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Date Your Wife [Paperback]

Justin Buzzard
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (124 customer reviews)

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Book Description

June 30, 2012

An Intensely Practical Guide for Husbands Looking to Strengthen, Save, or Spice up Their Marriage

Most men don’t know how to date their wives. They did it before, but they’ve forgotten how, or they’re trying but it just doesn’t seem to be working. Justin Buzzard helps men re-learn this all-important skill from a position of security in the gospel of grace. As a father of three boys and husband to a very happy wife, Justin offers guys a helping hand, good news, and wise counsel, along with:

  • 100 practical ideas for how to date your wife
  • Action steps at the end of each chapter
  • Personal stories and real-life examples

All types of marriages—good ones, mediocre ones, and bad ones—will experience a jumpstart as a result of hearing, believing, and living the message of Date Your Wife.


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Date Your Wife + Cheat On Your Husband (with Your Husband): How to Date Your Spouse
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Finally, here is a book that will not make men feel guilty.”
Gary Chapman, author, The Five Love Languages

“For several years after retiring as a player in the NFL, I 'kept my helmet on', as my wife, Kim, would say. I only saw what I wanted to see and only heard what I wanted to hear about all that she was dealing with as the mother of our seven kids. Finally, I took the helmet off and learned how to really hear and see her. Had I only had this book ten years ago, we could have saved countless disagreements and discussions! It's a must for husbands who long to raise the communication and intimacy levels in their marriage.”
Mike Singletary, NFL Hall of Fame Linebacker

“Whether you’ve been married a few days or 50 years, Date Your Wife is well worth the read. Justin Buzzard shows us the first step to loving your wife isn’t to try harder—it’s to be empowered by the gospel. Date Your Wife gives you biblical advice and practical tips that will transform your marriage.”
Jim Daly, President, Focus on the Family

“Finally here is a book to put in a man’s hands that doesn’t tell him ten things to do to meet his wife’s needs. Instead, Date Your Wife gives men a whole new paradigm for marriage: a paradigm of grace, freeing men to approach life and their wife in a whole new way. Once men understand this, everything changes.”
Paul David Tripp, President, Paul Tripp Ministries; author, What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage

“This book is for every man who wants a lifelong romance with his wife. Surely that is God’s good will. It’s why we fully expect God’s blessing to be on this book. Date Your Wife could be how your romance is renewed for keeps.”
Ray and Jani Ortlund, Renewal Ministries

“Passionate. Personal. Practical. Poignant. Priceless. Thank you, Justin Buzzard, for reminding us of the passion and intentionality with which we pursued our wives while dating. Why should keeping our marriage covenant be any less passionate and intentional?”
James MacDonald, Pastor, Harvest Bible Chapel; author, Vertical Church

“I want every man I know to read this book. Date Your Wife has the power to emancipate men and liberate marriages.”
Mark Batterson, Lead Pastor, National Community Church, Washington, DC; author, Wild Goose Chase and Soulprint

“In this book, Justin has done wives a great service. After being pursued by a husband who’s promised to love them, many wives have found that their husbands are now busy pursuing other things—from the NFL to corporate business plans—and that his interests really lie elsewhere. Justin offers the practical help and encouragement that men need to live out the depth of the vows they’ve made. He does all of this in the milieu of God’s grace to us through Jesus Christ. So thankful for Justin and how the Lord will use this book in many lives!”
Elyse M. Fitzpatrick, counselor; speaker; author, Give Them Grace and Comforts from the Cross

“For a young, married man like myself, this is a much needed reminder! Date Your Wife encourages me to man up, trust Jesus, and love my wife well. I encourage all husbands to go grab a copy.”
Trip Lee, rapper; author

“Don’t you dare think Date Your Wife is a ‘been there, done that’ book. It’s revealing, eye opening, and inspiring. It’s fresh. I am certain Date Your Wife will positively alter thousands of couple’s futures. As a husband for 38 years, I applaud Justin Buzzard’s work and I would put it in the hands of every man I could!”
Wayne Cordeiro, Senior Pastor, New Hope Christian Fellowship, Honolulu, Hawaii

“I need a book like this! I’m often in fits and starts trying to regularly date my wife, so I’m glad the Lord has given Justin Buzzard the vision and insight to write Date Your Wife for strugglers like me!”
Thabiti M. Anyabwile, Senior Pastor, First Baptist Church of Grand Cayman; author, What Is a Healthy Church Member?

