Damages [Paperback]

Bazhe (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 5, 2004

"Bazhe has a vivid talent for powerhouse storytelling and Damages is a remarkable, compelling read."—White Crane Journal, NY

"Bazhe’s life story is uniquely his own, but at the same time it is a story that we can all relate to. That alone makes Damages a good book worth reading."—The Weekly News,, FL

"Bazhe knew a world that turned to violent ethnic strife after years of civil unrest, echoed by his own inner turmoil. Damages is the story of his inner and outer wars."—Recorder Newspapers, NJ

"An emotionally lacerating childhood preceeds an unquenchable search to discover and freely express his identity, in Bazhe's agile memoir. In a tone that can be haughtily defensive, but more often deliberate, staccato, observant and harshly critical, Bazhe explores the full spec­trum of his emotions: the rage he feels toward the cancer; an incredulity that he survived a fair number of his sexual encounters; the distaste he harbors for his neighbors and their narrow worlds; and the anger over his childhood. A revelatory, pained, unyielding ride. Hold on tight."

-Kirkus Discoveries


The story begins with the death of his abusive father, a Communist official. His mother is diagnosed with cancer, and Bazhe immediately returns to Macedonia to take care of her.

Meanwhile, his more than thirty-year search for his biological mother ends, and Bazhe tells her his life story, starting with his lonely childhood and adolescence. After finding his “new mother” to be very understanding, Bazhe reveals to her his first gay experience in the army, his desire for self-realization that caused scandals in the College of National Security, his escape to Turkey where he transformed into a stunning transvestite after meeting a handsome wealthy man, and his return to Yugoslavia where he wandered in the underground world of a country that was falling apart.

As Yugoslav nationalism and Islamic fundamentalism rose, Bazhe almost lost his life before he succeeded in immigrating to America. Although he finds his biological mother, Bazhe ultimately discovers that it is his adoptive mother’s devotion that is irreplaceable.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

The concept is delivered clearly and effectively. Damages is a personal exploration through life’s trials and eventual tribulation—our soul purpose for survival. From an abusive upbringing, separation from his biological mother and death, the author struggles for identity and purpose to find the true meaning for carrying on. The author’s tone and writing style is clear and direct. The author offers us an uncensored look into his personal life without holding anything back. I applaud the author for writing about things so close to heart. Most often these can be the hardest things to put down on paper.--The Editor, NE

From the Author

Damages is a saga of a young man caught in the political crossfire of a country torn apart by Communism, Christian nationalism, and Islamic fundamentalism. It is one man's fight to find his true identity and freedom as he awakens to his own sexuality in an oppressive society and comes to realize that he can no longer consider his own home a safe haven and flees to America where he builds a new life in the land of Freedom.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 320 pages
• Publisher: iUniverse Star (January 5, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0595297145
• ISBN-13: 978-0595297146
• Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6.1 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (58 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,613,654 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

B.K. BAZHE is a writer, poet, and artist. He is the author of
DAMAGES (creative nonfiction) -- Winner in the Writers Digest Awards
and IDENTITIES (poetry).

In America, his stories and poems have appeared in:
Poetic Voices Magazine, Winter's Gems Anthology,
Bay Windows, Opus Literary Review,
River Run, and Reader.

In Europe, he is published in: Serbia, Bosnia, Macedonia,
and Bulgaria.

His Art has been exhibited in: New York City, Europe,
NJ, and OH.

Bazhe's Books on Amazon:
http://astore.amazon.com/bazhe-20

Videos: http://www.youtube.com/bazhe

To See: All Reviews, Excerpts, Interviews, Videos,
Upcoming Events, Art, and Poetry,

Visit Bazhe's Website at:
http://www.bazhe.com

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

10 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Identity Crises: Confessions to a Birth Mother, July 9, 2008

By 

Grady Harp (Los Angeles, CA United States) - See all my reviews
(HALL OF FAME REVIEWER)    (VINE VOICE)    (TOP 50 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)   

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Damages (Paperback)

DAMAGES is a memoir of a brave young poet, artist, performer and writer whose life story holds as many elements of a richly detailed fictional novel as well as moments of eloquent poetry, philosophical views gained from living through the rise and fall of communist Yugoslavia and the subsequent fracture of that country into the parcels we now know, observations of the surface and the core needs of the people at the battled intersection of Christianity, Muslim faith, and atheism, and experiences of identity crisis that haunt many adopted children/adults.

To make this vast amount of information work for the reader, author Bazhe has wisely elected to tell his story as bifurcated between the realities of the present in relating to his adoptive mother on her deathbed and his at times lurid past to his birth mother, conveniently placed just up the stairs from his dying mother. It works as a gimmick or technique that allows the reader to understand the present Bazhe by allowing him to very gradually escort us through the damages of his early childhood through his bumpy road to manhood.

