Customer Reviews

Custody Chaos, Personal Peace: Sharing Custody with an Ex Who is Driving You Crazy

5 star:		(6)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Well you may not be able to change them but...This practical, common sense guide offers communication techniques that will not only help you deal with a difficult ex-husband or ex wife, but also teaches you how to examine your own role in these sticky situations. This book offered useful advice on how to be civil when the other party is not. This book helps you communicate effectively and stay in control of yourself and your situation. If for no other reason you can learn how to minimize the conflicts between you and your ex that affect your children. This book allows you to put your children's needs first.

I have made this book required reading for my divorce and mediation clients. Dr. Wittmann provides simple, direct strategies which allow struggling parents to focus on what is truly important....raising healthy, well adjusted children. Mediators and divorce attorneys would be doing thier clients a great service by recommending this book!

I teach a coparenting through and after divorce class so I have purchase several books on coparenting and been disappointed by the same information regurgitated by different authors. This book, while it offers the same basic skills as others, provides a unique perspective that if utilized can lead to personal peace. I imagine it can be difficult for some to read because there is a heavy focus on accepting responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings, and actions and changing your own outlook and behavior to obtain personal peace,(which in turn leads to a more peaceful relationship with your coparent.) The book also asks that you learn to view your coparent differently, as a human being who makes mistakes, but is probably doing the best they can, even providing exercises on forgiveness which could be hard to handle if you have not let go of anger. The book is easy to read, provides real life examples, and summarizes the points to remember at the end of each chapter. Overall, it is a great book I recommend to everybody who attends my classes.

This book is for parents with custody communication issues and assumes that people are rational and able to compromise if given the tools to find a resolution. If your case is more of an extreme `Chaos' then this book is not helpful. In my case I wanted to find help in dealing with the ex who lies, creates false evidence, false reporting to police, false child abuse accusations and wants to see me die or go to prison with no visitation rights what so ever and will do anything to see this happen. I can take all the breaths in the world but that won't stop the vindictive ex who has become mentally unstable.
Again, if your case is only communication, this book would be very helpful.
If you are in my shoes, check out Child Custody A to Z winning with evidence and Family Law Examples & Explanations.

If you are navigating the gut-wrenching terrain of shared custody with a difficult ex-spouse, this is the only book you will need. A truly life-changing and empowering read--and a welcome reminder that while we may not be able to change other people, we can always work on ourselves. Filled with beneficial exercises and practical solutions to common problems, this book IMMEDIATELY improved my attitude with regard to my ex-spouse, and while we still have a ways to go at acheiving peace, this book gave me the tools I need to be part of the solution, rather than part of the problem. Highly recommended.

I can't possibly recommend this book highly enough! I read a ton of books when I was going through my divorce, and this one was by far the most helpful. I recommend it to everyone I know who is dealing with a difficult ex. It is all about controlling what you can control, and letting go of the rest. If you need help in being the kind of person YOU want to be -- regardless of whatever hurtful, untrue, crazy things the other person is doing -- then get this book! It will not only help you find more peace in the situation, but if you follow the advice your kids will be able to see at least ONE parent acting maturely and in their best interests.

This book is wonderful! Every person who can't stand their ex's behaviors should read it. It will give you the tools to help yourself live a better life - by learning to change what you can, finding out how to nudge your ex in the right direction, and recognizing when you simply must accept some things and move on with your life - even if one of those things is that your ex is mentally ill :)

It has an excellent discussion on establishing clear boundaries with your ex, as well as a checklist to determine if something is really your problem - and your responsibility - or an unnecessary burden. I now know from personal experience that you can "teach" your ex to respect boundaries (if you phrase things in the right way). I also know that it is very satisfying to tell your ex that "This isn't my problem, this is your problem, and I will be glad to give you a few suggestions as to how you can fix it, but I can not (and will not) fix it for you". It greatly reduces the passive-aggressive/manipulation/no-win situations that so many of us know and hate.

But this isn't about being a door mat. It is about giving you the information you need to make sure that you are part of the solution and are not inadvertently a part of the problem. Finally, this book makes it clear that if your ex is abusive, then you need to seek assistance with the police and the legal system.

I have been so much more at peace since reading this book. My ex's behaviors are still problematic, but it doesn't bother me as much any more. I know that he is dealing with a mental illness, and I have to be the adult in the situation. He isn't getting the counseling he needs (and denies many of his issues, so that isn't likely to improve), and that means that I must be especially diligent to provide the right example for my kids - by maintaining my integrity and my sanity! This book put me on that path. :) I can't make him a better father, but I can give my kids the skills that they need to cope with the situation. And I can do it in such a way that they can see how to apply the knowledge to many relationships and that does not vilify their father. This book is also about seeing that each parent is responsible for their relationship with their children. I have learned that I must do what I can to keep my relationship with my kids as strong as possible, regardless of their relationship with their father. And in the end, his behavior will be a reflection of him, and my behavior will be a reflection of me, and as the kids grow older, it will become more and more a"parent" as to who is really raising them. ;)

This book helped me to see that you have to think long term when it comes to your kids. You have to make sure that their needs are a priority, and even if the gratification is delayed, your efforts will pay off in the end.

First of all, I love the title. It certainly describes my situation perfectly and Im sure many readers relate. This book is well written and contains an enormous amount of practical information that I have been able to apply in my life. After all, books are worthless unless I can apply the information I learn from them in my life. Thus, this title is well worth the time. Highly recommended and remember always to put your children as the # 1 priority in your situation.

I was disappointed by this book. It held very little new information that I haven't already read in other books. I ordered it, looked through it reading a few pages in each chapter and then decided to return it. It's possible that there are redeeming factors but if so, I didn't happen to read those parts.