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Cutting Loose: An Adult's Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents Paperback


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Frequently Bought Together

Cutting Loose: An Adult's Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents + Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life + Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You
Price for all three: $32.07

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Touchstone; Reissue edition (April 15, 1990)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0671696041
  • ISBN-13: 978-0671696047
  • Product Dimensions: 8.7 x 6.2 x 0.7 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (27 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #275,927 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

4.3 out of 5 stars
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See all 27 customer reviews
At least knowing that you are not alone in this helps.
Puao
The case study-style examples of common parental behavioral patterns makes it so easy to determine which approach is going to be most valuable in your own situation.
NAS
I think this is the best self help book for dealing with controlling parents.
S. Lee

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

111 of 112 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on September 7, 2002
Format: Paperback
I have NEVER been a person who believed that a self-help book could change your life. But this one changed mine! I read this book years ago (I am buying it now for a friend). I was in my 30's and I was still intimidated by my mother's manipulation. This book made me slap my forehead and say to myself "why on earth have I put up with this for so long???!! If ever a book liberated me, this book did. It showed me that it takes two to tango. If I didn't like the way my mother acted, there wasn't much I could do to change her behavior. However, I COULD change the way I responded - I could refuse to "dance the dance." For any adult who feels intimated or bullied by a parent, this is the book to read. Highly recommended!
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83 of 84 people found the following review helpful By Love2Read on October 7, 2007
Format: Paperback
This book helped me get a clearer understanding about my chronically unhappy parents' controlling, manipulative behavior. This book helped me devise some good management strategies for dealing with my parents and facing up to my inaccurate belief, learned from my parents and then cultivated by me, that maybe I was really was the cause of their misery and thus kind of owed them whatever they wanted out of me, no matter how costly to me. Bottom line: Give up all expectation that your parents--or other family members and friends--will EVER change in their lifetimes, even in the face of terminal illness and dying. In the statistically unlikely event that they do change, it's because they want to do the work of changing for themselves, not because any of us has (or should rightfully possess) the power to change others. In the meantime, the only thing any of us can control is our own reaction to our unhappy parents' behavior, including the ongoing decision about whether to spend any further time with them on their terms, our own terms, or somewhere in the middle. Good luck, be firm and kind and clear, and be mindful of the fact that it is your life to live and manage--not theirs. If they're miserable, that is a very sad and hard thing to see in one's parents, but it is their problem, not yours.
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39 of 39 people found the following review helpful By Nav on February 24, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This was a good book but it's more directed to repairing or salvaging your relationship with your abusive/difficult parents, despite the title ("Cutting Loose").

For some people this may be a possibility but for others it is not because the parent is too narcissistic or abusive to deal with and the book offers surprisingly little in the way of advice on that topic.

If you are dealing with a truly narcissistic/abusive parent and you feel that you need to cut ties find a different book. If you are in the throes of re-negotiating your relationship with your parent and you want a book to give you strength in possibly making a decision to cut ties, find a different book.

If your main goal is repair the relationship or make it work than this would be a good choice for you.
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48 of 51 people found the following review helpful By Amazon Customer on February 24, 2001
Format: Paperback
This book has hits the nail on the head when explaining why a controling,manipulative,self destructive parent behaves in the manner that they do. It also attempts to explian why and how the child participates in this song and dance. It also gives good advice on how to break the cycle and move forward to a more productive parent/child relationship or the reasons when and why you should end the relationship. All this is clearly written and easy to follow. What I liked most was the compassion and point blank honesty that is directed at the parents part and the childs part. I AGREE WITH THE AUTHOR THAT THE FAMILY RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE PRESERVED YET NOT TO ALL COSTS.
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20 of 20 people found the following review helpful By Anonymous on March 15, 2009
Format: Paperback
I have struggled for years to deal with very "ill" parents. My mom was raised with a severe alcoholic and was very abusive to me. I have been through years of counseling. I have a great husband and two adorable children. I am educated. I could never put my mom behind me-it was always there. Should I call? Should I see them? Am I bad? This book literally changed me. It changed my life and help free me...I am adult...
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23 of 25 people found the following review helpful By Happy Go Lucky on March 30, 2009
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I read Cutting Loose when I was ready to do so. I am thrilled that this author took the time to help people like me. By explaining what makes families dysfunctional and what options I have stop the song and dance... I was able to make tough decisions so that I don't repeat those behaviors and be a better mother who is more in tune with my children's individual needs. it takes a lot of courage and effort to switch the gears of family dynamics without the support of family members or society.

I gave it four stars because there were two chapters I skipped because it didn't apply to me. However, this author answered all of my questions and helped me make one of the most important decisions of my life. A decision that can't be made lightly and can't take back. I can already see the benefits of my decisions to cut loose from my unhealthy ties to my family member. My husband and children immediately positively responded to the changes within me. My sense of humor has returned. I'm enjoying the hobbies/interests that I was discouraged to do by my parents. I am happily motivated again to tackle the things that I was avoiding for so long. Life is no longer passing me by and I feel like this is just the beginning.

I know it sounds cliche but this book really did save my life.
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