Customer Reviews

WHY MEN DON'T LISTEN and WOMEN CAN'T READ MAPS

5 star:		(36)
4 star:		(20)
3 star:		(13)
2 star:		(13)
1 star:		(27)

 

 

I've just read through all the reviews and I've noticed one thing. The people who don't like the book clearly haven't read it properly or got what the author is saying.

There was only one bad review I agreed with at all, and that was the gentleman who pointed out that, even though the book is written by a couple, the emphasis does seem a little more female oriented at times.

However, the majority of the bad reviews are entitled "I'm a woman and I can read maps" or such like. Please don't let this put you off buying the book. The authors state quite clearly in the opening chapters of the book that the information represents an overall picture and that the science is based on what is the case MOST of the time, not ALL of the time. They do tell you quite regularly that there are exceptions.

There is also a test early on in the book to show the probable levels of male hormone you received in the womb. I have done this test with a fair number of people now and it is amazingly accurate. I'm guessing that many of the negative reviews come from people who didn't bother to do this test, which would then make much of the book seem like nonsense.

As I have already said, and think needs saying again, this book is what is generally the case, not what is always the case. Taken in that light, and also taking into account that the authors also say at the start of the book that many will dismiss it on a number of reasons which they list (and every negative reviewer bar the one I agreed with comes somewhere on the list), it really doesn't pay to listen to the negative comments.

This book is not trying to enforce negative stereotypes. Far from it. This book suggests many ways in which certain character traits can be much better understood. For certain chapters where it explains things such as why men tend to sleep around more, it also clearly states that the authors do not believe this makes the behaviour more acceptable, and they actually state that "luckily" there are ways of changing in built natural behavior. I have just read one part of the book that actually says this out right, that the biological instict is not always the best thing to follow in a modern society.

Basically, the negative reviews are from people who had made up their mind before they had even read the book, or who did not want to believe what they saw.

My last point is to the reviewer who claimed that phrases such as "research now shows" mean nothing. There are plenty of facts that do state where the research comes from, and had every single fact been backed up by when, where and who did the reasearch, the book would probably be very hard to read (there would be references on every other line practically), and probably about twice the size!

Buy this book, read the first chapters carefully so you fully understand where the authors are coming from and what they are trying to achieve, and then enjoy the rest.

The authors start from two straightforward premises:

Men and women are very different in the way that they act, react, think and feel.

These differences are the inevitable consequence of our biology.

The first of these is a lot less controversial than the second and, perhaps the book would have ruffled fewer feathers if the authors had stuck to the first premise. However, the caveman-cavewoman analogies do help them to illustrate their points.

The book is well put together in a pretty light-hearted style. While not being unputdownable, it is an easy read. One quibble though has to be that, after a while, many of the jokes seem to be a little tedious.

As well as illustrating the differences between men and women, the book gives examples of how these lead to conflict and misunderstandings. Their advice is pretty much to learn about the differences and grin and bear it.

Of course, the book goes over much the same ground as the Mars-Venus stuff but, it does so at a somewhat simpler and, some would say, superficial level. If you get to the end of Mars-Venus and absorb what it says then this book is not for you. On the other hand, If you found M-V to be too heavy and a bit pretentious then the lighthearted and more direct style of this book could be just what you need.

At the end of the book, there is a substantial list of references and further reading. This varies from other popular psychology books to research papers which provide the scientific backing for the authors ideas. Unfortunately, they just list these with no comment and no attempt to categorise the items. This means that the list is of little use to a reader interested in exploring further topics or referring to some of the research on which the authors ideas depend.

I bought this book with the intent of improvimg my relationship with my fiancee, only to be really disappointed. This book, although says its written for both men and women, is very clearly written to make women feel better about themselves. Some of the comments that I thought the other reviewers wrote are fairly accurate, such as the fact that women can indeed read maps, and the comment about reading this book and then justifying sleeping with other women was hilarious.

This book wouldn't be so bad if it weren't so repetitive and actually let the readers draw their own conclusions. For example, it says that in 1998, 99.1% of all secretaries were female. That's because women are better at communicating and doing many tasks simultaneously, they write. Is this really true, or is it maybe because secretaries generally get paid very little and men are expected to support a family and put women through college?

Another example that I really find unentertaining is how men are continuously referred to as "lunch-chasers". Is this really necessary? A joke is a joke, but this gets old really fast. It would be more entertaining if jokes were about both men and women, but they really are mostly about men. This book assumes that reader knows really nothing about men and women (which is a bit insulting premise). Additionally, the way men are portrayed is a bit harsh (not all of us yell and scream and "bark" at our girlfriends), and the advice is all what men should do to improve their relationship with women; almost nothing about what women can do to improve their relationship with men.

My recommendation? Read Stephen Pinker's "How The Mind Works". Its much more interesting, explains a lot more in finer detail and provides a more logical history about the differentces between men and women. His book doesn't claim anything the this book does and lets the reader think a bit more for themselves, and all of the studies are cited in the back.

I had high hopes for this book.

I was excited at finding a genuine, factual book, explaining the psychological and biological differences between the male and female brain.

