Customer Reviews

A Dance With the Devil: A True Story of Marriage to a Psychopath

5 star:		(50)
4 star:		(8)
3 star:		(6)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

I've studied personality disorders (socio/psychopaths in particular) as a hobby for about five years and this is one of the best books out there that I've found.

I would suggest that if you want to get a good understanding of this intriguing personality disorder, this book along with Robert Hare's excellent "Without Conscience" are an excellent introduction.

Before I go into the book itself, a clarification: there are both male and female psychopaths. I noticed from several other reviews that this doesn't seem to be clear to people.

As for what makes this book so good, the author presents her story without revealing too much early on. This preserves the "psychopathic fiction", which is all the lies, stories, false claims, supposed achievements, etc. the psychopath tells his/her victim to win confidence. It's only until near the end of the book that the full truth is revealed, just as it was to the author.

You often wonder, how could someone be so fooled by all the lies? This book does an excellent job answering the question, and may make you question what things you "simply accept" as truth in your own life. Like when that real estate agent told you "it only goes up?" Or when your 401k agent said "buy and hold?" The trick to getting people to swallow a lie without thinking is to tell them the lie they most want to hear.

Like others, I had a tough time putting this one down and read it cover to cover on a flight from Arizona to New York. Like another reviewer pointed out, however, the real meat of this book is the author's experiences with the predator and the brakes get firmly applied when she delves into the minutiae of changing the laws in California. While important, I think that section of the book should have been condensed to twenty pages and included as an appendix for those interested. It just creates too huge a left turn in the narrative.

Overall, definitely recommended. One of the best books I've read this year.

This is a wonderful first-person account of the truth behind living with a sociopath. As a graduate student in Criminology, I am deeply frustrated by how little my peers know about the reality of how sociopaths behave. The reason they are so successful, and get away with various forms of thievery from educated businessmen and love interest alike, is because they are such amazing performers; they can replicate human emotions flawlessly. Like many of the more academic books concerning sociopaths/psychopaths out there indicate, they leave their victims heartbroken and with empty wallets. It's refreshing to read a personal account, to add a unique richness to the formal books out there, which describe these individuals from a safe distance. The most terrifying truth about psychopaths is that the law is always on their side, and anyone too close to them need to beware; cross them or threaten their livelihood, and you are likely to end up dead.

Reading is not my forte, however, I could not put 'A Dance With The Devil' down. Barbara Bentley opens her world to readers, she shares her story of being married to a psychopath who drains her emotionally, financially and physically. Her dreams of a happy marriage are destroyed when her husband attempts to kill her. Barbara takes us through the ups and downs of her marriage and explains how she puts together the pieces of the puzzle that would ultimately expose her husbands lies and deceit. Barbara describes the many events she shared with her husband, John, in great detail, making this book a true page turner.
In this true story, you will read how Barbara not only survived the attempt on her life, but how she courageously battled California's no-fault divorce law for victims rights.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who has been in an abusive relationship, it may just save your life.

The best book I've read on this subject. Barbara Bentley wrote from a first hand experience things that I went through. My ex tried to kill me; he came very close. Amazing how he became the victim, even though I almost died. I wish I had read a book like this years ago, maybe it could have given me insight a lot sooner. We need a lot more awareness in this area, especially knowing this is not an isolated case. I highly recommend this book.
Thank you for writing it, Barbara!

Author, Barbara Bentley, gives us a firsthand look into the deceitful mind of a psychopath. She conveys the doubt and confusion of being married to and manipulated by such a person as only one who has lived it could.

Ms. Bentley's determination in getting California's no-fault divorce law changed is truly inspirational. The reader can feel her confidence grow as she pursues her goal.

I could not put this book down until the very last page.

Alma J. Meyer
Shepherdsville, KY

I bought this book along with Without Conscience, by Robert D. Hare. As a real-life account of being intimately involved with a psychopath, it is great; however Bentley's writing style leaves a lot to be desired. For someone interested mainly in the character traits of the psychopathic personality, Without Conscience, by Robert D. Hare is the book to buy.

This is a classic book written by an "insider" to a psychopath's life. As the daughter of such a man, this book allowed me even more empathy toward the six women (at this writing) that my "father" victimized. I would HIGHLY recommend that anyone related to, or affected by, this behavior buy this book NOW - I promise you won't be able to put it down, and it may give you hope on surviving life after the experience.

I could not put the book down and missed my BART stop while reading a gut wrenching portion of the book! Barbara's story is amazing and shows us how we can be strong even in the most difficult times of our lives. Barbara gave a selfless act by changing the laws of Californa so that others would not have to go through what she did while trying to divorce the man who tried to kill her. I strongly encourage those who are struggling with co-dependancy issues and someone they think might be a psychopath to read this book, they are not alone.

This book was a mediocre read, the dialog seeming awkward and stilted, at times. The unbelievable aspect of Barbara's story lies not in the antics of her criminal husband, but in her repeated ability to push aside the myriad of red flags smacking her in the face over and over and over. How does one logically ignore or dismiss so many unacceptable or illogical explanations as she did? I found myself feeling exasperated with Barbara for her refusal to see the reality of her marriage and her inability to accept responsibility for her role in enabling the criminal activity of the loser she married.

It appears she was so overly impressed by the prospect of being a Rear Admiral's wife and availing herself of all the perks and privileges that includes, that she willingly threw all reason out the window. She needs to own that, but appears to fail to accept responsibility for anything that she allowed to happen to her. She is not a child, but supposedly a capable, intelligent woman. Her downfall seems to be that she was so determined to live a privileged lifestyle, she willingly overlooked innumerable and repeated warning signs for the possibility of achieving that goal. She participated in spending money SHE knew they didn't have in an attempt to live a lifestyle and present an image they couldn't afford. Enjoying the ill-gotten benefits while blaming "the Admiral" for the consequences of their joint poor choices. Covering for his illegal activities as she did when he used her corporate credit card illegally.

I understand that he was a criminal, but I find it hard to muster up much sympathy for somebody who appears greedy and willing to look the other way as long as she's enjoying the perks of his poor choices.

Me? When he threw the kitten across the room he would have been gone. Or, when the lawyer told her to get away from him before he hurt her; how do you ignore that, or at least not investigate it further? How about when she discovered he had taken out a second mortgage on her home without her knowledge? What about when he insisted on only needing one signature to borrow against the second mortgage, or taking out life insurance only on her? Come on, when you start listing all the signs she stubbornly overlooked it becomes almost laughable.

Where is HER personal responsibility to protect herself? He wasn't even subtle in his machinations. I don't doubt that he was a horrible, evil person. I guess what galls me is her refusal to accept any responsibility for what happened to her.

Update - August 2010 - Just saw Barbara Bently's story "The Year of Living Dangerously" on Dateline ID and several things stood out to me. First, the interviewer never asked her one difficult question about her inability or refusal to see what seems glaringly obvious to some of us. The TV show effectively left out or hardly touched on the many warning flags Barbara had for years. Lastly, Barbara states on the air that nobody ever warned her that her husband was dangerous. Hmmmmm Barbara, what about the lawyer that warned you over the phone to get away from your husband before he hurt you? That was in the book that YOU wrote. Do you not remember that?

It appears that Barbara still accepts no culpability for the mess she found herself in even all these years later. Sad.

I am shocked that many of the reviewers blamed the author and victim in this book. First, a book reviewer should evaluate the merits of the book. They do not denigrate the author for not leaving sooner or being a loving, loyal and compliant wife. That is exactly the type of woman the sociopath preys upon. Until you have walked in the shoes of someone who has been held hostage and terrorized for years, stick with criticism of style and content. Do not critize the victim.