Customer Reviews

Dating the Divorced Man: Sort Through the Baggage to Decide If He's Right for You

5 star:		(14)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

I've read this book twice and I wanted to write a review because I found reading other women's experiences with a book and applying their personal situations to it very helpful. This book is not as breezy and whimsical as other self-help books on dating a "divorced/divorcing" man with kids, but it is very thorough, sympathetic and right on about a lot of things that we women go through (in my case, dating a "divorcing" man, which is the riskiest of them all!) Before I read the book, I was mostly confused, insecure, and frustrated about always coming second to his kids and his divorce; always waiting for the phone to ring and not sure whether I could have a weekend getaway or a holiday with my man. I wanted more - but felt I couldn't demand more because I didn't want to add more pressure in his life. And when I just didn't care and went on with my life (work, friends, hobbies and travels) I felt guilty! I felt I was abandoning him, during the time when he needed me the most. Wrong! Rather than feeling bad all the time, the book taught me how to be true to myself and put "me" first. To put enough distance to see where his divorce ends up (not get involved with all the messy details...) and to not push things too soon. Compared to other self help books on the subject, the author never wants you to become second best; to be disrespected at any time or to be taken for granted...you should be treated an equal, especially once the relationship takes a serious turn. Kids need parenting and time and effort, totally understandable. But you shouldn't compromise your own needs for them. In a nutshell, the author gives women more value than what they feel they deserve. I will never forget her input/output notion: if the input far outweighs the output then maybe the relationship is not worth it. And if you will go through all the challenges and struggles of dating a divorced/divorcing man...he should be "fabulous" and totally worth it. This was great and helped me muddle through all the confusion.

Dr. Christie Hartman's "Dating the Divorced Man" gives single women a no-nonsense manual for getting to know this key demographic in the dating world. With specific examples, she clearly defines the different states of separated/divorcing/divorced men and the challenges that they can present. That said, she also leaves room for mature women to make their own choices based on what each individual is comfortable with, which is much more helpful than a black-and-white instruction book in this murky area. I recommend her book to any single woman -- if you wait until you're already dating a divorced man to read it, you may have made key mistakes already!

At the time I read this book, I had already been dating a divorced man for about 5 months so I was a bit late on ready it. I came across the book because I wanted to know if there was information out there for women in my circumstance and what questions/clues should I be asking or tune into to make sure the guy was not a flake.

Surely enough, the book was very helpful. The author presents different scenarios (hypothetically of course) and questions women should keep in mind when entering into a relationship/acquiantance of a divorced man. I'll point out that the reading also applies for divorcing/separated men as well. For my circumstance, I was on track and getting the truth about the situation.

Over all, it is a good read and has lots of "food for thought".

For me, for a book titled, "Dating The Divorced Man," this book focused WAY too much on dating a man who is separated or going through a divorce. I expected and needed more info on dating a man who just got out of a divorce. Good thing I didn't pay the full, "new" price.

By the way, my subject man started dating too soon after his divorce and the result was exactly what his counselor told him would happen if he didn't wait at least six months - or ideally, a year. He DID ruin the relationship and he DID end up hurting me tremendously. Things were fine for months, then it was suddenly as if he woke up and discovered he was half of a couple and wasn't prepared for that and didn't want it, leaving me in the dust of "I'd like to just be friends. I want to date around," after he'd told me he loved me. Thanks a lot; I could've done without that.

DON'T DATED MEN WHO ARE SEPARATED, GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE OR HAVE GOTTEN A DIVORCE IN THE LAST SIX MONTHS.

I picked up this book about 1 year into dating a divorcing man and I was so happy I did. I went through the relationship from a perspective of true love, hope and practicality but didn't realize key implications defined in this book. The book is structured so you can jump around and read relevant parts that make sense to you (e.g. for me it was the man's grief, red flags, dealing with the ex wife, input/output). We dated for about 2 years but it started affecting my friends and eventually my family and now I'm recently single. My situation was more complicated than the scope of the book but definitely touches upon some very practical and encouraging advice that is useful. I was entangled in much of the divorce emotions and baggage and it was difficult to not be there for my boyfriend but at the end of the day, he had to face his divorce himself and not use me as a crutch. I eventually learned that you have to look out for your own well being and if the man is worth it, he will help you thrive and also get himself out of his 'temporary' mess. I'm very grateful I found this book and recommend it to anyone having doubts about their relationship with a divorcing, separated or divorced man. It will save you from tons of confusion, frustration and strengthen your confidence and piece of mind.

This book explains everything that you need to know about dating a divorced/divorcing man. I read it during the first month of my relationship with a divorced man with kids and could pinpoint behaviors, both good and bad, that my guy was exhibiting. In my case, the book instructed me to RUN, not walk, away from the relationship because of things I would have ordinarily overlooked. I'm so grateful to have read this early on so that I got out without wasting anymore time hoping for a change. I highly recommend it to anybody dating a divorced man for the first time!

I found this book's Red Flag guides and tables to be very helpful and may have saved me a year or two of pointless dating in the past. Hartman has some excellent points about how a divorce can destroy a man's life from A - Z. I also liked the distinction between a divorcing Man and a divorced man. Hartman has quite a few good concepts and I would have liked to see more dialogue examples (like the Mars & Venus books) on how to put concept into reality. If you're frequently dating divorced men (or women) I think this would be an excellent read to know what you're in for.

As a single, 30-something woman, I have entered the complicated dating realm of divorced men. And it can be very complicated. Reading Dr. Hartman's book, however, I feel much better equipped to date men who are in the process of getting divorced or who are divorced. Her book is highly understandable and very readable. With my dating experiences thus far, I could relate to many of the scenarios that she poses throughout the book. She mixes research with anecdotes and advice on how to maneuver through the potential difficulties of dating men who may be continuing to cope with their past marriages.

As a clinical psychologist, I also feel that this book could be very helpful for clients who may need a more structured understanding about their potential relationships with divorced/divorcing men. I definitely would recommend this book to my clients who may be struggling with these relationships.

I am surprised this book does not have many reviews. I have found it to be SPOT ON and exceptionally useful.

I recently began dating a man who represented himself as being near the end of his divorce. His behavior was frustrating and baffling to me. This book very clearly identified the problems I was experiencing and what my options were for handling them. I am much more level-headed now and have a much better grip on the situation.

Ironically, I also identified a co-worker who has leaned on me heavily over the past two years while he has struggled to keep his marriage together, while considering getting out. The book identifies him as a "Mr. Wait-and-See" and says don't waste your time with these users and cowards. Although I didn't waste my romantic energies on this man, I did let him waste a lot of time in general listening to him whine about the issues he doesn't have the guts to address.

This book is a MUST READ for anyone considering dating a man who is either separated, divorcing, divorced or still married but shopping for a girlfriend.

This book is excellent! I just wish I had read it before getting involved with a divorced man for 4 years. I think I would have decided then that being with a divorced man with two teenage girls wasn't right for me. I still feel empowered and will have some insight if I continue to date in the future.