The crises here are from two vantages: Bazhe was reluctantly given up for adoption by his 15-year-old birth mother Mila (his very beginning was the result of a brutal rape), his adoptive parents were wealthy and privileged due, oddly enough, to the high communist government position of the father. His early years were frosted with gifts and advantage, but his childhood was damaged by his position of wealth in a country (Macedonia) struggling under dictatorship and inequality. Bazhe, a beautiful and bright child, drew attention beacuse of his androgynous appearance - a factor that would provide problems for him throughout his life. His father was highly respected by the people, but feared by his abused wife and child. Entering school, Bazhe gradually became aware of his same sex orientation and began to dress 'inappropriately' and attract male lovers in a community that would not tolerate homosexuality. His adventures in escaping to Turkey resulted in his being courted by a wealthy man into the world of cross-dressing and the eventual rejected demand that he undergo sex reassignment surgery. Returning home, his confession of his lifestyle brought the expected conflict from his parents and he fled to Belgrade where he became a Madam for the unwanted gay population of 'aunties'.

While undergoing this seemingly endless series of life changes, Bazhe searched for his birth mother without success. After a final life threatening incident that underscored the bitter and vicious collapse of his country's belief systems in the person of a brutish, abusive, conflicted anti-communist, Bazhe fled to America, only to return to comfort his mother at the time of his father's death. Upon arriving in Macedonia his mother's devotion is focused on her beloved adopted son and Bazhe discovers that his mother has progressive cancer: he spends his time as a nurse to his mother's increasing needs while finally making contact with Mila, his birth mother. The story of his life is related to the birth mother while Bazhe attends to his adoptive mother, and it is this dichotomy of allegiance that forms the true conflict of the book.

The story of Bazhe's life is fascinating and horrifying, and were that all that this book had to offer it would be enough. But DAMAGES goes far beyond that: this is one of the better insights into the history of Yugoslavia, Macedonia, Croatia, Serbia, Montenegro - all places that we understand so poorly but all places that hold the keys to the discord between the religious seeds that lie at the center of the constant conflict we still are experiencing. Bazhe's comments on governments and religions are harsh, both in his evaluation of his native country and his adopted country of America. 'Anyway, it's we who are to blame. Everything about [God] is a myth. We're the creatures of our beliefs. We're the source of good and evil. Our big mistake was creating Him and all these evil religions, so we can be divided and hate each other to death as enemies. Whether Muslim, Buddhist, Christian, Jewish, or whatever, we stress the 'other'-ness of others when true differences between us don't exist. We are all humans. We're a grown-up race. We should see that religions are superfluous. In the past, religions made some sense: to give young nations identities and a reason to fight for survival. Now, we need a new identity. We need global unity. We need a new order and a new progressive faith of peace and love. It's time to put the holy books where they belong, on the shelves of museums'. Powerful words from a man who has survived a life few of us could tolerate. Perhaps we should listen. What on the surface is a fascinating autobiography by a very unique writer gains importance as the observations of a damaged philosopher! Grady Harp, July 08

12 of 14 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Damages - A novel of a human, November 13, 2003

By 

Rick "cpto" (East Hanover, NJ USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Damages (Paperback)

I seldom read autobiographies since most of these ghost-written homilies airbrush the warts and pimples from the "author" while making it seem that they had saved Western civilization along the way. But Bazhe was a very interesting person to talk to, and he'd convinced me that his book was even more so.

I was not many pages into "Damages" before I realized that the Bazhe I met at his book signing was not the Bazhe that is. Anyone we know, even our spouse or our closest friend, presents an edifice to the world, a structure that is the sum of their life experiences and their genes. What they are is normally what you see, but what you see is the finished product, or at least a work in progress.

Others on Amazon have discussed the events in Bazhe's "Damages," so a recap here isn't necessary. What I would like to concentrate on is the autobiography itself. Not the events in his life, but what they reveal about the author and, implicitly, about us all.

"Damages" is not a typical autobiography. The open, honest, unflinching nature reminds me of some of the better works of Burroughs, Rechy, and Ginsburg. It is raw. It is difficult at times. It is a reflection of humanity at its best, and humanity at its worst.

Bazhe hides nothing. His words describe his life but also define the man as few other autobiographies have. And by defining the man, they also define the culture in which he was born and raised. Much of Bazhe's life may seem alien to readers, but they will also grasp the essential truths that underlie his life story. This is not a life glossed over to make it seem better or more noble. This was a life the author lived. Much was admirable, some was not. But all rings true. "Damages" is the essence of one man.

"Damages" is one of the few books I would give a "5" to. It's not for those who see the world through rose-colored glasses. It's not for those who can't tolerate the reality that comes into human lives. But is it for everyone that wants to learn more about the human condition, one person at a time. I have great admiration for Bazhe. He lived through conditions that might have had most of us running for the exit. He had the courage to investigate his origins. He accepted life as it was, surviving, while embracing his familial obligations. He learned, grew, and formed himself into an integrated, functioning person.

How many of us could have done that?

I recommend Damages. Enjoy Bazhe's life as it unfolds. Learn more about humanity. And wonder what you would have done if you were in his place. I know I thought about the book and the author long after I finished it. And I honestly don't know what I would have done were I in his position. But do any of us? We weren't there. We can only observe and marvel at Bazhe's trek through life. And wonder, What would I have done?

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars "Damages" is a beautiful eulogy, October 13, 2002

By 

Ryan (from New York, United States) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Damages (Paperback)

It is rare for me to read a book cover to cover, but "Damages" had me reading it passionately to its conclusion. I am young, yet to experience the pains and pleasures of this world. Reading "Damages" has affirmed my belief that life is an adventure, full of possibilities. I can only hope to experience a tenth of what this brave and intelligent man lived. I highly recommend this book to anybody.