“Men, we desperately need this book, and our wives desperately need us to read it. This isn’t just a book about marriage, it’s a book about being a man who loves the gospel, lives the gospel, and leads his wife and children with the gospel. Married or single, young or old—if you’re a man—get this book, read this book, and then get a copy for every man you know.”
Burk Parsons, Copastor, Saint Andrew’s Chapel, Sanford, Florida; Editor, Tabletalk magazine

“I am thrilled about this book for several reasons, first of all, my brother, Justin, thoroughly gets the gospel of God’s grace, and it decorates every page of this book. Second, he’s intentional about loving his wife well, and, therefore, we need Justin’s tribe to increase exponentially. Third, his book is so incredibly practical. He’s left me without excuse! Last, Justin’s writing, heart, and wisdom make me so glad to know that Jesus is the spouse I always wanted, and that, by his grace, I can love my wife as he loves me. This book, like my brother, rocks!”
Scotty Smith, Founding Pastor, Christ Community Church, Franklin, Tennessee; author, The Reign of Grace, Restoring Broken Things, and Everyday Prayers: 365 Days to a Gospel-Centered Faith

“I am a big fan of Justin Buzzard and this book. I champion any call for men to step out of passivity and dominate the things that matter most—Date Your Wife beckons me as a man to do just that. The primacy of being a great husband is undeniable in Scripture and I appreciate this gospel-centered, practical, and powerful resource to help us men step up in the most noble of all roles. I pray God uses Date Your Wife to call up a generation of men who are first and foremost great husbands. I can think of no greater gift to our children, our churches, and our cities than men whose wives are pursued well and have marriages that flourish and go the distance.”
John Wiley Bryson, Co-Founder and Teaching Pastor, Fellowship Memphis, Memphis, Tennessee; Leadership Coach, Fellowship Associates

“Otis Redding sang ‘Try a little tenderness’ and some husbands want to—but don’t know how. Justin Buzzard gives sound theological and practical advice. If more husbands learn to date their wives and, through God’s grace, truly love them, many marriages will be saved.”
Marvin Olasky, Editor-in-chief, World News Group

“Justin reveals a gift for combining challenge with encouragement. In Date Your Wife, he manages to propose provocative and practical ideas without making me feel like a marriage dunce. So, I hereby confer to Justin the title of ‘Professor of Creative Marriage.’ May his students learn well!”
Greg Spencer, Professor of Communication Studies, Westmont College; author, Awakening the Quieter Virtues

About the Author

Justin Buzzard is founder and lead pastor of Garden City Church, a new church plant in Silicon Valley. Buzzard has been dating his wife for nine years and is the father of three young sons. He speaks widely, writes at JustinBuzzard.net, earned an MDiv at Fuller Theological Seminary, and is the author of Consider Jesus.


Product Details

  • Paperback: 160 pages
  • Publisher: Crossway; 1 edition (June 30, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1433531356
  • ISBN-13: 978-1433531354
  • Product Dimensions: 6.9 x 4.9 x 0.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (124 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #51,404 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Justin Buzzard is founder and lead pastor of Garden City Church in Silicon Valley. Buzzard has been dating his wife for ten years and is the father of three young sons. He speaks widely, writes at JustinBuzzard.net, and is the author of The Big Story, Why Cities Matter, Date Your Wife, John: A 12-Week Study, and Consider Jesus.

Customer Reviews

DATE YOUR WIFE is an important book because husbands need to date their wives. Tom Farr  |  40 reviewers made a similar statement
I'd recommend every man read this book. Matthew  |  40 reviewers made a similar statement
All in all, my husband and I enjoyed reading this book. Katherine Chan  |  40 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
18 of 21 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars This is a hesitant "yes" September 6, 2012
Format:Paperback|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)
Most of this book frustrated me. The title is misleading because over half the book is not devoted to dating your wife, but rather *why* you should date your wife. Myself, like most people, when purchasing this book, will have already made the conscious decision that they need to date their wife, and would much prefer less "why" and more "how." Indeed, Appendix 1 is the only place where concrete, specific ideas are listed on how to date your wife. There are 100 of them and they are Gold. For me, this is the only part of the book I really need.

