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DEAD(ish) [Kindle Edition]

Naomi Kramer
3.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (900 customer reviews)

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Book Description

Linda's had a bad day. First her boyfriend killed her. Then she woke up, still on this boring plane of existence, and with an odd obsession about her missing body. Mike won't tell her what he did with her body, and she can't find the stupid thing herself. There's only one thing she can do - torment the bastard until he coughs up the information.

Mike says:
"It was accidental. Just believe me. We were arguing, she told me I #### like a jellyfish (what the ####?), and I slapped her. ####, wouldn't you? Nothin' much, if she'd been a bloke she'da laughed in my face. But she fell off her stupid stilettos. That's all she was wearing, see, just stilettos and a coating of oil. ######, she stank like a #####house. But she said that, and she smirked. It was the smirk what did for me, but it was the high heels what did for Linda. She went sideways and lost her balance on the tall, stupid spiky things and went down, smacking her head on that fancy 'occasional table' with a nice meaty thump.
"She died 12 or so hours later. In her sleep. We'd called a truce and gone to bed and ####ed and fell asleep. I woke up clutching a dead-cold cadaver that wouldn't move so I could take a pulse."

Linda says:
"My name's Linda. I'm dead. It sucks, OK? Especially because I'm dead for no good reason. I'm dead because my dumb#### boyfriend shot me and it hurt like hell and that's all I remember, to be honest. Until I woke up without a body. Now I know from books and movies that that's not the way it's supposed to happen. Well, in a way it is, right. But the ghost is always anchored by their bod, and they can't move too far away from it. Which implies that they know WHERE THE #### IT IS. Whereas, me? I don't know where my body is, and I'm not limited to any location. And for some reason, this is really important to me. I need to find my body. Maybe I need closure, or some ####. I don't know. I just need to. So I hired Trent. He'll find my body for me. I hope. If he doesn't, I'll fire his #### and haunt him in between haunting my ex-beloved and hiring someone with a clue."

Trent says:
"Everybody's lying their #### off, and it's really starting to get annoying."


This is a very short work - novelette length - around 11000 words or 44 (print) pages.

Warning: Frequent foul language, mild sex scenes, and Australian spelling. Not suitable for children.


Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

Mike says:
"It was accidental. Just believe me. We were arguing, she told me I #### like a jellyfish (what the ####?), and I slapped her. ####, wouldn't you? Nothin' much, if she'd been a bloke she'da laughed in my face. But she fell off her stupid stilettos. That's all she was wearing, see, just stilettos and a coating of oil. ######, she stank like a #####house. But she said that, and she smirked. It was the smirk what did for me, but it was the high heels what did for Linda. She went sideways and lost her balance on the tall, stupid spiky things and went down, smacking her head on that fancy 'occasional table' with a nice meaty thump.

"She died 12 or so hours later. In her sleep. We'd called a truce and gone to bed and ####ed and fell asleep. I woke up clutching a dead-cold cadaver that wouldn't move so I could take a pulse."


Linda says:
"My name's Linda. I'm dead. It sucks, OK? Especially because I'm dead for no good reason. I'm dead because my dumb#### boyfriend shot me and it hurt like hell and that's all I remember, to be honest. Until I woke up without a body. Now I know from books and movies that that's not the way it's supposed to happen. Well, in a way it is, right. But the ghost is always anchored by their bod, and they can't move too far away from it. Which implies that they know WHERE THE #### IT IS. Whereas, me? I don't know where my body is, and I'm not limited to any location. And for some reason, this is really important to me. I need to find my body. Maybe I need closure, or some ####. I don't know. I just need to. So I hired Trent. He'll find my body for me. I hope. If he doesn't, I'll fire his #### and haunt him in between haunting my ex-beloved and hiring someone with a clue."


Trent says:
"Everybody's lying their #### off, and it's really starting to get annoying."

From the Back Cover

DEAD(ish) is the first book in the DEAD(ish) series, and the springboard for a number of spin-off short stories - known as the DEAD(ish) Allsorts. You can read only the DEAD(ish) books, or branch out into the Allsorts short stories to find out more about Linda's world... and what happens to the characters once the mysteries are solved.
 
