Customer Reviews

Damages

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DAMAGES is a memoir of a brave young poet, artist, performer and writer whose life story holds as many elements of a richly detailed fictional novel as well as moments of eloquent poetry, philosophical views gained from living through the rise and fall of communist Yugoslavia and the subsequent fracture of that country into the parcels we now know, observations of the surface and the core needs of the people at the battled intersection of Christianity, Muslim faith, and atheism, and experiences of identity crisis that haunt many adopted children/adults.

To make this vast amount of information work for the reader, author Bazhe has wisely elected to tell his story as bifurcated between the realities of the present in relating to his adoptive mother on her deathbed and his at times lurid past to his birth mother, conveniently placed just up the stairs from his dying mother. It works as a gimmick or technique that allows the reader to understand the present Bazhe by allowing him to very gradually escort us through the damages of his early childhood through his bumpy road to manhood.

The crises here are from two vantages: Bazhe was reluctantly given up for adoption by his 15-year-old birth mother Mila (his very beginning was the result of a brutal rape), his adoptive parents were wealthy and privileged due, oddly enough, to the high communist government position of the father. His early years were frosted with gifts and advantage, but his childhood was damaged by his position of wealth in a country (Macedonia) struggling under dictatorship and inequality. Bazhe, a beautiful and bright child, drew attention beacuse of his androgynous appearance - a factor that would provide problems for him throughout his life. His father was highly respected by the people, but feared by his abused wife and child. Entering school, Bazhe gradually became aware of his same sex orientation and began to dress 'inappropriately' and attract male lovers in a community that would not tolerate homosexuality. His adventures in escaping to Turkey resulted in his being courted by a wealthy man into the world of cross-dressing and the eventual rejected demand that he undergo sex reassignment surgery. Returning home, his confession of his lifestyle brought the expected conflict from his parents and he fled to Belgrade where he became a Madam for the unwanted gay population of 'aunties'.

While undergoing this seemingly endless series of life changes, Bazhe searched for his birth mother without success. After a final life threatening incident that underscored the bitter and vicious collapse of his country's belief systems in the person of a brutish, abusive, conflicted anti-communist, Bazhe fled to America, only to return to comfort his mother at the time of his father's death. Upon arriving in Macedonia his mother's devotion is focused on her beloved adopted son and Bazhe discovers that his mother has progressive cancer: he spends his time as a nurse to his mother's increasing needs while finally making contact with Mila, his birth mother. The story of his life is related to the birth mother while Bazhe attends to his adoptive mother, and it is this dichotomy of allegiance that forms the true conflict of the book.

The story of Bazhe's life is fascinating and horrifying, and were that all that this book had to offer it would be enough. But DAMAGES goes far beyond that: this is one of the better insights into the history of Yugoslavia, Macedonia, Croatia, Serbia, Montenegro - all places that we understand so poorly but all places that hold the keys to the discord between the religious seeds that lie at the center of the constant conflict we still are experiencing. Bazhe's comments on governments and religions are harsh, both in his evaluation of his native country and his adopted country of America. 'Anyway, it's we who are to blame. Everything about [God] is a myth. We're the creatures of our beliefs. We're the source of good and evil. Our big mistake was creating Him and all these evil religions, so we can be divided and hate each other to death as enemies. Whether Muslim, Buddhist, Christian, Jewish, or whatever, we stress the 'other'-ness of others when true differences between us don't exist. We are all humans. We're a grown-up race. We should see that religions are superfluous. In the past, religions made some sense: to give young nations identities and a reason to fight for survival. Now, we need a new identity. We need global unity. We need a new order and a new progressive faith of peace and love. It's time to put the holy books where they belong, on the shelves of museums'. Powerful words from a man who has survived a life few of us could tolerate. Perhaps we should listen. What on the surface is a fascinating autobiography by a very unique writer gains importance as the observations of a damaged philosopher! Grady Harp, July 08

I seldom read autobiographies since most of these ghost-written homilies airbrush the warts and pimples from the "author" while making it seem that they had saved Western civilization along the way. But Bazhe was a very interesting person to talk to, and he'd convinced me that his book was even more so.

I was not many pages into "Damages" before I realized that the Bazhe I met at his book signing was not the Bazhe that is. Anyone we know, even our spouse or our closest friend, presents an edifice to the world, a structure that is the sum of their life experiences and their genes. What they are is normally what you see, but what you see is the finished product, or at least a work in progress.

