Customer Reviews

DEMENTIA DIARY: A Care Giver's Journal

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Robert Tell presents an account of his mother's slow descent into
dementia and its impact on him as the only son. Although the author
suggests this is not a "how to" book it definitely educates the reader
about many significant issues such as geriatricare management, driving
and preneed funeral planning--to mention a few. This book is unusal for
its male (son) caregiver perspective and a must read for all who are
going through the chalenging years of caring for an elderly parent.
Although I am now an adult orphan I read the book and garnered insights
about the journey that I and my family recently completed with the
passing of my 94 year old mother several years ago.

As a CEO of a mental health agency and as the bereaved family member of an

Alzheimer's victim I found this book to be OUTSTANDING-entertaining-

informative......a primer on the family implications of the deadly and devastating impact of dementia on the afflicted and their loved ones. Other books focus on the

technical and miss the emotional and personal reality that engulfs both the afflicted and the caregiver. Dementia Diary fills this gap with dignity and warmth. Every reader will benefit greatly, as did I.

"Dementia Diary: A Caregiver's Journal," is personal, warm and witty. It's also heartbreaking. Tell is open with the pain one suffers watching the personality changes dementia brings to a beloved parent. He is an only child. This brings a unique loneliness in handling the sometimes slow, often startling changes dementia can bring. There is a deep feeling that no one can truly understand. Tell brings this home powerfully in his memoir. I have already recommended it to readers of my column and by email, when I coach people through their personal caregiving pain.

Tell's story about his mother's watch had me laughing out loud, as I experienced the same thing with my mother, my mother-in-law and my dad. There is no logical need for a watch battery to be replaced immediately, when an elder is in a nursing facility. There are clocks all over and people to take the elder wherever they need to go. But they must have their watch. My dad couldn't even see the extra large face of his, but he somehow knew if the battery quit. The watch story is just one of the many - nearly universal - stories Tell offers the reader.

There are many dementias other than the well-known Alzheimer's. I had three elders with dementia. Each was different. It's good to get the word out that all dementia is not Alzheimer's.

I will continue to recommend Robert Tell's book to anyone feeling the isolation of a caregiver - especially an only child.

Carol Bradley Bursack

Author/Speaker/Columnist

Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories www.mindingourelders.com

As the incidence of dementia rises, so do the books on the subject. But Robert Tell's `Dementia Diary: Caregiver's Journal' stands out for its cracking pace and searing honesty. Many families will identify with the events he records as his mother's dementia depeens, yet the strength of his own personality and his relationship with his mother makes this book truly unique. When he asks, `Is this the mother who made me crazy all those years when her emotions were out of control? Or is this gentle and loving paragon of happy old age the true, underlying person?' you want to reassure him that yes, this is Minnie as she could have been without the stressors that made her so volatile. For dementia is a journey, through the mind, through the heart to the spirit of the person, the very essence of the being. Robert describes his mother's journey incredibly well.
Louise Morse

I think it's safe bet that most people have been touched by some form of dementia, whether it's a parent, a grand parent or a friend. I'm no different. My grandmother suffered with Alzheimer's and it was painful to watch, not only her, but also my mother and her siblings. Dealing with someone with dementia is a whole other ball of wax. It's been over a decade, but reading this book brought back a lot of that time and remembering how helpless I felt to do something for my mother. It also brought back some smiles, remembering all of the "crazy" things that my grandmother did. It truly is a laugh or cry situation when you have someone you love with dementia. My husband's grandmother currently suffers with a form of dementia as well. Okay, so that's where I'm coming from when I read this book...

I really applaud the author for this honesty, I felt that he not only gave his mother the honor of telling her truth, but also allowed himself to let go of some of the guilt he was (is?) carrying around. I think that's the prevailing feeling with all caregivers though and I would be shocked if he didn't have that undertone. I also liked when he gave us a glimpse into the day-to-day drama (and there's always drama!) of dealing with his mother, her caregivers, and her supporters. It truly felt like he had a second job.

I read a lot of memoirs (it's my favorite genre) and what I think this book is missing most is that the author didn't give us enough information about HIM. This is an odd combination of a memoir and biography, almost. I wanted to know about him. I wanted him to open up and I wanted to know how he was feeling. Yes, I cared about what he was doing, but I think this book really is missing the emotional element. It was very "action" and not enough "feeling", I guess. With dementia, there are a LOT of feelings. There were a few times he opened up and I think those little glimpses really made me realize that we needed more from him.

Either way, my heart goes out to the author. My mother had her children and several siblings to lean on. It must be just that much more difficult dealing with this alone. Although the author provided me a copy of this book for review at no cost, I did purchase it to share with a few family members that I think would benefit from it.

I recommend this book for those that have been touched by someone with any of the various forms of dementia. It will remind you that you are not alone and just how prevalent this problem can be.

Dementia Diary is a good companion for the book "36 Hour Day:A Family Guide to Caring for Persons with Alzheimer Disease and Other Dementing Illnesses". Robert Tell's book illustrates what the 36 Hour Day is preparing one for. It's poignant and tells the plain truth of the frustration and the fact of the experience of one son who indirectly cared for his mother with Dementia.

I laughed at times as I nodded my head in knowing as his mother did things that our family member is doing. Whew, it is nice not to be the only one!