There is discussion on the concept of an air war and ground war that is also useful, and a sample plan that lays out the kinds of things you can do.

I did not notice before ordering this book that it is Christian in nature. For me I think it's a bit overdone (no disrespect intended) on but I appreciate how this may be of particular help to the religious. For the non-observants like me it's a little curious and eye-opening to see listed as a "date your wife" idea to spend an evening together while doing a Bible study of Proverbs 5:18-19." I may need to get back to church to see what I've been missing. This is clearly Christian in nature, but not Puritan. Justin Buzzard just got interesting.

His wife Taylor also does an afterward where she notes to women that they need to enjoy frequent sex, and that she and the author do it 4 times a week. I would put this factoid towards the FRONT of the book because it may help sales. In fact for many guys this is the kind of performance metric we'd like to see.

So I'm going to use this book and see how it goes.
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9 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Gospel Gift for Every Man June 28, 2012
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
Do not miss out on this book. I've read it twice and plan on reading it with everyone I can. Justin Buzzard says his secret to why is is a good husband is God's grace. It isn't fundamentally a book about marriage. It is, at its essence, a book about what it looks like for a husband to respond to the grace that saved him in relationship to his wife.

It is important to remember that this book is targeted to men specifically and exclusively and that is why Buzzard places all the blame at the husband's feet.

"Every marriage involves two people, so both husband and wife are responsible for the problems in their marriage. And both husband and wife are responsible for addressing those problems and moving the marriage forward. But this isn't a book for women. This is a book for men. And this book is fueled by this conviction: if you want to change a marriage, change the man. (39)

There is criticism about the foundational text being Genesis 2 and its application to marriage. But the exegetical disagreement doesn't undermine the message of the book. And while the idea of sexual contentment as a barometer of spiritual and emotional intimacy is valid and useful, I think the specificity and intensity of discussions on sex do not work in all contexts. It is important to note that Buzzard is Acts 29 and, like Mark Driscoll's last book, targeted to specific audience. (Full disclaimer: I'm a fan of both their ministries). The wisdom of specificity in mass distribution outside your immediate context is important to consider. But just because I wouldn't do it, doesn't make it wrong.

However, as a high school teacher and a man who works with men, this book is exactly what the young men and new husbands I counsel need to read based on what I see as it's two distinguishing messages.

First, the grace of God's salvation must be the fuel of our interaction with our wives. We will only pursue our wives to the extent that we know we are pursued by God (79). So, it is the Gospel that makes a marriage good, not time.

Second, it is about moving the goal line back. I have yet to talk with men my age who were counseled through their 60th year of marriage. We were counseled through the 1st year and the 7 year itch, but not through to the end. When Buzzard redefines the mission as beginning with marriage and the finishing line being far away, he is speaking to a specific error that does exist today in the male marriage paradigm (57). Buzzard is calling husbands to continue to pursue their wives with the same kind of mindset and practices.

I do think this book should be read by everyone, in spite of the fact it was written by a man married for only a handful of years because it is ultimately about the Gospel. Also, I would rather hear from someone who has done it well for a short time than someone who hasn't done it well for a long time. Finally, I couldn't do better to his haunting question in the intro:

"How many married couples can you think of that have a thriving marriage-a good, happy, alive marriage-the kind of marriage that makes other people want to get married." (15)

Justin Buzzard is hitting husbands where they need to be hit.
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)
The author, Justin Buzzard, has written a wonderful, concise book about one of the most important topics of our age. With a divorce rate of around 50% and the majority of the children in Europe and the North America being raised in single parent homes, this is a book that husbands and men that desire to be married need to read.

One caveat up front, this is a book by a Christian minister that is primarily aimed at a Christian male audience. If the thought of Christ and Christians makes your blood boil then you will not enjoy this book. If you are at least neutral towards Christianity then you will find this to be a helpful and well written resource.

In Date Your Wife, Pastor Buzzard describes how to keep the flames of love alive in a marriage, and how to rekindle them if they have died down.

In the very first portion of the book he writes, "men if your marriage fails, you are responsible," and that sets the tone for the entire book.

The book is divided into the good, the bad, and the new.