Others on Amazon have discussed the events in Bazhe's "Damages," so a recap here isn't necessary. What I would like to concentrate on is the autobiography itself. Not the events in his life, but what they reveal about the author and, implicitly, about us all.

"Damages" is not a typical autobiography. The open, honest, unflinching nature reminds me of some of the better works of Burroughs, Rechy, and Ginsburg. It is raw. It is difficult at times. It is a reflection of humanity at its best, and humanity at its worst.

Bazhe hides nothing. His words describe his life but also define the man as few other autobiographies have. And by defining the man, they also define the culture in which he was born and raised. Much of Bazhe's life may seem alien to readers, but they will also grasp the essential truths that underlie his life story. This is not a life glossed over to make it seem better or more noble. This was a life the author lived. Much was admirable, some was not. But all rings true. "Damages" is the essence of one man.

"Damages" is one of the few books I would give a "5" to. It's not for those who see the world through rose-colored glasses. It's not for those who can't tolerate the reality that comes into human lives. But is it for everyone that wants to learn more about the human condition, one person at a time. I have great admiration for Bazhe. He lived through conditions that might have had most of us running for the exit. He had the courage to investigate his origins. He accepted life as it was, surviving, while embracing his familial obligations. He learned, grew, and formed himself into an integrated, functioning person.

How many of us could have done that?

I recommend Damages. Enjoy Bazhe's life as it unfolds. Learn more about humanity. And wonder what you would have done if you were in his place. I know I thought about the book and the author long after I finished it. And I honestly don't know what I would have done were I in his position. But do any of us? We weren't there. We can only observe and marvel at Bazhe's trek through life. And wonder, What would I have done?

It is rare for me to read a book cover to cover, but "Damages" had me reading it passionately to its conclusion. I am young, yet to experience the pains and pleasures of this world. Reading "Damages" has affirmed my belief that life is an adventure, full of possibilities. I can only hope to experience a tenth of what this brave and intelligent man lived. I highly recommend this book to anybody.

Don`t think for one moment that this is a one-theme novel. Far from it. And if you do, your are in for a big surprise. This marvelous book encapsulates everything and everyone around the author from his early upbringing to his adulthood and his undying total devotion to his mother and her tragic illness, colon cancer. Also it encompasses the turbulent Balkan history and the consequences of nationalism and religious fanaticism that destroys any society. This is a touching characterization of a young man growing up in a setting alien to most. Bazhe manages to weave issues of identity, sexuality, class and search for his birth mother with ease. He is not afraid to speak the truth and to feel trust because of that truth. You will be taken in very subtlety the first few chapters and then be lifted into a kaleidoscope of heartbreak, terror, humor, and much happiness. One major attribute it teaches us is to listen to our own hearts. After finishing the last chapter one is amazed that he survived and shows us the shining example of the human spirit. Don`t pass this gem up!

I read lots of books that are true stories, but Damages really hits home with a unique perspective on todays world events from Bazhe's experiences that are, in your face, honest.

Beleive me, I haven't read anything like this since "Before Night Falls" by Arenas.

Bazhe's story is a movie director's dream.

Bazhe's writing is very picturesque (and he is not born in America) that while reading Damages I felt like I am watching a movie. I hope Bazhe will get into writing movie scripts.

Do yourself a favor and pick up this book.

The adventures and coming-of-age story of a young gay man have by now become a well- (even over-) explored genre. But this particular story presents a unique point of view and setting. Tell the truth: How many Macedonians do YOU know? Bazhe's upbringing and coming-out, set in the socially and morally repressive waning years of Balkan communism, present unique challenges and dangers (and opportunities) that the author vividly describes. He possesses a keen eye and ear for character, and the family, friends, lovers and enemies that populate this book ring true-to-life. His highly "accented" and melodramatic use of American English serves a unique purpose: Reminding the American reader that he or she is a foreign visitor to this book, privy to extremely personal feelings and events that might not always reflect an American mindset, but which are nonetheless real and compelling. Bazhe is by his own account no saint, and presents his life and deeds un-flinchingly - the good and the bad alike. Definitely "worth a read."

A great read. I enjoyed the book immensely. (That is, if crying real tears while reading can be called "enjoying".

