Cure Your Democracy: The Infection, Spread and Treatment of Contagious Opinions - Paper Book
CURE YOUR DEMOCRACY: The Infection, Spread and Treatment of Contagious Opinions - Kindle
Cure Your Democracy: The Infection, Spread and Treatment of Contagious Opinions
By John Cooker, MRI
Published by Spin Doctor Press ISBN 9780983572404
This book was given to me by the author on condition that I provide an honest review.
Cure Your Democracy - A Book Review
According to the back cover, "There's an epidemic sweeping across America, but no one's taking it seriously. The infected look like normal Americans, at first, but then they open their mouths and foreign words leap out known only to inhabitants of their special nation: left coaster, mama grizzly, Obamacare, drill baby drill; or neocon, glass ceiling, teabagger, I didn't inhale. . . .
"No one is safe and many are contaminated. Treatments are provided so that they may become virus free and regain the ability to associate with those `other' Americans--those infected with the opposing virus. If you are tired of the partisan arguing in our great country, this book is guaranteed to lift you to higher ground and make you LOL."
As a college English teacher, one of the things I've had to try to teach my students is the meaning of the phrase "extended metaphor." This entire book is one extended metaphor used to create some of the most hilariously delightful satire I have ever read. It isn't in the same frame as the satire of Jonathan Swift--it's more like that of Mark Twain--but it is ultimately sui generis. I have not come across anything else like it.
It is not attacking thoughtful political opinion derived from a careful study of the issues. Instead, it attacks contagious catchwords which involve little or no real thinking at all--the kind in which people can talk vitriolically for hours and never express a single real piece of scholarship or reflection, much less originality. This, the author argues, is the result of two different and opposing viral infections. These infections are easily revealed by the person's reaction to certain normal words or situations. "The friendly expressions of half of these people dissolve, then mutate into vexation and anger if you and a companion walk arm-in-arm and nuzzle affectionately in public--if your companion is the same sex as you. Drop the word `multiculturalism' and they wil have an immediate allergy-like reaction. Their face will turn red with fever and they'll begin to tremble as they glide away from you.
"The other half of these people will react just as emotionally if you pull up next to them in a parking lot in a camouflage painted pickup truck smoking and rumbling, then check if your double barrel 12-gauge is empty before you place it in the gun rack in the rear window. Drop the phrase `lamestream media' and they'll have an immediate allergy-like reaction also. They'll cringe and hold their brow from a splitting headache, as they back away from you.
"At these times their illness is revealed."
The author has called these "highly contagious viruses Democratitus and Democratosis." Don't blame me if you get the two confused pretty often as you read the book, because the whole point is that both sets of viruses act the same but have different triggers. "The root of each name is demos, the Greek word for `the People': and also demo, the shortened word for demonstration, as in a protest march; demo is also the shortened word for demolition."
A less enlightened individual than John Cooker might describe full-blown Democratitus as extreme and mindless conservatism, and Democratosis as extreme and mindless liberalism. A person not afflicted with the virus is likely to be able to be a conservative or a liberal, a Republican or a Democrat, as a result of STUDY and THOUGHT, using the MIND and the LIBRARY, whereas study, thought, mindfulness, the use of the library, and especially tolerance of other people's opinions are anathema to those afflicted with the virus. Victims of both viruses quickly lose their ability to think, and would prefer that free speech be banned so that nobody would have to listen to anybody except people who think--or think they think--just like the afflicted individual. No viral-stricken individual studied thus far is capable of saying "I disagree with everything you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." Still less are they able to remember that this country was founded to defend that thesis among others. Victims of either virus want to throw out at least half of the Constitution; needless to say (but I am saying it anyway) it is never the SAME parts of it that victims of opposing viruses want to throw out.
Cooker points out in his introduction that dietary factors may play a part in the development of either virus. "For example, an individual's preference for consumption of red meat, especially hamburgers, trends [I think he means tends] that person overwhelmingly toward susceptibility to Democratitis to the extent that it's an anomaly to be infected with it and to not love red meat. Whereas, those with a preference for consumption of tofu (such as in a veggie burger) preset them for infection with Democratosis." At this point in my reading I heaved a sigh of relief. I had thought that, despite my aged and decrepit condition, I had escaped the infection of those viruses, and at that moment I knew I was right. I like red meat AND tofu, and I took my lesbian former roommate into a festivity at my Mormon church, although I had to swear to her that the roof wouldn't fall in on her before she would enter.
According to Cooker, the "purpose of my research is to:
1. Expose these viruses for the serious diseases they are
2. Reveal their behavior
3. Get to the bottom of why we don't consider them as seriously as we should and explore the self-deception that appears to be built into the diseases
4. Give the fascinating facts from my research
5. Give examples of cases
6. Finally, get to the heart of the matter and give the treatments I've discovered for both"
He then proceeds to do just that, using as far as possible the language and methodology of the medical profession in such a guileless and ingenuous manner that it is guaranteed to give a heart attack to any seriously ill victim of either virus. (If you don't know what guileless and ingenuous mean, you probably have one of the viruses, and a library is a good place to learn the meanings and begin your cure.)
The only way to give a true and accurate review of the entire book would be to quote it. That is a violation of federal law, though the victims of Democratosis do not believe that to be a good law. As I do not have either virus, and besides that I'm an author myself, I think it's a very good law. However, it is very poor literary or scholarly practice, and I will not indulge in it.
I personally, being virus-free, found the book hilarious and true. If I had either virus, I would probably (though it's hard to be sure of the outcome of a disease one does not have) consider the book dangerously slanted, though the victims of each virus would consider it slanted in favor of those having the other virus.
The conclusion describes a duel. Coker suggests that dueling is the most likely cure for either virus, and "should be considered the treatment of choice." Furthermore, he suggests that schools should teach the theory and practice of successful dueling.
If you suspect you might be afflicted with either virus (though those seriously afflicted will be unable to notice their illness), you might go to the website [...] (yes, it's a real website; I went there and looked) and see what you can learn. Cooker concludes, "We must wake up our great country to the harm these viruses commit day after day on our citizenry. We must take this condition more seriously. We must rid ourselves of these insidious viruses if America is ever to get well."
To this, all I can say is, "Amen." And do it in a hurry. As I write this sadly overdue review, the general election is very slightly more than a month in the future. We need as many clear heads as possible at the polls. If you vote while under the influence of either virus, it is the virus, not you, doing the voting, and do we really want our country led by the results of a highly contagious viral condition?
Anne Wingate, Ph.D., author of Scene of the Crime and numerous other works of fiction and nonfiction
