Cutting Loose: An Adult's Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents [Paperback]

Howard Halpern (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 15, 1990

With more than 35 years of experience in psychotherapy, Dr. Halpern enables the adult child to understand his or her parent and foster a positive, healthy adult relationship.

Product Details

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Touchstone (April 15, 1990)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0671696041
• ISBN-13: 978-0671696047
• Product Dimensions: 8.7 x 6.2 x 0.7 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #94,316 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #59 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Parent & Adult Child

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

69 of 70 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Changed my Life, September 7, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: Cutting Loose: An Adult's Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents (Paperback)

I have NEVER been a person who believed that a self-help book could change your life. But this one changed mine! I read this book years ago (I am buying it now for a friend). I was in my 30's and I was still intimidated by my mother's manipulation. This book made me slap my forehead and say to myself "why on earth have I put up with this for so long???!! If ever a book liberated me, this book did. It showed me that it takes two to tango. If I didn't like the way my mother acted, there wasn't much I could do to change her behavior. However, I COULD change the way I responded - I could refuse to "dance the dance." For any adult who feels intimated or bullied by a parent, this is the book to read. Highly recommended!

43 of 43 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A grateful reader, October 7, 2007

By 

Love2Read (US) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Cutting Loose: An Adult's Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents (Paperback)

This book helped me get a clearer understanding about my chronically unhappy parents' controlling, manipulative behavior. This book helped me devise some good management strategies for dealing with my parents and facing up to my inaccurate belief, learned from my parents and then cultivated by me, that maybe I was really was the cause of their misery and thus kind of owed them whatever they wanted out of me, no matter how costly to me. Bottom line: Give up all expectation that your parents--or other family members and friends--will EVER change in their lifetimes, even in the face of terminal illness and dying. In the statistically unlikely event that they do change, it's because they want to do the work of changing for themselves, not because any of us has (or should rightfully possess) the power to change others. In the meantime, the only thing any of us can control is our own reaction to our unhappy parents' behavior, including the ongoing decision about whether to spend any further time with them on their terms, our own terms, or somewhere in the middle. Good luck, be firm and kind and clear, and be mindful of the fact that it is your life to live and manage--not theirs. If they're miserable, that is a very sad and hard thing to see in one's parents, but it is their problem, not yours.

40 of 41 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Learning to understand, February 24, 2001

By 

"sheshe116" (Rhode Island USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Cutting Loose: An Adult's Guide to Coming to Terms with Your Parents (Paperback)

This book has hits the nail on the head when explaining why a controling,manipulative,self destructive parent behaves in the manner that they do. It also attempts to explian why and how the child participates in this song and dance. It also gives good advice on how to break the cycle and move forward to a more productive parent/child relationship or the reasons when and why you should end the relationship. All this is clearly written and easy to follow. What I liked most was the compassion and point blank honesty that is directed at the parents part and the childs part. I AGREE WITH THE AUTHOR THAT THE FAMILY RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE PRESERVED YET NOT TO ALL COSTS.