Cutting Loose: Why Women Who End Their Marriages Do So Well [Hardcover]

Ashton Applewhite (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 1, 1997

Refuting the image of the lonely, deprived, and financially strapped divorce+a7e, the author of Thinking Positive introduces fifty women who have thrived since initiating their divorces and explains the benefits of leaving an unsatisfying marriage. $30,000 ad/promo. Tour.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

In contrast to those who view divorce and its aftermath negatively, Applewhite (Thinking Positive: Words of Inspiration for People with AIDS, S. & S., 1995) focuses here on the positive effects. Using case histories and well-documented research, she offers a no-nonsense, practical look at women who have come through the process of divorce and feel good about their experiences. The chapters "Law and Lawyers" and "Money and Work" address many legal and financial concerns that offer the reader good direction. Building on her own divorce experience, Applewhite offers comfort, encouragement, and hope to women contemplating the end of their marriages. The book is easy to read and includes an extensive bibliography. Recommended for popular psychology collections in public libraries.?Elizabeth Goeters, DeKalb Coll. Learning Resources Ctr., Dunwoody, Ga.
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Kirkus Reviews

A divorc‚e enthusiastically explains why shedding one's husband can be the smartest, healthiest move an unhappily married woman can make. Applewhite, a freelance editor and writer, presents a composite portrait of today's strong and resourceful divorced woman, compiled through interviews with nearly 50 women of all ages, incomes, and backgrounds who initiated their divorces. As depicted here, marriage is too often an oppressive arrangement for women, one they can well do without. If Applewhite's figures are correct, three-fourths of today's divorces are initiated by women, and if her analysis of the situation is correct, they are better off, at least psychologically, for having taken the big step. Despite the financial hardship experienced by the women, especially those with dependent children, none regretted having gotten a divorce; indeed, some expressed regret at not having done it sooner. An admittedly unscientific sampling of women--Applewhite appealed for interviewees in The Pennysaver, Romance Writers Report, and other publictions--these confident women eagerly share their experiences of coming to the decision, going through the legal process, coping with the financial consequences, regaining their independence, and parenting and step-parenting. While Applewhite declares that this is not a how-to manual, she offers plenty of practical advice on finding a lawyer, protecting oneself and getting one's money's worth, using a mediator, and the basics of custody arrangements and child support. More significant, though, for any woman contemplating a divorce, is the hearty you-too-can-do-it encouragement that permeates the text. An empowering and comforting message for unhappily married women, but one whose validity is open to debate. ($30,000 ad/promo; author tour; radio satellite tour) -- Copyright ©1997, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 320 pages
• Publisher: Harper; 1st edition (May 1, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060174552
• ISBN-13: 978-0060174552
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.1 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (29 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,694,385 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

24 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very affirming and encouraging, September 5, 1997

By 

[e-mail] - See all my reviews

This review is from: Cutting Loose: Why Women Who End Their Marriages Do So Well (Hardcover)

Cutting Loose is not a "how-to" manual for women who are contemplating divorce (although it does have helpful information in it), nor is it a book designed to encourage women to initiate divorce. Rather, it is an extremely well-written commentary on the changing roles of marriage and divorce in our society today. Ms. Applewhite explores, with sensitivity, the issues that have led to divorce for a number of women, and how difficult it is, in almost all cases, for the woman to make the choice to leave. She also explores the many and varied feelings that go along with making that decision, many of which are brought on by the pressure of societal views, and what people still see as "right" or "normal", even in these days of supposed equal rights for women. This book took a very tough subject and explored it in great depth. Although it made me sad at times, overall I found this book very affirming and ultimately uplifting, as I read about others in similar situations as mine. I would recommend this book to anyone, married, unmarried, male or female, who is interested in exploring marriage and gaining some insight into why it doesn't always work. And for those of us who initiated our divorces, it's comforting to know we're not out there alone

24 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars CUTTING LOOSE is uplifting and honest, July 20, 1997

By A Customer

This review is from: Cutting Loose: Why Women Who End Their Marriages Do So Well (Hardcover)

CUTTING LOOSE takes a fresh, and certainly controversial, look at divorce, incorporating advice, helpful information, and uplifting and honest narratives from fifty or so women who left their husbands. These women are not weighed down by guilt and regret and rightfully so, because clearly they, like many women who divorce, did not take their decision lightly. Many spent months, even years, weighing the consequences before ending their relationships, often consulting a therapist for guidance (while many of their husbands refused marriage counseling). No wonder that despite the pain, the guilt, and sometimes heavy financial losses, these women are doing so well. Moreover, so are their kids. As Applewhite points out, divorce doesn't devastate children; neglectful and inadequate parenting does, and that can exist in intact families. It's about time women in bad marriages had a book that shows them that divorce can be a positive experience in the long run for them, their children, even their husbands.

What a refreshing, positive view of a difficult subject.
--Nancy Darrow, well-adjusted child of divorce!

21 of 25 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The person from Seattle is all wrong (in my h. opinion)., October 6, 1998

By 

Judy Karasik (Vinci, Italy) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Cutting Loose: Why Women Who End Their Marriages Do So Well (Hardcover)

I was not going to write a reader-review of this book, but I find the most recent reviewer so far from my own opinion that I guess it is time to ante up. To me, this book is wise, it is funny, it performs the amazing task of weaving a multitude of histories (which vary wonderfully in terms of class, race, and culture) into a coherent theme-driven narrative, which makes it so much easier for the reader and so much more useful, which is probably more important. The author has done a tremendous amount of research yet wears it so lightly it is practically invisible; it simply informs the work and gives it a strength and legitimacy that it probably has needed to defend itself in this insane world in which we live.

There are some beautiful sentences in it. And I am a short sentence fan, so I don't mean Gorgeous-fancy, I mean gorgeous-gorgeous.

I might also mention that although I thought of (and have recommended it to) several friends who have been through or who are going through tough divorces, I am currently doing just fine with my marriage. And I really don't understand why the reviewer felt the author hadn't had a good relationship. I thought it was clear that the marriage she left was in many ways, early on, a good thing, and that her current relationship is healthy and moving along well.

Here is a personal note, however: So one night when I was about 2/3 of the way through, my husband asks me How's that DIVORCE book you're reading and I found myself saying, Actually, you would probably identify with a lot of these disgruntled women when you think of the marriage YOU left. Because he always says he was least like himself when he was married to his first wife (who remains a good friend to us both). I thought it was yet another measure of the book's wiseness that so many of the central issues, although certainly they applied most often to women, also could apply to men.

I couldn't think of anything more the author should have done, anything she should have done less of, or any way to make the book better than it is. It is just wonderful. It is an interesting book and document about American life and it is an invaluable text for women (or men for that matter) who are at some stage in that inevitably painful process of separating from the person they thought they would share everything with, forever. It made me think about marriage and my marriage and the marriages I know, and it helped me think about them constructively and yet with a certain toughness. A good gift, in both sense of the word.