Curses! [Kindle Edition]

J.A. Kazimer (Author)

Book Description

Definitely not for baby's bedtime reading, this hilarious and irreverent take on classic fairytales--think Shrek for grownups--combines humor, mystery, and characters only a fairy godmother could love...

When Cinderella is run over by a New Never City bus, her not-so-ugly stepsister, Asia, suspects murder. So she hires RJ, a private eye, to investigate. Little does she know RJ is actually a villain on mental health leave from the Villain's Union. Cursed with an inability to say no to damsels in distress, RJ travels to the Kingdom of Maldetto, meets the rest of Cinderella's family--including her fiancé, the flamboyant Prince Charming, Cinderella's crazy stepmother, and a seriously twisted version of Hansel and Gretel--and dodges bullets, explosions, fires, and his own ex-wife to slip his own version of glass handcuffs on the wrists that fit. All while falling for Asia, who has a curse of her own to deal with...
 
Fabulous, frolicsome, and delightfully F***ed-Up, Kazimer's debut is a thoroughly fun read. - Nicole Peeler, author of the True Jane Series.

Forget everything you know about Cinderella and her sisters. J.A. Kazimer sets the record straight with wit, humor and a hell of an imagination! - Jeanne C. Stein, National Bestselling Author of The Anna Strong Vampire Chronicles

"More than f*cked up. Demented. Hilarious. Kazimer is going to warp a lot of minds and they're going to thank her."  - Mario Acevedo, author of Werewolf Smackdown

Editorial Reviews

Review

Blending favorite fairy tale characters with today's cultural references and sensibilities, Curses! flips the childhood staple on its head to create a wholly adult, and highly entertaining, reading experience.

-  Gabrielle Gantz, The Nervous Breakdown

This book had me laughing out loud. The author does a wonderful job of bringing the characters and their world into the here and now. I loved seeing many of the characters in this new light. I enjoyed my visit and cannot wait to come back again to see just what will happen next.

-  You Gotta Read Reviews

It will keep any mystery, romance, or mystery/romance fan up reading past their bedtime. Throw in the "fractured fairytales," and anyone may find themselves still reading at dawn...

- Dan Porter, The Chaotic Reader

From the Back Cover

Fabulous, frolicsome, and delightfully F***ed-Up, Kazimer's debut is a thoroughly fun read. - Nicole Peeler, author of the True Jane Series.

Forget everything you know about Cinderella and her sisters. J.A. Kazimer sets the record straight with wit, humor and a hell of an imagination! - Jeanne C. Stein, National Bestselling Author of The Anna Strong Vampire Chronicles

"More than f*cked up. Demented. Hilarious. Kazimer is going to warp a lot of minds and they're going to thank her."  - Mario Acevedo, author of Werewolf Smackdown

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• File Size: 515 KB
• Print Length: 321 pages
• Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0758269129
• Publisher: Kensington Books; 1 edition (February 28, 2012)
• Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
• Language: English
• ASIN: B005QFC6SI
• Text-to-Speech: Enabled
• X-Ray: Enabled
• Lending: Enabled
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #152,360 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

19 of 20 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Review Of Curses! A F**ked Up Fairytale By J.A. Kazimer March 28, 2012

By Raquel Vega-Grieder

Format:Paperback

OMG, this book was PHENOMENAL. I have never laughed so much or so hard in my life. You have not read a fairytale until you have read it done by J.A. Kazimer. She takes fairytales to a whole new level. I am now a die hard fan of Ms. Kazimer. Any F**cked Up Fairytale she wants to tell I will so be there to read it.

RJ is the biggest, baddest villain there is, too bad he is cursed. See RJ is being punished by the Villians Union so now he is cursed to be nice until he can get re-instated to the union. With nothing better to do and an ulterior motive of his own (like getting into her pants....lol), RJ accepts a job from Asia Maledetto.

Asia is a cursed ugly step-sister, but don't let the "title" fool you because Asia is anything but ugly. Her step-sister Cinderella or Cindi as Asia calls her, dies under mysterious circumstances so Asia hires RJ to find out who murdered her beloved step-sister and why.

From the second RJ accepts the job he is put through the ringer. He has more calamities happen to him than all other villains combined. Which makes for a hilarious book. While dodging the law RJ must throw Prince Charming a bachelor party, he gets beat up by Little Miss Muffet, chased by a 10 year old serial killer named Little Red Riding Hood, and he is constantly dodging flying arrows. That is only a small fraction of all the hi jinks RJ finds himself in the middle of. Not to mention there is a surprise twist at the end.

