Customer Reviews

Cupid's Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Thanks to this book, at age 63 I finally understood why things went wrong every three years in my relationships ! This book is a real breakthrough in the art and science of loving (and LASTING) relationships. It shows the source of our passion-fading problem (our mammalian brain with its procreating programmation) and the cure (tiptoeing around the orgasm and lots of bonding behaviours). The revelation for me was that orgasm triggers dopamine release, which acts like a hard drug with its associated withdrawal symptoms, and that this unconsciously alters your perception of your partner. Bonding behaviours (tender touch, kissing, caressing, smiling, etc.) in opposition, trigger beneficial chemicals in our brain which help us keep our positive perception of our partner. Thanks to the author for daring to expose the scientific truth behind passion, sexual attraction, love and attachment. This book was life-changing for me.

The world has gone crazy over orgasm. 50 years ago few women had orgasms, just the men. Today in our liberal society there is a smorgasbord of information on how to have multiple orgasms, g spot orgasms cervical orgasm, prolonged orgasm. It's been studied and promoted to exhaustion. The ultimate pleasure hit in our society which is so focused the pursuit of the ultimate rush for our own little self satisfaction.

And how are relationships between couples going? The stats are not good. Despite the fact that more people are having the hottest sex using all the techniques now available, there are more relationships on the rocks than ever.

Marnia Robinson blows the lid on what is really happening. There are a plethora of books and studies out there examining what happens before and up to orgasm, but no one is looking at what happens afterwards. Its the last thing we want to know. Sex just becomes two Dopamine junkies who get into bed with each other to feast on the hit we get from the big O.

Tantra is the big thing at the moment, but under the guise of sacredness it frequently degenerates into just another way to get a dopamine hit. It sells well, but doesn't make lasting bonded relationships between couples.

This book go where none other dare to go. What is the ultimate effect of this lust feasting on each other. From this book I have made more sense of what has happened in my relationships than any other. Its not just what happened in my childhood, its also about how we are wired as humans.

I always believe I should follow my heart in life and relationships, but at least now I know that it can also be just my penis connected to my limbic system wanting to follow natures agenda for offspring.

A friend told me about the predecessor to this book ("Peace Between the Sheets") at which point I went to her website, reuniting.info, and watched the wonderful videos she has there about this material. I wanted to read the book and so I ordered this new version and am very impressed with it. It is well written and the information is unique and life changing. The book has a lot of additional information beyond what are in the videos.

I think this information is essential to anyone that wants healthy romantic relationships but beyond that because of all the information in the book about how our brains work and how patterns and addictions are formed and healed I think it's essential to all human beings!

This is one of those books when you wish you could go higher than five stars. Thank you, Marnia, for such a great book!

Like another reviewer of this book, while reading it I often wanted to kick myself for not having come across these ideas much earlier in life, when it could have saved me and the women I was with, all manner of heartache and headaches. Oh well.

Marnia Robinson is a well- and widely-educated woman who serves up a fascinating mix of neurochemistry, evolutionary biology, psychology, and cultural/religious history. She cites her sources scrupulously, so you know that she didn't just pull everything out of her backside like too many authors in the sex/self-help genre. This book is NOT some unreadable academic treatise, nor is it a breathless pop-psychology rave. It falls somewhere in the middle.

The two main foibles, which prevent me from giving it 5 stars, is the tendency towards schoolmarmish repetition (a more rigorous editor could have made it 1/4 to 1/3 shorter) and some dubious leaps of logic/deduction. There is also an unfortunate tendency to use gushing pseudonymous testimonials in an infomercial-like style.

Nonetheless, it is mostly a very absorbing and informative book, especially with a bit of skimming through the repetitious and flaky parts. I have been highly recommending it to my friends and family, especially the ones who are in difficult relationships. Let's hope that the author's message will eventually seep into mainstream awareness; at the moment it is still very much on the fringes.

This book provides new and valuable information on knowledge that has been around for thousands of years and continues to surface and resurface over the centuries. Creating and sustaining fulfilling sexual relations with ones partner is probably one of the top concerns of everyone involved in a long term relationship. This book address these concerns, laying out a clear path of why so many of us have mixed results in this area and then describes practical ways to create harmony. What's unique about this book is the science based information as to the bio chemical systems at play when we think about and engage sexually. Armed with this information one can make wiser choices in creating satisfying intimate relationships. I like the way the author combines personal experience, science based information and wisdom from the past to create a book that is intimate and informative with a sense of the bigger picture, all the while being an enjoyable read. You can see that the author walks the talk from practical experience. If you want to reinvent yourself as a sexual being and negotiate the often stormy waters of sexual relationships this book offers deep insight into our human reproductive nature with practical tools on how to sail forward into smoother and infinitely more satisfying waters.

it's not perfect but as another four-star reviewer wrote, one of the main solutions to making it better would be better editing, to make it shorter, more to the point, less repetitious. And I found typos and grammar issues, only technical yet basic mistakes. Again, better editing would make marnia's message delivery better.

