Customer Reviews

I DONT NEED A BABY TO BE WHO I AM

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

The title caught my eye when I first saw it on the shelf. I knew I had to read it, becuase I have been feeling depressed lately about not being able to have children of my own due to a chronic genetic illness. Joan Brady brings her thoughts into the limelight. It really helps me to know that there is another woman out there who does not have children. Ms. Brady brings a delicate subject in our society into the open, and she gives women who don't have children a voice.

Joan Brady says in this book she never had a child because she never met "Mr. Right"...I met Mr. Right, but not Mr. Bank Account. Feeling it was wrong to have a child I could not financially support, I really respect and admire Ms. Brady's moral decision not to have a child without a father. In the darkest moments of my child-less depression, this book lifted me up and gave me a positive outlook on my life as it is. This book does not bash those who can or do become parents like so many others I looked at. Neither does it feature one who didn't want kids, but someone just like me who wanted to, could have, but didn't and had all those same feelings about that difficult decision that I did. Thank-you Joan. I will recommend this book to many others who can not, or choose not to have children for whatever reason.

The title of the book immediately caught my mind. As a mid-thirties single woman, I am constantly aware that my time to find a husband and have children is running out. It is easy to get depressed over this. However, this book is like a bible. I read it whenever I start to feel sad. Joan has empowered me with the idea that even if I don't get married and raise a family, I can still lead a rewarding and loving life. She writes about her journey to happiness beautifully. I encourage all single women to read this book. You'll no longer feel sorry for yourself or feel jealouly towards married friends with children. I look forward to the next book by Joan Brady.

Being childfree by choice, I bought this with the enthusiastic expectations of reading a book by another satisfied childfree person who would convey the message that being CF was a choice that one didn't have to be "ashamed", "guilty" or "apologetic" for. I thought it would reveal a strong woman with strong convictions for the CF lifestyle who would state that being CF should be a respected option. Instead, I was very disappointed. Half of this book is Ms. Brady's whining, crying and ranting about how miserable,"abnormal" and unfullfilling her life was for most of her 40+ years because she didn't become a mother. She explains how she fully accepted and believed in the myth (which she was conditioned to believe in) that every women's ultimate goal in life is motherhood and throughout the book sees childlessness as a great tragedy and injustice. She goes through panic,pain, depression, the desparate longing, and ends up going through the "I hate what I cannot have" phase. By the books end, she has "hit bottom", has a miraculous awakening,and finally discovers that she has "wasted" a large percentage of her life crying about what she doesn't have,realizes that being child"less" is not so bad after all and that it's "OK"; but still she has an apologetic tone to her accepted 'new' life. Openly embracing her childlessness she sees for the first time that a woman does not have to be a mother to enjoy a full, happy, contented life but still conveys the message "Please don't hate me because I'm childless; 'Forgive me' - I wanted to be a mother" I will say that Ms. Brady does make a few very good points/coments on how the childfree lifestyle is viewed by society and about the conditioning women are put through concerning motherhood, but all in all,I found this book very frustrating and dissatisfactory because it gives such little space to the celebration of the advantages of being CF and never addresses why people choose this life. I was also dismayed that the terminology used was always childLESS instead of "FREE" and the pervasive negativeness she had of herself until the very end of her journey. I would not recommend this book (especially not to happy CF people).

Joan and I worked together for a few years back in the 70's in NJ and what a wonderful woman she was and still is. She does adore children and I feel that she has captured it in the book. She conveys that you can suceed in life as a woman whether you have children or not. She doesn't want you to go through life with any regrets whatever your decision is. This book is warm and refreshing. I cried throughout many passages, yes maybe because I know her personaly but because of her writing ability to bring the reader there. She brings you a good feeling and leaves you with a better one. This is truly one of Joan's many great books. She is an extremely talented author with many other titles you should read. I am TRULY blessed that I know her and have been part of her life. She was an inspiring nurse to work with and a great friend. She has left a legacy that will go unforgotten.