List of the DEAD(ish) books and Allsorts short stories, in timeline order:
  1. DEAD(ish)
  2. Follow the Light - DEAD(ish) Allsorts
  3. Lee Ming - DEAD(ish) Allsorts
  4. (technically) DEAD
  5. DEAD (as a doorpost)
  6. (imminently) DEAD
  7. DEAD (and hellbent)
  8. Running Mike - DEAD(ish) Allsorts

Product Details

  • File Size: 173 KB
  • Print Length: 46 pages
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B003XVYJ2S
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,009 Free in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Free in Kindle Store)
  •  Would you like to give feedback on images?


Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
61 of 69 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Wickedly Funny September 23, 2010
By blondie
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
This novella is not intended for the easily offended, but for those who want to laugh out loud on a short but sweet ride through Naomi Kramer's story. See, Linda's dead...ish. She's dead but she's stuck around here because she can't find her body and her lousy, murdering boyfriend won't tell her where it is. So what's a gal to do? Haunt him `til gives up the location. I loved the answer. Some how the author manages to create a balance between horror and humor. It's a quick read, so if you have an afternoon to yourself, pull up Deadish and enjoy some "frequent foul language, mild sex scenes, and Australian spelling."
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29 of 34 people found the following review helpful
Format:Kindle Edition
The formatting was perfect for the Kindle. Nary a grammatical nor sentence layout problem (not one worthy of highlighting, which I usually do.)

As one gets deeper into the book, one REALLY starts to relate to the characters involved with Linda - so paying close attention to parenthesized name changes is important, they all want to speak in the first person. Reads like a screen play, but I feel as if this is an original (can't really compare to any movie - but stand up British Comedy comes to mind). Since it revolves around characters and plots, not much in scene development - but doesn't distract from the story. I'm betting Naomi Kramer had a blast writing this short novella.

Formatting/Writing Style: 5 stars

*********************************

Character and Plot: Personally, I believe this was well written with the jumps in time points. I also appreciate British/Australian humor (okay, humour), and this book delivers. The language is appropriate for the fiction direction of the story, and the sex scenes are not THAT explicit. Development occurs throughout the book, and Linda does seem to be a bit ditzy (fickle minded?). I think there are some hormones left in there. Very good layout for a short story that jams some subplots to add mystery twists. The author is also respectful of different sexual orientations (be forewarned).

Character/Plot: 5 stars

***********************************

I received the book for free, but its worth 99 cents (maybe a little more). Certainly had more enjoyment than some of the Kindle Singles (shh, don't tell Amazon). Teaser Alerts: Mike isn't the only tormented soul in the story, and I love the play on words for the title.

The excerpt does not read as the same writing style, so I'm not sure of my reaction if I buy the second book. But do yourself a favor, buy yourself a little something.
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24 of 30 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars When in doubt, see rule #1 August 20, 2010
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
This story was absolutely delicious! Darkly funny, and not too long, it is perfect for a rainy day and a few hours of uninterrupted reading.
My favorite quote:

"New Rule #1 - Don't date women who paint. Arty-farty doesn't just equal freaky in the sack, it also equals nasty genius revenge."

Linda is not a woman to be trifled with, and I felt sorry for Mike, until...well, you'll have to read it for yourself! My lips are sealed.
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22 of 28 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Terrible August 12, 2011
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I love vampire stories and ghost stories, but I found this book utterly uninteresting and badly-written. It reads as if the story was a quick sketch of what it should be. It is not a narration, it is only the exposition of successive scenes... and... that's it!
The characters have no consistancy, no depth, the author doesn't manage to bring them to life to the reader.
The girl is dead.... ok... a certain specific (gory) way... alright... and once again.... that's it! The reader expects to be given further details, the author wants to evoke horrible scenes then he should be able to handle the gore and describe it, make the reader scared, disgusted, or thilled. Reading this book is absolutely NO thrill! Yet, that's what the readers of ghost stories want.

