Datastroyer Model 1000 Disintegrator
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Top Customer Reviews
You see, what the company doesn't tell you (even in the fine print, trade secrets and all that) is that this device actually removes the offending item from reality. When you place a document/disc/anything in to the disintegrator, it doesn't simple get shredded in to a fine pulpy mess, it is obliterated from existence....from the timeline. It's as if the offending item never existed at all. You won't even be left with the memory of using the disintegrator to obliterate whatever it was you wanted destroyed.
I'm not sure if I've really ever used the device myself. Maybe I have. I really have know way of knowing because of the way the machine operates. Come to think of it, mine looks brand new. Will it always look brand new? I mean, if it obliterates whatever I throw in to it from the timeline, then whatever I threw in to it will never have existed to begin with and therefore won't be there to be thrown in to the machine and cause wear and tear. If I throw myself in to the machine, will I ever have existed to purchase it?
Impressive, a machine that destroys things by making you question their very existence. A machine that destroys things by trapping them in a paradox wherein they disappear in a puff of logic.
I love this thing.
Okay, so how does it work? Quite well, actually. Since my previous shredder had died - or committed suicide, I don't know - my bills and other papers had been piling up and threatened to overflow my once-neat home office. The producers of that show on reality TV about hoarders could have filmed a whole series on my home office. So, to work I went. I put more than 3000lbs of mostly-heavy bond paper through the Datastroyer. It ate it up without a burp. Then, since the room was looking so neat and clean that I could actually see the furniture and artwork, I realised that I didn't really like any of the old furniture anymore. I wanted to buy new pieces, so I started to put the old ones in the Datastroyer. The desk - an old partner's desk -, the chairs, the tables, the lamps, even the couch on which I had "initiated" new household employes like the butler and the second gardener. All fit in the Datastroyer.
When the room was totally empty of old things, now compactly compacted, I started on some adjacent rooms.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I brought this to shred some documents but had to return it because it shredded my dog into a million pieces... Read morePublished 1 month ago by Maurice
took me 5 hours to type this sentence because my hand got caught in the shredder definitely worth the price who needs hands now-a-days when you got this thingPublished 11 months ago by Angel Mora JR.
I needed confetti so this thing was very handy :)
why buy 10$ confetti when you can buy a machine to do it for you?
saving money- a life tip
I felt this product was good until a child In my local neighborhood decide to try to find out what was inside by the time I had got there half of his body was iside. Read morePublished 14 months ago by Sharon Lindemon
Let me explain to all the laypeople out there who don't understand the technology in this beast and therefore can't justify the expense. Read morePublished 15 months ago by Dorian
I've been getting so much junk mail, credit card offers, etc. My little home office shredder couldn't keep up, it would bind up and make a hideous sound. Read morePublished 21 months ago by WackyBrakke
Oh, the joy! See, I have a lot of money. However; when spending over £100,000 you need to justify it with a balance. Read morePublished 21 months ago by Michael Warren