If you are looking for a how to book on infertility, look elsewhere. If you are looking for sympathy, look elsewhere. But if you are looking for empathy, an infertility survivor that is here to tell you that you can live happily, infertily ever after, this is the book for you. And so this book was for me, someone who loves kids and always thought I'd have them but fate had other plans. Every time I read a book on infertility that ended with the woman getting pregnant afterall, it made me a little sick inside. Where was I in these books? There is a book called Accepting Infertility, surely that should have been for me, but nope, happy baby ending in that one too. All they did was confirm the cruelty that said IF you REALLY wanted a child you'd have one, you'd keep trying or you would adopt. Why hadn't anyone who didn't get the fairy tale write a book, enter Joan Brady. Joan Brady gets it and transcends the cruelty of society by telling women like her, like us, that it's okay, we all have something to contribute to this life and it does not have to be a genetic likeness, all while admitting that she loves and wanted children, was envious at times and was feeling everything I and other woman like me have felt but finally had to come to terms with it and choose not to be a tragic figure, to be pitied, but instead, an outstanding woman who has so much to give to the world. Thank you Joan. This book was for me.

It seems that Miss Brady laments the fact that she's single a lot more than the fact that she's not having children. Although it is VERY sad for her that the opportunity never arose to marry and procreate, it was quite tedious to read paragraph after paragraph of self-pity. Only after she reached menopause age did she make peace with her childlessness. As someone who is childfree by choice, I purchased this book hoping it would somehow "affirm my womanhood." It didn't. Unfortunately, Miss Brady narrowly speaks to single women without children, which of course, is her experience. Those who are unable to have children or have chosen not to would do better reading something more specifically targeted to their situations.

If you are looking for a how to book on infertility, look elsewhere. If you are looking for sympathy, look elsewhere. But if you are looking for empathy, an infertility survivor that is here to tell you that you can live happily, infertily ever after, this is the book for you. And so this book was for me, someone who loves kids and always thought I'd have them but fate had other plans. Every time I read a book on infertility that ended with the woman getting pregnant afterall, it made me a little sick inside. Where was I in these books? There is a book called Accepting Infertility, surely that should have been for me, but nope, happy baby ending in that one too. All they did was confirm the cruelty that said IF you REALLY wanted a child you'd have one, you'd keep trying or you would adopt. Why hadn't anyone who didn't get the fairy tale write a book, enter Joan Brady. Joan Brady gets it and transcends the cruelty of society by telling women like her, like us, that it's okay, we all have something to contribute to this life and it does not have to be a genetic likeness, all while admitting that she loves and wanted children, was envious at times and was feeling everything I and other woman like me have felt but finally had to come to terms with it and choose not to be a tragic figure, to be pitied, but instead, an outstanding woman who has so much to give to the world. Thank you Joan. This book was for me.

I appreciate that the author is proud of her book and her story. However, I do feel that this book is geared solely to people that had to settle for their second choice in life - rather than people who chose (and achieved) their pathways, without regret, from the start. People that are struggling with the loss of their "chosen" life - marriage and/or children - for whatever reason - should read this book. Even then - those people should use this book as a starting point - but then move on to more affirming books. I would suspect that if someone was really hurting from a loss of their desired lifestyle - that this book might teach the person to keep tending their "wounds" instead of healing them. The misleading title of this book, in my opinion, attracted many childfree women to buy it. If you are CF by choice - it's best you don't purchase this book - we should not consider ourselves the intended audience - despite the title and no matter how many children the book is dedicated to! Laurie Lisle, Mardy Ireland, and Elinor Burkett are more appropriate authors for CF people to read!

I didn't even finish this book because I got so sick of the apologies and the "but I do like children" stuff.

Hey, it's ok to not want to have anything to do with children. Why should anyone feel the need to apologize for not liking them or not wanting to be around them? If you were looking for a book to validate your more hardcore childfree views, this book isn't the one that you were looking for!