I was looking forward to understanding more about the human sexes at an unbiased level.

And then I started reading it.

And I wasn't excited any more.

For something portrayed as unbiased and fact-based, it's a purley just another male-bashing book. There are three main issues I have with it:

Firstly, most sources for their information are completely unreferenced and look like they're just there to prove their point. Common phrases

are "scientist have discovered", "research has found" and "experts now know" - all useless phrases, lacking substance to anyone with more

than one brain cell.

Secondly, it constantly repeats itself over and over. Usually in the form of annoyingly large key phrases dotted around every paragraph or

so. They would be a great way to sum up what's just been said, particularly if it was a hard concept to grasp, but they don't. They more or

less repeat the last sentence word for word. A good example can be found on page 7:

"Whether men and women are _equal_ is a political or moral question, but weather they are _identical_ is a scientific one.

[Then in large italicised writing underneath:]

The equality of men and women is a political or moral issue; the essential difference is a scientific one."

... and you feel like yelling at the book, "I KNOW, YOU JUST TOLD ME, STOP INSULTING MY READING ABILITIES".

Thirdly, and most importantly, it's heavily biased towards women. If it were marketed as such, I wouldn't have a problem, but it's not. And

let me point out at this stage that I have no problems at all with poking fun at male stereotypes. But every single page begins to wear you

down. Especially when there's not fun being poked at women.It's advertised as a biological insight into our brains and why men can and cannot

do some things and why women can and cannot do other things. Seems simple, and if they'd have stuck to the plan, it would have worked.

Instead, anything where women excel (multi-tasking etc.) is rammed down our throats time after time after time. Everything where women falter

(knowing left from right) is also blamed upon the male for not understanding the woman's brain. Anything the men excel (direction) at is

sparse, but played down when it's there and anything men don't do well at is the cause of much "jocularity" and usually subject to a

derogatory cartoon.

Here's a selection of some subject headings, cartoons and (annoyinglylarge and unnecessary italicised quotes):

Page xv: A cartoon entitled "A Sunday Drive" where the dad is at the wheel of a car. His wife is next to him, looking scared and the kids are

leaning out the back window with a sign saying, "HELP! WE ARE LOST BUT OUR DAD WON'T STOP TO ASK FOR DIRECTIONS"

The text starts with a story about a family out for a drive where the dad gets angry because people are talking and he can't concentrate on

driving.

Page 4: [The first quote] How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? It's unknown, it's never happened.

Page 17: Chapter two starts with a cartoon of a man complaining he can't find the butter in the fridge.

Page 22: [Quote] Women have wider peripheral vision, men have tunnel vision.

Page 23: [Subject] Why Women's Eyes See So Much

Page 25: [Subject] Men and Ogling

Page 27: [Subject] Why Women Have A Sixth Sense

Page 29: [Subject] Why Men Can't Lie To Women
and [Subject] She Hears Better To...

Page 30: [Subject] Women Read Between the Lines

Page 31: [Subject] Why Boys Don't Listen

Page 32: [Subject] Men Miss The Details

Page 36: [Subject] Why Men Are So Thick-Skinned

Page 41: Chapter three starts with the age-old cartoon of a cross-section fo a female's and a male's brain. The male's is full of Sex,

exaggeration and "lame excuses" as well as tiny "Asking for directions microns" and one single "Hearing children in the middle of the night

neurone". Predictable, page 43 has the womens brain full of "committment" and "lie detector"

Page 47; [Quote] Tests show [uncredited] that women rate three percent higher in general intelligence than men.

Page 52: [Quote] Ask men and women if their brains work differently. Men will say they think they do, in fact there was something they were

reading on the Internet the other day... Women will say, of course they do - next question?

... and it carries on in that vein throughout. The annoying thing is, it's all true and we all know that, but why is there such a heavy

emphasis on the women's point of view?

Credit where it's due, I'm only one-third of the way through the book. If it gets better, I'll let you know.

Sadly, I have a feeling this will be my last post...

I know this book is about the biological/psychological differences between men and women, but I love how they twist information to suit their needs.

They claim that we are completely controlled by biological/genetic factors and are in no way encouraged by sociological factors. Then they go on to say that men are by nature polygamist, but that is no excuse for them to cheat on women.

They use terms such as "scientist know" and "experts agree" to "prove" that we are controlled more by nature than nurture. But as a psychologist student, I know that there are people approaching issues from both the nature and nurture side, and no side is conclusively better.

They claim that twin studies "prove" its all in the genes, but they misrepresent the numbers. If they would've used adoption studies, they would show that behavior is equally involved in both.


The other part of the book that doesn't make sense is their urge to repeat statements you felt like you already read.

The other part of the book that doesn't make sense is their urge to repeat statements you felt like you already read.

All I learned after reading the 250 pages is that men are "lunch chasers" and women are "nest-defenders".

