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Damsels in Distress: Biblical Solutions for Problems Women Face

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Last week I finished reading Martha Peace's new book Damsels in Distress: Biblical Solutions for Problems Women Face. Most people are familiar with Martha Peace's The Excellent Wife and this book is just as poignant and biblically sound. Peace writes with spiritual depth and encouraging clarity as she addresses problems that women have with others, self and the world.In eleven chapters Martha covers gossip and slander, idolatrous emotional attachments, manipulation, hurt feelings, vanity, PMS, legalism, the feminist influence, the role of women in the church and trials. Seeing that list, I knew this book would be convicting! And it is, but she does not condemn and leave us feeling guilty. Martha's heart for helping women comes across very genuinely in her writing and her purpose it truly to exhort her readers to help them change.

In the first chapter Martha writes-

"There is nothing, however painful, that we must go through in vain. God will not only help us, but He will also use all things for our good and for His glory. What a comforting thought when we are in a trial or undergoing terrific pressure or temptation!"

She urges the reader to keep this perspective in all our struggles. This encouragement is especially timely as she continues to write very black and white about our struggles and how no excuses will do. If we have a 1 Peter approach to our weaknesses The Lord can accomplish His change in us.

There were a couple of sections that I thought about quite a bit. The first was from chapter 4-Manipulation: I'm supposed to respond how? Martha writes-

"Sinful manipulation is using unbiblical words and/or your countenance to bully another person into letting you have your way. All the while you know that if you cannot have your way, you can at least punish the other person in the process.

You know you are guilty of sinful manipulation when you don't graciously take "no" for an answer and keep trying to convince the other person to let you have your way. Certainly there may be times when an appeal is appropriate, but if the answer is sill "no," then you must see it as God's will for you at the moment."

She breaks manipulation down into a chart of tactics that women try with their husbands, parents, friends and children. She sees that most verbal manipulation falls into one of these categories: sweet talk, begging, crying, anger, the cold shoulder, accusations, and threats. She calls us to put off manipulations and let all we say and do be done in love.

The second one is from chapter 5, Hurt Feelings: What difference does it make what he intended? Martha tries to be clear on the differences between intentional and unintentional hurts. I am amazed at the authoritative clarity with which she describes these two problems.

She writes about intentional hurts-

"Intentional hurts are sinful. They may be in the form of slander, name-calling, malicious comments and acts, or cruel threats. Whatever the form, you can overcome them only be responding righteously, not by adding additional wickedness."

I was a little surprised at the bluntness of what she says about unintentional hurts-

"Unintentional hurts are sinful on the part of the person perceiving something as hurtful. Often the person perceiving something as hurtful is overly sensitive, shy, proud, and self-absorbed. Whatever form their sin tends to take, they are to have a righteous, humble response to others.

Instead of being offended and hurt, we must learn to give others the benefit of the doubt...We must be willing to feel uncomfortable in order to help others feel comfortable. It is never pleasant to feel uncomfortable, but it is a mark of maturity when your concern is greater for another person's feelings than your own."

This is just a sample of this book, and I hope that you will take time to read the rest for yourself. Martha Peace cuts through the self-esteem, entitlement, feministic message that many authors use in an attempt to help women in their problems and she speaks authoritatively from God's Word helping women see how He cares for us deeply and tenderly-even when we think others don't understand our struggles-and also that He is holy and requires our obedience in all areas of life. Only in Him can we be free from sin and victorious over these problems.

Twice a month, I gather with some ladies from our church to read aloud and discuss a book. We just completed Martha Peace's book, Damsels in Distress. It has been a great study!

The last chapter focused on responding biblically to trials and I found myself examining the various trials I've experienced in my life and whether or not I've always responded to them in a godly way. To my shame, I determined that I am often a great big failure at trials; thankfully God uses them in my life anyway. :-)

And that's the point. Mrs. Peace points out that trials may initially bring out the worst in us: anger, bitterness, fear, laziness, self-focus, etc. And isn't that the truth? Our first reaction to stress or tribulation may expose hidden sin that needs to be purged, as the "worst in us" is revealed.