Besides those points, I realized one very disturbing issue which I had not consciously acknowledged/accepted/honoured by my waking mind - until I visited amazon.com and read one of the threads of one of the one-star book reviews (thanks reviewer(s)!). Marnia has not discussed inner balance (and I'm up to page 112 and have spent a few hours reading reuniting.info, where there are other contributors besides marnia also, and no-one has mentioned it). This failure to bring up this crucial early spiritual step is glaring. I discuss a technique in another comment on how I do this for myself. The important point is each man or woman, must be balanced within themselves before ever seeking a mate: the way that information is left-off makes this book either a bit lop-sided, or only a 'second-stage' book, like discussing the icing without discussing the cake underneath, where knowledge of the icing without the cake is difficult.

For those reading this book for the first time, or having been recently introduced to 'karezza', it's imperative you know how to honour (accept, identify or visualize) both the male and female aspects within, and how the relationship energy between the two is the divine energy you draw on. Otherwise, as many lament on the reuniting.info site, they are mate-focused, in other words, the posters wrote that they feel incomplete without a mate to do the activities with. (externally-focused). I feel certain we have everything within ourselves to be whole and complete. And unless we accept/acknowledge and train on the idea, thus experiencing the feeling of completeness, it's not helpful...

I've read both Marnia's books now and find them very insightful into the nature of relationship between men and women. There's so much information available on this subject, but most IMHO is no more than yak with no real research or insight. If you've ever read Taoism, Tantra or other esoteric material with regards to sexuality, you probably came away wondering if it really had any backing in reality. This book takes those subjects and grounds them in the working of mammal biology. Why do we create relationships that seemingly are powerful, beautiful and compelling only to run away from them as fast as we can? Why do long-term relationships break down and how can the love be not only be preserved but strengthened within a sexually loving bond.
This book ties those ancient wisdom works into real science about the mammalian procreative system and specifically how human beings are the same and differ in crucial aspects of mating and bonding.
In a civilization where super stimuli like pornography is a website away, knowing this information can really help the civilized person live a better life and get off the dopamine roller coaster.
The book is also a good read. Thumbs up.

This book just makes sense. I've always wondered what happens after having sex for the first time with a boyfriend. What happened? We had "this" and then as soon as we have sex- poof- it's gone! Well, this book explains all that. With personal experiences and scientific research as well as historical reviews of practices, the actual reasons why this phenomenon occurs and what to do to solve and resolve the problem is laid out. I highly recommend this book as a path to a happy relationship!

Cupid's poisoned arrow is a wonderful revelation. I'm very grateful for the insights this book provides. Although I suspected that frequent ejaculation and porn use caused inner turmoil, I didn't have any good ideas of what to do about it. This book confirmed and greatly expanded my suspicions and intuitions about the after effects of sex. Furthermore, unlike any other book, sex expert, or podcast that I've come across, Cupid's poisoned arrow shows us a way off of the physical and emotional roller coaster ride from the endless pursuit of bigger, better, and more intense orgasms. Personally, it's a relief.
Unless this is pointed out to you, the negative after effects of orgasm are very hard to spot. I didn't see them. Even when I suspected after effects such as moodiness and fatigue were related to ejaculating, what could I do? Although books such as The Multi-orgasmic man pointed out the pitfalls of ejaculating, the prescription was to get to the edge and then move the sexual energy up the spine. I tried and eventually gave up these exercises. Too frustrating and I didn't get results. Karezza, by contrast, looks easy.
Cupid's poisoned arrow gives us a thorough, comprehensive view of orgasms. There are no moral arguments against them. The argument is neurochemical. Avoid orgasm because there is a hidden two week hangover called the passion cycle. I'm grateful for knowing this and for a path out - karezza. It's too early to give 1st hand knowledge that karezza works, but my intuition says "Yes". I'll be experimenting, no doubt. Thank you Marnia, Will, and the growing community.

I found out about this book during a discussion of a relationship issue that has recently come up for me.

Having read it, I can only say that everyone should read it whether or not you decide on changing your sexual ways. The information on our neuro-chemistry sure explains a lot! The information can at least provide context for some relationship dynamics and with awareness, perhaps we can "work around" some of the problems. For example, once I understood PMS better, I was more able to manage the symptoms (moods).

I think the knowledge is good, whatever you decide to do with it.