family relationships.”
—A.J. Reid Finlayson, MD, Division of Addiction Medicine, Department of Psychiatry, Vanderbilt University School of Medicine

“Marnia Robinson brings neuroscience into the bedroom, revealing how biology creates projection and separation. She provides a solution that will not only pleasantly surprise you, but will profoundly change your life. This is a must-read for anyone wanting to know love.”
—Kali Wendorf, founder of Australia’s Kindred magazine and contributing editor of the anthology Belonging

“I can honestly say that I have never read a more accessible and well laid out description of the brain’s reward circuitry. Combine that with the experiential, practical, and spiritual dimensions of Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow, and it is virtually impossible to walk away from it without the feeling that Marnia Robinson really is on to something significant in the field of human relationships and sexual behavior.”
—Russell Razzaque, MD, psychiatrist, London, England

Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow is a skillful blend of understandable science, informative personal reports and light-hearted humor, which make for enjoyable, thought-provoking reading. Between its chapters, curious readers will also find intriguing essays about various traditions (Taoism, Christianity, Buddhism, cortezia, karezza, etc.). These reveal little known, and often remarkable, clues about the hidden potential that lies in our sexual relationships.”
HopeDance

“In Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships, author Marnia Robinson explains how neuroscience can help us understand and change our relationships. Robinson challenges often-held assumptions about the role of sexuality in an accessible way, including personal experiences, science, and insights from around the world.”
MiddlesexMD

“Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow blends personal experiences with the latest neuroscience and various cultural insights to build a survey of popular notions about human sexual interactions and their realities, blending history with cultural and social observation.”
Midwest Book Review

About the Author

Marnia Robinson is a former corporate lawyer who left her career to investigate how ancient sacred-sex prescriptions can heal widespread disharmony in intimate relationships. She and her husband, Gary Wilson, have given presentations on the subject worldwide and run a Web site called Reuniting: Healing with Sexual Relationships. She lives in Ashland, OR.


Product Details

  • Paperback: 416 pages
  • Publisher: North Atlantic Books (June 23, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1556438095
  • ISBN-13: 978-1556438097
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 1 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (26 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #144,912 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

As a former corporate lawyer (with degrees from Brown and Yale), Marnia Robinson never expected to find herself writing books about sex. She delved into the subject in part because she was a bride or bridesmaid in four weddings and nearly everyone who reached the altar (including Marnia) has since divorced and remarried. What was going on?

The more she learned about both ancient sacred sex traditions and the science of mating and bonding, the more she recognized the need for a cross-disciplinary perspective that also incorporates the experiences of actual lovers struggling with the tension between fiery biological urges and the desire for long-term harmonious relationships. Psychologists, neuroscientists, evolutionary biologists, anthropologists and ancient sages all have essential clues for coping with this challenge--and yet each profession alone is somewhat hampered by its codified assumptions. Marnia's work highlights key insights (both recent and long-forgotten) by weaving them together with practical suggestions. Her book has been endorsed by two psychiatrists, a UCLA biology professor and author of "Mean Genes," and others.

Her husband Gary Wilson, a neuroscience enthusiast, generously takes time from his teaching career to help her collect and analyze the material in her posts and books. He also hosts the porn recovery website www.yourbrainonporn.com. Together Gary and Marnia blog on "Psychology Today" (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow). Their article "The Great Porn Experiment" recently appeared in "The Evolutionary Review." You can watch Gary's popular TEDx talk of the same name here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU&feature=youtu.be. They reside in Ashland, Oregon.

Watch Marnia on San Francisco's "The View from the Bay" show (http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=view_from_the_bay/sex_relationships&id=6982144). (6 mins.)

"Cupid's Poisoned Arrow" has also been published in German as "Das Gift an Amors Pfeil."

