Customer Reviews

The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy Is as Necessary as Love and Sex

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Jealousy exists, like love and sex, to help propagate an individual's genes. It is a mechanism of the species to help insure for males paternity, and for females that their offspring receive the benefit of male protection, support and guidance. Jealousy is not "necessary" (as the subtitle disinformationally suggests) in the same sense that sex per se is necessary; nor is it an emotion, like love, that we might want to retain, had we our druthers. Jealousy is the emotional downside of the sexual/reproductive strategies employed by humans. It is "necessary" in the same sense (although not to the same degree) that pain is necessary. Furthermore, in the environment we now find ourselves, as opposed to the prehistoric savannahs in which the mechanism of jealousy proved adaptive, it is unnecessary, and something we might want to understand and come to grips with in an attempt to lessen its hold on us.

But what this book is really about is infidelity, how and why it occurs, and what can be done to forestall it. In this context, jealousy (not envy which is directed at somebody who has something we want) is seen as an adaptive mechanism to protect the individual against a straying partner, either through heightened awareness or through inducing threats of reprisal, or through actual punishment of the infidel. Buss, a psychologist and author of the college text, Evolutionary Psychology: The New Science of the Mind, uses case histories from our culture and others and the results of personality inventories laced with humor to illustrate how the experience of jealousy leads to "mate guarding" and "mate retention tactics" that help the individual secure his or her position in the "mating market." As such jealousy is seen as a "signal" to both one's self (awakening one to the imminent danger of infidelity) and to one's partner (as a warning that one is on to the other's tricks). Consequently, Buss defines jealousy (p. 196) as "an adaptive signal of an impending threat to a primary love relationship." Included in this view is the understanding that infidelity, painful as it is, is a normal human behavior practiced by "as many as half of all married individuals."

The style here is easy and accessible to a wide range of readers. The material is light-hearted (inasmuch as such a serious subject can be) but without any pasting-over of the dangers of jealousy. Underpinning the exposition is a thorough knowledge of human sexuality as derived from biology and evolutionary psychology. Buss not only knows what he is talking about, but imparts the information in a manner that, chapter by chapter, leads the reader to a deep and satisfying understanding of infidelity and the mechanism of jealousy.

Along the way we learn some unsettling facts. For example, marital happiness has no effect on the instance of male infidelity. "In fact, 56 percent of the men who were having affairs judged their marriage to be very happy" (p. 146). Or that women pursue a sexual strategy including a "desire to stray" that "exists today solely because that's what benefitted ancestral women" (p. 159). We also learn which type of personality is likely to stray (pp. 148-151) and that the more attractive partners ("those...higher in mate value") are more likely to cheat (p. 143). Also interesting is the semi-obvious observation that women can attract a higher-ranked male on a one-night stand than as a husband (and so might), and that men will stoop to lower-ranked females for pure sex than those they choose for wives.

Buss devotes the last two chapters to coping mechanisms. He concludes with the fine observation that "knowledge...of our dangerous passions...will, in some small measure, give us the emotional wisdom to deal with them." This observation is what evolutionary psychology is all about, and why it is the emergent psychology of the twenty-first century.

Best joke (p. 185): At a therapist's gathering with a straying husband, his wife and the other woman, the wife informs the affairee that she is still sleeping with her husband, and that he has lied to both of them. "The affairee felt betrayed and stalked out, saying...that all men betray their wives, but only a real asshole would betray his girlfriend." Buss adds, "Therapy was unsuccessful in this case."

In his latest book, The Dangerous Passion, Dr. David M. Buss provides a clear and crisp overview of past and current research and thinking on jealousy, infidelity, and conflict in romantic relationships. In addition, Buss provides the reader with an introduction to the exciting new discipline of Evolutionary Psychology, and presents a powerful case for jealousy being the output of evolved mechanisms of the mind.

Buss's engaging writing style and broad coverage of a tremendous amount of fascinating research make this book an instant classic for anyone interested in relationships. Very few active researchers have the ability to descend the Ivory Tower and write in a way that sings to academics and non-academics alike. Buss is one of them.