Yet, as Mrs. Peace points out, God uses conflict and trials to expose and show us our sin, prune it off, and grow in us the precious fruit of righteousness:

"But thankfully, this 'worst' is pruned off as God convicts us of our sin and helps us turn from sin to righteousness. The pain from God's pruning will fade as the fruit of righteousness flowers for all to see." - Martha Peace

All the chapters were good and included many topics relevent to women. Topics like PMS, gossip and slander, manipulation, vanity, and legalism. Mrs. Peace teaches from a Reformed perspective and is doctrinally sound. I highly recommend this book for personal or group study.

Last year sometime I read Martha Peace's book, Damsels in Distress. It is a wonderful, Biblical treatment of the kinds of difficulties and problems that women face. It is decidedly Christ-centered, God-glorifying, Word-honoring, and woman-loving in its emphasis.


Martha is kind and gentle with her readers, but firm. She is honest with herself and encourages women to be honest before God.

Here is my summary of the first chapter of her book. maybe it will encourage more to read her book. I purchased my copy at Mars Hill, Ballard Campus. Sorry, Amazon.

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Chapter 1 - Casting All Your Cares on Whom?


In this chapter, Mrs. Peace begins with a God-ward focus, rather than a focus on ourselves. Psychoanalysis encourages us to look inward in order to find solutions to our personal problems. The Word of God calls us to look outside ourselves to God.


If we are to cast our cares on God, as Scritpure tells us, then Who is He? Why can we trust Him with our problems? What is He like?

1. God loves us. p. 19, 20

Romans 5:8; Rom. 8:38, 39; 1 John 3:1; 1 John 4:9


2. God is compassionate.

Isaiah 30:18; Matthew 9:36; Psalm 103:8; Romans 9:16; Ephesians 2:4,5


3. God is faithful

1 Corinthians 1:9; 1 Thessalonians 5:24; 2 Timothy 2:13; Hebrews 10:23; 1 Peter 4:19


"Learning about God and what He is like gave me greater stability and hope in my walk with the Lord. It gave me a compass to guide me as I though through problems."



Mrs. Peace goes on to talk about how God sent a Christian into her life to first share the Gospel with her, - including praying for her salvation along with her church, - and then to disciple her - including telling her the truth when necessary.


She makes the point that enemies will just tell you what you want to hear, but true friends will tell you the truth about yourself.


She then concludes that just because one becomes a Christian does not mean that all our problems will just go away. What we have, though, is comfort and refuge in the Lord Himself, as well as a Christian family to encourage us and correct us along the way.

She ends with this passage:


1 Peter 5:6,7
6Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.



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I like what she says, and agree almost totally. I think that she should have included God's justice in her list of attributes. After all, it is because of our sinfulness and the condemnation of the Just Judge that we have difficulties in the first place.

if you are a woman with no problems, or if you know no women with problems. Otherwise, it is a MUST READ-excellent, Bible-based and WELL WORTH the read! I ordered it from the library but need to buy it so I can have it as a reference and to share :)

Not only did I find this book encouraging and challenging on a personal level, but it is also an essential tool for helping other women find Biblical solutions to everyday problems.

The book was in excellent shape. I was surprised at how quickly I received it!! Most gratifying. It is an excellent study - my sister-in-law and I are really enjoying doing this study. It sometimes steps on our toes, but that's what is needed!

Mrs. Peace is one author whose books I will get on her name alone; I know they are always sure to be full not just of biblical truth, but of the Bible itself. In fact, it is a rare page that does not at least allude clearly to a passage of Scripture, if it doesn't quote one outright. This particular offering is a treatment of "biblical solutions for problems women face," including gossip, hurt feelings, vanity, legalism, feminism, and trials. She handles each topic beautifully, with all the compassion and boldness she has become known for.

My favorite statement from the book is from the chapter on the feminist influence (called, appropriately, "But What If I *Like* To Have My Ears Tickled?").

"The only way we will not be taken captive by the feminist beliefs is through the power of the Holy Spirit and God's grace enabling us to study and believe and embrace what God has told us in His Word. What God has told us in His Word is that women are not victims. We are creatures created in God's image for the purpose of proclaiming His excellencies (1 Peter 2:9). God, not man, determined how best and in what role women were to give Him glory. It is a joy and privilege to serve God, but we can do it rightly only on His terms." (p. 143)

Mrs. Peace has embraced her God-given role as Biblical counselor and teacher of women, and shows each one of us that God has answers for the problems we all face. She reminds us that we will only experience the freedom God wishes to be ours when we face those problems on God's terms, repent, and follow through with obedience.