I want to say more but I so don't want to ruin this story for anyone. This is such a MUST READ book. Author J.A. Kazimer, in my opinion, has a HUGE hit on her hands with this new series. So far this is the BEST book I have read this year. I always found myself laughing out loud uncontrollably. On a scale from 1-10 I give Curses!... A F**cked Up Fairytale a HUGE 20. So off my scale but very deserving. This book is just that good. If you are looking for a new take on some classic fairytale characters, evil villains, a romantic comedy, or just a twisted good time than Curses! A F**cked Up Fairytale is for you. Her next F**cked Up Fairytale features the Frog Prince. I believe it is called Froggy-Style. I am so dying to read that one. I encourage everyone 16+ to pick up a copy and get ready to laugh your assets off at all the mishaps that befall RJ and Asia. Read more ›

10 of 11 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars "A Mystifying Jaunt Into an Enchanted World" February 28, 2012

By Nancy Narma

Format:Paperback

If you think you know all there is to know about the Fairy Tale and Nursery Rhyme characters you loved as a child--think again!! When Cinderella is run over and killed by a bus in New Never city while trying to rescue a bluebird straying into traffic, her Step-Sister; Asia, enlists the help of villain; "R. J.", better known as "Rumple Stiltskin" to leave no stone unturned in finding "Cindi's" murderer. Ordinarily, this wouldn't be a problem, but R.J. is a villain, not a Private Investigator and is on mandatory mental health leave from the Villain's Union due to villainous-related stress. Along with his leave, he receives a curse. The type of curse no self-respecting villain would relish., for he is cursed to perform only polite deeds of kindness.
The investigation takes R.J. from his familiar surroundings in New Never City to the wacky Kingdom of Maledetto, complete with the King, his Queen, the other ugly Step-Sister Dru and an enchanted forest filled with familiar named characters with not-so-familiar traits. J.A. Kazimer will lead you through a maze of possibilities spiced with some violence, intrigue, sex and humor. Was Cinderella's death an accident?? Has someone concocted an evil plot against residents of the kingdom?? The author has you guessing right up to the end. "Curses!" is a welcome change from the typical mysteries I have been reading. If you enjoy this volume as much as I have (and I bet you will!)--you'll be happy to learn there is a sequel due out in the not-to-distant and Author Kazimer has generously included its prologue and first two chapters for you to savor. ..which I have done and can't wait for its release so I can explore these imaginary lands once more.
Nancy Narma

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful

1.0 out of 5 stars Juvenile humor at best May 30, 2012

By Offbeat Lover

Format:Kindle Edition

I was really excited to read this book after seeing A) the price and B) the reviews. It was right up my alley, as I love new takes on fairy tales. This did not live up to my expectations at all. The pace of the story was rambling and fast, so there was no real development of the characters for me. The problems seemed to be resolved too quickly, and then there was suddenly some new thing that got thrown at the reader. Further more, the humor was juvenile at best. The story relies too much on homophobic and transphobic jokes and Stooge-esque physical gags. Also, I felt that there was absolutely no chemistry between the romantic pairing of RJ and Asia. I finished the book, simply on the hope that it got better and that my money was not wasted, but instead I must simply make do with the fact that I only paid $3.99 and therefore didn't waste TOO much of my money.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic Mashup Fairytale! April 7, 2012

By Tamela A. Buhrke

Format:Paperback

If you love books by Christopher Moore and movies like Who Framed Roger Rabbit or Hoodwinked, then you'll love this book! It's filled with fairytale creatures doing the unexpected. The lovable main character RJ is always following his heart (and parts lower) into trouble. A funny, enjoyable ride from start to finish.

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful

2.0 out of 5 stars Homophobia hurts an otherwise fun story June 7, 2012

By Monster Alice

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

Noir (from a villain's POV) in fairytale land is a fun premise, and the author keeps the plot lively. HOWEVER, the homophobia is shoveled on by the wheelbarrow load. I suppose you could justify it by saying that it is part of the characterization of the narrator, but it is mighty unpleasant to read. There is also "fat-o-phobia" used for laughs, with a princess cursed to get fat. I would have rated higher than a 2 if the book didn't have these problems.

More About the Author

J.A. Kazimer is a writer living in Denver, CO. Books include The Junkie Tales, The Body Dwellers/Beyond These Walls, CURSES! A F***ed-Up Fairy Tale, Holy Socks & Dirtier Demons, Dope Sick: A Love Story, SHANK, and Froggy Style: A F***ed Up Fairy Tale. The Unhappiest Place on Earth forthcoming from Coffeetown Press.

When Kazimer isn't looking for the perfect place to hide the bodies, she spends her time surrounded by cats with attitude and a little puppy named 'Killer'. Other hobbies include murdering houseplants, kayaking, snowboarding, reading and theater. After years of slacking, j.a. received a master's degree in forensic psychology in 2007, mostly to fill a 8 x 10 blank spaces on her wall.

In addition to studying the criminal mind, she spent a few years spilling drinks on people as a bartender and then wasted another few years stalking people while working as a private investigator in the Denver area.

Cheaters, drunks, deadbeats and family hold a special place in her heart, as well as a few pages in her novels.


Links:

http://www.jakazimer.com
http://www.gold-digging-princess.com
http://jakazimer.blogspot.com/
http://thenewnevernews.blogspot.com/
http://www.facebook.com/jakazimer
https://twitter.com/jakazimer