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
37 of 38 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Why couldn't I read this when I was young ? October 27, 2009
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
Thanks to this book, at age 63 I finally understood why things went wrong every three years in my relationships ! This book is a real breakthrough in the art and science of loving (and LASTING) relationships. It shows the source of our passion-fading problem (our mammalian brain with its procreating programmation) and the cure (tiptoeing around the orgasm and lots of bonding behaviours). The revelation for me was that orgasm triggers dopamine release, which acts like a hard drug with its associated withdrawal symptoms, and that this unconsciously alters your perception of your partner. Bonding behaviours (tender touch, kissing, caressing, smiling, etc.) in opposition, trigger beneficial chemicals in our brain which help us keep our positive perception of our partner. Thanks to the author for daring to expose the scientific truth behind passion, sexual attraction, love and attachment. This book was life-changing for me.
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44 of 49 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Busting the myth of orgasm December 28, 2009
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
The world has gone crazy over orgasm. 50 years ago few women had orgasms, just the men. Today in our liberal society there is a smorgasbord of information on how to have multiple orgasms, g spot orgasms cervical orgasm, prolonged orgasm. It's been studied and promoted to exhaustion. The ultimate pleasure hit in our society which is so focused the pursuit of the ultimate rush for our own little self satisfaction.

And how are relationships between couples going? The stats are not good. Despite the fact that more people are having the hottest sex using all the techniques now available, there are more relationships on the rocks than ever.

Marnia Robinson blows the lid on what is really happening. There are a plethora of books and studies out there examining what happens before and up to orgasm, but no one is looking at what happens afterwards. Its the last thing we want to know. Sex just becomes two Dopamine junkies who get into bed with each other to feast on the hit we get from the big O.

Tantra is the big thing at the moment, but under the guise of sacredness it frequently degenerates into just another way to get a dopamine hit. It sells well, but doesn't make lasting bonded relationships between couples.

This book go where none other dare to go. What is the ultimate effect of this lust feasting on each other. From this book I have made more sense of what has happened in my relationships than any other. Its not just what happened in my childhood, its also about how we are wired as humans.

I always believe I should follow my heart in life and relationships, but at least now I know that it can also be just my penis connected to my limbic system wanting to follow natures agenda for offspring.
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28 of 30 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Unique and essential July 16, 2009
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
A friend told me about the predecessor to this book ("Peace Between the Sheets") at which point I went to her website, reuniting.info, and watched the wonderful videos she has there about this material. I wanted to read the book and so I ordered this new version and am very impressed with it. It is well written and the information is unique and life changing. The book has a lot of additional information beyond what are in the videos.

I think this information is essential to anyone that wants healthy romantic relationships but beyond that because of all the information in the book about how our brains work and how patterns and addictions are formed and healed I think it's essential to all human beings!

This is one of those books when you wish you could go higher than five stars. Thank you, Marnia, for such a great book!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars It's not just about relationships...
In this day and age, books like this are rare but people are catching on - albeit too slowly. They would have to, due to economic stresses + change in the nature of jobs. Read more
Published 6 days ago by Student
5.0 out of 5 stars Great bonding tools.
It added wonderful insights to our understanding of intimacy and brain chemistry. As a couple, it gave us freedom to practice the kind of love making we desired without having to... Read more
Published 1 month ago by Patrick
4.0 out of 5 stars Interesting and useful information
There really isn't much more to add by way of commentary that hasn't already been stated by other reviewers here. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Will I Am
4.0 out of 5 stars Fascinating Insights on Neurochemicals and Sex
"Cupid's Poisoned Arrow" was recommended to me by a friend after much discussion of addictions in our society, and so I brought it out of curiosity. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Zadius Sky
2.0 out of 5 stars Not my favorite book on the subject
Though the science is agreeable with other books that I've read, I don't think it qualified any of the ancient methods or spirituality. Read more
Published 3 months ago by James Gummer
4.0 out of 5 stars Good information
This is good information and very relevant. However, I think it's probably more an article than a book. The premise is simple, and could be easily explained in a single chapter. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Peek
5.0 out of 5 stars Wise Path for Ongoing Relationship Bliss
I recommend this book without reservation.

How to cultivate and sustain thriving intimate relationships has been a particular passion of mine for more than two decades... Read more
Published 6 months ago by Michael Dowd
2.0 out of 5 stars Misguided, Modern, Self-Help Pop-Psychology Book
Let me start by saying I dislike the author and her offspring community. Therefore some of my critique will be directed at the credibility of the author herself and the online... Read more
Published 8 months ago by Drealm
5.0 out of 5 stars Must read for anyone who has sex or orgasms
Marnia Robinson goes into great detail in this very accessible book about how the human mind functions and the evolutionary process that has shaped this functioning and plausible... Read more
Published 10 months ago by F. T.
4.0 out of 5 stars A unique book for couples
In this book Marnia teaches couples how to have sex in such a loving way that divorce is less likely to happen. Read more
Published 11 months ago by Lance
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