Once again, Peace writes a book of advice for Christian women in how to solve their problems. Some of her points are very helpful and good, while others smack of the old-fashioned desire to place the female role underneath the male role. Women who express beliefs like this never cease to disappoint me, whatever else they may say of our sex.

My favorite point of this book was a very important truth that Peace expressed while addressing the harm she believed the feminist movement to do. She explained that feminists didn't want women to be defined by their husbands or their households and sought to define themselves by jobs and worldly tasks instead. Peace set both housewives AND feminists straight when she said that a child of God is not defined by anything earthly, but by their relationship with Christ! These powerful words should be a gem to all Christians, especially those who even for a moment forget their worth and try to define themselves by things that dim in comparison to our Lord. Peace did not come across as bashing of female jobs, and I agreed with her points about how precious the home is. There is nothing more precious than sharing life with a spouse and raising children, God's own image. This is something many a modern woman forgets.

Inspite of the gems of truth in this book, my enthusiasm ebbed a good deal when Peace reverted to the typical trademarks of complimentarianism. It's been a long observation of mine that those who believe in heavy submission to the husband usually believe in submission to males in general, to the point where the importance of female leaders and true appreciation of a woman's strength is pushed to the back-burner. Sadly, Peace is one of those women. In her chapter of women's roles in the church, she speaks more of what she believes a woman's role in general to be than a woman's role in the church alone. The female role according to Peace? Follower; secondary. All the typical lines were there: man is the leader, woman is the follower and helper (Peace's exact words), equality in value but not in roles, etc etc.

Frankly, I'm used to being told that women are followers in home and in church, but when people like Peace try to take their old-fashioned views of home and church and force them on women as a whole, I lose patience very quickly. It never ceases to amaze me how long-time Christians and Biblical scholars like Peace manage to painfully overlook the VARIOUS Biblical women who led, taught, and instructed people of all sorts, including men. Of course, Peace attempted to use Biblical passages to back herself up; she even hedged around God's clear design of equality in Genesis by claiming that, when God said man and woman would rule over everything on earth, He only meant this in a general way and was not referring to individual gender roles. Martha, if God says women lead in general, He means women lead in general. Judges, queens, battles, these are all things that both Biblical women and modern women have done with God-given success! I'm not sure why exactly Peace put quotation marks around the words "God made the man to lead and the woman to help and follow" because these were definitely her words, not God's. At this point, the book seemed to dissolve into yet another tool to humble women more than necessary. Peace had ended the previous chapter with the words, "In the following chapter, we shall see that the demand for equality does not stop when we step inside the church doors." Well of course it doesn't, Peace. Males and females are to be equal everywhere. This "demand" is not a sinful thing. Men are not the central sex in this world, Peace; God made both sexes to lead, instruct, initiate in His name.

If you're a fan of Martha Peace, you'll probably already know what to expect and it could make a good tool for you. As a matter of fact, since it was mainly the one chapter that offended me, this book may be a help to women of more than one mindset. There are definitely some pearls of wisdom in the book, just don't let it alone define you as a woman.

This is, without a doubt, the WORST Christian Book for women I have ever read! I started out really wanting to like it. A couple of my friends had recommended Martha Peace, as I have been looking for good uplifting Christian books to read.

However, after having read it, I was extremely shocked and disturbed. I have never seen someone take Bible verses and twist their meaning so much in one book! She not only uses snippets of verses, uses verses out of context, and uses verses that have nothing to do with what she is talking about, but she actually ADDS words to the Bible (in parenthesis)!

Here are some examples so you can see for yourself what I mean:

In the Chapter "What Do You Mean I Can Live Without Him?" Martha talks about "idolatrous attachments" to other people. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not going to argue that can't happen, it can and does.

The problem is, she doesn't differentiate AT ALL between falling in love or even having close friendships, and sinful or idolatrous relationships. The way she sees it, even people who are in love with each other, including Christians, if they have ever had sex with each other or even had "sensuous thoughts" about each other, even if they have repented, they should never talk to each other again. Say what??

Here is a quote from what she actually says concerning this:

"If the other person is a Christian and is willing to turn from their sin, that person is still potentially a "provision in the flesh" for you. There are simply some risks not worth taking."

