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Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of the Heart Paperback – February 19, 2008

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Editorial Reviews


"Dating From the Inside Out is a rare combination of sophisticated psychology, humanistic spirituality, and practical instruction for those seeking fulfillment in partnership. The wonderful surprise about Dr. Sherman's book is that it's not just for singles! It is equally a welcome refresher course for those looking to reinvigorate their relationships by creating new communication patterns that support loving and healthful interactions." -- Dr. Faith Bethelard, coauthor of Cherishment: A Psychology of the Heart

"In a world immersed in, J-Date, and a host of other attempts at liaisons, Dr. Paulette Sherman brings us a book which addresses intimacy and passion, as well as self-knowledge. It's a wonderful resource for therapists who continue to meet clients with a genuine desire for relationships with a future. Our writer is a woman of integrity and insight. Her words are those of a mature writer; her spirit of enthusiasm and hope not just enlighten, but envision a better future for the reader. This writer and her fine book have my enthusiastic endorsement." -- Bruce Lackie, Ph.D., director of The Black Rock Center for Psychotrauma

"Dr. Sherman has produced an extremely well written, lucid manual that really goes beyond dating, to living in general. Using her own experiences and those of her clients, she has produced a roadmap that is easy to follow and which, if followed, should lead to a great deal of satisfaction in finding people with whom to be happy. She has translated important concepts from her experience as a therapist and as a dating coach into everyday language that is easy to understand." -- Dr. Robert Myers, ABPP, psychologist and professor of psychology at the Institute of Graduate Clinical Psychology at Widener University

"This book distills the wisdom of a hundred years of psychology to its most essential and practical basics: Understand your past to better control your dating future. Its techniques are clear, sensible, and revealing." -- Barry J. Jacobs, Psy.D., author of The Emotional Survival Guide for Caregivers

About the Author

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist and the owner and director of My Dating School in Manhattan (, where she facilitates classes on dating issues. She pens a monthly dating column, "Dr. Date," in The Improper, a popular New York lifestyle and entertainment magazine, and has been quoted in many publications, including Glamour. Dr. Sherman is a regular speaker at The Learning Annex, has been a dating expert on radio and television, and has coached many private clients on creating successful relationships. She lives in Brooklyn, New York, with her husband.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 192 pages
  • Publisher: Atria Books/Beyond Words; 1st Atria Books/Beyond Words Trade Pbk. Ed edition (February 19, 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1582701946
  • ISBN-13: 978-1582701943
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.5 x 8.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.9 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #721,035 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Psychologist, Dating Coach and Author -- Offering Live, Phone and Group Coaching

Email: pshermangroup [at]

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is an award-winning author, relationship expert featured in 'The NY Times,' Newsweek,, CBS's 'The Early Show' and a licensed psychologist / life coach, specializing in singles and couples therapy.

She is the founder of Paulette Sherman Group, a psychotherapy and relationship coaching practice and home of numerous award-winning books, including 'Dating From the Inside Out' published by Simon & Schuster.

Offering live, phone and group counseling for dating / relationships at an affordable price.

For more than 20 years, Paulette changed the lives of thousands of clients, and shared insight with millions more through expert commentary on 77WABC radio and over 30 media outlets including MSN, USA Today, The New York Post, The New York Times, Crains, Newsweek,, More,, Fox News, Fox Business, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader's Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman's Day, Every Day Health, Metro newspapers, Men's Health, True Story, Seventeen, Elle and Complete Woman' magazines and The Huffington Post. She lives in Brooklyn, NY with her husband and two children and works in Manhattan.

Dr. Sherman has written nineteen books, won 14 books awards and her books are translated into five languages.

Inquiries or set up an appointment: pshermangroup [at]

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

18 of 18 people found the following review helpful By Lisa Shea HALL OF FAMETOP 500 REVIEWERVINE VOICE on April 7, 2008
Format: Paperback
Dating from the Inside Out, by Paulette Kouffman Sherman, is all about making sure YOU are ready to date before you head out there and attempt it. Its core message is that you need to be at least reasonably happy and content with yourself if you're going to have dates work out well.