As with any book that tries to explain the differences between men and women, this book is replete with generalizations. Once you accept that the statements made refer to probabilities that apply to the majority of subjects, but certainly not all persons, the various points start to add up. In the old genetics vs. environment debate, the Peases suggest that the hormones which govern our gender also define the pathways in which we perceive reality, pursue relationships and solve problems. Somewhat similar to the earlier 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", this is a useful look at human behavior that might just reduce the number of male-female battles! For all the authors' claimed research however, this is just a light hearted book that can be enjoyed with profit. Do not expect any scientific breakthroughs, but you can certainly get a better understanding of both your own behavior and the mysterious behavior of the opposite sex, (whichever that may be)! Just read it with an open mind and have fun - don't take it too seriously!

What can I say about this book? Lightweight and fatuous sums it up well. The examples are pre-excused in the beginning as not applying to everyone - infact I would suggest they are unlikely to apply to anyone. Interestingly almost none of the content is backed up by qualitative evidence - I say almost because there must be some tangible facts in there I just couldn't find any.

The table to test you masculinity or otherwise is inane - the questions are so heavily signposted that it would be difficult to come out as anything but 'normal' ie a male man or feminine woman.

Did it tell me anything I didn't know already?? Er no.

Don't waste your time or money.

GL

I have NO problem with comedy based on gender stereotypes, even if it's one-sided, as long as it doesn't claim to be factual. But this book makes scientific claims that are untrue, and they portray men in a falsely negative light. This can be damaging, especially to young men. As Harvard clinical psychologist William Pollack wrote, "New research shows that... many boys have remarkably fragile self-esteem, and that the rates of both depression and suicide in boys are frighteningly on the rise."

Although explicit scientific claims in this book are few (and unreferenced,) many of them are just plain wrong, and many of the theories are based on false premises. The book says that women have higher IQs than men. There have been numerous, comprehensive studies (which you can find links to here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_and_intelligence ) that indicate that men actually have between 3 and 5 points higher, but IQ tests can be designed to favor either gender, and it's generally accepted that there is LITTLE OR NO DIFFERENCE in IQ. There are countless other factual errors and misleading statements, many of which you can read about in other reviews.

The false scientific claims about men in this book can't help the growing negative trends in boys. Women outnumber men in higher education by far. So what's a high school boy to think about college prospects when he reads the "fact" that women have higher IQs. Men far outnumber women in suicides. What's going to happen to an awkward teen boy's self esteem who is considering suicide going to think when he reads that women are "scientifically" better than men?

Again, I have NO problem with comedy based on gender stereotypes, and I don't mind if it's one-sided. But I do have a problem with a book that makes false scientific claims that can affect the way people feel about themselves and others.

That said, here are some typical examples of the comedy in the book.
"Men prefer looks to brains because most men can see better than they can think."
"Ray plays his wedding video backward. He says it's so he can see himself walk out of the church, a free man."
If you found the above lines to be hilarious, and you can take the "facts" with a grain of salt, then this book is probably for you.

This book is a fantastic read. If you want answers to some familiar and all too commonly asked questions like, "Why does he or she do that?" then feel free to dive in! There were situations in the book I thought I was the only one who experienced. It was so neat to find out that many other women and men have the "windshield wiper disagreement." I thought I was the only one in the world that reached over to turn on the wipers as soon as it started to rain (to my husbands joking roll of the eyes and large sigh)because he would wait until it really poured. Come to find out after reading this passage, every coworker in my office (male and femal) particiapted in this same scenario in their own vehicles! I wasn't alone. What a surprise!
If you dont take it too seriously and use it as a surface understanding then you can as a woman smile when that man you love does something you previously found annoying or didnt understand or as a man you can avoid the doing a roll of the eyes or blank stare of lack of comprehension. I used to ask my husband to show me more affection. So he would carry the groceries in or open my car door or make me decide where to go eat (to please me). Now I understand these to be signs of his love and desire to show affection. Now I understand it is in my best interest to SPECIFY the way I want affection shown and also to appreciate him for who he is.
So, dDo what you will with it. Dont take it seriously; more as a guide book on a tour of men and women. Tour books arent there to make you only see those places in that exact order, they show you what is possible and what is available and its up to you to plan the trip.

After reading Deborah Tannen's thoughtful books on how men and women relate, I was eager to discover yet another 'take' on this subject. Unfortunately, I was greatly disappointed in this book by the Peases.

The book suffers from the following:
- Annoying repetitiveness
- Shallowness
- Sophomoric sense of humor
- Questionable conclusions

Other than that, it's a great read! :D

Seriously, I can distill the entire book into a few not-terribly-profound points:
- Men and women are wired differently, leading to different innate abilities and interests.
- The above sentiment is really, really politically incorrect. No, really, it is! Did we mention that this is controversial? Truly!
- It's best to be at peace with our genetic destinies. Women, don't grow up to be cowboys! Men, you're hunters!

In short, this book offers strained and not-very-funny examples under the guise of pseudo-science, and -- worse yet -- doesn't offer any substantive insight or very useful recommendations.

About the only thing I enjoyed from this book was the occasionally witty sayings interspersed here and there in large type throughout. Perhaps it's rather telling that few (if any!) were actually original contributions by the authors of the book; most are funny sayings we've all seen on the Internet.

Overall, I'm just saddened that peoples' collective time has been taken up by this book when it'd have been much better spent either reading something truly humorous OR honestly informative.