A Cynic's Guide to a Rich and Full Life [Hardcover]

Mario DiGiorgio (Author)

Book Description

Series: Cynics Guide to | Publication Date: September 2007

Tongue-in-cheek advice on how to be more self-centered, cynical, and most importantly, hilariously inappropriate. People say that what you give is what you get. That you need to slow down and soak in life. Stop and smell the bacon. People will also tell you that the essence of joy is found within the appreciation of the little things. Simply put, those people are idiots. Planting a garden will leave you with sore knees and throbbing blisters. Taking the scenic route will make you tardy. Furthermore, you cannot pay your mortgage with the laughter of children. Anyone can hold a door open for a stranger. However, it takes a rare and special breed to trip them in the process. Not surprisingly, the bulk of society frowns on that sort of behavior. So we offer you this black cloud of unconventional wisdom to quell those dark urges; a collection of joyfully inappropriate wishful thinking that would dampen the days of those near and not so dear. So we urge you, hesitant reader, to plant your tongue firmly in cheek and prepare to learn the secrets of living a truly rich and full life. "Dance like nobody's watching. Then apologize to those who were.” "Tape record your mother's laughter. Play it at your father's funeral.” "Be big enough to admit your mistakes. Then take them all out for happy meals.” "To battle the blues, try exercising. Still down? Try cutting yourself.” "Every year, send out a dozen Christmas cards. All addressed to your Jewish neighbor.” "Ignorance may be bliss, but it's also expensive. You poor, happy idiot.” "If something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Check for an Adam's apple.” "Find someone who can always be trusted. Then find a unicorn that farts rainbows.” "Start a standing ovation at a grade-school play. Stand and boo.” "Learn a new card trick! Then show it to your dog. Seriously, no one else cares.” "Obey all ten commandments. Nerd.” "DiGiorgio's as dry as a martini at the Tanqueray distillery, as caustic as a Drano milkshake, as funny as a banana peel on the floor of the Republican convention." - The Austin Chronicle "For a comic who's still a baby in the business, Mario's got no hacky shit in his act." - Nick Dipaolo, comedian

--This text refers to an alternate Hardcover edition.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"DiGiorgio's as dry as a martini at the Tanqueray distillery, as caustic as a Drano milkshake, as funny as a banana peel on the floor of the Republican convention." - The Austin Chronicle --This text refers to an alternate Hardcover edition.

About the Author

Celebrated author Mario DiGiorgio travels the country spreading mirth to the great unwashed; resides in Austin and thinks you look fat in those jeans. --This text refers to an alternate Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 196 pages
• Publisher: Last Gasp (September 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0867196858
• ISBN-13: 978-0867196856
• Product Dimensions: 6.4 x 4.8 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (2 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,535,942 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious, April 29, 2009

By 

Alonzo Bodden - See all my reviews
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This review is from: A Cynic's Guide to a Rich and Full Life (Hardcover)

Mario has taken little thoughts we cynics have and a few the optimists won't admit to and put them into words.
Bravo Mario, Nice job

4.0 out of 5 stars Smart Stand-Up Comedian - Clever Word-craft, March 26, 2009

By 

emptyglass "JMc" (Tulsa, Oklahoma USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: A Cynic's Guide to a Rich and Full Life (Hardcover)

My wife and I seen the author perform his stand-up act in Tulsa last night. Great performance. His book is full of the same funny and clever uses of words and smart observations. The book makes a nice compliment to his live performance as well as a stand alone book of humor.