The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy Is as Necessary as Love and Sex [Hardcover]

David M. Buss (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 14, 2000

Why do men and women cheat on each other? How do men really feel when their partners have sex with other men? What worries women more -- men who turn to other women for love or men who simply want sexual variety in their lives? Can the jealousy husbands and wives experience over real or imagined infidelities be cured? Should it be? In this surprising and engaging exploration of men's and women's darker passions, David Buss, acclaimed author of "The Evolution of Desire," reveals that both men and women are actually designed for jealousy. Drawing on experiments, surveys, and interviews conducted in thirty-seven countries on six continents, as well as insights from recent discoveries in biology, anthropology, and psychology, Buss discovers that the evolutionary origins of our sexual desires still shape our passions today.

According to Buss, more men than women want to have sex with multiple partners. Furthermore, women who cheat on their husbands do so when they are most likely to conceive, but have sex with their spouses when they are least likely to conceive. These findings show that evolutionary tendencies to acquire better genes through different partners still lurk beneath modern sexual behavior. To counteract these desires to stray -- and to strengthen the bonds between partners -- jealousy evolved as an early detection system of infidelity in the ancient and mysterious ritual of mating.

Buss takes us on a fascinating journey through many cultures, from pre-historic to the present, to show the profound evolutionary effect jealousy has had on all of us. Only with a healthy balance of jealousy and trust can we be certain of a mate's commitment, devotion, and true love.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

If you think that jealousy is simply a neurosis or merely a manifestation of insecurity, then reading David Buss's The Dangerous Passion may change your opinion. Buss asserts that jealousy is an adaptive behavior, albeit an imperfect one, which helped our human ancestors cope with reproductive threats. Buss uses examples from insect and primate populations, as well as Hollywood, to help illustrate the evolutionary concepts discussed. Building on his previous book, The Evolution of Desire, on the gender differences in mate selection, Buss argues for a coevolutionary cycle based on concealment and detection (jealousy) between the genders in their drive to optimize reproductive success.

Although pathological aspects of jealousy--battering, stalking, and killing--are argued to be the result of adaptive responses, they are in no way defended as acceptable or natural behavior. Buss indicates that it is his hope that by understanding the forces that shaped jealousy we can better cope with its effects--positive or negative. --Irwin S. Hirsh

From Publishers Weekly

Buss (The Evolution of Desire) painstakingly argues that, although sexual jealousy may lead to regrettable events, it is "an exquisitely tailored adaptive mechanism that served the interests of our ancestors well and likely continues to serve our interests today." Drawing on many studies, including his own research, he believes that jealousy arises from the reciprocal impact of men's and women's approaches to sex and commitment on their "co-evolutionary spiral." For instance, while "men and women from seven nations reported virtually identical levels of jealousy," men became more physiologically distressed by sexual infidelity, while women showed greater distress at emotional infidelity. The root of sexual jealousy for men, Buss asserts, is the risk of paternity uncertainty; for women, it is the threat to commitment. Among the benefits of the emotion he cites: it can be useful in testing a bond and can ignite sexual passion. As for the pathology of jealousy, studies "strongly point to sexual jealousy as a major cause, and likely the leading cause, of spousal violence." While Buss's major contentions frequently seem self-evident, a few may stretch readers' credulity--like the "innovative" study that shows that women tend to chose men with symmetrical features as affair partners, based on the finding that "women judged the T-shirts that had been worn by symmetrical men as more pleasant smelling, but only if they happened to be in the ovulation phase of their menstrual cycle." Ultimately, this portentous, workmanlike study promises more than it delivers. (Feb.)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 272 pages
• Publisher: Free Press (February 14, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0684850818
• ISBN-13: 978-0684850818
• Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.1 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #278,674 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

After completing his doctorate in 1981 at the University of California, Berkeley, David Buss spent four years as Assistant Professor at Harvard University. In 1985, he migrated to the University of Michigan, where he taught for 11 years before accepting his current position at the University of Texas in 1996. His primary interests include the evolutionary psychology of human mating strategies; conflict between the sexes; prestige, status, and social reputation; the emotion of jealousy; homicide; anti-homicide defenses; and stalking.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

19 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars "Necessary" from the POV of the genes..., October 22, 2000

By 

Dennis Littrell (SoCal) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy Is as Necessary as Love and Sex (Hardcover)

Jealousy exists, like love and sex, to help propagate an individual's genes. It is a mechanism of the species to help insure for males paternity, and for females that their offspring receive the benefit of male protection, support and guidance. Jealousy is not "necessary" (as the subtitle disinformationally suggests) in the same sense that sex per se is necessary; nor is it an emotion, like love, that we might want to retain, had we our druthers. Jealousy is the emotional downside of the sexual/reproductive strategies employed by humans. It is "necessary" in the same sense (although not to the same degree) that pain is necessary. Furthermore, in the environment we now find ourselves, as opposed to the prehistoric savannahs in which the mechanism of jealousy proved adaptive, it is unnecessary, and something we might want to understand and come to grips with in an attempt to lessen its hold on us.