Think of it in this way. If you went out on a date with someone and they were mopey, grumpy and self-bashing all evening long, you probably wouldn't want to go on a second date with them, right? If on the other hand they were happy, fun to talk with and friendly to people around them, you would be quite interested in a second date. This is true for pretty much everybody. We want to be with people who are happy. So in order to succeed on dates (and in life!!) we need to be happy. That doesn't mean we have to find someone TO make us happy. Rather, we need to BE happy and then we will find someone who will enjoy sharing that happy life.

So Paulette's book goes step by step about how to build up your self esteem and escape from bad habits which have made you unhappy in the past. She suggests you start journalling, to keep track of your progress and watch out for problems. Programming that you've built up for years can be very hard to change - but it CAN be done. If your family teased you for your entire childhood about being heavy, it can be very hard to accept yourself as an adult. It really can be done though.

She brings up many good points that are important to take to heart. For example, if you rant to your friends all the time that men are all losers, you probably will end up dating losers. It's the way the human brain works. Bikers tell you all the time that if you stare at a wall as you go around the curve, focusing on it and worrying about hitting it, you are likely to hit it.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By nybookworm on May 21, 2008
Format: Paperback
I really enjoyed reading this book. It is actually more of a workbook and the exercises in it help guide you through the thorny world of dating. Though some of the advice has been covered before in other books, the exercises are new to me. They can help you look inside of yourself to find out what may be blocking you in your love life. The book also helps you define what you are really looking for in a mate.

If you are willing to do the sometimes difficult work of introspection, I think this book can help you achieve your dreams and if you don't meet that special someone, it will at least uplift you and give you clarity around who you are as a person.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By MK on May 21, 2008
Format: Paperback
At first glance, I thought that this dating book was written by a woman for women. It ain't so. The principles espoused apply to men as well as women. In the future, know yourself, like yourself and be yourself will be the golden rule for all of my relationships.

A good read. Well worthwhile.

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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Another guy on May 21, 2008
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I really liked this book! It got me back into the dating world. It is a light read--deceptively so, since it makes some profound, valuable and helpful points. Some examples:

Many dating books tell you how to act or dress or what to do to get the guy or gal--in essence, to be something different from who you are. Dr. Sherman points out that if you want someone who really wants to be with you, you're better off truly being yourself, rather than try to act like someone else!

Often times we look at dates as a win/lose or sucess/failure activity. She suggests instead approaching each date as something to learn from, something to grow from. What a great idea! Then dating can be a series of sucesses, rather than a string of failures until we finally get to the "right" person.

She also suggests learning to truly appreciate yourself. If we're not loving ourselves, how can we realistically expect someone else to love us?

I'm probably not doing her book justice with the above snippets, but her book is truly full of little gems. It's more than just a book, however. Intersperced throughout the pages are useful exercises to help the reader apply the principles and discover how they work for them. So it's a workbook, too!

I showed the book to my (single) roommate--she got so caught up in it that she didn't give it back all evening. The book inspired me to take a chance and I went out on a series of dates with someone I might not have otherwise. And because of what I learned through reading it, I didn't get caught up in focusing soley on "is this the one" and I had a wonderful time, growing in self-confidence in the process.

It's a friendly, fun, and truly helpful book for anyone looking for a better approach to dating. Enjoy!
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Mona Daniels on May 21, 2008
Format: Paperback
"Dating From the Inside Out" is a profound and important book. Unlike most relationship books out there, this book identifies the real reasons why so many relationships burn and crash.

As we grow, we form unconscious ideas of who we are, of who people are in general, and of how we understand the world, We use these patterns to pick mates without even knowing what the patterns really are.

Dr. Sherman helps you identify the patterns, change them when they are counterproductive, and combine these new productive patterns with the practical strategies that will make healthy relationships bloom. BRAVO!

Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist
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