A rare insider's view of Macedonia, during the final years of communist Yugoslavia and the beginning of ethnic tensions, which eventually led to genocide.

One gets a sense of Balcan culture, character, politics and mentality while at the same time accompanying a young man's personal search for his biological mother and his own identity.

I couldn't put the book down!

Have you ever come to the end of an exciting book and you want to continue? Without exaggeration, that was my experience with Damages by Bazhe, a writer raised in Macedonia, what was once part of Tito's Yugoslavia, and now an American citizen.

The story is full with emotions. Damages is the unusual chronicle of a gay man who was adopted and goes back home from the United States soon after his adoptive father's death and finds out that his adoptive mother has colon cancer. While back in Europe caring for her, he decides to try to find his birth mother and much of the narrative of his life is told to the reader as he relates his childhood being raised in the home of a Communist Party leader, his adolescence and early manhood to her, Mila, while she, the birth mother, visits him for a week and stays under the same roof but on a different floor as his dying mother.

The construction of the story-telling works well. The best parts are when he writes about his adoptive mother's decline and his feelings of ambivalence about his birth mother. Anyone who has ever been around someone dying will recognize the feelings. The details of his mother's illness, the changing of colostomy bags, the dialogs between the dying mother, Bazhe, and their loved ones are painfully real. Bazhe tells Mila how he feels about the United States, his new home, compared with the "Old World." What he tells is interesting and correct. The book is a powerful read and certainly not one that one will fail to remember in a rush.

There is a myth out there that everyone has a book in them. Many people unfortunately do not. Bazhe does he have a great story and defiantly you will want to know what happened next, after he immigrated to the U.S.A.

I've just finished reading Bazhe's document, Damages. I'm calling this autobiography a "document," because it not only documents the author's early life, but it also documents a behind-the-scenes view of the dissolution of Yugoslavia, and the "underground" nature of the GLBT community there, while artfully comparing American society to society in eastern Europe, most notably former Yugoslavia. The caveat at the beginning of the book states that this is a true story, but some of the names and circumstances have been modified to protect the identities of some of the characters. I'm glad they didn't say that it was to protect the "innocent." No one seems to be "innocent" in this book.

The story begins with the death of Bazhe's cruel father, a retired communist official, and Bazhe returns to the Macedonian province in Yugoslavia to visit his mother. During his visit, he discovers that his beloved adoptive mother is not well. Eventually, she consents to seeing a doctor. Bazhe nurses her in her home, while finally locating his biological mother. During their first meeting, a secretive week, Bazhe reveals to his birth mother, and his readers, his painful, abusive, and lonely childhood, with a significant window of real happiness.

I identified with Bazhe in many ways, while in the end I didn't know whether to envy or pity him. Finally, I found myself counting my own blessings. While losing his own innocence at a tender age, he is forced to create his own world. His striking good looks are both a blessing and a curse. Bazhe brilliantly tells stories of his growing up in a world that he knows will damn him. The stories interweave to develop in him the strength that he will need to survive. There is great maturity here. There is incredible happiness as well as heartbreaking sadness in this man's life, and he comes out of it as a survivor. A survivor of the damages that make him what he is.

The real danger of baring your soul as Bazhe has done, is that readers can end up feeling that they know the author, well. In this case, I feel that Bazhe has kept some of his most private thoughts to himself, while sharing a great deal of both joy and sorrow. While the book could use a better job of editing, I cannot fault the author, especially since English (the American version) is his sixth language. This book is beautifully written and reads smoothly. He does an excellent job of moving the story along, and holding the reader's attention, even though this is a fairly long book.

In spite of its length, the romantic in me would like to have read more of the author's relationship with his partner, Fred. He states that Fred loves him, and I'm sure he loves Fred, but there must be a solid relationship there for them to endure the lengthy separations that occur. This must be one area that Bazhe decided to keep something to himself. Who could blame him?

If you're ready for a real-life story of a very difficult time in world history, as well as looking into some very happy and very sad windows into a rebels life, by all means, this is an excellent book for you. You'll find it a tremendous surprise. A tremendously good surprise.

A sheltered and sensitive young gay man comes of age in an inflexible culture amid the ruins of the former Yugoslavia. A candid account, sometimes humorous, sometimes painful - but also the tenacious and loving tale of a young man, unwilling to take no for an answer. A young man and a story easy to invest in emotionally. A book which makes you say, "just one more page."