Customer Reviews

The Daddy Shift: How Stay-at-Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms, and Shared Parenting Are Transforming the American Family

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I sat on this book for quite a while. My reluctance stemmed from an expectation that this was going to be a dry academic review of childraising dads. Boy, was I wrong. Yes, it does put the shifting of gender roles in perspective but in a way that was totally accessible to me.

The couples profiled are real and Smith does more than introduce us to them. He shares their history, context, struggles and desires for the lives they are tending. The couples are complex with varied motivations and don't fit neatly into any preconceived notions of existing family models.

Beyond the personal stories we also get the long view of how men's views have changed in relation to caregiving. I found the information compelling and thought provoking. I loved the "myths of caregiving fatherhood." Ranging from the myth that Dads opting out of work is a luxury of the educated elites to the myth that the decision for a man to stay home with children is always an economic one.

This book stares down the stereotypes around male nurturing and offers explanations, willing examples, and historical trends to highlight the changes happening all around us.

I'm not a stay at home dad but rather part of the masses of men who do more childcare than their own fathers. I recognized myself in this book and would recommend it without hesitation.

With his latest book, The Daddy Shift, Jeremy Adam Smith sets out to explore the "movement of fatherhood from solely breadwinning to both breadwinning and caregiving." He does this by drawing on data from various fields of study (economic, religious, sociological, psychological), as well as examples of real families with "reverse traditional" caregiving/breadwinning models. This mix makes the book very readable, and also provides food-for-thought to draw on as each of our families find our own way.

Certainly we see the shift that Smith describes within our at-home Dads group, but I also see a shift for my dad friends who work full time outside the home. Most fathers I know are very involved with their families and are proactive home cooks, laundry washers and folders, dishwashers, etc. I see many Dads at pick-up and drop-off at my son's pre-school. Dads organize playdates. Dads make doctor's appointments. It seems to me that no aspect of family life is the exclusive domain of one parent over the other. Smith's research points to a gender convergence, "an ever increasing similarity in how men and women live and what they want from their lives."

Smith's research also helps to debunk the many myths associated with dads as caregivers. Though my decision has always felt natural and reasonable, like many stay-at-home dads, I have felt the little jabs coming from the outside world--the lady on the street that asked, "Where's Mommy? Baby needs his Mommy" or the preacher that claims stay-at-home dads are lazy and going to hell because we don't provide for our family, or the legislator from Missouri that excludes stay-at-home fathers from legislation because "Mothers are natural nurturers. Fathers are not. It goes back to the hunter and gatherers type." Smith addresses each of these myths and many others to conclude that "caregiving dads are ordinary guys of many cultures and educational levels who have a range of motivations for taking care of kids."

The Daddy Shift is an excellent read for all parents looking to find balance and truly enjoy and appreciate their families. Smith asserts that the successful twenty-first-century family needs "to prize time with children and to feel grateful for each other's contributions and sacrifices, whatever they may be." Cheers to that . . .

As a filmmaker who is making a documentary on the same subject matter as "The Daddy Shift," I've read tons of books on fatherhood, but I have to say that Smith's book is probably the best of the stack. Not only is the book incredibly well researched and thoughtful but it is truly inspired. This is a must read for any dad who wants to gain a greater awareness of all things dad. Smith takes us on a journey through time, exploring in great depth not only his own experience of fatherhood but how the role of dad has evolved up to this point. The heroism of the other dads he includes in the book is extraordinary. The chief argument in Smith's book, that Stay-At-Home dads are the pioneers of a new movement of fathers, is very convincing.

If you want to read a really smart book on fatherhood, look no further than Jeremy Adam Smith's "The Daddy Shift." You will gain from it a knowledge of the role of dad you would probably never in a million years have considered.

Dana Glazer
Director
The Evolution of Dad Project
[...]

"Jeremy Adam Smith doesn't simply present the factors contributing to the influx of stay-at-home dads and the issues endemic to their non-traditional role; he breathes life into the subject, sharing the complete stories of men who are experiencing the ups and downs that come with being the family's primary caregiver. 'The Daddy Shift' is an important read for anyone looking to gain insight into the male psyche within the realm of parenthood."

Ron Mattocks, author of "Sugar Milk: What One Dad Drinks When He Can't Afford Vodka"

Many of us know what the reconfiguration of our families looks like from the inside--the changing of roles, the redefining of fatherhood and motherhood, the joys and the frustrations of trying to make our relationships work according to our personal templates, rather than one-size-fits-all traditional models.

"The Daddy Shift" provides a multi-dimensional view of the evolution of families, for current or prospective fathers and mothers, for academics interested in people--rather than just statistics--for anyone trying to better understand the changes in our most personal context: how we take care of our children.

The Shift is on! Welcome it or fear it, it's crucial that we understand it. "The Daddy Shift" opens the doors and windows of the American home and invites us to explore.

Donald N.S. Unger, author of "Men Can: The Changing Image & Reality of Fatherhood in America."

This was such an amazing resource for egalitarian leaning couples. We don't have children yet, but we're trying to get a general sense of how we want to manage our lives around our children. It's an emotionally charged issue. Mr. Smith did an amazing job discussing such a touchy subject.

Both my husband and I really enjoyed this book. I was thrilled to find a book that my husband would want to read too. It's hard to ask someone you love to read a bunch of books that emphasize the woman's point of view. It's incredibly disappointing that raising children is considered a woman's issue. Most men I talk to and read about want kids just as much if not more than their wives. If that's the case, women can't be the only ones sacrificing their careers and enjoying their children. I love the idea that we can both sacrifice for our children. Therefore, we can both enjoy to full benefit of our children and helping them learn and grow.

Mr. Smith clearly researched this topic in depth. I enjoyed the discussion of historical family models as well as the many anecdotal details. The one weak point I saw in his analysis was his final recommendation on a societal scale. Though it was interesting and clearly showed how much he enjoyed his family's choices, it felt a little out of the blue. The book as a whole seemed mostly focused on the fluidity of raising children and how rigid roles are more a hindrance for childcare. But, in the end, he recommended a rigid social model in which the parent who carries the baby to term takes a year off for intimate infant care and the other parent starts to fill in more after that when the first returns to work.

We as a society, should be able to come up with a model that allows for life balance, where the job doesn't suffer for the benefit of family, vice versa, and parents can have a fulfilling life all around.

In conclusion, great book, great discussion. Very rare viewpoint these days on parenting, but a very necessary one.

Fifty years ago, it would have been heresy for a father to stay home as the mother brought home the paycheck. "The Daddy Shift: How Stay-at-Home Dads, Breadwinning Moms, and Shared Parenting Are Transforming the American Family" tells the story of the changing American culture on its stance towards parenting and gender issues. No longer is the father forced to break his back to feed his family, or the mother forced to abandon career ambitions, and Jeremy Smith argues the positives of this changing American Dream. "The Daddy Shift" is an intriguing look at changes in American parenting, recommended.