The good describes God's plan for marriage and the Biblical underpinnings of matrimony. It was designed to be good and the most wonderful thing in a man's life. One keep point is that men were designed to work and be responsible, and that is the role in marriage that Pastor Buzzard lays out.

In the bad, the author lays out how things go wrong. Men essentially become lazy in protecting their homes. They stop pursuing their wives. Men stop dating and making their relationships fun and exciting for their wives.

The point in the middle section of the book is a critical one. Men if a marriage fails it is your fault. You need to first look at yourself. What did you do that contributed to the failure of the marriage. Most important, what can you do to stop and reverse the decline.

Like most important ideas. It is not a popular message. Coming from a failed marriage, it is not a question that we either are inclined to of our own volition or encouraged to by society to ask. Friends comfort men in divorces by encouraging them to look to a sea full of fish. Counselors tell clients that failings are not their fault, and clients pay thousands of dollars for that solace.

Pastor Buzzard does not let you off that easily.

He is absolutely right thought. If your wife cheated on you, it meant that you had not fully engaged your wife in your relationship. Does the lady also bear some responsibility? Surely, but the husband cannot shirk his part in it.

The impact of a failed relationship on the husband and wife are hideous, but nothing can compare to the negative effects on the children.

Fortunately, Pastor Buzzard does not stop there. He goes on in the new to give hope, and the new is the longest section of the book. Pastor Buzzard describes how to take our contemporary, too full lives and find time to romance your spouse.

He divides the plan into strategic, big ticket items, like vacations and weekends away, and into tactical, what do you do each and every day to work on the relationship.

As Pastor Buzzard points out, both parts are critical. Every couple needs those major breaks, but success in the relationship is built on the day-to-day, small things.

One of my favorite sections of the book is the part on "100 dates" that describes 100 creative ways to date your spouse.

I wish this book had been written thirty or more years ago.

Read this book, and then implement its recommendation. It will make your marriage better, and if enough people do what this excellent book recommend then the positive impact on our society will be incalculable.

In service,

Rich
The Dr. Games since 1993
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Practical, common sense help
Some of the negative reviews here touch on the fact that the author spends more time on the reasons "why" you should "date your wife" and not enough time on the "how". Read more
Published 5 days ago by John O'Neill
2.0 out of 5 stars Good Idea, Poor Execution
A book like Date Your Wife is good and necessary; however, Date Your Wife is not that book. I would advise anyone who reads this to check the theology. Read more
Published 21 days ago by Philip R. Heath
4.0 out of 5 stars Pocket sized wealth of knowledge - don't forget to date!
Men are motivated and intriguing creatures, especially when we really want something. In this case, it's probably a woman a man has been eyeing. Read more
Published 24 days ago by Danny Yu
4.0 out of 5 stars Stay on target... stay on target...
I've read several books that I didn't feel were appropriately named or that the title was misleading... Read more
Published 27 days ago by William E. Liberatore
5.0 out of 5 stars Gotta date your wife!
Great book, great challenge and awesome application. Men, READ THIS BOOK, it's so worth it. Let your wife know how much you love her by 1. Reading this and 2. Doing what it says!
Published 1 month ago by Marvin E. Nelson
5.0 out of 5 stars Do you know your wife?
Justin Buzzard has written a short but powerful book for the husband.
Most men don't know how to date their wives. Read more
Published 1 month ago by R. N. Alsop
5.0 out of 5 stars An interesting read not only for men but for married couple as well
The book Date Your Wife by the author Justin Buzzard gives insights on a man's role in marriage according to the gospel. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Iron Man
5.0 out of 5 stars A Christian perspective on how to Date Your Wife
The book is titled "Date Your Wife" but it is so much more than that. It is really a wake-up call to men, to me, to look at their relationship with their wives and apply Biblical... Read more
Published 1 month ago by M. Erb
5.0 out of 5 stars Topic is close to my heart
I am married. 3 times. I am on my third time. I read the chapter headings and paragraph from each chapter randomly chosen. And I get it. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Parker M. Knight
5.0 out of 5 stars This is a great book and very fun to read. Also, it doesn't just make...
The main premise of this book is that if there is something you are not happy about in your marriage, instead of trying to get your wife to change to fix the problem you should try... Read more
Published 1 month ago by AmazonLover
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