She then goes on to say that you need to get the person in contact with someone else or a church who can "help them" and says that a relationship with this person is "obviously wrong". Apparently relationsihps with asexual people are the only acceptable form.

And that's not all! She also says that if someone is too emotionally attached and feels they cannot live without you, that is a sin and EVEN IF the person has never done anything outwardly wrong, and even if THE PERSON REPENTS of these idolatrous feelings you should not be in a relationship with them, ever -you shouldn't even be friends! Wow...that completely knocks God's grace and forgiveness out of the picture! Not only that, that thinking would've prevented 99% of all marriages I know of! One gleans from this that she feels that single women who have the option of marrying the father of their child should remain single, since the relationship was "obviously sinful", especially if they truly love each other.

She goes on to use the verse Gal: 6:2 incorrectly, describing how she "bears the burden of sin" for fellow women by helping them not to think about or contact this person, implying that either the person themself is a sin, or that even thinking about this person is a sin! The verse twising is seemingly endless!

She even has a chart with the most insulting title I've ever seen, "Answering a Fool As His Folly Deserves". In one breath (in the chapter on legalism) she discounts the entire Old Testament, and yet in this chapter ONE VERSE from the Old Testament is the basis of her entire argument!

In this figure she outlines what she calls"manipulative" tactics, which she defines as asking someone for something more than once, and she outlines the "right" way to answer whenever someone pleas to change your mind on anything. She claims that a person should not "sinfully give in" to people who ask them for a favor. So...exactly WHERE in the Bible does it say it's a sin to "give in" to such "sinful" requests as "Can I please borrow your car?? Please?" I don't recall any such verse. I do recall the Bible does say it's wrong to call something a sin which is not a sin!

She claims it is a sin to ask for your own way, and yet somehow it's not a sin to always say no and refuse to give anyone else their own way when asked. It's a sin for a wife to ask more than once to go on a vacation, but it's not a sin for the husband to always say no. We sure do have fun decreeing sins for other people, don't we Martha!

She then misquotes 1 Corinthians in suggesting that a man tell his pestering wife that "You were created for my sake!" obviously ignoring the many verses in the Bible that say a leader shouldn't lord it over his subjects. She goes on to suggest that you go away and pray for a while about what to say so that "the fool will not be wise in his own eyes" and so basically you can keep an argument going. These "right" answers she gives are just more bickering and name-calling!

Mrs. Peace seems very VERY keen on making as big a deal out of little things as possible, as is clearly shown in the chapter, "What Difference Does it Make What He Intended".

Instead of being like Jesus and turning the other cheek, she encourages people to confront others in the church EVERY TIME they feel intentionally hurt or insulted. Oh but it gets even better:

"Bring other witnesses into the situation if necessary" she says.

She goes on to misuse verses from Matthew 18 to say that you should basically treat anyone who has hurt your feelings or insulted you in any way as a huge sinner. Apparently they need to be dealt with or ultimately kicked out of the church! I can just imagine how much her pastor must love her for suggesting this, that he waste his time with this kind of nonsense! Nevermind that the Bible clearly says, "Love keeps no record of wrongs". Mrs. Peace suggests you write the wrongs down...in effect doing exactly what the Bible says not to!


Now you may say I am misunderstanding all this. And in a way, I hope I am, though I really don't see how that's possible. Especially when I see that she has actually ADDED the word "way" to a Bible verse on page 63, in parenthesis. That word is not in the verse, and randomly adding verses to the Bible so that it is sure to be interpreted the way YOU think it should be, is expressly condemned in the Bible itself!

She does this AGAIN in the chapter, "You Want Me to Do What?" when she adds the word "overtake" to Genesis 3:16 in her commentary, changing it's meaning from "the woman's desire shall be for her husband" to "the woman's desire shall be to overtake her husband". How she gets away with this blatant Bible slaughtering I have no idea, but the true meaning of the Bible obviously does not concern her as much as it saying what she WANTS it to say.

Not all of it is bad. It has it's grains of truth. The chapter on vanity and the chapters on feminism, PMS, and thankfullness are fairly sound.

I guess my bottom line is: this author is more concerned with using the Bible to back up HER OWN opinions and ideas, than she is with teaching what the Bible truly says! Isn't that how most false teachers are!