Customer Reviews

Dancing with Rose: Finding Life in the Land of Alzheimer's

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"I don't remember what we did, ... but that doesn't matter. It was sure fun while it was happening," observes Vivian, when asked about her day.

What could be a more perfect philosophy?

Vivian resides in "Maplewood" (pseudonym), the Alzheimer's care facility in Oregon where Lauren Kessler worked as a resident assistant while researching her recently released book, Dancing with Rose. The book not only reflects the anger, repulsion, fear, and guilt I experienced during the three years my Alzheimer's-stricken mother spent dying in a nursing home, it addresses those feelings without sentimentality and with close observation of the individuals (and we do see the residents as individuals) under Ms Kessler's care. In the process, my perceptions of the disease, the people who care for these patients, and the nature of an Alzheimer's existence radically changed, quite a feat in only 257 pages.

I have always respected the aids in these "homes." I know I don't have the physical and emotional strength to take care of all the physical needs of even one, let alone a dozen, Alzheimer's patients as they do day-in-day-out for minimum wage under austere, if not hostile, working conditions. It is outrageous how little they earn or are appreciated and amazing that they persist in providing such devoted care. My new respect is for the patients themselves and the redefined lives they carve out for themselves at each stage of their illness, finding joy in the small pleasures of the moment - the feel of warm flannel or a stuffed animal, the comfort of hugging or holding hands, the taste of ice cream. Despite the straightforward writing, I often cried as I read.

By the end, I agreed with Ms Kessler that there is joy and dignity in even these radically altered lives and that we can all benefit from assuming a similarly Zen approach to living. And as she points out, there are worse fates, more painful endings.

I am in the midst of caring for my father who is in the early stages of dementia. I watched his mother, my grandmother, suffer with Alzheimer's for almost ten years before she passed away fifteen years ago. Ms. Kessler's book strikes perfect chords of truth time after time. It is almost odd to say I enjoyed traveling her journey with her, but I guess what is more accurate is that she was an outstanding guide and reporter in a world that is so familiar to me and others who have been touched by this experience. Her thoughtful honesty with both her patient's lives as well as her own made this memoir one of the best I've ever read. A wonderful book that I recommend highly to anyone.

No exaggeration, "Dancing With Rose" will change the way you think about aging and death, the human mind and the nature of personhood. It is Kessler's most personal and, I think, best work. And considering her other books -- "Stubborn Twig," "The Happy Bottom Riding Club," "Clever Girl" et. al. -- that's a significant statement. Kessler's art for seeing people, and herself, clearly, without sentiment or melodrama, is rare, and one she shares with Joan Didion and tragically few others. A book about this subject could easily wade into platitudes, false uplift, or sob-sisterism. Kessler not only avoids all of that, but unveils a world that most of us are terrified to confront. Because she sees Alzheimer's clearly, because she is not afraid to think and write about aging and death, because she sees what is present in an Alzheimer's patient instead of what is absent, she allows us to see it, too, without fear. It is a book about Alzheimer's yes, but it is really a book about life, in all of its stages, and about the relationships that shape and guide us. It's about mothers and daughters, parents and children, the ones we are given and the ones we choose. If you know anyone with Alzheimer's it is, of course, a must-read, but "Dancing With Rose" is much more expansive than the disease, and a dazzling work of non-fiction from a master of the art. Buy it. Read it. You won't regret a single moment spent with this author, in this world. In fact, you may find yourself lingering, un-eager to leave.

The author is a sharply perceptive journalist who brings back from her work at a care facility the kind of wisdom, playfulness and compassionate understanding we look for in a smart friend.

Her journey is our journey, as children of aging parents and as partners dealing with our loved ones' illnesses or disabilities. This is a true story that, in Lauren Kessler's deeply honest style, transforms the way we see aging and illness.

Dancing with Rose, with its graceful and accessible language, provides the reader with a down-to-earth look at life with Alzheimer's, not only as a medical condition to be coped with, but also as a life lesson that many of us and our loved ones will experience.

This book is a treasure that should be shared with everyone we care about.

Alzheimer's disease afflicts more than four million people a year in our country. Everyone at some time or another will be affected by a dementia that is difficult to understand especially when it happens to a family member. When confronted with memory loss, most of us immediately begin to research dementias and we reach out for understanding through books on the subject. There are many, but this book is special - a fresh and hopeful outlook on a devasting disease.

