Cutoffs: How Family Members Who Sever Relationships Can Reconnect [Paperback]

Carol Netzer (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 1, 1995

Everyone knows someone who won't go home again. In Cutoffs, esteemed counselor Carol Netzer speaks to families who experience the intense pain of cutoffs — a decisive leave-taking, a sudden end to a family relation. Drawing on her personal and professional experience, Netzer constructs a comprehensive framework for understanding the behavior which results in final separation and shows how symptoms can be recognized and hopefully prevented or repaired once they have occurred.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

The subtitle is deceiving. Netzer discusses how family relationships fracture and dysfunctional patterns emerge, but she has few solutions for the problem. The book is composed of poorly edited and poorly organized case studies that demonstrate ways one can "cut off" from one's family of origin. Although the first-time author, a psychotherapist, presents valid insight into the reasons one might choose to end a family relationship?and she includes a valuable perspective on "repressed memory" syndrome?she only identifies the problem. Two chapters on reconstruction are sorely inadequate and do not offer a strategy for resolving this aspect of family dysfunction.?A. Arro Smith, San Marcos P.L., Tex.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

The symptoms and solutions of those who cut off family relationships are covered in a title which focuses on both the symptoms and techniques for reconstructing relationships. Chapters focus on both common reasons for cutting off and the process of rebuilding bridges. -- Midwest Book Review

Product Details

• Paperback: 244 pages
• Publisher: New Horizon Press (December 1, 1995)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0882821385
• ISBN-13: 978-0882821382
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.6 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 1.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,692,880 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars take a pass, April 2, 2002

By 

"nynell" (New York, NY USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Cutoffs: How Family Members Who Sever Relationships Can Reconnect (Paperback)

Estrangements are common and a compelling problem and few books or articles seriously address the issue. I bought Netzer's book hoping to find a realistic road map for both healing estrangements--and living with them when there is no alternative. She seems so hell bent on getting people back in contact at all costs that she fails to recognize that there are sometimes legitimate reasons not to close those gaps. She doesn't seem to realize--or perhaps thinks it impossible--that sometimes estrangement IS the well-adjusted, healthy choice. The "case studies" are simplistic and unrealistic; overall, I found the book very disappointing. Don't bother. Check out, instead, "The Forgiving Self," by Robert Karen--which does a somewhat better job addressing the topic.

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Subtitle Misleading, June 3, 2008

By 

Elaine M. Warner (West Linn, Oregon) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Cutoffs: How Family Members Who Sever Relationships Can Reconnect (Paperback)

I found that this book was mainly a long account of the author's observations of people who "cut off" from family members for reasons associated with divorce or adoption. Therefore it was not particularly helpful to me in my situation.
There was little-to-NO help or history about real reconciliation or mutual forgiveness.
However it was helpful to read of the mind-set of some of the young women who did the cutting-off;
a. their need to feel powerful or "in control" of their environment.
b. their self-absorbed attitude which denies the effect of their actions on others.

1.0 out of 5 stars Look in the mirror, May 13, 2010

By 

Katy Butler (Mill Valley, Ca.) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Cutoffs: How Family Members Who Sever Relationships Can Reconnect (Paperback)

The writer, who suffered cutoffs by both her mother and her daughter, doesn't see the part she played
in these estrangements. There's pathological labelling of the "estrangers" who pull away, and sympathy and respect for the "estrangees"
who are devastated by the withdrawals, but not a lot of insight. In my view, cutoffs often occur between the family's
"bull in the china shop" types and "fragile flowers" who have trouble speaking their truth and getting the "bulls" to honor or accept their sensitivities.
The flowers end up nursing and collecting grudges; the bulls justify, explain, invade and defend but don't listen. These breakdowns are two-way streets, and if you want to maintain or rebuild bonds with the fragile flowers, it helps to look at your own behaviors. If you are a "bull in the china shop type," I recommend "Make Peace with Anyone" as a more
helpful starting point.