Customer Reviews

Dangerous Marriage: Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Violence

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I have read dozens of self help books about abuse in the last several months but none seemed to help me deal with the spiritual side of my marriage and the options that I had in front of me. This book truly gave the best advice and uplifting support. It is the best book I have read on abuse. I returned to the site to order additional copies to share with others and took this chance to review it. If you are active in church, and you face any type of abuse, PLEASE PLEASE read this book. This book is Christian, non-denominational and is geared to help you sort out your religious desires to do right, with the disaster of dealing with most un-Christlike abuse. While some people like to "blame the victim" because it takes the pressure off the abuser, this book showed Christlike love to the victim and gives her lots of tools to help her find healing in the gospel. I felt understood and loved as I read the pages and I was so grateful the McDill's are in tune enough to the Lord that they would write this masterpiece. I felt the book was compassionate towards the abuser as well, but held a firm line of accountability which is very scripturally based. The truth is, abuse is a choice. While most counselors and books dealing with abuse have encouraged me to "leave" and stay gone, the McDill's gave me courage to see how leaving for a year or two could actually heal my marriage and give me hope that my family could be reunited if we work and commit to change. A very realistic sound approach that I feel the Lord would approve of. They do NOT encourage you to return to an abusive situation. I found the case studies to address the real problems facing abused women today, and often in the church, we have no where to turn. No one that believes us, no one that really wants to know what is going on because it is easier to ignore the problem. I have felt much pressure in my church community to stay in an abusive marriage. I think every minister or church leader should read this book before he advises an abused woman to do anything. This book empowered me to take a stand for my life and the life of my children by leaving my husband. .. to give us both a chance to heal. This book goes through step by step repentance processes that the abuser must go through to change, and why leaving to allow the process to begin is often the only way that healing can truly occur. And that healing will make you dance and smile and take back your life. The life the Lord meant you to have. A wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful book. Sound and honest. Enough Said. Order 2 or 3 copies to share with your family and clergy

I have read many books on this subject and this book helped me the most. It helped me deal with self-esteem issues in a very constructive way. I ordered several copies to give for gifts. The authors have obviously worked with and helped many couples through abusive relationships. The religious applications were very helpful and very appropriate. I recommend this book highly for Christian women facing this problem.

This book has been a profound help to me. I had been in an abusive marriage for a long time and it is about time that there was a book that could handle this appropriately from a Christian perspective.

The advice is sound.

I'm really not sure what 'a reader from C.A.' is talking about. This book is really good and very insightful. One of my best friends is in an abusive marriage and it helped me understand more. The book uses case study and psychology and looks at a biblical perspective. It is a great book and offers practical ways to help. A great book.

I just discovered this book.

It seems the McDills have exploited their contact with abused persons, and the abused people Mr. McDill saw in his practice. Another's review, saying "This book is about the man who brutalizes his wife and children" is somewhat accurate, but with the McDill's personal experience of having a best friend who is an abuser, and unethically taking his daughter's case on, and not letting her know until the trial against his friend is an outrage in and of itself!

To seemingly further exploit the abused by writing a book to deal with their own psychological illness, and riding their sales on the backs of people who were already abused is about as unethical as you can get, especially when these people were harmed by McDill in his own practice, him not revealing to his client, an abused child and having letters from this persons other family members about the abuse, that he was very good friends with the abuser.

Seeing as Mr. McDill is a psychologist in Tehachapi, CA, the psychology board needs to take a hard look at this man's fitness to practice in the field of psychology.

While it may apear to be a handbook for help, it is nothing more than another [ruse] ,on others backs, to exploit those he has already hurt once again.

Don't take it anymore, Mr. McDill? (or "Brick", or "Doctor", as you would like to be called?) PLEASE! See a psychiatrist yourself, quit harming people, and for God's sake, if you have a Christian bone in your body, as you say in your book, please leave the psychology field before you damage more people than you already have by this exploitation. Shame on you! You amaze me!

This is not Christian at all, and to use Christianity as a "sales point" (you were always good with marketing) is sickening. Quit exploiting people! Perhaps you'd do better working in marketing! You ARE good at that, but a severe failure at helping people without hurting those who you took the 'Hippocratic Oath.'

While your grandious idea that abused women should 'take the children and run' sounds good on the surface, it shows you have a clear misunderstanding of how many abusers also abuse the legal system, especially where a woman does not have the resources to leave! And if they don't it's THEIR fault for staying? I think not! The 'system' fails all too often in this area. And where are the children left when this occurs? Abused along with the wife, who is often thrown out of the house through abuse of the legal system and the children are left in the home, as many abusers refuse to relinquish custody, and fight tooth and nail for it, often on the back of being 'upstanding Christians' to look good for the courts. The woman and the children are often abused through the system, are found reguardless of where they go, and cannot buy the best legal council, as many well-to-do abusers can.

And what about women who abuse? I suppose you decided they simply do not exist? Are you delusional?

For everyone's sake, Mr. McDill, PLEASE do everyone a favor and get out of the business of trying to 'help' people. You've done enough harm to your patients by exploiting them for your own personal gain by writing such garbage. Did you even ask one single person you exploited if it was O.K. to use thier story? (I didn't think so.)

Did you tell you patients in Tehachapi that you consort with those who abuse them in your personal life? (I didn't think so!)

You've been hurting people for what, just over 10 years now? PLEASE S.R. McDill,Jr., STOP IT! Stop hurting people!

As the authors state right up front,"This book is about the man who brutalizes his wife and children"

The book defines abuse as whenever the woman feels she would be happier if she left her husband. Whenever an encounter results in lower self-esteem, the woman is abused. Abuse is both physical and psychological; thus 50% of all woman are defined as battered. Even when men are being nice, it's a form of sly and subtle abuse.

"Fault lies solely with the abuser "(the man). The author don't believe women are capable of abuse, negative thoughts or behavior. The worst fault I could find is that woman are too loving, too forgiving. A random sample of 5 pages and I found 0 negative attributes of women and over 50 negative attributes for men, including "cruel", "scarring", "dark and evil", "devious", "almost diabolical", "brutal", "nagging", "power-thrusting", "obsessed with their appearance", "impatient", "inflexible", "adolescent", "compulsive", "prickly" "irritable", "subtlety manipulative", "autocratic" "dictatorial", "intolerant".

Well those are the attributes of abusers you say, what about the average man (and woman), surely the authors can't be that biased. Check out page 31 that list the differences between male and female characteristics.

Men "try to achieve dominance", "try to achieve omniscience", "emphasize control", "try to control", "look at love as a ritual, dutiful performance; show love through providing material needs", "assign responsibility" (as oppose to accepting responsibility), "authoritarian", "power dominant", "negotiate from a win-lose position", "play unilaterally", "impatient", "go by the book or make up new rules to suit position", "closed", "impose judgement", "view sex genitally", "seek to rule", "use power to control and push".

Women "achieve consensus", "know intuitively", "accept responsibility", "more spiritual", "more analytical", "see love as energy", "flexible, resilient", "egalitarian", "supportive", "win-win", "open", "flexible", "suspend judgement", "view sex with the whole body", "seek to serve", "utilize strength to endure or persevere".

And what should 50% of the married woman do to fix there husbands--steal the children and separate for 4 - 6 months so the wives can heal, then make the husbands grovel to return to the family.

The authors obviously have an ax to grind, but it is an absolute sin that such hatred of half of all humans is sold in Christian bookstores.