The author movingly gives us an honest look at residents with Alzheimers in an assisted living complex on the west coast, and how they and their caregivers cope with the routine and the unexpected. Lauren Kessler, as an investigative reporter, writes movingly of her experience working among men and women in various stages of Alzheimers, stressing that each person reacts differently to memory loss and that they are worth understanding. Her insights, both from her own personal experience with her mother, and from working as a caregiver are uplifting, truthful, constructive and inspired.

I loved this book and highly recommend it. Not only will it provide the reader with a new understanding of memory loss and how to lovingly react to an afflicted person, but it also sends a message about appreciating caregivers - those at home and those toiling in nursing homes across the country for minimum wage and long hours.

It is only an eroding sense of discipline that quells my impulse to gush to the author: thank you, thank you, thank you...

Two years ago I rented out my house in Los Angeles to live with and care for my parents (both 87 years old this year) in Central Calif. Visiting Oregon last week I found this book, was unable to separate myself from it and wished that on my way back to California I could drop by Eugene to meet Lauren Kessler.

The positive impact of this book is enormous. My view of my Mother and dementia is being changed and in the process I am gaining courage and inspiration.

The story has deeply moved me. When I first started reading the book I found it difficult to breathe. As the story developed and the people came to life I found myself also caring about them, found myself weeping and laughing. But, importantly, able to breathe and learn.

Alzheimer's is not something I want to contemplate, either for myself or for my loved ones. But the fact is, it's an epidemic, and I decided to buy this book to try to understand the disease and the people who have it. I read the book with growing enthusiasm -- not a reaction I expected. The author writes with compassion, courage, humor, acceptance, and an appreciation for the individual that I didn't think possible with Alzheimer's. To me, all such patients seemed pretty much alike. Lauren Kessler individuates not only the patients she cares for but also her fellow health-care workers. While she is sympathetic, she remains clear-eyed and unsentimental. She does not use her compelling gifts to wrench and manipulate the reader's feelings. Rather, one is engaged, touched, and challenged to think more optimistically and less conservatively about Alzheimer's and Alzheimer's care.

Everyone who has been touched by Alzheimer's should read Dancing with Rose. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2001. My husband and I cared for her in our home for nearly four and half years before we had to move her into an Alzheimer's facility because we could no longer keep her safe. She is now 84. Dancing with Rose showed me a side to the Alzheimer's equation I hadn't fully appreciated before -- the life of the under-trained, under-staffed, and under-valued institutional caregiver. Kessler's first hand account of her bottom-rung "resident assistant" job at an Alzheimer's facility is riveting and revealing. Through her eyes I see individuals doing an impossible job within a system that is broken. That any do that job well, under those circumstances, and are still able to show compassion and love for those they care for is truly remarkable. Dancing with Rose is sure to touch your heart and open it to the changes that need to come.

Ami Simms
Curator, Alzheimer's: Frogetting Piece by Piece

I am 27 year old only child to a 60 year old single mother with Alzheimer's Disease. My mother is in the perverbial END stage of Alzheimer's and it has been a tough year as she has grown progressively worse.

I came across this book 2 days ago and have not put it down. It became a workbook of my own on a personal journey, as I underlined, circled, highlighted and wrote notes in the margins. I laughed. I cried. I healed. For anyone who has faced the lonley disease (both for caregivers and those afflicted) and feel so disconnected - pick this book up! I have never had words resonate with me so deeply. It is a very powerful read.

Kessler has seen both sides (as the daughter and as an employee) and intertwines both intimate experiences so beautifully and fluently. With a kind heart, Kessler writes with a witty, thought provoking, and detailed account as she guides you through a very hands on discussion of the disease.

This book takes an incredibly in depth look into a world of Alzheimer's Facilities that I have questioned the inner workings, almost daily. I had many questions answered. The culture, the life, the experience of working in Alzheimer's facility - all comes into play in daily life here. You will become attached to each person she writes about, making it a very poignoit read.

I only wish I had this book when I started our journey a year ago. I feel that I have had many regrets, but reading this book - my life takes a new look at my choices and the life of my mother - she is still dancing, even if bound by wheels and a distant look. You will want this book in your library and you will want to start discussion groups - this book will make an impact in your life and others, no doubt.

I couldn't put this book down. Maybe it is because I just spent 3 yrs. helping to care for my father in a facility much like this. Lauren Kessler accurately described exactly the type of love and care my father received until he took his last breath. I spent four hrs every day for 3 yrs. watching these women do phenomenal work at the lowest of wages. Anyone with a family member suffering from dementia should read this book. There is life after the onset of Alzheimer's as Ms Kessler so beautifully depicts.