This book should be on the shelf of anyone who studies romantic relationships, and will be delightful and informative reading for anyone who has been in a romantic relationship, is currently in a romantic relationship, or hopes to be in a romantic relationship.

I liked this book much more than Buss's earlier "Evolution of Desire". He seems to have matured immensely as both a thinker and a writer, so this book has many more insights into behavior in intimate human relationships.

The basic thesis here is that rather than being pathological, such things as jealousy and concern about a mate's fidelity (and other items we'd wish didn't exist) are evolved behaviors which gave our ancestor's a reproductive advantage. These things are especially important to males, who have no certainty of paternity. By flipping the view around from sickness and disdain to a response to reproductive risks, many things which once seemed to make no sense all of sudden become clear and understandable, even reasonable to some extent. Of course this doesn't make Buss an apologist for bad behavior since his take is that certain types of relationship problems can't be solved without grasping their underlying motivation. And Buss does all this with writing which is both easily accessible and illuminating of the depths of psychology.

As a (physical) scientist I have no problem taking ev-psych as a working model of reality rather than The Truth. Since I understand it's just a way of looking at things, I don't have the trouble with it that some do. In that sense, this book is some of the best ev-psych, combining science with obvious personal insight and a plausible amount of extrapolation. It deals expertly with topics which are difficult to write about from a fresh perspective.

My conception of love and jealousy has been forever altered. With both wit and an easy-to-understand engaging writing style, Buss combines the latest research on jealousy with unforgettable anecdotes and personal insight. To read the book is to take a journey through one's past loves and losses, and to preview the roadmap for future romantic relationships. This book is a must read, especially for couples looking to avoid the pitfalls that may have ended their previous relationships. You will NOT be disappointed. After you finish reading Dangerous Passions, be sure to buy a copy for your parents! It's the perfect anniversary/Valentine's Day gift, if it's future anniversaries/Valentine's Days you'd like your parents to see!

'Dangerous Passion' written by David Buss is a nicely accessible work for the layperson interested in the topic of human sexual jealousy spun with a sociobiological take. Written to emphasize the 'battle of the sexes' in mating behavior, its central message fits in nicely with the goal of writing somewhat sensationalized popular science.

What is this message? It's that the fairly socially taboo emotion of jealousy is actually a desirable trait, perfectly natural, and proven to have been an evolutionary adaptation.

So what's new? Such an assertion has been a foregone conclusion amongst biologists for many, many years. Rather than a simple emotion that can be suppressed or un-learned (a lame, naive notion often posited by some members of the super-liberal new-age set), jealousy is actually an instinct. Like many other instincts, it has been selected for and gradually honed over the eons of mankind's development. Buss gets this point across in the book very adeptly.

Ultimately, however, this book slightly disappoints the reader who is seeking something a bit meatier, something that is able to proceed past that which has already been covered many, many times by many other books on human socio-sexual behavior. Rather than trying to be so much a cursory lesson on Sociobiology 101 with a rehash of all the new theories thrown in, 'Dangerous Passion' could have focused more on integrating sociobiological concepts with detailed observations and field work. When it does do this, it does it quite well. Particularly fascinating was the measured correlation between the likelihood of infidelity and the 'mate value' of different partners.

Still, I like how Buss cleanly gets his often-forgotten message across. I'd give it four stars as an introductory work; if Buss had just further explored similar findings and gone out on a limb more with the specifics of mating strategy, I would have given this book five stars.

David Buss's new book, The Dangerous Passion, explores the utterly fascinating topic of jealousy. Through a combination of captivating case studies, the results of intriguing research, and compelling insights from the field of evolutionary psychology, Buss conducts an absorbing and provocative examination of what is perhaps our darkest emotion. He is likely the most qualified person on the planet to write this book, having conducted research on jealousy for over a decade. The Dangerous Passion is an absorbing and insightful account of the crucial role jealousy plays in human relationships. Buss unlocks the secrets of jealousy, from its origins in the deep history of our species to its impact on modern relationships-good and bad. The Dangerous Passion is beautifully written and completely engaging. Anyone who has ever loved will see glimpses of themselves amid its pages. It should be required reading for scholars and anyone who desires a clearer understanding of love, loss, and the dangerous passion that binds them.