But what this book is really about is infidelity, how and why it occurs, and what can be done to forestall it. In this context, jealousy (not envy which is directed at somebody who has something we want) is seen as an adaptive mechanism to protect the individual against a straying partner, either through heightened awareness or through inducing threats of reprisal, or through actual punishment of the infidel. Buss, a psychologist and author of the college text, Evolutionary Psychology: The New Science of the Mind, uses case histories from our culture and others and the results of personality inventories laced with humor to illustrate how the experience of jealousy leads to "mate guarding" and "mate retention tactics" that help the individual secure his or her position in the "mating market." As such jealousy is seen as a "signal" to both one's self (awakening one to the imminent danger of infidelity) and to one's partner (as a warning that one is on to the other's tricks). Consequently, Buss defines jealousy (p. 196) as "an adaptive signal of an impending threat to a primary love relationship." Included in this view is the understanding that infidelity, painful as it is, is a normal human behavior practiced by "as many as half of all married individuals."

The style here is easy and accessible to a wide range of readers. The material is light-hearted (inasmuch as such a serious subject can be) but without any pasting-over of the dangers of jealousy. Underpinning the exposition is a thorough knowledge of human sexuality as derived from biology and evolutionary psychology. Buss not only knows what he is talking about, but imparts the information in a manner that, chapter by chapter, leads the reader to a deep and satisfying understanding of infidelity and the mechanism of jealousy.

Along the way we learn some unsettling facts. For example, marital happiness has no effect on the instance of male infidelity. "In fact, 56 percent of the men who were having affairs judged their marriage to be very happy" (p. 146). Or that women pursue a sexual strategy including a "desire to stray" that "exists today solely because that's what benefitted ancestral women" (p. 159). We also learn which type of personality is likely to stray (pp. 148-151) and that the more attractive partners ("those...higher in mate value") are more likely to cheat (p. 143). Also interesting is the semi-obvious observation that women can attract a higher-ranked male on a one-night stand than as a husband (and so might), and that men will stoop to lower-ranked females for pure sex than those they choose for wives.

Buss devotes the last two chapters to coping mechanisms. He concludes with the fine observation that "knowledge...of our dangerous passions...will, in some small measure, give us the emotional wisdom to deal with them." This observation is what evolutionary psychology is all about, and why it is the emergent psychology of the twenty-first century.

Best joke (p. 185): At a therapist's gathering with a straying husband, his wife and the other woman, the wife informs the affairee that she is still sleeping with her husband, and that he has lied to both of them. "The affairee felt betrayed and stalked out, saying...that all men betray their wives, but only a real asshole would betray his girlfriend." Buss adds, "Therapy was unsuccessful in this case."

16 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars An Instant Classic, February 1, 2000

By 

Todd K. Shackelford (Oakland University) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy Is as Necessary as Love and Sex (Hardcover)

In his latest book, The Dangerous Passion, Dr. David M. Buss provides a clear and crisp overview of past and current research and thinking on jealousy, infidelity, and conflict in romantic relationships. In addition, Buss provides the reader with an introduction to the exciting new discipline of Evolutionary Psychology, and presents a powerful case for jealousy being the output of evolved mechanisms of the mind.

Buss's engaging writing style and broad coverage of a tremendous amount of fascinating research make this book an instant classic for anyone interested in relationships. Very few active researchers have the ability to descend the Ivory Tower and write in a way that sings to academics and non-academics alike. Buss is one of them.

This book should be on the shelf of anyone who studies romantic relationships, and will be delightful and informative reading for anyone who has been in a romantic relationship, is currently in a romantic relationship, or hopes to be in a romantic relationship.

12 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Very original and interesting take on an old topic., June 2, 2000

By 

Martian Bachelor (Feminacentric America) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy Is as Necessary as Love and Sex (Hardcover)

I liked this book much more than Buss's earlier "Evolution of Desire". He seems to have matured immensely as both a thinker and a writer, so this book has many more insights into behavior in intimate human relationships.

The basic thesis here is that rather than being pathological, such things as jealousy and concern about a mate's fidelity (and other items we'd wish didn't exist) are evolved behaviors which gave our ancestor's a reproductive advantage. These things are especially important to males, who have no certainty of paternity. By flipping the view around from sickness and disdain to a response to reproductive risks, many things which once seemed to make no sense all of sudden become clear and understandable, even reasonable to some extent. Of course this doesn't make Buss an apologist for bad behavior since his take is that certain types of relationship problems can't be solved without grasping their underlying motivation. And Buss does all this with writing which is both easily accessible and illuminating of the depths of psychology.

As a (physical) scientist I have no problem taking ev-psych as a working model of reality rather than The Truth. Since I understand it's just a way of looking at things, I don't have the trouble with it that some do. In that sense, this book is some of the best ev-psych, combining science with obvious personal insight and a plausible amount of extrapolation. It deals expertly with topics which are difficult to write about from a fresh perspective.