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Curmudgeing Through Paradise: Reports from a Fractal Dung Beetle Paperback – June 19, 2007

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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Fred Reed is an ex-Marine keyboard mercenary and part-time sociopath with thirty years as a police reporter and military correspondent. He lives in Mexico near Guadalajara, and detests almost everything. When he isn?t writing scurrilous commentary, he is usually drinking Padre Kino red and smoking Cuban cigars.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 244 pages
  • Publisher: iUniverse, Inc.; 1 edition (June 19, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0595443745
  • ISBN-13: 978-0595443741
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.6 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,177,648 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

According to Fred, who is an occasionally reliable source (though he says his heart isn't in it): I was born in 1945 in Crumpler, West Virginia, an unincorporated coal camp near Bluefield where my maternal grandfather was the camp doctor, and steam locomotives chuffed spectacularly in to load coal at the tipple. (When someone got sick on the other side of the mountain, the miners would put Big Pat, as granddad was called, in a coal car and take him under the mountain. He had a robust conception of a house call.) My father was a mathematician, but then serving in the Pacific aboard the destroyer USS Franks. My paternal grandfather was dean and professor of mathematics at Hampden-Sydney College, a small and (then, and perhaps now) quite good liberal arts school in southwest Virginia. In general my family for many generations were among the most literate, the most productive, and the dullest people in the South. Presbyterians.
After the war I lived as a navy brat here and there--San Diego, Mississippi, the Virginia suburbs of Washington, Alabama, what have you, and briefly in Farmville, Virginia, while my father went on active duty for the Korean War as an artillery spotter. I was an absorptive and voracious reader, a terrible student, and had by age eleven an eye for elevation and windage with a BB gun that would have awed a missile engineer. I was also was a bit of a mad scientist. For example, I think I was ten when I discovered the formula for thermite in the Britannica at Athens College in Athens, Alabama, stole the ingredients from the college chemistry laboratory, and ignited a mound of perfectly adequate thermite in the prize frying pan of the mother of my friend Perry, whose father
was the college president. The resulting six-inch hole in the frying pan was hard to explain.
I went to high school in King George County, Virginia, while living aboard Dahlgren Naval Weapons Laboratory (my father was always a weapons-development sort of mathematician, although civilian by this time), where I was the kid other kids weren't supposed to play with. I spent my time canoeing, shooting, drinking unwise but memorable amounts of beer with the local country boys, attempting to be a French rake with only indifferent success, and driving in a manner that, if you are a country boy, I don't have to describe, and if you aren't, you wouldn't believe anyway. I remember trying to explain to my father why his station wagon was upside down at three in the morning after I had flipped it at seventy on a hairpin turn that would have intimidated an Alpine goat.
As usual I was a woeful student--if my friend Butch and I hadn't found the mimeograph stencil for the senior Government exam in the school's Dempster Dumpster, I wouldn't have graduated--but was a National Merit Finalist.
After two years at Hampden-Sydney, where I worked on a split major in chemistry and biology with an eye to oceanography, I was bored. After spending the summer thumbing across the continent and down into Mexico, hopping freight trains up and down the eastern seaboard, and generally confusing myself with Jack Kerouac, I enlisted in the Marines, in the belief that it would be more interesting than stirring unpleasant glops in laboratories and pulling apart innocent frogs. It was. On returning from Vietnam with a lot of stories, as well as a Purple Heart and more shrapnel in my eyes than I really wanted, I graduated from Hampden-Sydney with lousy grades and a bachelor-of-science degree with a major in history and a minor in computers. Really. My GREs were in the 99th percentile.
The years from 1970 to 1973 I spent in largely disreputable pursuits, a variety that has always come naturally to me. I wandered around Europe, Asia, and Mexico, and acquired the usual stock of implausible but true stories about odd back alleys and odder people.
When the 1973 war broke out in the Mid-East, I decided I ought to do something respectable, thought that journalism was, and told the editor of my 327
home-town paper, "Hi! I want to be a war correspondent." This was a sufficiently damn-fool thing to do that he let me go, probably to see what would happen. Writing, it turned out, was the only thing I was good for. Using my clips from Israel, I argued to the editors of Army Times that they needed my services to cover the war in Vietnam. They too let me do it. Editorial bad judgement is a valuable resource.
I spent the last year of the war between Phnom Penh and Saigon, leaving each with the evacuation. Those were heady days in which I lived in slums that would have horrified a New York alley cat, but they appealed to the Steinbeck in me, of which there is a lot. After the fall of Saigon I returned to Asia, resumed residence for six months in my old haunts in Taipei, and studied Chinese while waiting for the next war, which didn't come. Returning overland, I took up a career of magazine free-lancing, a colorful route to starvation, with stints on various staffs interspersed. For a year I worked in Boulder, Colorado, on the staff of Soldier of Fortune magazine, half zoo and half asylum, with the intention of writing a book about it. Publishing houses said, yes, Fred, this is great stuff, but you are obviously making it up. I wasn't. Playboy eventually published it, making me extremely persona non grata at Soldier of Fortune.
Having gotten married somewhere along the way, I am now the happily divorced father of the World's Finest Daughters. Until recently I worked as, among other things, a law-enforcement columnist for theWashington Times. It allowed me to take trips to big cities and to ride around in police cars with the siren going woowoowoo and kick in doors of drug dealers. Recently I changed the column from law enforcement to technology, and now live in Mexico in Jocotopec, near Guadalajara, having found burros preferable to bureaus. I now share my existence with Violeta Gonzales, who was what God had in mind when he created women but just hadn't quite perfected the idea until recently.
My hobbies are crawling South America, scuba, listening to blues, swing-dancing in dirt bars, associating with colorful maniacs, and writing seditious columns.
My principal accomplishment in life, aside from my children, is the discovery that it is possible to jitterbug to the Brandenburgs.