I first ordered this book to help me overcome jealousy. When I first started reading it, I soon found out the book explains jealousy and why it exists, rather than teaching you how to overcome it. I learned that my jealous feelings were somewhat justified, and normal. This book was painfully truthful: it hit the nail on the head in regards to my marrital situation at the time.

I don't know which book was written first, but this book features a bit of conceptual overlap with his other book, "The Evolution Of Desire." Additionally, Buss seems to like to sometimes pad his writing by overexplaining certain concepts, overexpounding, and/or repeating himself. I get the feeling at times he is trying to fill out the book.

Having got that out of the way, I still believe he is an excellent author. I am pleased to read an author who has the gall to resist the tide of political correctness which infects most pop psychologists, and who instead writes from a flatly evolutionary, analytical standpoint. His focus on the historical development of our animalistic tendencies, needs, and wants, is often quite incisive. His observations, both in this book and the one mentioned above, seem quite intuititive to me.

I particularly enjoy the way he often legitimizes his viewpoints by backing them up with cross-cultural evidence, especially when he references some of the bizarre and brutal practices which take place in primitive cultures. His statistics prevent the reader from coming to suspect that he is just some lazy, armchair pseudointellectual psychologist who is merely sitting around chewing on a pipe, theorizing and abstracting--it reminds us that he is a scientist who has done his homework. Given the controversial nature of some of these concepts, I believe he knew this practice was necessary.

Once again, intuitive writing. I can scarcely recall a concept from either book which I flatly disagreed with. When you're talking about jealousy in primitive cultures, you're talking jealousy latent in first world humans as well. You are talking about pervasive commonalities in human nature, thus you're talking about animal nature. And if you're talking about animal nature, a good scientist can pinpoint it. Buss is that scientist for jealousy and desire. I just wish he wouldn't apologize for some of his more controversial viewpoints on topics like the causes of battery and rape. Yeah, they're terrible things, but any person whose title ends in "-ologist" ought never have to apologize for thinking through problems, even if the outcome is cold, scientific, or unpopular.

One warning, if you enjoy the delusion of Snow White or Rapunzel type crap, this man will smash it for you. I personally am addicted to books such as this one, books which tinker with the workings of the mind, and the preconceptions of human nature. If you're like me and you don't really mind having your love life reduced to a negotiation between survival resources and reproductive value, if you prefer the truth inherent in evolutionary logic to storybook self-deceptions, then you ought to have this man's work on your shelf.

Let's face it, the Storybook people eventually get hit by a truck driven by themselves anyway.

This book sheds alot on jealousy because often times people dismiss it too casually as insecurity. In fact, jealousy is as complex as love itself whether it is based on reality or imagination. While men and women respond differently in their form of jealousy, it does indicate the nature of a love bond. Too much jealousy can destroy a relationship but not enough of it can have the same effect. An interesting study in the complexity of love's dark side and its impact in society.

The Dangerous Passion is a very insightful book on the topic of jealousy and its evolutionary necessity. I think Buss' book together with Nancy Friday's book Jealousy helps demystifies the much taboo topic of jealousy. As Buss stated in the beginning chapter, no one alive today who's living on earth is not without a jealous ancestor.


Essentially jealousy is rooted in human experience for a reason, both socially and biologically. However as you'll soon find out the topic of jealousy is hardly ever appropriate in polite discussion. Not even the confines of medical science can render enough comfort to facilitate open discussion of this topic (perhaps only in therapy). The Dangerous Passion tries to make sense of jealous through data and stories (about rape or murder) which some might find offensive.


Unfortunately for many the notion of being jealous or envious of a sexual partner is seldom acknowledge and is merely displaced towards other less threatening targets. This is especially true for the less aggressive who find is easier to be angry at themselves or nonthreatening objects than it is to be angry at your mate.


Books like The Dangerous Passion can bring a better awareness of the evolutionary or biological necessity of the emotion of jealousy. With more awareness the topic would probably be more acknowledge as a natural condition humans sometimes go through, much like depression or love, and not something seen as weakness or flaw.