As for the narrative, I found the use of the first-person narrative rather confusing as each character speaks at one point of the story, but it added nothing to the story and seemed just useless to the least, if not confusing.
I am not especially shocked by vulgar language, but it seems that the author knows only a few words and has decided to use the f-word extensively for some strange reason. Once again, if there was an accurate purpose behind that it would not be a problem, but here it is only vulgar and boring.
As for the style... there is none. Mentioning the name of some "dead writing authors" like Shakespeare is certainly not sufficient to make one's book good and one's style enjoyable. The author's writing is only plain, flat and has nothing thrilling either. I can't even recall one sentence being nicely written.

In the end, there was not one thing I liked about this book, except maybe the twisted title.
I suggest readers who expect more from ghost stories to pick up an Anne Rice book (of course) or one by Poppy Z. Brite, as they have everything this book is lacking, and so much more!
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Creative twists keep it fresh October 6, 2010
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
After reading DEAD(ish), which I got for free thanks to an Amazon-initiated sale, I felt I should give Naomi something back, so here's a review. DEAD(ish) is a longish short story or maybe a shortish short novel. Whatever you want to call it, it piqued my curiosity with its concept: a dead girl bugging a private eye to find her body so she can rest in peace.

Somehow, Naomi Kramer managed to juggle five main characters and tell the story from (if I counted right) three narrative voices and yet never allowed the story to drag or the perspective switches to become confusing. As an American reader, there were some Aussie words that threw me just a bit, but not too much.

The narrative is focused and lean; there's no unnecessary description, nor are there reams of burdensome and irrelevant backstory. The tale just kicks off and doesn't let up until it's done.

The book's central mystery - locating Linda's body - unravels nicely but doesn't tip its hand too early. Some pleasantly-played-out twists keep one guessing until just the right moment.

One thing bothers me about DEAD(ish), though. That is the portrayal of a male homosexual couple who seem too open to the idea of including a woman in their bedroom activities. That seemed a bit of a stretch of credibility, but as a straight male, I'm no expert.

The story's definitely not for reader's who are turned off by rough language or some mild sexual content (no worse than a Silhouette Romance, though, really). But if one possesses a dark sense of humor and wants a book that can eat up a couple-three hours some afternoon, DEAD(ish) is worth your time and your $0.99. I enjoyed the book enough, in fact, that even though I got DEAD(ish) free, I bought her other book, MAISY MAY, as soon as I finished DEAD(ish).
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
3.0 out of 5 stars It's not bad. It's just something that you would read to ...
A relatively short story with lots of cussing and a relatively weak plot. It's not bad. It's just something that you would read to kill a few minutes while in line at the DMV,... Read more
Published 2 days ago by Alexander Krizel
4.0 out of 5 stars Loved it
I like this book,you should give it a try...but only for 14and up because it does say the f word alot
Published 3 days ago by dalia
5.0 out of 5 stars BEST BOOK EVER!!!!!
I LOVE IT SOOO MUCH! I CAN'T wait till I get the next one. I want to get them all!!!!
Published 24 days ago by Jacqui
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Niece bought this
Published 27 days ago by Michael A. Scouten
2.0 out of 5 stars OMG
I kind of like this book so I gave it a two but it just has too many inappropriate words.Its about being in prison.So I don't like it so much.
Published 29 days ago by Melissa
5.0 out of 5 stars Good read for middle schoolers
My daughter enjoyed this book
Published 1 month ago by NatalieB
1.0 out of 5 stars This shouldn't be listed in the kids book search result!!!!
My daughter did a search on free kids kindle books. This came up and she thought it was similar to monster high. Boy was she wrong! Totally inappropriate, swearing, sex and more. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Bob
3.0 out of 5 stars Not a bad book, just not my
more of a teen scene story. Not quite my cup of tea. Not a bad book, just not my style
Published 1 month ago by Tamena
1.0 out of 5 stars Disappointing
I am terribly disappointed. Unnecessary, foul language ruined a fun story line. I don't mind curse words in writing when they are needed but this was distractingly bad. Read more
Published 1 month ago by H. Busch
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
thanks
Published 2 months ago by david p.alexander
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More About the Author

Naomi is an Australian author living on Macleay Island, in south-east Queensland. She works in IT, and loves to play with the English language in her spare time. She's usually found sporting brightly-coloured hair and wielding a mug of coffee as though it's her last bastion against a comatose state.
Naomi also writes erotic fiction under the name N. R. Kramer.

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