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

35 of 35 people found the following review helpful By Lynn H on November 5, 2007
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It's not tactful to say the things Fred Reed says. It won't win him popularity with the chattering classes. But I'm pretty sure my late Dad,the blunt-speaking Marine, would have found him as entertaining and thought-provoking as I do.
I began reading Fred to see what he'd say about living in Mexico. I stayed to see what he had to say about politics, relationships, things that work and those that don't.
Want an ex-pat's view of America? A crime reporter's insight into the problems of the ghetto? A father's observations on education? A good-old boy's critique of American women his own age? Fred lets it all hang out in this compilation of his online columns, and it's a good read. If you can't admit your own sacred cows leave dung wherever they go, you won't like Fred. But you won't forget what he says, either.
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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful By R. Cindric on September 3, 2009
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Fred Reed likes to project the, "I'm too old to give a crap" attitude. He's disappointed in the U.S. but isn't arrogant enough to recommend corrections. He is smart enough, in most cases to let the reader decide what, if anything he wants to do about the problem. One of his best statements is that "Congress belongs to whoever pays it the most, like a Mexican Sheriff, but without the sense of social responsibility." That's just in the Forward.

I agree with his opinion about the U.S. becoming a nanny state and overly protecting children. A result of the over-protectiveness our children are not likely to grow up to be useful adults. He seems to agree with Ben Franklin in that a society that give up freedom for security deserves neither. There is much to recommend in this book of rough shod philosophy. He combines his experience as a former military and police reporter with descriptions about how he avoids the other expatriates living in his Mexico and comments on current events. Maybe we need more police and war correspondents covering Congress. Political reporters tend to coddle their sources and use a softened approach to describe Washington politics. Maybe the reporters should start treating them like criminals instead of statesmen. After all, the chances are greater that they're criminals.

Of course he has opinions about everything from child rearing to whether "Intelligent Design" is worthy of being taught along with evolution. Even though I strongly disagree with his opinion that it's science because it hasn't been disproved, reading his common sense approach the the subject is refreshing.

Fred Reed hides in the more unexplored environs of Mexico but he has a pretty good handle on current U.S. events. I would recommend reading his discussion of them as an alternative to watching the evening news.
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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful By Frederick J. Miller on September 2, 2007
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Fred's latest is a continuation of his view of the world by a curmudgeon. His latest is equal to each of his previous books. If you like this one you will buy the former. In this age of political correctness we need a Fred Reed. One bitter-sweet view after another.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful By R. Sullivan on May 30, 2008
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I've enjoyed Fred's talk on his web site for years. I don't always agree with his observations but I like his way of presenting his view without pulling punches. Refreshing,
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful By David R. Dillon on October 23, 2010
Format: Paperback
Thank God for the Internet! If it weren't for the Internet, we would think columnists like David Broder are hot stuff. However, Fred's web site and the books it has spawned have been a beacon to anyone concerned about America. Fred is not denominational or partisan. He is merely a truthful witness of the seamy side of life who speaks unvarnished and complete truth. Curmugeing Through Paradise is his latest and perhaps best examination of the underside of things the politically correct could never face. A must read times two.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By E. johnson on January 24, 2010
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Thankfully we have Fred to shine the acerbic light of humor on the ills that afflict our society. Otherwise I might be as insane as the savage nitwits who rule over us.
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